*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"ARTEMIS' LOVER 6.7"
(A Sailor Moon Lemon MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7
*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering my own ass here folks....
Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the distributors of her work.
"Artemis's Lover" is the property of Oscar and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;)
Warning: This fic contains adult content. If you are offended by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not, enjoy!
THE SATELLITE OF LOVE
13:20 HOURS IN BERMUDA....
AND IN ONTARIO, WOMEN CAN GO TOPLESS IN PUBLIC. ;)
Joel Robinson stood by the window, staring out into the vast regions of space while Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot watched him from a distance.
"He's been standing there for hours, Crow. You don't suppose that crap Dr. F, fed us about overusing the holocabana and longing for reality was true?"
"Nah, he's probably just admiring the view of Earth." Crow replied. "Besides, the Mads are likely to call us any minute and he'll be his old self again."
"Yeah...." Tom said with uncertainty. "Maybe we should try to cheer him up in the meantime?"
"Yeah, I guess."
Tom and Crow made their way to Joel, who continued to watch the stars, seemingly oblivious to their presence.
"Um....Joel?" Crow began.
"Did you ever notice no matter how many time NASA tries to fix the Hubble Telescope, they never quite get it right?" Joel suddenly remarked as he watched a space shuttle dock with the aforementioned satellite for what seemed like the billionth time to him.
"Uh, yeah. We were just coming up to see it too." Crow replied a little too quickly, nudging Tom with his elbow."
"Yep! That's the reason, all right!" Tom added hurriedly.
"Aw, guys, you were worried about me? That's really touching." Joel said as he smiled down at his creations. "Don't worry, even though it can be annoying having to watch bad movies and fanfics day in and day out, having you two here makes it much easier to deal with."
"You really mean that, Joel?" Tom asked, emotional.
"Absolutely. After all, without you guys here, I'd have to make sarcastic remarks to myself and eventually turn into the drooling lunatic that Dr. Forrester wants me to become. To sacrifice knowing when the experiments begin or end is well worth your company."
"Aw, that's touching, Joel. But all this sentimental stuff is making my stomach turn. When are the Mads going to...."
Suddenly the red light flashed. "Be careful what you ask for...." Joel replied as he faced Cambot....
T.V.'s Frank had a nervous expression on his face as the image of Joel and his bots appeared on the screen. "Uh, hi guys."
"Hey Frank, Where's Doctor Feelgood? Still recovering from that toilet mishap?"
Frank winced before replying. "Actually, Dr. F's decided to sleep in today. He gave me his invention to show you...." Frank walked over to a large blue screen and stood in front of it. He took a deep breath and began explaining the doctor's invention....
"Okay, you know when you go to a movie and you sit through the previews for upcoming films and they're all pretty much the same thing?"
Joel looked puzzled. "In what sense?"
"Well....um....take the previews for most science fiction and action films. They all have big explosions, rapid cut scenes and feature climactic music from the same three films. "Aliens", "Crimson Tide" or "Stargate". They're always the same sort of thing and people always know what to expect when they see them." Frank pointed out.
"Yeah, so? What's your point?" Crow inquired.
"Well, Dr. F has created a machine....that will....um....make the viewer see footage of....that is while the movie is playing, I mean the preview is playing.....er...."
"FRANK!" a loud voice caused Frank to jump in surprise and turn around to see an annoyed and grumpy Dr. Clayton Forrester wearing a lime green bathrobe. "Fortunately, for the reader's sake, I managed to wake up in time to stop you from making a bigger ass out of yourself than usual! Now step aside and let a REAL scientist show you how to make a presentation!"
"Yes, sir." Frank slunk off.
"Now, Joel, what Frank was trying to say is that previews for movies today are all so predicable as to be laughable. Even when the filmmakers try to use symbolism...."
Dr. Forrester waves the end of a plug back and forth in front of his nose.
"No one seems to care anymore. Therefore I have come up with a way to once again generate enthusiasm into this fading portion of the film industry. Dr. Forrester's Digital Subliminal System or the DSS for short. When you're watching the previews, this little device will produce subliminal messages that will be impossible to ignore and thus your attention is riveted on the screen."
"What kind of images?" Joel wondered aloud.
"Naked women?" Crow inquired.
Dr. Forrester snorted. "Hardly."
"Then what?" Tom asked.
Dr. Forrester smiled. "Stock footage of the O.J. Simpson trial."
There was a dead silence. Then the bots broke out into hysterical laughter. "Y....You've got to be k....kidding me!" Tom
howled as his circuits approached overload.
"If you did that....every single person in the theater would lapse into a coma!" Crow gasped between fits of laughter.
"Huh?" Both robots abruptly stopped laughing.
"You're right of course. The public is so bored of the endless debates and arguments surrounding the O.J. Trial that even the worse coming attractions filled with the usual clichés would be embraced like a warm blanket over a shivering newborn. The movie goer would pay more attention to the preview since it's so much more interesting. Thus the preview becomes stuck in their subconscious and on opening day, they'll be lining up like sheep!
"But what if they just closed their eyes during the previews?"
Joel asked, pointing out a major flaw in Dr. Forrester's scheme.
Dr. Forrester chuckled. "They can't hide from them forever. Even if they manage to evade them at the theater, sooner or later, they'll catch a glimpse of a movie preview on television. and then they'll be hooked! The DSS will endure that the audience will *always* be listening. HA HA HA HA HA!!!"
"Gotta hand it to you, Dr. F, that invention may actually be considered for a moment before it gets rejected by the Fraternal Order of Mad Science...." Joel replied sardonically.
"And what little bit of intelligence have you displayed in your invention, Joel? Hmmm?" Dr. Forrester sneered at him.
"Well, sir...." Joel walked over to a personal computer already logged onto the internet. "My invention is for all the people who are tired of trying to receive and post messages onto their favorite mailing list only to find one genuine message among dozens of Spam. Various companies offering you money, petitions they want you to sign on issues you couldn't care less about, etc, etc....
"So, what's your point?" Dr. Forrester snapped, unimpressed.
"I've invented a special program for the moderators of such lists that will eliminate this problem once and for all. Once it's installed, all the moderator has to do is wait for someone to post a spam message and....watch!"
Joel checked his e-mail and 1 message was sent through. The header read "FREE MONEY OPPORTUNITY!!!" All of a sudden, an animated graphic of a white wolf appeared on the screen and howled. Instantly the message disappeared.
"Voila! No more Spam!" Crow exclaimed.
"That's cute, Joel, but there's a simpler way to remove unwanted spam, the DELETE key perhaps?" Dr. Forrester's voice was laced with sarcasm.
"But I'm not finished!" Joel continued. "This program not only deletes unwanted spam, it replicates it 1000 times and anonymously sends it back to the address it was posted from. The spammer soon gets the message and before you know it, the only spam we'll ever have to endure again is *Test* and *Subscribe/Unsubscribe* messages."
"Well, you can't have everything in life...." Crow remarked.
"I've decided to call it Spammy. What do you think, sir?"
Dr. Forrester has a sour look on his face as he replied.
"Spiffy. Simply Spiffy." Then the smile returned when he realized what time it was now. "I've been looking forward to this week, Joel. Would you like to know why?"
"Uh....because you've got another bad fanfic to torture us with? Just guessing?" Joel replied.
"Yes....but this fanfic that I've managed to acquire is truly one of the worst, or should I say the best, for me." The doctor chuckled. "This isn't just a bad Sailor Moon lemon story....It's a SOUR Sailor Moon Lemon story, guaranteed to make even the most depraved hentai fan run for the nearest toilet. Enjoy it Joel, Enjoy....Artemis's Lover by Oscar and I don't mean Wilde!" HA HA HA HA!!! Send them the fanfic, Frank...."
"Done and Done, sir." Frank replied.
SATELLITE OF LOVE
Crow looked over at Joel. "What do you suppose Dr. F meant by that, Joel?"
Joel shrugged. "Maybe he's found another Manos...."
Tom was busy playing with Joel's Spammy Program. "What the....!?!" he suddenly exclaimed. "That's weird....the entire program just went dead....oh wait, it's back up again....now it's down.....up...."
"Let me see...." Joel started to walk towards the computer when alarms and sirens suddenly made their presence known.
"OHHHH, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.
(Door 6: It a four-way X pattern, the pieces retracting into the doorframe.)
(Door 5: It drops into the floor.)
(Door 4: It falls towards you, missing your foot by millimeters.)
(Door 3: It is made up of small metal spikes that retract to form a doorway.)
(Door 2. It's rubber strips from a car wash, complete with soap.)
(Door 1: It swirls open from the center.)
(Door .7: The camera pans downward where a small hatch pops open.)
Joel walks into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow following close behind. Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right.
"Ever notice how much better the door sequence is now that our budget has finally been approved." Crow remarked as he wiped some soap off of his shoulder and the fanfic began....
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