Fangirls: the female avatars.
You can't escape them.
You can't defeat them.
You can only call them...JO'O-SAMAAAA!!!
[Cue the fanboys!]
Chaos: [argh!] "No! NO!!! Why must we be subjected to these warped and depraved things day in and day out?!?!"
Pesti: "Ano...he's not talking about our fanfics, is he?"
Dark Mayhem: "Nope. He just learned that Havoc's written a La Blue Gundam Havocfic...starring Relena Sexcraft."
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Is there nothing the Hentenno can't perv?"
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "Haaaaaavoc....!!!!"
Dark Mayhem: "And at the risk of having the obvious Cream Lemon explosion ensue, let's cue the newest fanficfic!"
Chaos: "What? Another one?"
Pesti: [sigh!] "Another day, another fic."
Carnage: "Another fic, another smiting."
Anarchy: [evil smile] "Another smiting, another chance for Chaos to get maimed."
Chaos: ^-^ "Hai! Another chance for me to get--WHAT?!"
Carnage: "Allow us to demonstrate. This is your fanfic. This is Chaos in your fanfic. DIL BRAND!!"
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Carnage: "Any questions?"
Dark Mayhem: "Are those scorch marks going to come out of the carpet?"
Pesti: "I think the carpet's been permanently fused to the floor now, Mayhem."
Havoc: "Oooh! Oooh! I have a question!"
Fanboys: "KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, HAVOC!!"
Havoc: "Well, if you insist. What's green, white and blue, and in my hands too?"
Pesti: "Even though I don't want to know, I think I'm going to find out
Dark Mayhem: "Not that it's much of a challenge to guess Havoc riddles. So, Havoc, what's green, white and blue, and in your hands too?"
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! It's the panties from the Hentai Hunters!"
Carnage: [smacking his forehead] "Baka."
Dark Mayhem: "There's definitely going to be retribution from this."
Pesti: "Well, you're not too far off, Mayhem. It looks like we're about to get another fangirl leaping into the fracas."
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Silken treasures for Hentenno-sama!"
Carnage: --;; "I only wish it could be a body cast."
Chaos: [twitch twitch!] "A-Ano...could someone please help bandage my li'l broken body up?"
[Cue the Bedlamfic!]
This is a fanficfic. Beware.
[Cue Chaos inside a mecha of Mass Destruction!]
Chaos: "I'm ready for the fanficfic this time! Just try to smite me, and feel my wrath. I'm the all-powerful Dragqueen--er, Lord Chaos! MWAH HAH HA HA HAH HAH!!!"
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Um, oooookay."
Dark Mayhem: "Carnage, technically that mecha's yours. Shouldn't you be doing something?"
Carnage: [polishing his Zanba sword] "No, not really...although I could jack up his insurance premiums."
Chaos: "Now, behold, Pesti-chan, what it means to be a true overlord of Mass Destruction!"
Mechanical voice: [cheerful female one too! ^^] "Target locked."
Pesti: "So just what part of his brain is Chaos using to carry out this scheme?"
Anarchy: [with Sake] "He has a brain?"
Pesti: "I thought as much."
Chaos: [mighty SD fanboy] "This fanficfic's not gonna smite me today! HA HA!!"
Mechanical voice: [still cheerful] "System failure."
Chaos: o.O "Na ni?"
Carnage: [sigh!] "Chaos no baka. My Zeorymer still hasn't been working right since the MSTfic 2. I warned him of that when he signed it out yesterday."
Pesti: "You...sign out your mechas?"
Carnage: [sipping his tea] "You'd be surprised at what Zeon would pay to get their hands on a Physalis Gundam these days."
Chaos: [irately punting the side of the Zeorymer] "Work! Work, damn you!"
Mechanical voice: "What are you doing, Chaos?"
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "I want you to fire the missiles at this fanficfic! The missiles? Zeorymer, fire the missiles."
Mechanical voice: "I'm afraid I cannot comply with that, Chaos."
Chaos: [grrrr!] "Fire the damn missiles, ya defective tincan!"
Mechanical voice: "I don't like that tone of voice you're using, Chaos. I'm afraid you've forced me to activate my self-destruct sequence."
Dark Mayhem: "Ah, not one paragraph into the fanficfic and already we've crossed the line of good taste."
Pesti: "No thanks to Little Miss Dragqueen."
Chaos: [big swirly eyes] "J-Jo'o-samaaaaaa...."
Carnage: [looking at the Zeorymer's burning remains] "This is coming directly out of your deposit, you realize, Chaos."
Chaos: "You could have warned me first."
Carnage: "Don't blame me; it was on the waiver form."
Bedlam's note: This happens approximately around Fanboys 3, so no Carnage, Sarcasm-hime, or Hysteria (Thank kami-sama!).
Chaos: ^-^ "No Hysteria?"
Pesti: ^-^ "Much rejoicing!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Ecchichinoes for everyone!"
Chaos & Pesti: "NOT A CHANCE, HAVOC!!!"
Carnage: [with a keg of Sake] "I could use a good drink...I need something to make me forget about that uberkawaii pervert."
Havoc: "Care for some Jello with your Sake?"
Carnage: [grrrr!] "DUG HAUT!!!"
Also, there will be no jokes about Chaos and Hotaru,
Hotaru: [glomping onto Chaos] "Chaos-chan!"
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Could I please have another copy of my contractual obligations concerning fanficfics."
Pesti-chan is an underlord-in-training and has no Rumblequake smite,
Chaos: "Ha ha! See, Pesti-chan, Bedlam freely admits that you are no overlord of Mass Destruction! You are still in training!"
Pesti: --;; [pointing his index finger at Chaos] "Rumblequake."
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Pesti: [shrug!] "He'll live."
Mayhem doesn't transform into Dark Schneider, etc., 'cause in this alternate universe, that technically hasn't happened yet.
Dark Mayhem: [raising an eyebrow] "Oh really? Ami-chan, to the jacuzzi!"
Ami: [snuggling up next to him] "Hai, Carrot-chan."
[Cue the spontaneous combustion!]
Carnage: [cough cough!] "Forget you still have the combustible campus fanboy problem?"
Dark Mayhem: [smouldering li'l fanboy] "Apparently so."
THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION 'WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THE FANBOYS CAME TO VISIT?'
Chaos: [with evening gown!] "You all can become a famous model like me!"
Dark Mayhem: [eye roll!] "I hate to break it to you, Chaos, but with the exception of Anarchy and Hysteria, none of us here are women...and neither are you right now."
Chaos: [hmph!] "You just don't know good fashion when you see it."
WE WISH WE HADN'T KNOWN.
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! But now we all know what the colour of her panties are!"
Dark Mayhem: "Havoc, those ones belong to ReiRei."
Havoc: "You don't say."
Carnage: "I can't believe you're encouraging him."
Dark Mayhem: "I can't believe you still have that hickey from Miyu on your neck."
Rei: [priming a fireball] "Akito...!!!"
Carnage: [smacking his forehead] "I told you to keep it a secret, Newt-boy!"
Mayhem: ^^ "Must have slipped my mind."
'Twas a rather normal day.
Chaos: o.O [frantic SD fanboy] "KYAAAAAAA!!! Why does this always happen to me?!"
Anarchy: [lobbing Lucifer Folk entities at Chaos] "Ha ha! Dance for me,
Dark Mayhem: "Well it certainly is a normal day for us."
Carnage: "Hai hai. Popcorn?"
Pesti: "Daijobu, Chaos! When you hit Havoc, just remember to tuck and roll during the Cream Lemon blast!"
Chaos: "SHADDUP!! (o.O) What was that about Havoc?"
Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"
[Cue the Cream Lemon explosion!]
For some fanfics, nifty keen-bean things happen,
Dark Mayhem: [sheltered beneath an umbrella] "Such as near drowning by whipped cream tidal waves."
Chaos: [buried upside down in Cream Lemon] "Curse you, Bedlam! This is all your fault!!!"
Carnage: [up to his waist in whipped cream] "Actually, I blame *you* for this one, Chaos."
Pesti: "So, who gets to vacuum this mess up?"
Rampage: ^-^ [devouring Chaos' sneakers] "CHU CHU!"
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "I hope you choke on a shoelace."
like waking up and seeing the Tokyo tower in their living room. No, all that was happening in this fanfic was a teenaged girl was sitting bored on a couch watching Anime late one afternoon.
Havoc: ^-^ "Doji! Doji! Doji!"
Fanboys: "SHADDUP HAVOC!!!"
Hysteria: ^-^ "Hime-chan! Hime-chan! Hime-chan!"
[The fanboys abruptly freeze and look down at Hysteria.]
Hysteria: "Hm? Na ni?"
Carnage: [dusting his hands off] "Doji it is!"
Shimatta, can't I get a more interesting subject to write a fic about yet, Lord Author?
Havoc: "Such as the wondrous varieties of panties the babes of Anime wear on a daily--if not hourly--basis."
[Cue the facevaults!]
Pesti: "That's not a subject, Havoc! That's the discussion panel you and the Benkyo Brigade have every night at the Planet Hentai!"
Chaos: "How about we talk about my latest Chaosfic: the Blair Witches 5 Project!"
"Damnit," she muttered. "Mokona, jump off a bridge."
Pesti: "Won't that demonic marshmallow just pollute the water into a white gummy substance?"
Chaos: "Anyone else getting a flashback to that Sailor Guts monster in Sailorstars?"
Dark Mayhem: [hmph!] "Youth's Perspiration Attack, my ass!"
This rather average girl was no other than Bedlam, who was waiting for her acceptance letter to the School of Mass Destruction.
Fanboys: [blink blink!] "......"
Chaos: "Since when was there a School of Mass Destruction?"
Hysteria: [popping up!] "Ooooh! In the kawaii little future-chan, everyone helps to run a kawaii little university-chan for kawaii little Mass Destruction-chan!"
[The Tokyo Tower abruptly falls from the sky and crushes Hysteria lest she reveal any other secrets to the Fanboys! OVAfics.]
Pesti: [looking up] "For once the author's actually on our side."
Chaos: [pointing to Hysteria]"Is it natural for her limbs to twitch like that?"
Dark Mayhem: "Why not? You twitch like that all the time when you get smited."
Chaos: [grrrr!] "That kid is NOT mine!!"
Hysteria: ^-^ "Hai, Chaos-poppa!"
Chaos: "For the last time, I am not your daddy!"
Hysteria: ^-^ "Hai, Chaos-momma!"
Dark Mayhem: "Well, she got you there."
Though not technically an Underlady in training, training yet, she already preferred to be called by a Title of Mass Destruction.
Pesti: "Ah, a fellow underlord in training, training alongside Famine, I see."
Chaos: "Just him? Might I remind you, Pesti-chan, that you're nowhere near my level of Mass Destructive smiting yet! The master gets the Mako-chan!"
Pesti: "Oh, that's it! You and your Friday night dress are toast! RUMBLEQUAKE!!"
Chaos: "KYAAA!!! Not the silk stockings! Not the silk stockings!"
"If I hear anyone say 'Puu' one more time," Bedlam mumbled, "I'll-"
[Cue Setsuna racing across the fanficfic, Havoc-chan right behind her!]
Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Pu-chan Pu-chan Pu-chan Pu-chan Pu-chan!!!"
Setsuna: "There has got to be a better way for me to make guest appearances in this series! Dead Scream."
"Hotcha! I've got Puu-chan's panties! I've got Puu-chan's panties!" a boy with a Chichiri-like grin said, dancing around the room.
Chaos: [covered in whipped cream] "Anyone else getting a déjà vu flash here?"
Havoc: [erupting from the Cream Lemon] "Not only that, but I'm getting a déjà vu nekkid flash here too! Hotcha! I've got Pu-chan's panties! I've got Pu-chan's panties!"
Pesti: "Ne, Setsuna, if Havoc's over there with your underwear, then just who are you pummeling with you big-ass key?"
Setsuna: [eyebrow twitch!] "Ano...."
[A wobbily arm rises out from the whipped cream.]
Setsuna: [groan!] "I forgot about the perverted tag-team thing."
[Author glances up at the Lord Author of the Fanboys! fics] This'll do!
[Fanboy's Note: ^-^ Don't mention it!]
Setsuna: --;; "I wish *he* hadn't mentioned it in the first place."
Chaos: "Setsuna, you're the guardian of time! Can't you look into the future and see what he's up to for the next page?"
Setsuna: [concentrating] "All I see is that an oversized octopus is going to drop out from the sky and smite you."
[Cue the falling oversized octopus!]
Bedlam's eyebrow twitched. "What the hell?" she asked. "Damnit, Havoc," an SD boy said frantically, "don't try to steal Setsuna's panties while she's at the Time Gate! Who knows where the hell we are now?"
Desolation: "That's my line! And just where the hell am I now anyways?!"
[Silence reigns as the kana for the "Hwooooo!" of the wind scrolls in behind him.]
Desolation: "Ano...moshi moshi? Is anyone there? Hey, cool! A Tulip!"
[Cue the Nadesico which suddenly emerges from the alien gateway and runs right over Desolation!]
Desolation: "Oh, this is gonna leave a mark. KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Bedlam stared. Where there had once been an empty living room, there was now four boys around her age. One was the one spouting about Puu-chan's panties, one was the SD freak, one was wearing glasses, and one looked half-sane.
[Cue the horde of SD Pesti-chans racing around the living room!]
Dark Mayhem: "Well, he was half-sane until F8! got a hold of him."
Chaos: [sulking] "I still don't know what *my* Mako-chan sees in him."
SD Pesti-chans: "WHOSE Mako-chan?!"
[Cue Haruka...with her Space Sword!]
Haruka: [leveling the sword with Chaos' nose] "Hai, Duo...whose Mako-chan?"
Chaos: o.O;; "A-Ano...."
Hotaru: [contented sigh] "Chaos-chan belongs to me."
"Hello," she said. "What the hell are you doing?"
Carnage: "Ask yourself this question first: do I really *really* want to know?"
Dark Mayhem: "Does it really matter? She'll find out anyways."
Carnage: [shrug!] "It just helps when they try to sue us for inflicting mental anguish."
"If we knew, would we be here?" the SD one said, bouncing around.
Hysteria: ^-^ "Hai! After all, skinning kawaii little kitty-chans is only a curious thing to do!"
Pesti: [eyebrow twitch!] "Aiya. Bad Minako-ism."
Carnage: [rubbing his temples] "That's supposed to be 'curiosity killed the cat' and 'there's more than one way to skin a cat', you moron!"
Minako: [sniff!] "It sounded fine to me."
The half-sane one lobbed a cabbage at the SD one. "Chaos," he sighed, "Can't you stay out of SD form for more than five minutes?"
Chaos: "This coming from the fragmented SD horde of an underlord in training."
SD Pesti-chans: "I am not an underlord in training!"
SD Pesti #6: [grrrr!] "That's it! I'm gonna kick your ass for that, Chaos!"
[SD Pesti-chan #6 promptly begins kicking at Chaos' ankles]
Chaos: --;; [whacking him on the head with an umbrella] "I see we've got a long ways to go."
"I got Puu-chan's panties! I got Puu-chan's panties! I got-Hey, where'd they go?!" the pervert demanded.
Dark Mayhem: "Maybe he mistook Cauldina for Setsuna again."
Setsuna: [with her panties] "You may get them for a few seconds, but that's all I ever let you hold them for, Havoc."
Havoc-chan: [teary Bambi eyes!] "Setsuna, you're so cruel! And when you're being this naughty...."
[Havoc-chan pulls out her wooden spoon!]
Havoc-chan: ^-^ "I get to spank you!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Back to Fanfics