Well, once again to stop people from visiting the afterlife because of death by boredom, only to come back just a stupid yo-yo, we're skipping right to lunch! This time Chaos, Mayhem and Pesti-chan decided to talk of these new developments:
Chaos: "Hey, is it just me, or are they talking in English?"
Mayhem: "You know, they are. But it's the Japanese voice actors I hear."
Pesti: "They're going by their original names. No Serena, but Usagi. This can't be the DIC holocaust, could it?"
Mayhem: "Don't you see? I bet we're speaking Japanese just like them, but since we've been raised to hear things as English, we thus hear their voices as English. I'll bet that our English is really their Japanese too!"
Chaos: "Oh, you just have an answer for everything, don't you, Mister Wizard?"
Mayhem: "Hey, I'm older, and I'm wiser."
Chaos: "Ha! Not from where I'm standing. We're all the same age now!"
Time had passed once more, and now it was late evening.
They all ate together in the living room, sharing in take-out. Pestilence still had to get the hang of using the Japanese-style chopsticks, while Chaos and Mayhem wolfed down their rice and ramen.
The school day had come and gone, with the three fanboys pulling a "Ryoga Hibiki" stunt and taking 3 hours to simply figure out how to get back to their apartment.
"What more could a trio of fanboys ask for?" Chaos sighed. "We've got a bitching bachelor pad, we're in the series of our dreams, and what's more there's excellent Japanese take-out five minutes away!"
"Chaos," Mayhem stated. "We're in Tokyo. There's Japanese take-out on every single block."
"We're luckier than you think," Pestilence added, fishing for a piece of vegetable. "We've also retained the memories of the series. We're not completely clueless as to what's going on and who the Senshi really are."
"Good point," Chaos agreed. "So now comes the question: where in the series are we?"
"Super S, I think," Mayhem replied in a mouthful of rice. "That's the, um..." He worked on finishing off his rice.
"The Dead Moon Circus troupe," Chaos finished. "Yeah, with those three Eye characters. We must be here before Nehelenia, though."
"Who?" Pestilence asked, visibly confused.
"Oh, that's right!" Chaos exclaimed. "You haven't been as fortunate with the fansubs going around. Okay, this will need to be quick to bring you up to speed:
"Super S takes place right before Usagi and her friends are about to take their high school entrance exams. During a solar eclipse this circus theatre from the Dead Moon appears, searching for a Pegasus horse who's hidden himself inside Chibiusa's beautiful dream. Now the circus freaks are out to get everyone's beautiful dream in the hopes of finding Pegasus and controlling everyone's dreams. The first ones we have are Hawk Eye, Tiger Eye, and...who was that other one?"
"Fish Eye," Mayhem answered, taking a chicken ball.
"Thank you; yes, Fish Eye, the guy who looks like a girl who acts like a girl and chases after all the cute guys."
Pesti-chan made a face. "Huh?"
"Think original Japanese Zoicite."
"Oh. Now I'm frightened."
"Yes: be afraid. Be very afraid."
"So why are we here in Super S?" Pesti-chan asked. "Why not at the beginning of the series or in Sailorstars?"
Chaos shrugged. "My best guess is that Super S is kinda mindless. If we're here, we'll do less damage that way. Could you imagine what would happen if we were here for Deathbusters?"
Mayhem sighed, leaning back in his chair. "You know, we could get real photos of them in battle and casual. When we get back to our world, think of the money we'll make in selling them off!"
"I don't know about you two, but I've had enough Anime excitement for one day," Pesti-chan said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I think I'll just retire with a manga or two for the night."
"Maybe we should jump to an eyecatch or a commercial break," Lord Chaos suggested. "We are in an alternate Anime dimension."
Mayhem grabbed the television remote, and promptly pushed the button. "Let me see what this remote does."
Tasuki's whiny moan echoed across the lush fields. "I'm so tired!"
About twenty steps ahead, Chichiri turned around, Tomo the cat tucked inside his blue cloak. "Geez, will you walk a little more briskly, na no da?"
Tasuki stopped walking, staring up at Chichiri. "Hey, how much longer to the next village?"
Chichiri sighed. "If someone would walk a little faster, we could be there by tonight, na no da!"
"By tonight?" Tasuki whined, flopping down onto the road. "Say, Chichiri, why don't you spread out that cloth wrapper of yours and with one jump, we can be drinking sake with a pretty chick at the inn?"
Whereupon he immediately launched into a pretend conversation with himself and the said lady:
"`Oh, you're so handsome, I think I might fall for you!'"
"`No, I'm a wandering traveller. You'll cry if you get involved.'"
"`Oh, you're so stingy!'"
Seconds later Tasuki was creamed by a rock. "What in the hell'dya do that for?!" he shouted at Chichiri.
"Why don't just hurry up, na no da?" an exasperated Chichiri asked.
"Don't wanna!" he shouted, whining loudly at the top of his lungs. "Don't wanna walk any more! Don't wanna!!"
Chichiri sighed. "Sheesh, na no da."
At that exact moment, three completely stunned and small-bodied fanboys appeared, huddled together on the side of the road. And they would have gone unnoticed had Pesti-chan not sneezed.
"Hey!" Tasuki exclaimed, pulling out his iron fan. "Who in the hell are you guys?!"
"Ghezhunteit," Chaos sarcastically said to his underlord-in-training. "If we survive this, I'll hurt you later."
"SHADDUP!!" Tasuki exclaimed. "Take this!"
The flames on his halissen erupted.
"Quick, Mayhem!" Chaos exclaimed. "Change channels!"
"Which way?" Mayhem asked.
"Pick one!" Pesti-chan shouted.
Tasuki launched his attack: "LEKKA--"
Suddenly they were back in their apartment, standing very still with large bulging eyes.
Pesti-chan blinked. "What in the hell was that?"
Chaos levelled an icy stare to Mayhem. "You idiot! You changed channels on our alternate Anime dimension!"
"This is like a "Video Girl Ai" from hell thing," Mayhem said, tossing the remote over his shoulder.
"Oh yeah," Chaos scoffed. "And I suppose the world as we know it is going to end if the VCR breaks down."
Therein followed a pause as everyone took a good, hard stare at the VCR, and the tape playing inside.
"Like I'm going to get any sleep now," Pesti-chan muttered. "I think I nearly wet myself back there." He retreated into the bathroom.
"Hey guys!" he exclaimed. "Check this out! In the mirror I look like Yuu from Marmalade boy!"
That brought Chaos and Mayhem racing into bathroom.
Mayhem: "I look like Amiboshi from Fushigi Yuugi. No wonder Tasuki tried to fry us."
Chaos: "Cool, I look like DBZ's Trunks."
Mayhem: "Could you imagine if we looked like those guys from Fashion Boy?"
Chaos: [Shudders] "Well, one thing's for certain: Fashion Boy is not cool."
Mayhem: "What do you expect? The guy's nose is like something out of Pinocchio. If the Anime was in 3-D, he'd probably impale someone in the audience when he turned his head."
They all returned to the living room, flopping down on the couches. After all, it had been quite a busy day given that their morning became half-hungover and discovering that the Tokyo Tower was now a part of the scenery.
"You know what we need?" Chaos remarked. "We need some cute little mascot for everyone to fawn over. The girls would love it. Like Ryo-oki from Tenchi Muyo! or else...."
Pesti-chan suggested, "Mokona from Rayearth?"
"Pesti-chan," Chaos growled. "If it was anyone else who suggested we bring in that rabbit-like marshmellow, I would have beaten them to death with my umbrella."
"Maybe P-chan will come wandering in," Mayhem suggested.
"Yeah, you as a newt will go great with him," Pesti-chan snickered.
Mayhem scowled. "Hey, if I've got a Jusenkyo curse, then you guys have got to have something too!"
Abruptly there was a knock on their apartment door.
"Who could that be?" Chaos wondered, heading to the door. He opened up the front door only to find no one there. This in itself is strange since usually you're expecting to see someone--even if they are playing nicky-nicky-nine-doors and are running down the street.
"What is it?" Pestilence asked.
Chaos glanced down at the box at his feet. "Um, it has large breathing holes on it."
Bringing in the box, he set it down on the table. The box immediately squeaked. Three little Super Deformed fanboys recoiled.
"NA NI?!" Chaos exclaimed.
"'Special Delivery: one mail-order Anime mascot'," Mayhem read from the tag. He shook his head. "No good can come of this, Chaos."
Pesti-chan reached over and removed the lid. Gently picking up their latest mascot, he set it down on a cleared part of the coffee table.
"You can't be serious," Chaos remarked, glancing down at the...little green thing. "This is our mascot?"
"Is it a lizard?" Pesti-chan inquired.
"More like a super-deformed version of Godzilla the size of a guinea pig," Mayhem commented.
The SD Godzilla-thing smiled. "Chu chu!"
"He sounds like he's kissing someone," Mayhem remarked.
[Fanboy's note: in manga, "chu" is often the sound given to a kiss]
"Should we call him Chu Chu?" Pesti-chan asked.
Chaos shook his head. "Nope. I think that name's reserved for the monkey-thing in Girlish Revolution Utena. Good try though, Pesti-chan."
"What about something like our nicknames?" Mayhem inquired. "How about Rampage?"
Lord Chaos went Super Deformed as he glanced down at their new mascot. "Rampage? You want to call a cute little thing like this a title of destruction and fear? That is sick, Mayhem."
"No," Mayhem replied evenly. "That is sick: he's drooling all over you."
Once again the world was presented with a freaked-out, SD version of his lordship Chaos.
"KYAAAA!!" Chaos shouted, leaping into the air and frantically racing around the apartment. "HE'S EATING MY ARM! I CAN FEEL HIM CHEWING ON MY FINGERS!!"
Sure enough, the kawaii little mascot was promptly scarfing down on his lordship Chaos' arm with just the cutest little smile on its face.
"Something tells me Rampage just might suit the little critter," Pesti-chan said.
Mayhem nodded. "I agree. Rampage, it is!"
"TASUKETE!! LEGGO OF ME, YOU DAMNED VAMPIRE!!"
[Cue the eyecatch!]
Curse of the Fanboys - Part 2
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