Mayhem hid the grimace on his face. "I call an unfair advantage here!"
Mayhem: "Don't take that crap from him, Mayhem! You can still turn him into a gerbil!"
Charon shook his finger in a 'Tsk-Tsk' way. "You think I would steal all these nifty gadgets from my fanfics without snagging some toys for you to equalise it? Here ya go!"
Pesti: [mock "bad Japanese samurai movie dub"!] "Ah, most honourable. I shall fight you now."
[Cue the large crate coming in by parachute with the ACME logo on the side.]
"Sugoi!" exclaimed Mayhem. "Errr... what is it?"
Charon sighed. "Open it up and see," he said.
Mayhem did so, and revealed a VF-1S Super Valkyrie Fighter in Gerwalk mode. "Kakkoi!" he cried, and jumped into the cockpit. (huh huh, he said...)
Mayhem: "What's this? I ordered a Gunbuster, dammit! A Gunbuster! Can't these guys ever get their orders of Mass Destruction right?"
Unfortunately, he forgot about the giant Barney Float, which fell to cream Chaos and Pesti.
Mayhem: "I can live with that."
Chaos & Pesti: "We can't."
While the two 2-D fanboys flailed around, Anarchy blew a whistle and yelled "Let the duel commence!"
Charon began trying to make jet-assisted leaps to get higher than the Gerwalk Valkyrie.
In the cockpit, Mayhem was flipping through a book.
"Congratulations on purchasing a VF-1S Valkyrie variable geometry fighter, with optional Super series enhancements... Aw the hell with it!" With that cry, he pressed a button at random.
Chaos: "My Deathscythe could still take 'em both on. It's just soooo cool!"
Pesti: "Chaos, can you say 'obsessed much'?"
Mayhem: "You kick his ass, Mayhem! No, wait a minute...I kick his ass, Mayhem! No wait a minute...SOMEBODY JUST KICK HIS ASS!!!!!"
[Chaos & Pesti-chan are blown against the wall by his voicewaves!]
Pesti: [groan!] "Itai! This really hurts!"
Chaos: [shrug!] "After the first couple dozen times you start to get used to it."
Anarchy: [yep, she's still drunk!] "Is the revengfic over yet?"
Chaos: "Um...Anarchy, the revengefic's only half over. Can't you see we're in the middle of a bunch of paragraphs here?!"
Anarchy: "Ah...hai! So, is the revengefic over yet?"
Missiles underneath the wings shot out in a flaring pattern, Roboteching gracefully towards Charon, who eeped and held up a small pink parasol as the missiles hit. Several explosions later, one could see a dented and torched battlesuit hurtling towards one of the cursed pools. Several collective gasps from the gathered senshi erupted, but died off after the battlesuit was able to use the jets to collide with the rather convenient rock face, instead.
Minako called out. "Ataru, you okay?"
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "Ataru? The girl-chasing lecher from Urusai Yatsura?"
Mayhem: "The hell of nothing but hentai Chibiusa stories for reading material, it is! Shin'ne, Charon!"
Pesti: "My, that's a nasty twitch Mayhem's developing."
Charon groaned back. "I'm okaaaay. Owie owie owie..."
[Author's note: So I liked the dubs! Sosume!]
Anarchy: [singing] "Wariagara! Suzaku! Miracle-la!"
Tasuki: "I luv you, Miaka!"
Anarchy: …[demonic AT Field generating form] "MIAKA?!"
Chaos: "Oooh, she hasn't seen him & Miaka kiss in the Fushigi Yugi OVA 5 video yet."
Pesti: "I thought we were going to retort to that 'so sue me' crack of Charon's."
Mayhem: [sigh!] "With Anarchy and Tasuki drunkenly belting out the Fushigi opening theme so loud there never was a chance."
The battlesuit pulled itself up, and fired it's gun rapidly at the confused Gerwalk. Several sonic booms rang out, blowing the assembled onlookers into the grass. Pesti was nowhere to be found.
Makoto: Ohmygod! They've killed Kamui!
Chaos: You bastards!
Chaos: [frantic SD form!] "KYAAAAA!!! What'll I tell his parents?! They're gonna be so mad when they hear this!"
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Chaos, I'm over here. That's the revengefic talking."
Chaos: "KYAAA!! Don't scare me like that!"
Mayhem: "Baka baka."
Pesti: I'm right here.
Chaos: KYAA!!! Don't you EVER do that to me again, Pesti-chan!
Pesti: [shrugs] Um... okay...
Chaos: "Didn't we just go through this?"
Pesti: "We did, once in the revengefic and once again in our critique of it."
The battlesuit held it hands about head-height, with it's arms at 90-degree angles. The thumbs were pointed at the helmet's radio antennae. Mayhem braced himself for another attack, but instead...
Charon: I AM CORNHOLIO! I NEED T.P. FOR MY BUNGHOLE!
Chaos: "Okay, that's where I draw the line for ludicrous fics!"
Mayhem: "What about the whole Hiryu Shoten Bra attack?"
Chaos: "Hush, Newt-boy! Go dunk Charon in the Spring of Drowned Baboon, or something like that."
Mayhem: [evil glint in his eyes!] "Heh heh. With pleasure."
Anarchy: "So...the revengfic over yet?"
Chaos: [Argh!] "For the last time, no it's not over yet!! We're in the middle of a battle here, Anarchy!"
Anarchy: "Ah...so is the revengefic over yet?"
Chaos: "I don't believe this."
Mayhem: Eeber babble yabble!
Mayhem soon realised that Gerwalks do actually hold the GU-11, and fired off a quick burst. The battlesuit eeped again, and hit the deck. The deck was not amused, and decided to punt Charon into Mayhem's Valk.
The two crazed mechas (or is it mechae? I'm so confused!)
Chaos: "Don't sweat it. Happens to me all the time!"
Mayhem: "Will you stop sympathizing with him?!"
Chaos: "I sense hostility here."
collided with the nasty sound of tearing metal, and they both fell towards a cursed spring or two. The pilots eeped collectively, and both jumped from their doomed war machines. Seconds later there was a bruised and battered turtle and a slightly toasted-looking rabbit lying side-by-side.
Charon growled, and repeated his earlier transformation. Mayhem responded with a double-barreled Voltron smite. A 2-D Lord Charon was most put out by this, and, after re-inflating himself with that hand-in-mouth trick, drew his broadsword.
"Hey, have ya'll met my mascot, Arcadion?" Charon said, and muttered a few words in a language that sounded like a warthog gargling with glue.
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
Pesti: "Sugoi! Look at how she perked up at that!"
Chaos: "Yes, that's right, Rampage-chan! You can snack on someone other than me for a change!"
Rampage perked up at the word mascot, her kawaii 'lil tail going a mile a minute.
She immediately hid herself down Mako-chan's shirt when Arcadion appeared, and Chaos and Pesti sighed.
Chaos: "And that's supposed to scare the carnivorous SD Godzilla-thingy who's eaten a 10 foot tall demonic Bigot?"
Pesti: [Sigh!] "Apparently so."
Arcadion turned out to be a 7-foot tall, red-skinned linebacker with small horns sticking out of the sides of it's head. And a mouth full of pointy little teeth which were bared in a skull-like grin. "I shall enjoy this," rasped the linebacker, and fired off a burst of green plasma.
Mayhem, very wisely, ducked.
The bolt, in need of something to stop it, very unwisely, connected with Pesti-chan.
Charon summed up with situation in one word: "Merde..."
Chaos: "Well there goes this revengefic."
Mayhem: "What?! Now cursed Jusenkyo penguin transformation for Charon?!"
Pesti-chan grinned as his transformation began. "I may not be very strong or know how to fight, but I do have one little trick I know. When I get hit by magic, I become a little... dangerous."
"This would be a bad thing, correct?" asked Charon as he backed up nervously.
Chaos: [imitating Thunderlizards' Cutter] "Yes, Charon, this would nicely fit into the 'bad things category!"
"Hai, that would fit nicely into this scenario, Charon-kun," said Makoto, who had decided that Acapulco was really nice this time of year.
Chaos: "Can I rub suntan lotion your back, oh my goddess Mako-chan?"
Pesti: "*WHOSE*, Mako-chan, Chaos?!"
"What should we do?" asked Charon as Pesti-chan sprouted fur, horns, and all the nifty Zoantrophy accessories.
"Run away?" suggested Chaos.
All: Run away! Run away!
Pesti: [mock "badly dubbed Japanese man in crowd"!] "Godzilla's attacking! We must flee!"
Charon, the Senshi, and the fanboys all hoofed it, leaving Arcadion to fend off a pissed-off Zoantrophied Pesti-chan. Arcadion held up a sign that said "Mommy!" before the hurting began.
Once the carnage was completed, a hurtling Sailor Haley, holding a whip, was thrown in front of Pesti. After dusting herself off, she glanced towards the large bunker that had mysteriously appeared, and growled, before going into his "Call me the Queen" routine.
Chaos: [groan!] "No! Not me having to do the 'Call me the Queen' routine again! Anything but that!"
* * *
Needless to say, but then why say it if it's needless? Pesti was returned to normal, and everyone came out to watch the finale of the duel. Both combatants were tired, and so it was that Charon was able to smite Mayhem with an X-Wing.
Mayhem: [oversized demonic head form!] "That's not even an Anime mecha, dammit! Where is my Gunbuster?!"
Chaos & Pesti: "Kowai!!!"
Ami screamed and went over to the crushed Mayhem, who was trying to slide out from under the engines. She turned to face Charon. "Look what you've done! If you've hurt him I'll... I'll... OOH!!"
Mayhem: "You tell him, Ami-chan! You tell the world that only I am to be your kawaii little love slave!"
Havoc: "Ne, Mayhem, in that case you wanna borrow these Doji handcuffs?"
Chaos: "Hey! What are you doing back in the revengefic, Havoc?!"
Charon's head exploded while the kana for "How Cruel!" scrolled behind him.
Chaos patted him on the back. "Welcome to the club, Charon." He said consolingly.
Charon sniffed for a bit, then bowed his head. "I have won, but I concede that Mayhem has the rightful claim upon Ami-chan."
Mayhem: "Well, I guess there is a silver lining in this cloud after all."
Pesti: [sigh!] "You still kicked his butt because Ami-chan went with you, ne?"
As he walked away, he turned his head back, and his eyes flashed evilly. "For now." With that ominous closing statement, he walked dramatically into the sunset, and ran quickly back out, as sunsets are rather warm things to walk into.
"Errr... you guys mind if I hole up at your place for a while?" he said, scratching the back of his head.
Mayhem: "Don't even think about it, Charon!"
Anarchy: "Is the revengefic over yet?"
Chaos: "HAI!!! Are you happy now, woman?!"
Anarchy: "Ah...so, the revengefic over yet?"
[Cue the mass facefaults, and "Just Fall in Love" for the ending]
Well! Waddya think? Any and all types of comments will be accepted at email@example.com
Mayhem: [typing on his laptop] "'Dear Charon, enclosed is a virus that will play Pretty Sammy marthons non-stop all day-everyday directly inside your brain once you open up this Email. Let this be a warning, lest next time we use nothing but clips of either Mokona or Chibiusa. Not very sincere, but writing none the less, Lord Mayhem'."
Yes, the Lord Charon armor and the ST-1 battlesuit were taken from fanfictions of mine. You can read of them if/when I ever release the damned things! Look for "Sailor Moon Transatlantic: The Special Edition" sometime over the summer, and "Dimensional Crisis Episode 1 (BGC)" as soon as I can finish part 2, which, at the rate I'm going, will be sometime just before entering college. ^_^
Mayhem: "Hm, Lord Charon meeting his demise with a Genom Boomer gone berserk? I like, I like!"
Pesti: "Does this mean that both you and Chaos now have mortal rivals, Mayhem?"
Mayhem: "Hey, I'm mature! Who am I to hold a grudge!"
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Um, you can put down that Lord Charon vodoo doll anytime now, Mayhem."
Chaos: "At least nothing bad happened to me this time around!"
[Cue the Gentle Uterus that crashes through the ceiling and smites Chaos!]
Chaos: "Et tu, Sailor Star Polaris? Et tu?"
[Cue yet another Gentle Uterus!]
Mayhem: "*Star* Sailor Polaris, Chaos. Remember *Star* Sailor Polaris. My, you can see the whole city of Tokyo from these holes in our apartment."
Oh yeah, and Beans?
[Cue the Demon-headed Lord Charon]
HURRY UP WITH COLLEGE LIFE 16, WILLYA??!! PUUHHHLLEEEEZE??? I'M DYING OVER HERE!!!!! GARG!!!!!
[Mayhem pulls out a pan dimensional Anime mallet o' Mass Destruction.]
Mayhem: "Please, let me help you with that, Lord Charon. I insist."
This concludes the somewhat demented Fanficfic. Thank you,
merci, danke, arigato. ^_^
Mayhem: "Well, at least that's over with."
Pesti: "Hai hai. Well now we can relax for a little while longer. Anyone up for some Hard Lemonade?"
[And SD Chaos freaks and clings to an unimpressed Mayhem.]
Chaos: "KYAAAAA!!! WHAT ARE *YOU* DOING HERE?!?!?!"
Charon: "You just read my revengefic, didn't you? I need a place to crash for a while so I can prove to Ami-chan that I'm more worthy a man to date her."
Mayhem: [cracks knuckles] "Ne, Charon, have you ever wondered what it would be like to be punted through a ceiling. [oof!] Chaos, get offa me, will you?!"
Pesti: "Well, I might as well get some more Hard Lemonade, and-!
[Cue the cold lemonade that drenches Charon!]
Pesti: "Oops! Sorry about that Charon!"
Chaos: "Ne, where'd he go?"
[An unimpressed Jusenkyo octopus impatiently taps its tentacle]
Anarchy: "Oh look! Spring of Drowned Octopus! And doesn't he look just so cuute!"
Pesti: "Wait a minute! Octopuses can't drown!!!"
Chaos: [snicker!] "Ha ha! That's even worse than your newt transformation, Mayhem!"
[The Charon Jusenkyo octopus flings itself at Chaos' face!]
Chaos: "KYAAA!! IT'S GOT MY FACE!!"
Mayhem: "It's like he's reliving Beans' smiting of the flying terrified octopuses all over again."
Pesti: "But this time for the octopus, it's personal."
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
Chaos: "NOT YOU TOO, RAMPAGE. GET OFFA MY LEG!! TASUKETEEE!!!!"
[End of the revengefic!]
^-^ Tee hee.
Sincerest thanks to Lord Charon for giving me such a delightful chance to show just how frantically super deformed Mayhem can get.
His lordship Chaos.
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