Part 2: Fanboys Crisis
Chaos: "I'm in the middle of it thank you very much, Charon!"
Mayhem: "What? No witty opening title? For shame, Charon, for shame!"
Pesti: "Well I for one wasn't impressed with your Deep Hentai Rising title for F5! Part IV, Mayhem."
Mayhem: "Hai hai. But if fit the fic perfectly, ne?"
Anarchy: [still on karaoke with Utena!] "Take my revolution!"
With no other way to spend his time in an alternate dimesion apparent, Lord Charon followed the three fanboys on their way to school. This was probably his first mistake, as their track record for arriving on time was perilously bad.
Pesti: "It's not really our fault. We only get lost half of the time."
Mayhem: "Hai hai. The other half of those times we wind up getting kidnapped by someone or something."
Chaos: "Where were you yesterday, Mayhem, when that girl from Phantasia started using me as a human shield to protect herself from Roll, the grandson of Éclair?!"
Mayhem: "Having a danish."
Chaos: [sulking] "Oh, that's clever."
As it was, they were just able to skid into class on time, while Charon was left to register at the main office. He found out that his homeroom was the same as the fanboys, which was pretty damned suspicious, considering he was supposed to be a high school junior. He knocked on the door, and entered (huh huh...) when the sensei bid him to. Walking over to where the sensei was, he explained that he was a transfer student, and had been assigned to this class. The sensei indicated a desk in the back, just next to Mayhem. Charon was about to walk over when the sensei stopped him.
Pesti: "Gomen nasai, Charon. You can't wear your battle armour in the class. The same thing went for me and my EVA plug suit."
"Class," he began, in a Ben Stein-like drone, "this is a new transfer student. If you would please present yourself to the class, we may continue."
[The fanboys avert their eyes!]
All: "Iya! Ecchi!"
Mayhem: "If he 'presents' himself to Ami-chan, he goes to the hell of the one thousand cackling Naga clones!"
Charon cleared his throat. "Hail and well met, all. My name is Ataru Moroboshi. Pleased to be joining your class."
"Thank you, Ataru," droned the sensei monotonously. "Please take your seat, and take out your paper."
"Hai, sensei," replied Charon, and he walked over to his seat.
Mayhem turned and muttered at him. "If Lum pops up, I shall be most displeased with the situation."
Mayhem: "I already made that witty remark in the past part. I seem slow today in this fanficfic. Curse you, Lord Charon!"
Charon grinned. "Ouais ouais ouais... so? I get a charge out of that series."
Mayhem groaned at the nasty pun, then quieted down before the teach could catch either of them for talking in class.
Skipping a day's worth of useless banter lest it bant back at us, which is undoubtedly painful, we rejoin the fanboys and Charon as they arrive at the bachelor pad. The remote control of the gods was lying on the coffee table, with a post-it note attached that read:
[Chaos picks up postcard]
Chaos: [reading] "'Dear Chaos, I think I went to El Hazard today. Didn't get very far before I saw someone leap past me tiwrling some panties on his finger. Then I got blasted by Shayla. It hurt. A lot. A spent the rest of the series in traction. Desolation. PS. WHERE THE HELL AM I NOW?!' "
Mayhem: "Talk about your bad karma."
Pesti: "Wait a minute. Someone in El Hazard stealing Shayla's panties. You don't think...?"
Fanboys, don't go to the El-Hazard realm any time soon. Shayla is being a bit... temperamental at the moment.
[Fanboys warily glance over at Havoc, now ironing his Shayla panties.]
Charon shrugged, and dropped his stuff by the door. Chaos was already deep in the fridge, searching for another six-pack of hard lemonade while trying to fight off the mystery meat. The meat won.
"Y'know," commented Chaos as he retreated with three hard lemonades and a Guinness "I think that the Maison Ikkoku folks have finally caught on to our rigging of the 'fridge."
"Why's that?" asked Pesti as he snagged one of the lemonades from Chaos.
"The tinfoil snapping evilly at me was a good clue," answered Chaos before he took a swig. "None of us put it there, I know that."
Mayhem: "Chaos, you really need to clean out your shelf of the fridge every now and then."
[Cue Chaos in female S&M Haley form, whipping back the mystery meat!]
Chaos: "Back! Back, I say!"
Mystery meat: "KYAA!! JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA!!"
Charon accepted the Guinness, chugged it in one go, and slammed it down on the table. "YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! Now THAT'S the way to relax!"
The fried, frazzled, and fricaceed fanboys peeled themselves off of the wall. "Thank you Misato," grumped Mayhem as he tried to put his glasses on correctly.
"You guys mind if I take a shower?" asked Charon, heading towards the bathroom.
All: "Yes, yes we do."
Chaos: "And the scented bath bits are mine, so don't touch them!"
"No," answered Pesti, "but where's a change of clothes?"
"One sec," replied Charon, and he reached into hammerspace to reveal a set of jean shorts and a blue T-shirt with a picture of a commode and the caption 'Understanding Computer Technology' on it. "Gotta love 'dem pan-dimensional gates," he said with a grin, and headed for the shower.
[Time passes in the fanficfic....]
Anarchy: [now on karaoke with Bakuretsu Hunter!] "What's up, hitome wo? Kawashite!"
Chaos: "Yare yare. Pass me another Hard Lemonade, Mayhem."
Mayhem: [glancing at watch] "My he's taking a long time. Maybe he is using your scented bath bits after all, Chaos."
15 minutes later, a slightly damp Charon walked back into the room. "Hey guys, how do I look to you?"
"Not too bad," answered Chaos, "but I wouldn't date you."
Makoto: "He does look kinda cute, though."
Chaos: "KYAAAA!!! MAKO-CHAN, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!?!?!"
Havoc: [Look, I can sound like Mako-chan!] "Fooled you!"
Chaos: [oversized demonic head form] "SHIN'NE!!!"
"Maybe in your wildest wet dreams, Sailor Dragqueen," fired back Charon without hesitation, "but what I meant was, what do I look like? My physical description?"
"Kinda tall," answered Mayhem. "Poofy hair, large glasses, kindy thin, but not skinny."
"Yeah, that's me all right. However, in the mirror, I look just like Megane from Dominion Tank Police. I could get used to this."
Mayhem: "Ne, Charon, let's play a round of grenade golf...without the pin. I'll swing first and you try to catch it in your mouth for a hole in one."
Havoc chose that moment to come walking into the room. Seeing no one around the T.V., he felt that it was time to test out his new and improved hentai video collection. Charon noted the proceedings with interest, and sat down on the couch to watch.
Chaos: [groan!] "Oh come on havoc! You do this every night! I can't sleep with all that panting after 2am!"
Havcc glanced over at the fanfanboy. "The 'Doji is with you, young Charon," he said in a deep voice, "but you are not a hentai yet."
"You'll find that I'm full of surprises," Charon replied, smirking. "None can touch me on Star Wars quotes. I am a multi-versed otaku. BWAHAHAHAAAAA!!!"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched violently.
Pesti: "This guy's scary."
Mayhem: "I *told* you we should have smited him in the last fanficfic he did!"
Havoc: "Ah, a young hentai after my own heart."
Chaos: "Your heart, Havoc?!"
Once Charon could be peeled away from the couch, the Fanboys decided to try and get Charon back to his home dimension. However, a problem had arisen.
"Do you know what channel your home dimension's on?" queried Chaos as he looked at all the buttons on the remote (picture the remote from "Stay Tuned" ^_^)
"Yer askin' me?" replied Charon amusedly. "I also don't think it'd be wise to try and channel surf until we get there, either. Unless I've missed my guess, there is a lot more than just anime plugged into that thing."
Chaos: "That can't be! This is a Fanboys! remote control of the gods! Anime's our entire life!"
"How so?" asked Pesti, beginning to get that nervous feeling again.
"Allow me to demonstrate," answered Charon, snatching the remote from Chaos. After observing the thing for a moment, he clicked a couple buttons in series. A new scene popped up.
"I love you, you love me..."
Anarchy: "HEY!! NOBODY INTERUPTS MY KARAOKE!!!!!!!"
[Needless to say, vicious purple dinosaur smiting ensues.]
Saving the weaker-hearted amongst you from the previous scene, the Fanboys made it back to their dimension alright, albeit well-scarred from the battle. Night became morning, and the Fanboys soon found that it was Saturday. Charon was wise to register on a Friday. Heh heh heh.
Being a Saturday in which there was very little to do, the fanboys decided to buzz by Rei's temple in the hopes of seeing their respective queen goddesses.
Havoc: "I usually just leap into their rooms if I want to see my fuku-clad goddesses around!"
Chaos: "Nobody asked you, Havoc!"
Pesti: "Havoc, every woman you see is a goddess to you."
Red Queen: "HOH OH OHO HO HO OHO HOH HOH!!!!"
Mayhem: "Perhaps you should rephrase that, Pesti-chan."
For once, Luck decided to be a Lady, and the senshi were assembled for the day, discussing what to do. The vote was currently in favor of mall-crawling.
Makoto began getting the feeling that there was something not quite right with the universe. No, a super battle station had not just demolished a planet, so that wouldn't explain it. It was an uneasy feeling, that sat in the stomach like one of Akane Tendo's culinary disas.... err... [author sweats as a mega-mallet swings towards him rapidly] masterpieces. [The mallet disappears, and the author breathes a sigh of relief.]
Rampage: [Burp!] "CHU CHU!"
Mayhem: "Argh! Foiled again! Rampage, would you please refrain from eating my mallets when I'm trying to smite someone?!"
Her fears were soon realised, in the shape of three fanboys, and one fanfanboy. "Ohayo," they chorused.
The senshi waved, and Minako hopped up. "We're heading to the mall," she said excitedly. "Wanna come? The more of us there are means that there will be plenty of fun to be had."
Pesti: "You know, she seems to be the only Senshi next to Usagi who doesn't truly fear us for what we are."
Mayhem: "Actually, we tend to fear all the other Senshi except for those two."
Chaos: "Ha! I fear no Senshi!"
Haruka: [with Space Sword too! Kowai!] "Chaos, we need to talk about you and Hotaru in F5! Part IV."
Chaos: "KYAAAA!!! SHE'S GONNA SMITE ME!!!!"
"That was _almost_ right," said Pesti. "Nice attempt at The more, the merrier."
Charon spoke up. "I don't believe that we've been properly introduced. My name is Ataru Moroboshi, but you may know me as Charon." He gave a deep bow that left Minako giggling.
One by one Charon was introduced properly to the group, until he arrived in front of Ami-chan (ALL HAIL HER HOLY NAME!!!)
Mayhem: [holding Charon voodoo doll] "Shin'ne."
"Ehh... h-h-hi... ny mame is... I mean my name is.... wow... A-ataru... You m-must be A-a-a-a-a-mi..."
He broke off and faced the fanboys, smiling a Chichiri-like smile. He thumbed in the direction of Ami-chan (ALL HAIL!), and said "It's Ami-chan!" before his eyes rolled back in his head, and he passed out.
Mayhem: "Looks like I won't have to behead this Lord Charon plushie after all."
Anarchy: [with Chaos plushie and singing!] "Lalala...this is the way we smite Lord Chaos, smite Lord Chaos, smite Lord Chaos, this is the way we smite Lord Chaos with a Mokona doll!"
[An oversized Mokona statue crashes through the ceiling and smites Lord Chaos!!]
Pesti: "Sugoi! Um...there aren't any Pesti-chan plushies in that pile by any chance?"
Ami-chan (ALL HAIL!) looked at the fallen fanfanboy confusedly, while Makoto slapped her hand to her face. She knew the signs all too well.
The tales of what ensued after Charon woke up are for another time, another place, in the Revengefic upon Mayhem, "Mon Ami-chan"
[The fanboys facevault!]
Chaos: "NA NI?! You mean we did Charon's fanficfics backwards!!"
Pesti: "That would explain why the revengefic's beginning didn't make much sense."
Mayhem: "Wild guess, Chaos. You just grabbed the first fanficfic on the pile and assumed it was the starting point, ne?"
Chaos: [kawaii kitty ears!] "Um...hai!"
Anarchy: [now on karaoke with Asuka's bossa techno version of Fly Me To The Moon!] "I love you! (Echo: I love you!) Fly me to the moon, and let me gaze upon the stars!"
Pesti: "So what do we do now that we've done this series in reverse?"
Chaos: "Make it look like we intended to do that from the start."
Mayhem: "Chaos, thanks to you we did that from the very start! Baka!"
End Part 2
Thanks to the Fanboys, natch, for their inspiration and guidance (Whatever ails your dysFUNctionality, Lord Charon, go for it!!) ^_^
Mayhem: "I fully support him...so long as he stays away from my Ami-chan."
Ami-chan: "Ah, Carrot-chan! You're so sexy!"
[Ami-chan grabs onto Mayhem. Mayhem spontaneously combusts, natch.]
Thanks to ScrapperWolf, my sister, for supplying me with an idea to get this sucker started.
Chaos: [sarcasm!] "Gee, thanks ScrapperWolf."
Pesti: "Chaos! That wasn't nice!"
Chaos: "Nice? Nice?! Since when is subjecting to me to a hellish revengefic considered nice?!"
Mayhem: "Chaos, Polaris is the one who's doing all your revengefics! Charon's the one who's after me!"
Chaos: [oops!] "Oh, gomen ne, Mayhem! [Growl!] Curse that Sailor Star Polaris!"
[Chaos is smited by another Gentle Uterus that crashes through the ceiling!]
Chaos: [Argh!] "Star Sailor Polaris! I meant Star Sailor Polaris!"
Yes, I DO take requests. Keep an eye out for the battle between the Fanboys! world and Beans' College Life world. BWAAHAHAHAAAA!!!!
Pesti: "Been there."
Mayhem: "Smited that."
Chaos: "We'll kick Beans' little Yggdrasil-toting butt!! And her lake god will be mine! MWAH HAH HA HAH HA H---!!!"
[Chaos' evil overlord cackles are abruptly silenced with a terrified flying octopus smacking him in the face!]
Mayhem: "What luck! And here I was in the mood for sushi tonight!"
Pesti: "Ne, Chaos, think you can insult Beans any more? We need some more tuna."
Chaos: [peeling the octopus off his face] "I fail to see what is so funny, you guys."
Anarchy: [big drunken karaoke finish with Gundam Wing's Just Communication!] "Just Wild Beat! Communication! C'mon, Chaos! You know the words!!"
[Anarchy drags Chaos to the karaoke machine!]
Chaos: "Kyaa!! I can't sing!"
Mayhem: "So? That hasn't stopped Anarchy yet."
Pesti: "Oooh, you're tempting fate with that remark, Mayhem."
Mayhem: [grin!] "Yeah, but Anarchy's so hammered she's not going to remember it, ne?"
Anarchy: [snagging Mayhem!] "Mayhem, you sing with us too! Everybody: Just Wild Beat!"
Mayhem: "Hey, leggo of me, Anarchy! You're strangling me!"
[Pesti-chan watches the spectacle.]
Pesti-chan: [sigh!] "Sometimes playing the straight man-er, straight fanboy has its definite advantages."
[End of the fanficfic!]
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