>but doesn't it matter that you're a human and i'm a cat? Oscar blushed and said"Well Artemis, i have a little secret you know...." Artemis looked him with an evilly smile "Hmmm. What secret?"
Tom: Strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
Crow: I'm not only the hair club president, I'm also a client?
>Oscar took another deep breath and said "Artemis..i'm an HERMAPHRODITE" Artemis went wide eyed "NO KIDDING?". Oscar said "No" as he started to undress, Artemis was paralized,
Tom: I AM NOMAD....THIS FANFIC IS IMPERFECT....PARALYZE....PARALYZE....
Joel: Faster Pussycat! Thrill! Thrill!
Crow: That's sick, Joel.
Joel: Hey, you can't have all the good sex lines....
>as he looked Oscar's dick, and below that his pussy,
Joel: Okay, you guys, I call no singing the theme to *The Crying Game*
Crow: I'm already crying and it ain't no game....
Tom: I'm too ill to open my mouth right now....
>Artemis had a goofy smile on his face. Oscar gasped "Uh? Oh you PERVERT!!" and slapped him silly "MEOWUCH!!". "Oops!sorry Artemis, how could i stay mad at you?"
Tom: Boy, talk about mood swings. He really is a man and a woman.
Crow: How often do you think he/she has her period?
Tom: Well, I would guess....
Joel: Guys! Please! There are too many feminine hygiene commercials as it is! Let's keep them out of here, shall we?
>he then said "Now look Artemis, your wounds will get infected if i don't clean them,ok?" Artemis happily said "OK". And so Oscar turned the shower on, Artemis went inside with Oscar,and cleaned his soft fur,
Joel: (imitating Oscar) Hey! What's Mina's bloody corpse doing in here?"
Crow: Good, Oscar and Artemis enter the shower and they die. I can live with that ending. Really, I mean it!
>Artemis enjoyed Oscar's tact, rubbing his fur with a desinfectant soap, while purring softly, he didn't like baths very much, but this was with his lover, so how could he resist a bath with his true love?
Crow: How can I resist the urge to run out of the theater?!? Joel, you're killing us!!!
Joel: We have to stick with it....for the reader's sake.
Crow: To hell with the reader! I want my mother!
Tom: Joel's your mother, Crow.
Crow: No....No....That's not true....THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!?!??
Tom: Search your feelings....You know it to be true....
Crow: NOOOOOOO!!! NOOOOO!!!!
Joel: Guys, your creator is going to *strike back* if you don't pipe down....
>Then, they laid in the bed all stretched out, with Artemis's wounds now closed. Artemis broke the silence saying "Soooo" Oscar replied "Soo what?"
Joel: Soon Yi?
Crow: This fanfic will be over soon?
Tom: We can only hope.
>Artemis said evily "Are you still a virgin?" Oscar responded a little embarrased "Why yes, in fact i have been saved myself for you...my love" Oscar said, as he hugged Artemis and kissed in his lips,
Tom: WARNING! WARNING! JOEL ROBINSON!!!! SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ENGAGED!!! YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS TO REMOVE US FROM THE THEATER OR BE DESTROYED!!!
Joel: Nice try, Tom. I created you and you don't have a self-destruct option.
Crow: Maybe not, but he has something much worse....His Anthony Newlie impression....
>Artemis eventually opened his mouth letting Oscar's tounge to play with his.
Crow: Cat got your tongue....uggh....even as I was saying it, I felt dirty....
Tom: (starts to vibrate slightly)
>Oscar then went south, caressing all of Artemis's parts along the way with his tounge. He didn't care for his fur.And reached his little dick,stroking it with his fingers, and licking it as if it was a clit.
Tom: ARRRRRRRRRRGH!!!! (Tom's head explodes again but his body continues to shake harder.)
Crow: That's it! We're leaving! We concede defeat to Dr. Forrester!
Crow: NO MORE!!! WE'RE DONE!!!
Joel: OKAY OKAY!!!! We'll close our eyes until the sex scene is over! But we have to pretend to be bored with the whole thing later, and that it didn't bother us or Dr. Forrester will unleash it on the world.
(Joel and Crow close their eyes.)
Joel: Still with me, guys?
Crow: (scared voice) Y....Yeah....
Joel: Tom, you okay?
Crow: That's not funny, Tom!
Joel: Come on, Tom, You're scaring Crow half to death.
Joel opens his eyes as he hears Crow suddenly scream in terror. He is surprised to see Tom attacking Crow with the agility of a cat. While his arms continued to be useless, he was using the power of his hoverjets to propel himself at Crow who was now trying to get to his feet with little success thanks to Tom constantly knocking him over.
Crow: Joel! Help me! I know what's wrong with Tom!
Crow: The trauma from seeing Artemis's Lover has caused him to accidentally learn the Cat-Fist! We've got to find a way to calm him down!
Joel: How? We can't leave the theater until the movie's over!
Crow: Do we have any catnip?
Crow: A can opener?
Joel: No, Crow, We don't have any of those things!
Crow thought to himself for a moment then an idea flashed in his mind.
Crow: Joel, you're his creator. Maybe you can comfort him, talk him down or something....
Joel: What do I say?
Crow: I don't know but hurry up! My body wasn't designed to be a squash court!
Joel cautiously approaches Tom, who continued to ram himself against Crow, meowing and hissing with anger.
Joel: Tom? Here, Tom....
Tom paused in his ramming to stare at Joel.
Joel: That's right Tom....It's me, your creator....
Tom hesitated and then rushed towards Joel.
Crow: Joel, look out!
Joel closed his eyes, unable to do much else. He was surprised when, instead of a bone-crushing impact, Tom was nuzzling against his leg and purring like a kitten.
Crow: Hey, you did it, Joel!
Joel: Great. Now what?
Crow: Well, is the sex scene over yet?
Joel snuck a peek at the screen.
Joel: Hey! Yeah, it's over! Let's get back into our seats!
Joel and Crow quickly take their seats and Joel places Tom back in his.
Joel: You okay, Tom?
Tom: (coughing) I....Is it over?
Joel: Almost, little buddy. Just hang in there a bit longer....
>The next day...Oscar woke up and didn't saw Artemis anywhere,he grew concerned, "Artemis!?" he shouted to see if he was around, he looked everywhere, but only found a note that said
Crow: Dear Oscar, we think you are a sick perverted freak and thus would be ideal to star in our new Special for Comedy Central: "Oscar: Spayed at Birth."
Joel: Dear Oscar, I've been lying to you all along. Last night was just a one night thing. You see I've already given my heart to someone else. He's got a man and a woman's genitalia as well. I met him in Nerima district....
Tom: Dear Oscar, Your bill comes to $1000. Cash delivery will be expected upon three days of our meeting or I will send out a couple of my senshi to *handle* things for me.....
Joel: Glad to see you're back to normal, Tom.
>"Dear Oscar=I went over to Minako's house to talk about what just happened between you and me, i'll be all right, i'll return for about 10:00am. Love you Artemis
Tom: Don't worry Artemis....I just wanted to....heh heh heh....talk with Mina....
Crow: Nothing special....Just a nice relaxing shower together....
Joel: You guys....enough with the psycho jokes already....
>It was 9:35am. when Artemis returned, Oscar asked him "Soo, how did everything went?" Artemis responded "Well...it was hard to Minako and the others tho admit, that i was in love with a hermaphrodite, but they at the end understood. even Luna"
Joel: (imitating a sobbing Mina) He had his fill of me and then threw me away! Oh the humanity!
Tom: (imitating Luna) I never had any doubt....
Crow: This is sounding more and more like a soap opera....
Joel: Just remember guys, this fanfic only has One Life To Live....
>Artemis sighed . Oscar said "Well,i'll protect you in every battle yougo with the sailor scouts" Artemis looked happy to hear that "Thanks Oscar, You're indeed a great person....and boyfriend" Oscar replied "Right" and they went to the kitchen to eat.....
Crow: Oh, thank god that's over!
Tom: I lost two heads and turned into a cat but I'm still alive!
Joel: Yep, the next fanfic should be a lot easier to sit through this time.....
Tom and Crow: It had better be Joel....
Crow and Tom: FOR NOW?!?!? ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!
Joel: Let's get out of here....
* * *
Dr. Forrester could barely contain himself as he eagerly awaited Joel and his bots to emerge from the theater. If everything had gone according to his plan, he would be ruling the world in a matter of hours....
Finally, he saw them as they left the theater. To his dismay, they seemed to be nonchalant. Fighting off his paranoia, Dr. Forrester decided to call them. A few moments later, they appeared on his screen.
"Well, now, how did you enjoy my latest experiment, Joel?
I'll bet it was the cat's meow, eh?" Dr. Forrester chuckled with sadistic glee.
"Nah, it wasn't that bad." Joel yawned.
"We've seen a lot worse." Crow said in a sleepy voice.
"Yep....Another day....Another fanfic...." Tom added in a strange voice.
"Come on guys, I think we could use some down time in the Holocabana...." Joel said as he and the bots started to walk away.
Dr. Forrester's face turned a very interesting shade of purple as he realized he had been foiled again. "Damn you! One day I'll find the fanfic to break your spirits and then we'll see who laughs at whom! Push the button Frank!"
Frank appeared from underneath a console. "It'll be a few seconds, Dr. F. I had to replace the wires for it, they were fraying under the strain...."
"Well, hurry up! So I don't have to endure this humiliation from the readers anymore." Dr. Forrester growled as he retreated into his room, silently vowing to find a better fanfic to torture them with....
Okay, Dr. F. It's fixe...."
THE REAL END.
(Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.)
And as my second MSTing comes to a close, I'd like to once again thank Timothy McLees, Zen, Keener, and Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong for their advice and valuable C&C.
Also, I hope Whitewolf doesn't mind me parodying him a little bit about the FFML, if he did, you'll know why I haven't been posting anything lately. ;)
I believe my next MSTing will be a non-lemon story. After Artemis's Lover, I need a break from lemons. I have a few titles I'm looking over but nothing is written in stone yet. If you have a fanfic that you would like to see MSTed, lemon or otherwise, feel free to send it to me, along with any ideas you have for invention exchanges. I'll be sure to give you due credit. :)
C&C is welcome, as always. If it's not too much trouble, could you send it to my private e-mail as well as to the list. I'm been having trouble with my mail lately. Thanks. :)
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