-----

Chaos: [crossing his arms over his chest] "If you ask me, this entire war is Beans' fault. She just can't recognize a true genius like myself."

Dark Mayhem: "Funny. We've been saying that exact same thing about you since the start of our series, Chaos."

Chaos: "Aha haaaaa...cute. Yet I shall be the one who shall ultimately triumph at the end of the Bean Wars!!"

Pesti: "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth, Chaos."


Havoc: ^-^ "Hai! Now who could ever forget this classic Fanboys! scene?"

-----
[Curse of the Fanboys 5, Part II]

        Chaos counted down the seconds on his wristwatch. "Get ready, Pesti-chan! Minako should be stepping out of the front doors below us right about...now!"
        And with that, he promptly booted Havoc off the roof. With the suave and grace that only a Hentenno-sama could have in such a punting, Havoc swan-dived to the ground below.
        Pesti-chan glanced down at the bungee cords attached to Havoc's legs, and shook his head. "I still can't believe we're doing this."
        They both peered over the edge as the front doors were opened, and out stepped Sailor Venus in her everyday persona of Minako. "Ah!" Minako sighed, stretching out her arms. "Time for Aino Minako-chan to hit the city and get a boyfriend!!"
        How little did she realize a bungee-jumping pervert was about to enter her life. A moment later Havoc's bungee cords reached maximum stretch, and in that split second where he hovered mere inches above Minako's head, Havoc proceeded to flawlessly rip off all her clothes and strip her completely nekkid. The bungee cord snapped back, flinging Havoc away from Minako and back to the skies.
        A rather stunned and nekkid Minako stood there, blinking in utter shock. Which was warranted if one day you step out from classes to suddenly discover your worst nightmare has come to life and you're buck naked at school. (Though most of us are usually wearing only underwear in said nightmares, ne?)
        "N-n-n-na ni?" Minako stammered hesitantly, feeling the somewhat cool draft blow past all of her.
        Mayhem appraised the scene with his binoculars, still posing as a tree. "Shimatta, she doesn't have a tatoo," he said through his communications headset. "You might as well have Havoc go back down." Mayhem adjusted the binoculars. "Hey! She's an actual blonde too!"
        "I *don't* want to know how you figured that one out," Chaos' voice crackled over the headset.
        Mayhem shrugged. "Hai hai. But her racing stripe is kinda kawaii."
        "ECCHI!!!!" Chaos voice shouted, rattling Mayhem and his headset, Mayhem's eyes bugging out amidst the spasms.
        "Yare yare," Mayhem muttered.
        But getting back to the nekkid flash at hand, on the rebound Havoc launched himself back into maximum stretch, flinging Minako's clothes back onto her and then bouncing back onto the roof. Having been stripped nekkid for only three seconds in what seemed to be the windy draft from Skima hell, Minako carefully touched her blouse and skirt.
With a very wary and frightened glance around the courtyard, Minako slowly backed away from the school building.
        Atop the roof, Chaos and Pesti-chan let out a sigh of relief. "Shimatta!" Chaos said. "That was intense! But we managed to strip Minako naked without her realizing we were the ones responsible!"
        "One down, eight more to go," Pesti-chan remarked, scratching Minako's name off the list. He glanced over at Havoc, who was climbing
back over the ledge. "I'm impressed you actually decided to give her back her uniform, Havoc."
        Havoc grinned. "Oh, now what's the fun in that? Only petty amateurs would keep the whole damned uniform. A true Hentenno, such as myself, goes for the challenge factor. See?"
        And with that Havoc hoisted up Minako's bra and panties. "She's probably realizing that they've gone missing right about...now!"
        As if on cue a loud shriek which could have only come from Minako echoed across the schoolyard.

        [Cue the facevaults!]

-----

Pesti: "Havoc, what the hell did that last segment have to do with the Bean Wars?"

Havoc: ^-^ "Panties Panties panties!"

Dark Mayhem: "Need he say more, Pesti-chan?"

Pesti: [eyebrow twitch!] "Quite frankly, I don't want him to say anything else."

Chaos: "He doesn't have to. I will triumph, and that is that."

Anarchy: "Arigato. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique yet mindless point of view, Chaos."

Chaos: [sulking] "I've accomplished a lot more in one fic than you have in the entire series, Anarchy. All you do is get drunk and sing bad karaoke."

        [Cue the AT Field that flings Chaos into the wall!]

Anarchy: "I have plenty of talent and vision, Chaos. I just don't give a damn. But it is quite humourous to see a supposedly omnipotent avatar like you get his ass kicked."

-----
[Fanboys! Omakefic 7: Raiders of the Lost Omake]

        Indiana Chaos, though, made it out--but not after tangling himself up in that cobweb and tumbling out from the cave entrance. Yet he had the lake god in the aquarium...or so he--er, she thought. Chaos' eyes bugged out upon seeing an enormous platoon of irate octopi all crowding around him, each one armed with a herring to smack him silly with.
        And there towering over him was:
       
Beans: [very unimpressed] "You are such an idiot, you know that, Chaos?"

        Beans glanced down at the burbling aquarium. "You chose the wrong time to steal it, Chaos. And this time it will cost you. Hand it over."
        Indiana Chaos sighed, grudgingly passing the lake god over to Beans. "Too bad the Octopedos don't know you the way I do, Beans."
        Beans' eyebrow twitched. "Chaos, before we go any further please change your clothes. Fukus and fedoras do not mix."
        Chaos sniffled and went into teary Bambi-eyed mode. "You're so mean, Beans! Can I at least keep the fedora?"
        "Yare yare," Beans muttered. "Whatever, Chaos."
        "Hai!"
        Beans massaged her temples. "I talked to Setsuna, and she assured me this was the best kind of safe deposit box to hold the lake god when you're involved." Beans shook her head. "The next time Ophelia, Joan and I write a lemonfic for her with Endymion, there are going to be soooo many interruptions."

Chaos: o.O "Um...younger readers might want to turn away right about now."

Beans: "And miss the spectacle? Come now, Chaos."

Chaos: "Ano...you'll be gentle with me...right?"

Beans: [evil smile!] "Oh, did I forget to mention I wrote a special Beansfic just for you, Chaos: 'The Baka-retsu Hunters'. And you're in it."
       
Chaos: o.O "WHAT?!"

        [Cue the Bakuretsu Hunter's Tira & Chocolate Misu transformation music!]

Haruka: [now in her S&M Red Queen outfit!] "You dare to do this to our Mame-chan, Chaos?"

Michiru: [now in a leather S&M Dominatrix outfit with whip!] "You must be punished."

Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

-----

Chaos: "I don't see why I have to be abused like this. Aside from the whole lake god incident--"

Pesti: "Just one incident?"

Chaos: "--what else does Beans have to be so irate over?"

Dark Mayhem: "Desolation, would you care to introduce this next scene?"

Desolation: "Who me? No, I couldn't do that. I'm just here to wander from room to room."

Anarchy: [eye roll!] "Anyhoo...."

-----
[Fanboys! Omakefic 4: Weekend At Beans']

Makoto: "Setsuna-san, no! Don't shoot Pesti-chan with your--!"

        [Pesti-chan is struck by magic!]

Chaos: o.O "Um...nevermind."

Pesti: "I may not be very strong or know how to fight, but I do have one little trick I know..."

Beans: [very VERY unimpressed!] "You're explaining this one to my boss tomorrow morning, Chaos."

        [Chaos throws on a prop Groucho Marx glasses & moustache.]

Chaos: "Who eez theese Ka-os?"

Pesti: "When I get hit by magic, I get a little...dangerous."

All: "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"

        [Pesti-chan Zoaptrophies and trashes the Golden Spike Pizzeria!]

Chaos: [running while carrying an aquarium!] "I have Beans' lake god! It is mine! All mine! MWAH HA HAH HA HA H--!!!!"

        [Beans lobs a terrified octopus and clocks Chaos in the face.]

Beans: "No mercy, Chaos! Haruka, your Space Sword, please."

Haruka: "You realize I normally wouldn't give this out."

Michiru: "Look at him go. He's kind of cute when he panics."

-----

Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Minor point, minor point! The insurance paid for rebuilding the pizza place! That's no reason for her to get pissy about this Bean War."

Dark Mayhem: "What about the Shower rant?"

        [Cue the demonic oversized Chaos!]

Chaos: "What *about* the Shower rant, Mayhem?"

Pesti: o.O "Aiya."

Carnage: [towelling mecha grease off his hands] "Ne, what's going on?"

Chaos: "We're discussing my glorious victory at the end of this Bean Wars fanfic!"

Carnage: "You...actually winning? HA HA HAAAA!!!"

        [A rather unimpressed Chaos watches Carnage double over onto the floor in uncontrollable laughter.]

Chaos: "I fail to see what is so amusing, Dragu Slave-happy boy."

Carnage: "Gomen gomen, Chaos. But whenever I think about your delusions of grandeur, it's enough for me to--"

Chaos: --;; "Next!"

-----
[A Fanboys! Rant: Interrupting "Revenge of the Plushies"]

Hotaru: Ano.. when did they release the talking Starlights dolls?

Setsuna: Oh, I'll check my collection... um... I mean...

Hotaru: Collection? Do you collect dolls? Which ones?

Setsuna: Er... I meant... I'll have to check and find out!

        [Chaos suddenly leaps into the fray with a Mokona doll!]

Chaos: "MWAH HA HA HAH HAH HA!!!! I HAVE YOU NOW BEANS!! THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!"

Beans: "Chaos?!"

Haruka: "Na ni?! What's he doing back in this rant?"

Chaos: "Feel the wrath of the one hundred Puuing Mokonas!! That lake god will be mine!!"

        [Cue Rampage who then eats the Mokona doll!]

Chaos: [SD bug-eyed mode!] "Um...oh shit."

Beans: [Oversized demonic head form] "SHIN'NE!!!"

        [Chaos is then smited by the hundred Chibiusa daemon dolls!]

Chaos: "I-i-i-itai!"

-----

Dark Mayhem: "Well, Pablo Picasso once said, 'Bad artists copy, good artists steal.'"

Chaos: ^-^ [with burbling aquarium!] "Ha ha! I have Beans' lake god! I have Beans' lake god!"

Carnage: "And just what makes *him* a good artist?! Have you read his Perfect Darkside Blues fic?"

Pesti: "Unfortunately, yes. However I don't think that could have been as bad as this Roujin DBZ Chaosfic of his."

Anarchy: "It sobered me up after the first sentence. I was not pleased."

Fanboys: [terrified SD mode!] "Kowai!"

Chaos: "Ha ha! Well I'm get your lake god for certain this time, Beans! So what are ya gonna do about it?!"

Dark Mayhem: "And everyone draw your umbrellas right about...now!"

        [Cue the terrified flying octopuses!]

Chaos: o.O "I've really got to learn to stop saying things like that."

-----
[Fanboys 8, Part I]

        Pesti-chan nodded. "Hai hai." He paused as he passed by one of the tables, a stack of type-written papers atop it. "Na ni?" he inquired, picking up the manuscript. "Uh-oh. Chaos just wrote himself another reason to get smited."
        "This should be good," Carnage remarked, chugging some Hard Lemonade. "What's the title?"
        "Um...Cutey Haruka?"
        Carnage instantly spat his Hard Lemonade across the table at that. A few seconds later a very unimpressed Jusnekyo newt tapped its foot on the couch, shaking its head at Carnage.
Pesti-chan rolled his eyes, tossing the manuscript over his shoulder. "Could be worse. Recall the beating he got for his Galaxy Fraulein Luna attempt last month? Either way, though, Beans is going to make him pay for that one."
        The Mayhem newt glanced over to the bathroom as he heard a stifled scream from Chaos and held up a sign: "I think she just did."
        Chaos wobbily emerged from the bathroom, now covered in terrified octopuses. Once he managed to tear off one from his face (and tear off his eyebrows in the process), Chaos was heard to remark, "It would seem Beans is...rather irate today."

-----

Chaos: [now covered in octopi] "You think this is going to stop me, Beans? Ha! It'll take a lot more than this to immobilize the overlord of Mass Destruction called Chaos!"

Hysteria: ^^ "Oooh! Like that kawaii oversized octopus-chan falling oh so kawaiily from the sky?"

Chaos: o.O

        *SPLAT!!!*

Hysteria: "Chaos-momma still has yet to get the kawaii little lake god-chan all for himself even in Crystal Tokyo-chan."

Carnage: "Well then, why don't you go back to the future and tell us when he finally *does* get the lake god?"

Pesti: [aside to Carnage] "Um, won't that take forever?"

Carnage: "Exactly."

Pesti: ^-^ "To the future, Hysteria!"

Chaos: [hmph!] "If it wasn't for our author being such a sadist, the lake god would have been mine for certain a looooong time ago."

Dark Mayhem: "I think this next clip begs to differ."

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