Mayhem: "The whaj-ya-ma-call-it's actually a disclaimer."
Chaos: "Are you sure? I don't recall seeing it on our fanfics before!"
Pesti: "And here I was wondering why so many Anime & manga companies were slapping us with these lawsuits."
Chaos: "Don't worry. I'll sick Rampage on them."
Rampage: "CHU CHU!!"
Havoc: "That'll be hard to do with Rampage nibbling on your foot again."
Chaos: "KYAAAAAAA!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!!!"
[cue the SD Chaos frantically dancing around the room!]
Havoc: "And there you have it, people! Our fearless leader!"
Pesti: [sigh!] "Well I suppose we might as well jump right into this Curse of the Fanboys special. You know who Haruka & Michiru belong to, and I'm guessing that Beans belongs to herself."
Mayhem: "Enjoy the fanfic cross-over special!"
Pesti: "Please don't send Yggdrasil to smite us for this one, Beans. But if you do, I'd just like to say now that this was all Chaos' idea. Smite him, not me."
Mayhem: "Ditto for me. Blame Chaos."
Chaos: "DIE YOUR SUPER DEFORMED, CARNIVOROUS GECKO-THINGY!!!!"
Mayhem: "Scroll fanfic!"
[Fanboy's Note: WARNING! This fanfic contains scenes of ridiculous violence, graphic stupidity, and very bad puns! Thou art hereby forewarned....]
It was a quiet Sunday afternoon in the student union lounges. Sporting her favourite BYTE ME T-shirt, Beans laid sprawled out on one of the couches and stared blankly at the ceiling. The winter festival had more or less passed and now it was back to the tedium of homework, assignments, homework, classes, homework--oh, and did we forget to mention homework?
"Hey, Beans," came Haruka's voice.
Beans sat up in her couch as Haruka, Michiru and Makoto walked into the lounge.
"Nice to see you again, Makoto," Beans said, standing up and shaking hands with her.
"We're taking Mako-chan to the airport this evening," Michiru said. "Would you like to join us to see her off?"
"You're leaving already, Makoto?" Beans asked. She knew that a lot of people on dorm would be disappointed after trying out Makoto's now famous cooking.
Makoto nodded. "Hai--I mean, yes. But it's been good to visit with you, Beans. Everyone here has been so friendly."
"Aside from those winter games we played," Beans replied switching to Japanese. "Not much else has happened. You know how boring homework and assignments are, I'm sure. We were glad to have you here as our guest."
"You'll want to put something warmer on if you want to join us," Michiru said with a smile. "I don't think your BYTE ME shirt will do."
Beans grumbled. "I hate snow."
"Could I use your bathroom before we go?" Makoto asked.
"Sure," Beans replied, making a gesture to one of the hallways. "Just down there, hang a right, and it's the second door on your left. I'll use this time to get changed."
Not that there was anything else she could easily throw on after Michiru had raided her closet. She was lucky enough to have kept the BYTE ME shirt.
Makoto excused herself and disappeared down the hall.
"A lot of people will be sad to see her go," Beans said. "I think Dan might have had a bit of a crush on her."
"Already she's popular," Haruka said with a sly grin.
Suddenly there was a chorus of loud yelps from above:
"I think I'm gonna be sick!"
Yep, you guessed it hokey smoke watch the author pull another cabbit out of his hat, the insanity has spread to from one fanfic series into another! And with that, four teenage guys and their carnivorous, SD Godzilla thingy came crashing down onto the floor of the lounge in a battered heap.
Beans and Haruka simply stood there, stunned and only able to blink in surprise.
"Well," Michiru remarked with a smile. "You did say you wanted some excitement to happen, Beans. It would appear someone granted you your wish."
The question of it being Mister Satan who granted the wish is still being debated to this moment. They all stared at the ragtag group of fanboys as they slowly peeled themselves off the newest crater in the floor.
"Sugoi," the one with the long braid and the DOJI BOY sweater remarked. "That was a surprisingly soft landing."
"Easy for you to say, Havoc!" the overexcited one with the tiny ponytail retorted. "Get the hell off me!"
"Don't go bug-eyed on me Chaos," Havoc said. "I'm moving."
Haruka looked at Beans. "What the...? Are they even human?"
Beans shook her head; this was even weirder than that incident with the lake god--who was still happily burbling away in her dorm room's aquarium.
"You just had to try out the remote control of the gods, didn't you?" Chaos exclaimed, going into SD mode again as he raced around the lounge.
"I thought we could tune into my Doji series!" Havoc said. "Is there a problem with that?"
"Only if you value your sanity," retorted the seemingly youngest one there with the shortest and darkest hair.
"Nice comeback, Pesti-chan," the one with glasses and a shirt proudly stating MAYHEM said.
Pesti-chan smiled. "Arigato, Mayhem."
The heap of fanboys finally managed to find some order, the four of them looking around.
"Uh-oh," Mayhem remarked, adjusting his glasses. "Um, Chaos, does this place look familiar to you?"
"Come to think about it, no," Chaos answered, dusting his shirt off. "I don't think we're in Anime-land anymore, Pesti-chan."
He paused upon seeing the three ladies present, and then with a smile bounded up to Haruka. "Ohayo!" Chaos said, shaking her hand.
"Technically it's the afternoon," Mayhem countered. "You should be using 'kon'nichi wa' instead."
Momentarily sprouting an annoyed expression along with a set of kitty ears & tail, Chaos moved down the rows of ladies. "Hi! How ya doing? Nice to meet you!"
"Who...who are you?" Beans asked. "And what are you doing on our campus?"
"Perhaps we should introduce ourselves," Pesti-chan said. "I'm Pesti-chan, this is Mayhem, shaking Michiru's hand is Chaos, and..."
The scene froze as Lord Havoc bounded across the foreground, waving a girl's bra as the former owner screamed bloody murder and chased him with a frying pan.
"...the pervert in the Doji sweater's Havoc," Pesti-chan finished.
Haruka's eyebrow developed a nasty twitch.
Chaos' eyes widened in recognition. "Hey! Haruka! Michiru! Long time never seen you in person! Of course we went to your violin recital with that girl from Hamelin...oh, and sorry about Havoc running through the recital hall with Captain Tita's wetsuit. I seriously thought we had chained him down for the evening."
Everything was moving waaaay too fast for Haruka and Michiru to react to anything Chaos was saying. And only half of it seemed to make sense.
"Hamelin?" Michiru said.
"Tita?" Beans said.
Haruka felt heavily tempted to pull out her Space Sword and smack all of these guys upside the head a few times.
"I don't think we've met before," Chaos said, shaking Beans' hand. "But I can't help thinking we've met before in the past somewhere."
"So where exactly are we?" Pesti-chan inquired.
Mayhem surveyed the area. "Actually it appears we're in a North American college of some kind."
"I don't think we're in New York," Chaos said. "So that rules out the latter half of Marmalade Boy. But since when have Haruka and Michiru been at an American college?"
"Only in the fanfics of Greenbeans," Pesti-chan replied.
There was dead silence in the room as the kana for "Oh no!" scrolled in behind the fanboys.
Mayhem and Pesti-chan looked first at Chaos and then to each other. "Uh-oh."
Chaos' eyes narrowed, accompanied by a sudden screech of violin strings for added dramatic effect. He turned to Beans. "Greenbeans? You're Beans?"
Mayhem glanced around the room. "Who played that music?"
Pesti-chan shrugged. "Maybe that girl from Hamelin's back for revenge."
An enormous Anime fireball appeared behind Chaos. "I have been waiting for you Beans," he said, suddenly launching into a rather good Darth Vader impression. "Now the circle is complete. This time I shall take the lake god!"
Beans, Haruka and Michiru all exchanged confused glances.
"Just what is he ranting about?" Beans asked.
Seconds later his lordship Chaos found himself at the bottom of a fanboy dogpile. "Death to Beans!" Chaos exclaimed as the other fanboys hauled and tried to pin him down onto the floor.
"You think he'd have gotten over the duct tape retaliation by now," Mayhem remarked, grabbing some nearby cushions and trying to smite Chaos with them.
Pesti-chan looked at the three ladies present and gave a nervous laugh. "He's just been watching too many episodes of Martian Successor Nadesico."
"Gekigan Punch!" came Chaos' muffled voice.
"Is he insane?" Haruka asked.
"Last we checked, hai!" Havoc exclaimed, dropping in from above to land comfortably on Chaos. Seconds later found Havoc with a whole couch cushion in his mouth.
"Quit defending her, Uranus!" Chaos exclaimed, pointing a finger of challenge at Haruka. "Come on, fight like a fanboy!"
Haruka's eyebrow twitched. "U...ranus?"
Pesti-chan and Mayhem smacked Chaos upside the back of the head and then attacked with more cushions. "Baka!! You wanna get us all killed?!"
"And just what exactly makes you think we're Senshi?" Michiru calmly asked, not about to openly agree lest prying ears were listening in.
"Loooooong story," Pesti-chan said, trying to calm Haruka down. "It'll be too long to explain now, but rest assured your secret's safe with us."
"Crossdresser!" came Chaos' voice from beneath the seat cushions.
Haruka's eyebrow twitched again.
"Coming from a Starlight transsexual wanna-be," Havoc remarked. "I don't think that makes for an effective insult."
Finally Chaos managed to pull himself halfway out of the dogpile. With an exhausted sigh and a sweatdrop next to his head, Chaos collapsed.
Just then Rampage bounded up to him and began happily sucking on his nose. Chaos retaliated by smiting Rampage with his sweatdrop. He missed and was stuffed back under the cushions again.
"Chu Chu!" Rampage squeaked.
Beans shook her head. "This just gets weirder and weirder. Like a demented Miyuki-chan in Wonderland."
Pesti: "Been there!"
Mayhem: "Done that!"
Havoc: "Got whipped by the Red Queen!"
Pesti: "You deserved it, Havoc."
Chaos: "Rampage, attack Beans! Sik her, girl!"
However Rampage had already leaped into Michiru's arms, purring like a kitten which is impressive for a super deformed gecko-thingy.
"Ah, kawaii!" Michiru said, rubbing Rampage's stomach. The little mascot's tail started thumping excitedly. "Isn't she, Haruka?"
Rampage smiled up at Haruka. "Chu chu!"
"Charming," Haruka said wryly. "Just what exactly is it?"
"She's...um, we'll get to back to you on that one," Mayhem replied. "We call her Rampage considering what she does to Chaos here."
"You've got strange nicknames," Beans remarked.
Chaos' head reappeared from beneath the cushions. "We've got weird names?! Come on! I'll byte your nose off! You're nothing but a has-Bean!"
"Yare yare," Havoc sighed, using the lower part of li'l Rampage-chan to gag Chaos' mouth. "First he insults the queen of self-insertion fanfics, then he makes such lame puns!"
Michiru shook her head. "Bizarre little twits, ne, Ruka-chan?"
Haruka nodded. "Maybe we should use our attacks on them."
Chaos managed to spit Rampage out and pull himself totally out from the pile o' cushions.
Chaos, looking very unimpressed, stared at Rampage who was now happily chewing on his hand. "You know, you're supposed to be this big evil terror who eats other mascots. Terrorism does not include getting your tummy rubbed, Rampage."
Just them Makoto came back from the bathroom. "Oh! More guests?"
All four fanboys turned to Makoto, eyes wide in surprise.
"M-M-Mako-chan..." Chaos whimpered. "You're here too! It's a miracle of love!"
He tried to fling himself into Makoto's bosom, but Makoto sidestepped and Chaos wound up embracing the wall with his face. Seconds later his 2-D form fell backwards onto the ground.
Pesti-chan was suddenly kneeling down in front of Makoto, handing her a rose. "Oh Mako-chan, I'll never forget that time when you came to my rescue in Clamp's Wonderland."
"Um, who exactly are these guys?" Makoto asked in Japanese.
"The village idiots," Haruka retorted evenly.
"She doesn't recognize me," Pesti-chan lamented, going all Bambi-eyed as streams of tears ran down his face.
"This isn't the Mako-chan from our fanfic world, you idiot," Mayhem hissed. "This Makoto shows up for part fifteen of Beans' College Life!"
"A moment please!" Havoc piped up, appearing next to Haruka. There was dead silence as he stuck out his hands and groped Haruka's breasts. Even Michiru and Beans were wide-eyed in utter shock.
"Just acting on an impulse!" Havoc said happily. "You are a girl after all, Haruka. I was starting to get suspicious with you in all those guys clothes, and then after reading the manga...!"
Chaos shook his head. "This is going to hurt him."
Pesti-chan nodded. "Really hurt him."
Seconds later Havoc was last sighted to be passing the planet Saturn.
"I...have never...been so insulted...in my life!" Haruka fumed, clenching a fist.
The fanboys were all pressed up against the wall in pure terror, trying to stay far away from the P.O.'ed Senshi. "Kowai!" they chorused.