Hotaru: "But, I don't understand. If the fanboys are also here in the future, then why aren't they around to help take care of the chibi-Havocs?"
NQS: [patting Hotaru on the shoulder] "Hotaru-chan, darling, we want to rid of the city of the Chibi-Havocs, not render Crystal Tokyo a large, fiery hole in the earth."
Chaos: "But smiting Havoc is what most of us love to do. How did you manage to get all the fanboys out of the city before they could start splooting Chibi-Havocs?"
NQS: "I'm throwing a month-long Anime convention in Crystal Toronto."
Hotaru: "That's a pretty far-fetched idea. Did it work?"
Chaos: "Quick, Hotaru-chan! Hop into the Delorean! We're going to the Crystal Toronto Anime convention!"
Setsuna: [sigh!] "Like Mothra's to a flame."
Chaos: "Oooh, and I can turn into a girl, and Cosplay as Miss Deep from 'Read Or Die'."
Hotaru: "You're going to what?!"
Chaos: "Well, you can Cosplay as Miss Deep if you really want to, Hotaru-chan, though admittedly my boobs are bigger and much better suited for the part."
Hotaru: [grrrrr!] "Setsuna, how hard do you think I have to kick him before his future self feels it?"
NQS: [demure chuckle] "My, my, it's interesting to see how some otaku are still the same even when they get older."
[NQS then glances over at the Sean the Narrator.]
NQS: "Amazing. Even after one thousand years, your fedora still hasn't changed."
Narrator: "There's never a need to improve on perfection, baby. Getting back to the story, it's impressive just how much the scent of impending doom smells a lot like fresh whipped cream. And most unfortunately for our heroes, Crystal Tokyo was filled with the smell of freshly-splooted Chibi-Havocs."
NQS: "As you can see, it has not been going well for us. The palace is being hit the hardest by their perverted antics. Most of the female population has been hiding here in the palace, and many of them are suffering colds from all the drafts they get when another Chibi-Havoc steals their underwear."
Chaos: "Um...did it ever occur to you that all these nubile Anime babes gathered in one location are what's attracting all the Chibi-Havocs to the palace?"
NQS: "Really? Rei has this theory that the Chibi-Havocs were attracted to fact that the palace resembles some giant phallic-like crystal."
Chaos: [trying to say something but stopping] "I don't have a response to that."
Hotaru: [ewww] "I don't think I want to have a response to that."
NQS: "It's safe to say that all 500 Chibi-Havocs are around here somewhere, though we have yet to locate the Chibi-Havoc-kun. If we can somehow persuade him to go after some other city filled with young women, the Chibi-Havoc-chans will no doubt follow."
Hotaru: "But the palace is enormous! Not to mention the Chibi-Havoc-kun may very well be somewhere in the city. It may take days or weeks to rid the future of them."
Chaos: ^^v "Though it took us only one afternoon to blow up Setsuna's beach house the last time there was a Chibi-Havoc infestation!"
Hotaru: [sweatdrop!] "That's not something to be proud of, Chaos."
NQS: "However long you remain here is no problem. And once you're finished, Setsuna will take you back in time, so you arrive only a few seconds after leaving. Ah, there's one of the maids. I'll have her show you all to your guest quarters."
Narrator: "Yet when Neo Queen Serenity summoned one of her attendants, the attendant flung off her robes, only to reveal a legion of Chibi-Havoc-chans hidden beneath the clothing!"
NQS: "Oh, not again. I just put on a fresh pair of panties."
Chibi-Havoc: [in a shrill voice] "You will never recover Crystal Tokyo! We shall steal all your panties! And we shall lick whipped cream and cherries off your naked bodies!"
Narrator: "But just as the Chibi-Havocs were about to charge, Chaos walked out in front of them, armed with a sharp herring, and a dull wit."
Chaos: "Yo, She-Perv. Let's go." Chibi-Havoc: "You will get tossed into the Yaoi Door, foolish boy!"
Chaos: "Come get some."
Narrator: "Unfortunately for Chaos, the lead chibi-Havoc-chan bitch-slapped him rather hard."
[The Chibi-Havoc bitchslaps Chaos!]
Chaos: o.O;; "OW!!"
Narrator: "Followed by the fiendish nipple tweak."
[the Chibi-Havoc tweaks Chaos' nipples!]
Chaos: o.O;; "ITAAAAIIII!!!"
[Chaos & the Chibi-Havoc start sissy-fighting/slapping each other!]
Narrator: "But just when it seemed as if Chaos was once again going to get his butt royally kicked, he unleashed his secret attack!"
[Chaos lightly slaps something onto the Chibi-Havoc's back!]
Chibi-Havoc: o.O;; "Kyaaaa!! It burns! It burns like Twisted Tales of Tokyo!!"
Narrator: "And away the Chibi-Havocs fled. Stunned, Neo Queen Serenity and Setsuna stared down at Chaos."
Chaos: >) "Groovy."
Hotaru: "Wow, that was great, Chaos-chan! What did you hit her with?"
Chaos: [holding up a VHS tape] "A dubbed Medabots tape."
NQS: "Unbelievable. He actually succeeded in warding off a Chibi-Havoc attack."
Setsuna: "Hard to think that this is the same fanboy who's going to write that horrid 'Marmalade Boys Be' fic in a month."
Chaos: o.O; "Marmalade Boys Be? That's brilliant! Thanks again, Setsuna!"
NQS: [slowly turning to Setsuna] "Do us all a favour, Pluto: stop giving him ideas!!"
Chaos: [searching his pockets] "Hmm...I think I left my pencils and notepad in the Delorean. I'll be right back, ladies! I just need to go grab them and write that fic idea down."
Hotaru: "I'll come with you, Chaos-chan!"
Narrator: "And off Chaos & Hotaru went, leaving Neo Queen Serenity and Setsuna behind to shake their heads in disbelief."
NQS: "Marmalade Boys Be? So you're the reason he writes that idiotic piece of fluff?"
Setsuna: [sheepish] "Sorry."
NQS: "I guess it's a good thing you didn't mention 'Vampire Princess Miyuki-chan In Wonderland' either."
Chaos: "I heard that! Wohoo, another Chaosfic!"
NQS: >.< [smacking her own forehead]
Setsuna: "Thanks, Serenity. You do realise that's the fic he writes which triggers the apocalypse, and gives birth to Crystal Tokyo after the rest of the world is wiped out."
NQS: ^^;; "Um...oops?"
Setsuna: [dryly] "Yeah. Oops."
Narrator: "Meanwhile, Chaos and Hotaru climbed into the Delorean to look for Chaos notebook."
Chaos: "Hmm, maybe it fell somewhere between the seats. Oh, hey! Setsuna forgot to use the parking brake when we stopped."
Hotaru: "Chaos, that's the clutch."
Chaos: "I know what I'm doing Hotaru! Let me just pull this for Setsuna...why are you doing your seatbelt up, Hotaru?"
Hotaru: ^^;; "No reason."
Narrator: "Well, those of you who saw this moment coming can all duck and cover, because Chaos threw the Delorean into drive, and floored it across the great hall of the Crystal Palace. Upon reaching 88 miles per hour, the Delorean was lost in a series of flashing lights, and all that remained the were flaming tire treads left in its wake."
NQS: "KYAAAAA!! My Persian! Who set my rug on fire?!"
Setsuna: [groan!] "I would have been better off hiring that man, Yang Wen-Li instead."
Narrator: "Meanwhile, in Meiji-Era Japan, a wandering rurouni with long red hair and a cross-shaped scar on his cheek was enjoying the sunshine."
Kenshin: "Ah, a wonderful day, it is. I wonder if Kaoru will have made lunch by the time I return."
Narrator: "Suddenly, there was a gust of wind and a flash of light that startled the carefree Kenshin."
Kenshin: ^-^ "Oro?"
Narrator: "Seconds later, he was clobbered by the Delorean!"
Kenshin: @.@ "Orooo-ooo-ooo-oooo..."
Chaos: "Um...you were right after all, Hotaru! I guess that wasn't the parking brake."
Hotaru: [aghast] "Chaos-chan! You just ran over the Battousai!"
Chaos: "Well, it's his fault! He didn't look both ways before crossing the street."
Hotaru: [staring at Chaos] "......"
Narrator: "And going from bad to worse, seconds later who should step out the Akabeko restaurant but Sanosuke, a rooster-headed--"
Sanosuke: "Who yer callin' a rooster-head, Fedora-boy?!"
Narrator: "--martial artist who had a quick temper, and tended to let his fists carry on conversations. Sanosuke took one look at poor Kenshin sprawled out on the hood of the Delorean, and made the obvious assumption."
Sanosuke: "That's the weirdest lookin' cow I've ever seen. Kenshin! You okay, man?"
Kenshin: @.@ "Orooo-ooo-ooo-oooo..."
Sanosuke: [grrrr!] "Dammit, I'll bet one of Shishio's dumbasses did this! I'm gonna shove my foot so far up their ass, they'll have treadmarks on the back of their tongue for the rest a' their miserable life!"
Hotaru: "He's very energetic, don't you think?"
Chaos: "Quick, Hotaru, no questions! Get in the car!"
Narrator: "And off the Delorean sped down the streets of Edo. Meanwhile, inside the car..."
Chaos: "Let's see, one of these buttons has to work the windshield wipers..."
Hotaru: "Chaos-chan, stop fiddling with the time circuits. You could cause an implosion in time!"
Chaos: "That's true. We could all wind up in Guu's stomach!"
Hotaru: [???] "What?"
Narrator: "Before they realised what had happened--"
Chaos: [looking around] "What's happening?"
Narrator: "If you'd let me finish my lines, I might be able to tell you."
Chaos: "Oh. Carry on, then!"
Narrator: [argh!] "--they hit 88 miles per hour, and once again the Delorean crashed through time! But luckily for Chaos and Hotaru, the Deathbuster's lab cushioned their landing."
Chaos: "Ewww...look at all that daimon goo on the windshield! Now aren't you glad I figured out what button works the wipers?"
Hotaru: "Um...Chaos? Take a look at where we are."
Narrator: "Chaos ventured out from the car, and surveyed the damage. So far they had managed to wipe out most of the tables of test tubes containing daimon protoplasm. The daimon-production machine also was sporting a few dints, and the lights inside the lab were flickering on and off."
Chaos: "I can't help but think this all looks familiar somehow..."
Hotaru: [horrified] "Oh no...we're in the middle of the Deathbuster's nest!"
Chaos: "Don't worry. I bought this Phoenix Chick egg off Tatewaki Kuno. All I have to do is let it hatch on top of my head, and I'll be invincible! Even Mistress Nine won't be able to stop me--no offence, Hotaru."
Hotaru: [sweatdrop!] "None taken. Chaos, we need to get out of here now. It doesn't even matter if we jump back through time again, we just need to not be here!"
Narrator: "However, when Chaos sat back down in the Delorean and tried turning the key, he noticed something awry."
Chaos: "Well, gee! Of all the possible times, what are the odds that we'd run out of gas right now?"
Hotaru: "We're out of gas?!"
Chaos: "Aw, don't worry. The Delorean runs of unleaded. We can just grab a jerry can, and hit the nearest gas station. We'll be refuelled and out of here in no time. Come on!"
Hotaru: "But what if my father comes back while we're gone? Chaos, he's still possessed by the Deathbusters!"
Chaos: [waving it aside] "Aw, he'll just think Eudial bought another car. You know how her parking skills are. Come on, this is me we're talking about! My plans are infullible!"
Hotaru: "Don't you mean 'infallible'?"
Chaos: ^^;; "Er...infallible. You didn't hear that. Now let's go grab that gasoline!"
Narrator: "At least, that was the plan. But there had been one problem with the plan, for not only had it been drawn in crayon, but it also had been conceived by a Gema...er, there were two problems with the plan actually, namely that being the plan had been drawn in crayon, it had been conceived by a Gema ball, and it had been filed away between...um, three problems with the plan: being drawn in crayon; being conceived by a Gema ball; being filed & lost between the two fics 'Gunsmith Pizza Cats' and 'Judge Vandredd'; and being spell-checked by Crayon Shin-chan, and dammit, we'll just go back and try doing this paragraph again!"
Chaos: "This is why we don't let readers operate heavy machinery during our fics."
Narrator: "Getting back to the plan, it would have certainly worked too, but just as Chaos and Hotaru left the car to search for gas...Chibi-Havoc-kun's head popped up from behind the Delorean's front seats."
Chibi-Havoc-kun: >) "Wai!!"
Narrator: "Needless to say, no good can come of this. And so, Chaos & Hotaru trudged through Tokyo in search of the nearest gas station." Chaos: "I wonder how long it will take Setsuna to notice that the Delorean's missing."
Hotaru: [sweatdrop!] "I wonder how long it will take you to notice that you're not wearing any pants, Chaos."
Chaos: "Oh, pants are overrated--like magical girls. I swear, there's one in every middle school or high school."
Hotaru: "Oh, and like we can help the fact that Tokyo is a giant magnet for villains and megalomaniacs?"
Chaos: ^^;; "Ah, that's right. You are a magical girl, Hotaru."
Hotaru: "Technically speaking, so are you Sailor Haley."
Chaos: ^^;; "Ah ha haaaaaa...ix-nay on the anssexual-tray."
Narrator: "After half an hour, they managed to find a gas station. And since Chaos had no money, Hotaru was forced to pimp him off to a group of Cosplayers. One hour and three runway walks dressed like Pappacha later, they were back at the Delorean."
Chaos: "I feel so cheap now. And what's this damned black dot doing on my crotch!"
Hotaru: [sweatdrop!] "Is that black dot supposed to be bouncing like that?"
Chaos: -.-;; "Unfortunately, yes."
Narrator: "Taking a look around the lab, Chaos was optimistic about things."
Chaos: "See, Hotaru! No one's around! Why, I'll bet that no one will even notice we were here...if you don't count the tire marks, and the demolished test tubes, and the faulty power, and the pile of panties over there."
Hotaru: "I don't recall the Deathbusters ever being interested in women's underwear before...."
Chaos: "Come on, Hotaru-chan! The Delorean's gassed up, so let's jump ahead to Crystal Tokyo before Setsuna violates me with her Timekey--large end first. Brrrr!"
Narrator: "And so with another cheesy attempt at special FX--"
[Chaos again throws confetti & glitter in the air!] Narrator: "--Chaos and Hotaru jumped back through time, and arrived in the future Tokyo. Of course, it looked a little different than what they remembered."
Hotaru: "Chaos, are you sure you set the time coordinates right?"
Chaos: "Yes, I'm sure! Look at the gauge! 30th Century."
Hotaru: "Then what's wrong with this picture?"
Chaos: "There's nothing wrong that I can see. All the breast-shaped buildings look perfectly normal! (o.O;) Oh. Well...maybe we're in the Asakusa entertainment district."
Hotaru: "You don't think we somehow changed the future by going into the past, do you?"
Chaos: "I think I've flunked all of Washu's 4th-dimensional physics classes enough times to know that no harm could possibly have befallen the timeline. I mean, there's a perfectly simple reason that the drapes have been sewn together using women's underwear!"
Hotaru: "We had better find Neo Queen Serenity. Maybe she can explain this."
Narrator: "The two made their way through the palace, and the further they walked, the more fanservice they were rewarded with. The halls were swarming with legions of scantily-clad women, all frolicking in swimsuits or underwear, or nothing at all."
Chaos: o.O;; "I've died and gone to Hanaukyo Maid Tai heaven!"
[Hotaru claps her hands over Chaos' eyes!]
Hotaru: "Bad Chaos, no biscuit!"
Chaos: "Um...if your hands are over my eyes, how am I supposed to see where I'm going?"
Hotaru: "I'll tell you when you need to move."
Chaos: "Okay, sounds logical en--OW!!"
Hotaru: ^-^ "Wall!"
Chaos: -.-;; "Thanks for the warning."
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