Part 1: Poof, no Reality
Mayhem: [with Lord Charon plushie] "Lalala...poof! No more of Lord Charon's head!"
Lord Charon sat typing at his computer, rapidly trying to finish the e-mail before his alotted net time was expired. Over his shoulder read his sister, ScrapperWolf. "Get the new Fanboys! fanfic, 'Nad?" asked Scrapper.
"Yup. Jeeesssst a moment, annnnd.... gottit! Lemme log off, and I'll slap it on a disk." Charon replied, doing just that.
Pesti: "Hey, this looks like a promo for hyping our fanfics! I like I like!"
"Don't forget, I wanna read it too!" Scrapper whined, then sighed. "You sure they don't wanna part with Rampage? She's just sooo cute!" With that, Scrapper went off into an Azusa-like uberkawaii fit,
Pesti: o.O "KYAA!! Not another Azusa!"
Mayhem: "If she decides to name the disk 'Francois' I'm going to be very upset."
and failed to notice the incoming SD Godzilla-tingy until it bapped her on the head.
[The fanboys warily glance around the apartment to find Rampage-chan having mysteriously vanished.]
Pesti: "Yep, she's gone alright."
Chaos: "This calls for a celebration! Champagne?"
[Anarchy grab the bottle from him.]
Anarchy: "Don't mind if I do!"
Chaos: "KYAAAAAA!!! Watch where you're aiming that cork!"
Anarchy: "I am! Now if you would just quit running around it would be a lot easier to aim at you, dammit!"
An SD Lord Charon jumped up onto his chair.
Lord Charon: Quoi? Was?! NANI?!?!
ScrapperWolf: Awww... [scratches Rampage on her belly] Look! She's ticklish!
Rampage: ^_^ CHU CHU CHU!!!"
Lord Charon: Watch out! She'll take yer arm off soon as look at ya!
Pesti: "Careful, Charon. Rampage seems to have a tendency to do that only to hyperactive fanboys who go super deformed all the time. Chaos, I'm looking in your general direction here."
Chaos: "Why am I always the one to end up as her teething ring?!"
Rampage: [Turns to face Charon] FFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Lord Charon: FFFFFFFFFFTT!!!!
And with the exchange of hisses, the brief rapid-conversation mode was ended before anyone could get dizzy.
Chaos: [Urp! I'm gonna be sick!] "No...more...rapid...dialogue...!"
Mayhem: "Chaos, what mode do you think we're reading this fanficfic in?"
Anarchy: "It's no use talking to him, Mayhem. This is coming from the guy who nearly puked his guts out on the teetertotter."
Chaos: "Only because you used it to catapult me right across the playground and into the third floor window of our elementary school, Anarchy!"
Lord Charon scowled at the lil' lizard, and failed to notice the incoming pack o' Fanboys (TM) until they bapped him on the head. He did a rather reasonable impression of a one-legged swan trying to land, and clumped to the ground.
Mayhem: "We're everywhere in this fanficfic. We're here, we're there. Is there any place we can't be?"
Havoc: [sob!] "I've been banned from the Witches' Realm all because I stole Liv the Black Witch's panties while she was riding her boom!"
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "......."
Mayhem picked himself up. "Told you punting Rampage in Makoto's presence wasn't a good idea, Chaos," he scolded the excitable fanboy.
Pesti: "Oho! So we have you to blame for this fanficfic, Chaos!"
Chaos: "Me?! What did I do?! I'm not even there because I'm here and even though that is still me I can't be in two places at once because that means I'd be here and there and there's a great distance here between the two of them and I have absolutely no idea what I'm saying right now! Waaah!!"
"Hai," concurred Pesti-chan, dusting himself off with Lord Charon's T-shirt. "Being punted by her hurts. At least you could have just groped her (again) so only YOU would have been punted. Then I'd have an excuse to smite you, as well."
"Well how was I supposed to know that she was right behind me?" Chaos muttered. "And I would LOVE to see you try to smite me, Pesti-chan." He broke off as he saw a cabbage hovering over him.
"The fact that you had just been talking with her might have been a good sign," snickered Mayhem.
Before another heated Ranma-style argument could ensue, Lord Charon got up, making sure his glasses weren't busted. To his surprise, they were now all swirly lines, a la Umino from Sailor Moon. "Kewl," he said.
Chaos: "Just what did Naru see in that geek anyways?"
Mayhem: "Who cares? At least both of them practically disappeared by the time Sailor Moon S began."
Three little SD fanboys recoiled from the rising fan-fanboy.
Chaos, Pesti & Mayhem: [li'l SD form!] "KYAAAAAA!!"
Pesti: "Do you think that was a good enough SD recoil?"
Chaos: "I think I had my eyes closed. Can we try it again?"
"Hotcha!" yelled Havoc, landing on Charon, and he was down for the count again. "I've done it! I've finally done it! A-ko may be strong, and quick, but she is no match for Hentenno-sama!"
[Cue mass destruction of Charon's house as A-ko storms in]
A-ko: Give me those back, Hentai!
Mayhem: "Alright, is everybody ready?"
[The fanboys all pull out their umbrellas!]
Havoc: "What are you opening those up for now? We're getting to a good part of the fanficfic!"
Havoc: Don't think so, my beauty! They shall have a special place in my collection! How does that sound?
Pesti: [sarcasm] "Yeah, right next to B-ko's panties and her Akigayama suit."
Havoc: [pulling out B-ko's panties!] "Here they are! Oh look! She's got cute little SD light bulbs on them too!"
Chaos: "IF YOU PLEASE WE'RE TRYING TO READ A FANFICFIC HERE!!!!!"
A-ko: [Begins to chase after Havoc] Grrr... I could use B-ko's Akigiyama missiles about now! Come back here so I can flatten you, Hentai!
Havoc: That's Hentai-SAMA, you fire-haired goddess of Kawaii, you.
Havoc: "No! I am HENTENNO-SAMA!"
Chaos: "Who gave that fanboy a megaphone?"
[Cue even more mass destruction as the house collapses around the pair]
Pesti: [dusting off his umbrella & turning to Chaos] "My, these fanficfic's are very user-interactive, aren't they?"
[Pesti-chan goes bug-eyed upon seeing Chaos been buried in spackling!]
Lord Charon: Mes dieux! Ma maison! Vous etes tres mort!"
Chaos: "Hang on, I took some French when I was younger. Let's see...ah! 'My ham sandwich! My egg salad sandwich! If they're both boiled they're still sandwiches!' Hmm...what does Lord Charon mean when he says that?"
Mayhem: "It means you really need to cut down on watching Dragon Half again."
Pesti: "Mayhem, you seem to be mellowing out."
Mayhem: "Well, Charon hasn't gone after Ami-chan, or me for being with Ami-chan yet so I guess I'll spare him the death threats for the moment."
Lord Charon: Sorry. Let's see you live in France without learning to croak Frog. I said My gods! My house! You are very dead! Pretty kewl, huh? [smiles evilly]
A-ko: Uhm... this is all very interesting, but could you hand over the hentai for some well-deserved thrashing?
Havoc: "Ah, Ako-chan, my superhuman goddess! Let me feel the trembling strength in your bosoms!"
Pesti: "Does nothing ever faze thus guy?"
Anarchy: [yep, she's getting hammered again!] "Ne, Chaos, got any more a' dat champagne?"
Chaos: "If she starts asking me whether or not the fanficfic's over yet, I'm leaving."
Anarchy: "Well...is the fanficfic over yet?"
Chaos: "That's it! I'm not going to lose my mind like this again!"
Mayhem: "I note you're implying you had a mind to begin with, Chaos."
[Chaos splashes Mayhem with a bucket of cold water!]
Chaos: "Hush, Newt-boy!!"
Lord Charon: Sure. Uno momento, por favor
Chaos: Is it just me, or does this guy like to flaunt his skill with languages.
Pesti: It's just you. Now take your pills.
[Lord Chaos tries wrestling with the apartment's front door]
Chaos: [Oof!] "Damn knob! It's stuck!"
Mayhem: "In case you forgot, we're contractually obligated to stick through a fic from beginning to end regardless of either how badly you're getting smited, or how much Anarchy is taunting you."
Chaos: "Curse our author!"
Lord Charon walked over to Havoc, and held up his hand for silence, stopping another fit of rapid conversation. (Popping up like a bad case of acne, aren't they?) He quickly patted down the hentai, retrieved several video tapes. He coughed into his hand, then summoned an interdimensional broadsword, and with a cry of "FORE!" sent the Hentai Masta' into the middle of next week.
Mayhem: "I give him an eight point three."
Chaos: "Why bother rating it? You know he'll just wind up coming back with more bras than ever before."
Anarchy: [now she's totally hammered!] "Ne, Chaos, ya wanna try some of this sake?"
[Anarchy places Chaos in a headlock & pours sake onto his face!]
Chaos: "KYAAA!! TASUKETE!!!"
Pesti: "We really should help him.
Mayhem: "Hai hai. So...popcorn?"
Pesti: "Why certainly."
Chaos looked at the flying pervert. "Nice form, but a little ragged on the follow-through."
"Like this, you mean?" asked Lord Charon, and sent Chaos into a low Earth orbit.
"Yup," replied Mayhem, shielding his eyes against the sun as he watched his fellow Lord of Mass Destruction collide with Tatewaki Kuno, who had apparently angered Akane Tendo. Again.
Kuno: "Ah, my AT Field wielding goddess! Come and let us celebrate with the dew of life together"
[Anarchy launches him through the balcony door and the next five apartment towers!]
Kuno: "I follow my love! Into the depths of hell itseeeeeeeelf!!"
Anarchy: "It's my dew! All mine!"
Chaos: "Okay, this is getting kind frightening here."
A-ko, her vengeance acted upon Havoc for her, began to follow the flying fanboys "What'd you snag off of him," asked Pesti-chan curiously. "His Doji and La Blue Girl videos," replied Charon happily. Pesti groaned, while Mayhem perked up.
Mayhem: "I've got a VCR if he wants to have a mini HentaiCon."
Chaos: [oversized balloon head!] "I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER REPEAT OF HIRYU SHOTEN BRA AGAIN!!"
Mayhem: "Actually, I'm hoping it'll miss us and strike Lord Charon instead."
Pesti: "Vicious, Mayhem. You're truly vicious."
"Oh no," warned ScrapperWolf, "don't you encourage him. He's hentai enough without any outside help."
Havoc: "Oh please! You're never hentai enough! Not even I'm hentai enough!"
Pesti: "I thought you were catapulted into next week."
Havoc: [sulk!] "Actually he broke the space-time barrier and I wound up at the gates of time with Puu-chan! But did she want my company? Noooo!"
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "You tried to steal her panties again, didn't you? And she Dead Screamed your sorry hentai butt back here."
"Hey," commented Charon. "There's always room for hentai," and he smirked.
ScrapperWolf, not wanting to take any of this nonsense, whapped Charon on the back of his head.
Mayhem: "You go girl!"
Chaos: "Just make sure she doesn't name the bump on his head ' Martina'."
Charon, as he spun to retaliate, noticed something amiss. "Hey Pandy, checkitout! You've got the sweatdrop!"
ScrapperWolf spun to look. "You're right! Nifty-kewl-beans!"
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "B-B-Beans?!"
Pesti: [eye roll!] "Hoboy. Here we go again."
Chaos popped up from nowhere. "Beans? WHERE?! She's got my lake god!"
ScrapperWolf stopped her regarding of the 'drop to GLARE at Chaos. "Your lake god? You mean MY lake god. I need it for my mascot collection!"
Chaos: "How dare you assume that you deserve the lake god more than I? Rampage, eat!"
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
Chaos: "KYAAA!! NOT ME YOU DUMB MASCOT! EAT CHARON!!"
Chaos decided that the time had come to go SD, and did so, sprouting kitty ears and a tail. "You can't have the lake god! You can't! I need it to replace the SD Godzilla-thingy that's peched on...errr.... her shoulder. Uhm... what're your names?"
Charon looked startled for a moment, then smiled evilly. "There are those who call me... Dan. Dan Stephenson. I am also known, to the majority of my foes, as either Lord Charon, D-mon, or Warmonger. The former is my most favorite. I am the defender of the weak, the fro-smiter, the spanker of self.... errr.... disregard that last one."
Mayhem: "I think that was given by the warning he slapped on the front of the fanficfic."
Havoc: [all excited and bouncing all over Chaos!] "So where are the nekkid flashes?"
Chaos: "DO YOU MIND?!"
Havoc: "Hey, the sun's down,the night's young, and I'm better built than you, Chaos!"
Chaos: "Oh yeah? Fanboy Planet Power: Make Up!"
Mayhem: [sarcasm!] "As much as I would love to debate this with you two...."
ScrapperWolf snickered, then began her own introductions. "I'm Amanda Stephenson, aka ScrapperWolf, no space, Pandemonium, or Dan's Sister. I am the collector of mascots, spork-smiter, the biter of tushies... waitaminute.... never mind."
Pesti: "Um...no comment."
Mayhem: "I just hope she's had her rabies shots."
Chaos scratched his head for a moment, then struck a pose. "I am the Lord of Mass Destruction Chaos. I am head smiter-"
"And Sailor Dragqueen," interjected Mayhem, chuckling.
"Die Newt-boy! My 'friends' here are fellow Lord Mayhem, aka Dark Schneider due to Ami's kissing him." At this, Mayhem went into a Tofu-like trance, and Charon growled darkly. "And this," continued Chaos, indicating Pesti, "is underlord-in-training Pestilence, aka Pesti-chan." He stopped when he found Charon and ScrapperWolf, in SD form no less, staring at him with big eyes. "What?"
Chaos: "See! My breasts are bigger than yours Havoc!"
Havoc: "Oooh! Let me have a test run!"
[Havoc feels up Chaos' breasts & then steals his-er, her bra!]
Chaos: "Hey! I need that, ya know! Give that back!!"
Havoc: "Hotcha! You walked right into that one Chaos!"
Mayhem: "Yare yare."
"Okay..." began Charon, "I was willing to let go the appearance of that cute red-haired girl who bore a startling resemblance to A-ko, and the transdimensional broadsword, because those things are SOP around here, as is the destruction of my house. However, can you explain how you guys, merely fanfic characters, could appear in my reality?"
Pesti looked thoughtful for a moment. "It could be," he mused, "that you are only characters in another person's reality, and that person is manipulating this world so that we might appear in it."
Pesti: "Good lord! There's more than one author in this conspiracy!"
Mayhem: "Pesti-chan, grab your mallet."
Anarchy: [still bombed!] "Is the fanficfic over yet?"
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "Not this again!"
Everyone paused as the hiragana "whoooo" for the winds that blew through scrolled behind then. Charon turned, and looked at the hiragana confusedly, being unable to read it. Then everyone began snickering while Pesti blushed and grew that sweatdrop.
"Y'know," Charon commented, "if one could harness the water power in those sweatdrops, we could run a generator for months at a time." Everyone grew sweatdrops as Charon began to sketch a technical diagram. "See! Hell, install one in an Eva, and the power problem's licked. Huh huh... licked..." Cue the sweatdrops a third time.
Pesti: "Does that mean I won't use up my reserve power for making popcorn?"
Chaos: "Give me back my bra, Havoc!"
Havoc: "Oooh! And it's silky too!"
"Y'know, you never did introduce me," commented a female voice, lazily. Chaos leapt to the ceiling. Mayhem pulled out a pad and pencil, and recorded the time that Pesti gave him. He put it away and said simply. "This is Chaos' little sister Anarchy. Her hobbies include smiting Chaos, smiting Chaos, and smiting Chaos."
Anarchy grinned evilly. "Don't forget that I like to smite Chaos."
Anarchy: [juggling bottles of saki!] "Hai hai hai!!"
Mayhem: "Oh yeah...she's hammered."
ScrapperWolf looked over the new arrival. "Tell me," she began, "where DO you get your clothes?" The pair walked off discussing leather secrets.
Pesti: "Ecch...." [glances warily over at Anarchy] "Um, nevermind."
Charon looked nervously after them. "No good can come of this, Mayhem," he commented, before looking out of the window at the incoming Havoc. "DUCK!" he cried, lying prone on the ground.
Pesti: "Mu Mu-chan?"
"Yeah," replied Chaos dreamily, "I could really go for a roast duck right about-" His smitedship was unable to complete his wish, for Havoc brained him well and good.
Havoc stood and dusted himself off with a pair of panties. "You have something of mine," he said, pointing at Charon. "Return them to me, and you shall not feel the wrath of my naughty tentacles."
[All the fanboys naturally freak.]
Pesti: "Not Hiryu Shoten Bra again!!!"
Mayhem: [consulting map] "You know, I hear Tiphares is pretty good this time of year."
"Perish the thought," winced Charon, shaking his head. "I'm afraid not. I need these to complete my hentai training. Besides, it's not as if you can't just go to these realms yourself."
Chaos: "He's been kicked out of virtually all of them already!"
Havoc posed in thought for a moment. "Good point," he allowed, "but it's the principle of the thing. You do NOT take another hentai's hentai. It's just not right."
Charon pulled his right eyelid down, stuck his tongue out at Havoc, and pida'ed rather expertly.
Havoc, startled for a moment, retaliated, and the two were soon locked in a Rei-Usagi-style combat.
Pesti: o.O "Aya."
Chaos: "I don't belive this."
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