Bedlam closed her eyes. "Okay..."
"Now, smite!"
A teaspoon fell out of the sky and landed on Chaos's nose.

Fanboys: [sweatdrop!] "......"

Carnage: "I wasn't talking to you, Bedlam."

Hysteria: ^-^ "Oooh! Teaspoon-chan! Teaspoon-chan!"

Chaos: "What are you doing back here?"

Hysteria: [tee hee!] "Kawaii little contractual obligation-chans!"

"Is that okay?" Bedlam asked brightly.
The Fanboys sweatdropped.
"A *teaspoon*?" Pesti-chan said, laughing. "That's more pathetic than Chaos' herring smite!"

Havoc: "Alright then, Bedlam; I'll let you spank me all night long just because you were such a good sport about it!"

Chaos: [smacking his forehead] "Would it kill you to think of something other than perverted thoughts for just once in your life?!?!"

Carnage: [with his F-91 Gundam!] "SHIN'NE, YA FREAK!!!"

Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"

Dark Mayhem: "Evidently it almost kills him to think of only perverted thoughts."

Pesti: [unimpressed] "And yet, we're the ones who get pummelled while he just detonates."

Bedlam growled. Closing her eyes, she concentrated-
-and a tablespoon fell on his head.
Bedlam went into SD mode. "WHY CAN'T I GET EVEN A FULL-SIZED SPOON??!!" she demanded. "WHY????"

Pesti: "Answer: you're cursed."

Carnage: "Welcome to our world. Tenchi Masaki syndrome, my ass."

[Enter Sarcasm-hime!]

Chaos: --;; "Well, most of us are cursed anyways."

Sarcasm: [raiding the fridge for some chocolate bodypaint] "Another fanficfic? Ne, does this one have any cute Anime guys hanging around it?"

Fanboys: "Nope."

Sarcasm: "Then I have no reason to be here."

Chaos: "Ano...Sarcasm? What's with all the chocolate bodypaint?"

Sarcasm: ^-^ "I'm going to play Shamanic Princess with Zel-chan."

[Cue the facevaults!]

"Don't worry," Chaos told her. "Perhaps you're just not good enough to be a Lady of Mass Destruction."
Laughing, he turned back towards the house.
The throbbing veins appeared on Bedlam's forehead. She concentrated-

Chaos: "Maybe we'll get TWO teaspoons this time!"

-and a huge frying pan landed on Chaos's head, knocking him down to the ground.

Chaos: o.O "......"

Dark Mayhem & Pesti: [applauding] "Way to go, Chaos."

Chaos: [argh!] "I demand a second opinion about the respectability of my character profile!"

[Cue the oversized giant octopus which crushes Chaos instantly!]

Carnage: "He's a big dumb smite magnet, isn't he, folks?"

Mayhem and Pesti-chan huddled around their comatose friend, while Bedlam smirked from a distance.

Havoc: [watching Bedlam from a distance] "Hmmm...."

Carnage: "Just what are you up to now, Havoc?"

Dark Mayhem: "No good?"

Pesti: "I think that goes without saying."

Chaos: "Havoc, why are you testing for the direction of the wind?"

[An abrupt scream echoes across the fanficfic!]

Havoc: ^-^ [with panties!] "Hotcha!"

Chaos: [smacking his forehead] "I should have known."

Carnage: [smacking Havoc upside the back of the head] "Baka. I told you to get Rei's panties, not Bedlam's!"

Pesti: o.O "......"

Carnage: [surprised] "Excuse me...I don't know what came over me."

[Carnage turns to Havoc]

Havoc: ^-^


"Daijobu," Chaos finally answered weakly. "Just...every bone in my body broken."
"Maybe she *is* stronger than she looks," Pesti-chan noted.
"Do you think I could be a Lady of Mass Destruction *now*?" Bedlam asked sweetly.

Anarchy: [filing her nails] "Smite Chaos again and then we'll talk."

Chaos: [terrified SD mode] "Kowai!"

Chaos sweatdropped. "Why must everyone be stronger than me?" he thought (Take a picture to mark this moment! Chaos is thinking!).

Cameraman Dan: "Hai!"

Fanboys: "Oooooh! Aaaaaah!"

Chaos: --;; "Laugh it up, why don't you."

Fanboys: "HA HA HAH HA HA HAH!!!"

Chaos: "That was sarcasm, you dolts!"

Dark Mayhem: "No, that's Sarcasm...all covered in strange yet tasty painted runes...on the kitchen counter...with Zelgadis?"

[The fanboys all abruptly turn their heads sideways.]

Carnage: "What the?"

Pesti: [eyebrow twitch!] "Aiya. Nobody can get into that position."

Havoc: [yanking Makoto onto the scene] "Sure they can. Just watch!"

Chaos & Pesti: "NA NI?!"

Makoto: [punting Havoc!] "Get off me, you pervert!!!"

Havoc: [distant voice] "Call me Hentenno!"

"I'm Lord Chaos, author of such Chaosfics like "Revolutionary Girl Usagi" and "Sailor Ranmoon 1/2!"

Fanboys: [slowly turning to Chaos] "......"

Chaos: [kawaii kitty ears perking up] "What? What?"

Pesti: "Just the thought of Queen Kodachi, the Beryl Rose, still gives me chills."

He turned to Bedlam. "You still need a lot of work."
Bedlam simply concentrated, and a yellow rat-thingy fell on his head. When he bent down to touch it, it promptly electrocuted him.

Fanboys: o.O

Pesti: "Smite of the falling Pikachu? Damn, that's a strange one."

Carnage: "Either that, or my replacement for Beam Sabre target practice has arrived. I've already shish-kabob'd all the Mokona plushies I could get my hands on."

Dark Mayhem: "Why didn't you just go for the source of all that is evil?"

Carnage: [shrug!] "Can't. Rampage is still chewing on that demonic marshmellow. Has been for the past two days straight."

Rampage: ^-^ [chipmunk-cheeked] "CHU CHU!"

"I'm not impressed!" he shrieked. "You still need a lot of work!...Ano...Mayhem? Pesti-chan? Can you get me to a hospital?"

Pesti: "Only if it's it the one featured in sailERmoon."

Dark Mayhem: "Have they even found Yakumo yet?"

Carnage: "Just the spleen and an arm. Although rumour has it his kidneys might have been accidentally shipped to Malaysia."

Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "You guys are not bolstering my confidence."

Havoc: "We could just take him to the Ogenki Clinic!"

Fanboys: "NOT A CHANCE, HAVOC!!!"

Skipping the rest of the mass destruction that has ensured, let's cut to the next day, where Mayhem had figured out how to get the Fanboys back to Tokyo.

[Author's Note: and how did they do this, you might ask? didn't. Well we're showing you anyways! HA HA!!]

Dark Mayhem: [at the controls of a jumbo jet] "Another Maho Tsukai Mai Tai?"

Carnage: [wearing the pilot's hat] "Certainly! Pesti-chan, more drinks at the front!"

[Enter Pesti-chan, with a tray of drinks!]

Pesti: [dressed up as an airline steward] "Are you two sure hijacking an airplane is legal?"

Dark Mayhem: "Oh, I'm sure Kushinada Airlines didn't really need it that badly."

Carnage: "I wanna create more turbulence. Can I do another barrel roll?"


Pesti: "Ne, you guys hear something?"

[Enter Chaos, all dressed up as an airline stewardess!]

Chaos: "There's...some...Arigami...on the wing of...the plane!"

Dark Mayhem: [appraising Chaos' attire] "Kuso! Dammit, Chaos, lose the bare midriff!"

Chaos: "But the SD Arigami! He's still on the plane!"

Carnage: "It must have happened when we scraped that last plateau. Who'd we hit?"

Pesti: [looking out the window] "Susano? Oh no!"

Anarchy: [in 1st class with...champagne!] "That was a really lame Blue Seed gag, you guys."

Pesti: [shrug!] "Well, it was either that, or Chaos winning our plane ticket money in a disco dancing contest against Go-Go Grandma."

"I will smite you again, someday," Bedlam warned Chaos, as they'd become bitter rivals during the course of the afternoon.

Chaos: "What?! I am not so petty as to start up jealous rivalries among other authors or otaku!"

Dark Mayhem: "What about Beans?"

Chaos: "Curse you, Beans! Your lake god shall be mine!"

[Cue the terrified flying octopi!]

Terrified flying octopi: o.O *SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT!!!*

Chaos: --;; "Okay, so maybe I have one rival."

Carnage: "What about Polaris?"

Chaos: "Curse you Sailor Star Polaris!"

[Cue the oversized Gentle Uterus!]

Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

Pesti: [sigh!] "I hope Bedlam doesn't become another of Chaos' rivals. Our ceiling can't take any more abuse."

Chaos: [twitch twitch!] "What about me?"

Pesti: "You'll live."

"After I get an official title, and it would be more *honorable* for me to defeat you."
"What makes you so sure you'll become a Lady of Mass Destruction?" Chaos asked, sticking out his tongue.

Dark Mayhem: "Contractual obligations?"

Carnage: "Why not? It's screwed us every time before."

Havoc: [boing boing boing!] "Hotcha! Panties! More panties for the uberperv!"

Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "And then there's him."

"This," Bedlam said. She snapped her fingers, and an emu fell on Chaos's head.

Chaos: "You call that a smite, Bedlam? WOH HO HOH OHO HO HOH!! My herring does more damage than that!"

Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "That's really not a healthy laugh."

Dark Mayhem: "Naga and the Red Queen do it all the time."

Pesti: "And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

Chaos sniffed.
Bedlam glared at Chaos. "And if you even try to make a disparaging remark about my skills, I'll smite you."

Chaos: "Ha! I'd like to see any underlord try and outsmite me!"

Carnage: "So, what are the chances of that happening anytime in the near future?"

Dark Mayhem: [looking up] "I think the author's sending his reply as we speak."

[All the fanboys immediately step away from Chaos.]

Chaos: o.O "I sense a frivolous laugh from the author at my expense approaching."

[Cue Magipan castle suddenly falling from the sky and crushing Chaos!]


She twirled her shiny frying pan, which she was quite proud of.

[The fanboys immediately step away from Chaos.]

Chaos: --;; "Oh sure; pick on the guy in the skirt."

She intended to use it as much as *Star* Sailor Polaris used her Gentle Uterus or Beans used her octopi.

Carnage: "Not like they haven't already used their smites in this fanficfic."

Chaos: [trying to pry an octopus off his face] "Come on, get off! Off! (o.O) Don't you dare squirt ink at me, buddy. ITAIIIII!! Oh, you're gonna pay for that one!"

Mayhem sighed. "Why do I get the odd feeling Bedlam is now going to have to use her frying pan quite often?"

[Author's note: Oh, no, not because of this suitcase filled with money which is being sent to the author of the Fanboys! fics for no particular reason whatsoever...What would make you think that?]

[Fanboy's Note as he rolls amidst large quantities of unmarked bills: no...I don't see how they could think of that...whatever would tip them off?]

Dark Mayhem: "Subtle."

Pesti: "About as subtle as Havoc stealing panties--"

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha!"

Pesti: "--or as subtle as Carnage nuking Havoc for stealing panties."

Carnage: "DRAGU SLAVE!!!"

Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"


"Be warned," Bedlam told the other Fanboys. "I *will* come back to smite you."

Fanboys: o.O "......"

Dark Mayhem: "And next on the 'Switch To Decaff' list is...."

Chaos: [terrified SD fanboy!] "Kowai!"

Carnage: "What the?! Get offa me, Chaos!"

"Why?" Pesti-chan asked.
"Well, because I need to honor my contract.

Pesti: [sigh!] "That's alright. With our author, we're used to this kind of abuse."

[Cue the Shinjuku Highrises that fall from the sky and smite Chaos!]

Mayhem: "Some more than others."

Also, because I need to earn money to repair my house."
She glanced at the numerous holes in the ceiling and walls.

Pesti: "Well, it kinda feels at home looking up at her ceiling."

Dark Mayhem: "Except Bedlam doesn't have a hole through her entire ceiling because a certain mecha freak parked the Deathscythe Hell Custom on top of our coffee table."

Carnage: [teary Bambi eyes!] "My Deathscythe-chan."

Chaos: "*WHOSE* Deathscythe-chan?!"

[Cue the Deathscythe Hell's boot stomping on Chaos!]

Carnage: "Yes, Chaos, *whose* Deathscythe is it?"

"Hotcha!" Havoc said, appearing suddenly. "Parting is such sweet's a good thing I have your panties to remember you by!" he said, holding Bedlam's in his hands. "Ooh, and such kawaii SD characters from Marmalade Boy!"

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! I've got Arimi's panties! I've got Arimi's panties!'

Dark Mayhem: "Ah, famous last words before the Cream Lemon tusnami."

Chaos: "Think Bedlam stands a chance against him?"

Havoc: ^-^ "Panties panties panties!"

Fanboys: "Nope."

"And to hurt that PERVERT!" Bedlam finished, gritting her teeth.

Havoc: [looking up] "Oh, gomen! Were you saying something, Bedlam?"

Chaos: "Weren't you listening to her death threats?!"

Havoc: [blink blink!] "I was too busy enjoying the feel of her silken treasures upon my face. Want to try?"

[Chaos facevaults!]

She hit him directly on the head with her frying pan-

Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"


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