Cursed Fanficfics and...a Cursed Revengefic?!
Chaos: "What do you supposed that means? I've never heard of a cursed revengefic before?"
Pesti: "Fanficfics, yes. Revengfic, no? I mean, who would be wanting to take revenge on one of us?"
[Cue Havoc, bounding across the page with Momiji's panties! Kusanagi & the TAC give chase.]
Havoc: "Hotcha! This time around it's a kawaii little frog on her panties! Come to Hentenno-sama!"
Kusanagi: "You damned pervert!"
Momiji: "Wah! I'm so embarrassed."
Pesti: [eyebrow twitch!] "Suddenly the idea of a revengefic doesn't seem all that strange."
Chaos: "If it's a revengefic on Havoc, let's just hope they trap him/her forever with the Red Queen."
Mayhem: "Hai hai."
Anarchy: "On the other hand, it might be a revengefic on you, Chaos."
Chaos: o.O "Me?! Why me?!"
Mayhem: "Chaos, you haven't you managed to insult with your super deformed antics? You've groped Makoto countless times, have written numerous hideous Chaosfics, stripped all the Senshi nekkid-"
Chaos: "Hey! You were there too, Newt-boy!!"
Mayhem: "-insist on stealing Beans' lake god, and you're still obsessed with hurting one of our fans, Polaris."
Chaos: "Ha! That Sailor Star Polaris thinks she can out smite me? What a vivid imagination!"
[Chaos is insantly smited by a large Gentle Uterus!]
Pesti: "Wow. That's what I call one vivid imagination!"
Anarchy: "Please let me be adopted."
Mayhem: "Oh, look! Polaris enclosed a note on the smite. Let's see: 'Chaos, you idiot. How many freakin' times do I have to tell you that my title is Star Sailor Polaris, not Sailor Star Polaris. Get it right, baka!'"
Chaos: "Hey! I'll say Star Sailor Polaris' name any way I damn well--!"
[Chaos is smited by another Gentle Uterus!]
Pesti: "Oh for the love of...! Chaos, please! Thanks to you all of our paychecks for being in these fanfics have been handed over to the maintenance department thanks to all the smiting we do in our fanfics. I mean, can't you go through one page without having something crash through the roof?"
[Cue the bra-clad cow crashing through the roof and smiting Chaos!]
Mayhem: "Apparently not."
Cow: o.O "Moo?"
Chaos: "This is starting to hurt a little!!"
[Cue Havoc bound across the page again with Kaeda's panties. Susano-oh and the Aragami give chase after him!]
Havoc: "Hotcha! Do I get a Blue Seed with this deal?"
[Cue the fanboy facevaults!]
Pesti: "We really should get back into this Fanboys! revengefic so we can finish Havoc off."
Chaos: "Hai hai."
[Cue the revengefic!]
Mayhem: [Brain imitation] "Silence, Pinky! Tonight we must plan to take over the fanfic!"
'Tis I, Lord Charon!
Pesti: "The alter-ego of Cameraman Dan."
And I feel that Mayhem's monopolization of Ami-chan (ALL HAIL HER HOLY NAME!!!) cannot be allowed to continue.
Chaos: o_O "Aya...Mayhem, it's for you."
Mayhem: "What did I ever do to deserve this?"
Anarchy: "Turning shy little Ami-chan in a rather sexy play-kitten who's got the hots for you comes to mind."
Mayhem: "I'd make a scathingly witty retort to that, but I know you'd just respond by launching me into the ceiling with your AT Field."
Anarchy: [shrug!] "I have no quarrel with you. Either way, I'd just smite Chaos."
Ignoring for a moment the fact he turns into Dark Schneider when kissed by our holy goddess (Grrr....) I have decided that it is my duty to smite the living bejeezus out of him, and date with the beauteous Ami-chan, as is my right. Also, I need to stop spending so much time around Tatewaki Kuno.
Kuno: "Ah! Pig-tailed girl! At last I have found you!!"
[Kuno happily embraces Anarchy!]
Anarchy: [eyebrow twitch!] "SHIN'NE!!!!!"
Mayhem: "No, she's my Ami-chan!!"
Pesit: "Ne, Chaos, is it just me, or is this giving you a 'my mako-chan' battle for dating rights flashback."
Chaos: "I don't see why you bother. She's my Mako-chan after all."
Pesti: [oversized demonic head form!] "*YOU'RE* Mako-chan?!?!"
Lord Charon came to, and examined the scene. The senshi were clustered around him, making sure he was alright. Ami-chan was blushing for some reason. Now why was that?
Anarchy: "Shimatta! This is even worse that a revengefic! It's a self-gratuitous revengefic! And it looks like Chaos won't even get smited! That's it, I'm outta here!"
Chaos: "Bei bei, Anarchy!"
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
Mayhem: "At least she decided to make sure someone kept you company Chaos."
Chaos: "KYAAAAAAA!!!! TASUKETEEEEEE!!!"
Off to one side stood the fanboys, looking somewhat bored. Charon decided that he wasn't too happy with their inattentiveness to his situation, and snapped his fingers. An R2 unit appeared out of nowhere and fell to the ground just next to the fanboys (Bleep?), causing them to jump most satisfactorily. Charon smirked, then paid attention to the task at hand: getting back up.
Mayhem: "Now what hell can I send him to for this? Hell of the one thousand Naga clones? Hell of the one hundred Mokona? Hell of nothing but hentai Chibiusa stories for reading material?"
Pesti: "Mayhem, please! I just ate here!"
Havoc: "How about we just make amends and go steal the Senshi's panties together?"
Chaos: "SHADDUP HAVOC!!!"
[Havoc is booted out of the revengefic!]
The senshi, seeing he was okay, breathed a collective sigh of relief, and helped him to his feet.
Mayhem: [frantic SD form!] "You fools! What are you doing?!"
Chaos: "I hope *I* don't look like that if someone does a revengefic on me."
Pesti: "Chaos you look like that all the time. And besides, Polaris already did a revengefic on you. I hear she's coming out with a second one too."
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"
Chaos went SD, complete with cat ears and tail. "Why is it when I get smashed, burned, crushed, and generally hurt, they don't pay any attention, but when he simply passes out due to a faulty dating chromosome(TM), they fawn all over him?"
Pesti: "Author's conspiracy. It gets us every time, like the X-Files."
Mayhem: "But the truth is definitely not in this revengefic. Besides, Chaos always gropes Makoto."
Chaos: "I do not do that deliberately I'll have you know!!"
Pesti sighed. "It might be because he doesn't grope Mako-chan several times a week. You should take lessons."
Mayhem growled. "All I know is he better not put the moves on my Ami-chan."
Mayhem: [grrrr!] "Excuse me, but who here's been suffering for the five past fanfics with spontaneous combustions?! I deserve her for all this!!"
Chaos: "If that's the case then I deserve Mako-chan more than you Pesti-chan?"
Anarchy: "I swear if you all don't stop whining right now I'll tear up the revengefic for good!"
Mayhem: "I have no problems with that."
Charon overheard this. "YOUR Ami-chan? What kind of cad are you, laying claim to a woman in such a manner? Do you look to invite my anger?"
"Your anger?" smirked Mayhem. "That's a good one. You are merely a fanfanboy. You have no power here beyond some low-level smitings. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time! * snooty sniff*"
Chaos: "What the hell's an elderberry?!"
Persti: "A cousin of the youngerberry?"
Charon grinned. "No power, eh? Idea!" He snagged Wash... er Chaos' pan-dimensional laptop, and tapped into BEAST. After a few minutes of working out the interface (Damned Macs...), he teleported an object into the fanboys dimension.
Chaos: "Good lord! It's a one hundred foot high Mokona! KYAAAAAA!!!"
Pesti: "Popcorn, Mayhem?"
Mayhem: "Why not? More power with which to smite Charon with!"
Chaos investigated. "Hmm... na ni? A ring? Pah! I laugh at your puny object. You shall be smited well and good by Mayhem."
Charon's eyebrow did an evil dance for a moment. "Would you like to test that theory, Chaos?" He turned to Mayhem, reached out, and pimpslapped him silly. "Pistols at dawn, sah. A little grass before breakfast? You may choose the location of your demise."
Chaos: o_O "NA NI?! I DO NOT PIMPSLAP PEOPLE!!"
Pesti: "How does one pimpslap another person?"
Anarchy: [grin!] "Like this."
[Anarchy turns to a frantic SD Chaos]
Chaos: o.O "KYAAA!!!!"
Mayhem looked thoughtful for a moment, then grinned most evilly. "Jyusenkyo Springs," he said, and Charon gained a hoard of sweatdrops. This could be a bad thing....
Mayhem: "I second that!"
Chaos: "Oh come on, Mayhem! Is it really all that bad?"
Pesti: "This coming from the guy who screamed like a girl when he discovered Polaris had written a revengefic about him."
Chaos: "Curse that Sailor Star Polaris!"
Pesti: "Two Gentle Uteruses this time! And they took out my Hard Lemonade too!"
* * *
The scene: Jyusenkyo springs, where many an ambitious duelist before them had met his fate at the hands of the infamous cursed pools.
Chaos: "Oh no, not this again!"
Pesti: "I fear we might wind up with yet another Johnny Pantyhose."
Havoc: "Did someone say 'panties'?!"
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "How do you sleep at night, Havoc?"
Havoc: "On a large mound of panties and surrounded by-"
Anarchy: "You just had to ask him, didn't you Chaos?"
On the one side, standing for Them That Came First, and Them That Probably Had The Best Claim, was Mayhem, flexing his fingers in preparation for a round of well-deserved smiting on the hands of this upstart.
Mayhem: [singing] "La-la-la-la...This the way we curse Lord Charon, curse Lord Charon, curse Lord Charon. This is the way we curse Lord Charon...by turning him into a gerbil!"
Pesti: "Would we have to call him G-Chan then?"
On the other, standing for Freedom of Choice, and Them That Don't Want Mayhem To Have Ami-Chan, was Lord Charon. On his left ring finger was a shield-shaped ring, and by his side was a large black suitcase, bearing an ornate "K.S." logo.
Chaos spoke worriedly into Mayhem's ear. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" he asked. "It's been a while since you've smited, and-"
"Don't worry," said Mayhem. "This shouldn't take long."
Mayhem: "I only wish the same could be said for this fic."
Anarchy: "Aren't we a little vengeful today?"
Mayhem: [kawaii li'l SD form!] "But he started it!"
Pesti swallowed. "That could be taken one of two ways..." he trailed off.
Anarchy stepped in between the two duelists. She had decided to be the judge of this simply because she had nothing better to do (Tasuki having escaped her clutches... err...)
Anarchy: "What? You mean he unchained himself from my bed again?!"
Pesti: o.O "Um...Chaos?"
Chaos: "Pesti, if you value your life you will say nothing."
[Author is mysteriously smited with a giant flaming halissen]
Tasuki: "LEKKA SHIEN!!!"
[Cue the irate oversized head of a charred Chaos!]
Chaos: "DO YOU MIND?!"
Tasuki: "No. Got any booze around here?"
Chaos: "Why am I suffering more than Mayhem when this is a revengefic against him?!"
Ow. Anywhoo, Anarchy spoke up. "This duel has been called on account of Mayhem laying what Lord Charon calls a false claim upon one Ami Mizuno. Mayhem, do you retract this claim?"
Mayhem simply smiled confidently, and shook his head.
Anarchy turned to Charon, who looked as if he were practicing fencing moves. "And you, Lord Charon, do you retract your challenge?"
Charon shook his head, and said "Never! The fiend Mayhem has besmirched the honor of the fair Ami Mizuno. As an honorable warrior, I cannot allow him to draw breath again. And the next time Kuno comes around offering lessons, someone smite him greatly, please!"
Kuno: "Oh my AT Field-wielding goddess! Come that I might date thee!"
Anarchy & Tasuki: "SHIN'NE!!!"
Anarchy smirked, and said, "Then let you draw your weapons, gentlemen!"
Mayhem snapped his fingers, and in the air hovered a giant Barney float from a Macy's parade. "This is for earlier, Charon," he growled.
Mayhem: "What? No Dark Schneider?!"
Pesti: "Mayhem, the only ones who seem to do any kissing with you is either Ami and Chaos when he's become a female Haley. And since Charon's not about to have Ami-chan kiss you in his revengefic...!"
[Everyone warily looks over at a male Chaos, now modelling a kawaii blue dress.]
Chaos: "What? My lipstick not match?"
Charon was standing stock-still, his eyes closed in focus. In a voice that sounded like it was many voices, he muttered in a crescendoing voice "Charon...Ring...POWER!!!"
[Insert flashy transformation sequence here]
Chaos: "Oh no, it's a nekkid Senshi-like transformation!!"
All: [covering eyes!] "Iya! Echi!"
Havoc: "Mine's bigger."
[Havoc is booted yet again out of the revengefic!]
Out of the swirling lights stepped a metallic black boot. Above said boot was a golden-armored leg, which was attached to a golden-armored body. At the shoulders, elbows and knees were black plates of armor. On the left arm was an ornate black, gold, and deep blue shield. Attached to the waist was a scabbard that held a nasty-looking sword. On the back was a large, semi-ornate broadsword with a large gemstone at the hilt.
Anarchy& Tasuki: [now thoroughly bombed on sake and singing!] "And everyone was kung-fu smiting!"
Chaos and Pesti SD'd with REAALLY large eyes. "Sugoi!" they chorused.
Chaos: "I need something like that in a skirt!"
Pesti: "Chaos, what you need is something like professional help."
Mayhem: "I still look way more impressive than that."
The transformation reversed itself. Charon smiled evilly. "Lord Charon armor works. Now for the other toys. Mayhem looked nervous. "Other... toys...?"
Mayhem: [cracks knuckles] "He who smites with the most toys can still get his butt kicked by Dark Schnieder!!"
"Hai," said Charon, as he turned to the briefcase and struggled to lift it with one arm. He pressed a button on the top, and what looked to be another suit of armor folded downwards, Iron Man-style (Yes, you can play the song now.)
[Cue the Iron Man music!]
Chaos: [glancing around the revengefic] "What the hell?"
Pesti: "I got it!"
[Pesti-chan smites the CD Player with a pan-dimensional mallet!]
Chaos: "KYAAAA!!! My records of Lodoss War! And I had just replaced them too!"
Charon stepped into the large suit of armor, which stood at least 2 feet taller than him. Once in, he grabbed the mirror-visored helmet and snapped it on. Immediately, a large gun rotated upwards from it's resting position behind the right shoulder. "See this?" asked Charon in a deeply modulated voice. "This...is my BOOMSTICK!"
Mayhem: "He shops at S-Mart too?! This can't be good."
"Kowai!" cried Pesti and Chaos.
"It's a 20-millimeter honeycomb flechette launcher," he continued. "It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger." One could almost see the demented grin on his face behind the visor. "Shop smart. Shop S-Mart."
Chaos: "Don't worry, I'll finish him off! [Ahem!] Klatuu..Barada..Ni..Ni...? Hmm, I distinctly recall that last one being a 'ni' word."
Pesti: "You instill so much confidence in your protégé, Chaos."
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