Well, it's been some time since we last saw everyone. About half a page ago, give or take a few paragraphs, if you really want to be exact. Then again, giving or taking a paragraph or two isn't really being exact. Or honest. After all, isn't the sale of paragraphs a black-market thing?
Ah, but I'm ranting once again!
Hello and welcome to our bizarre little tale that is currently in progress. The name's Chaos. Lord Chaos. Me and my associates, lord Mayhem and underlord-in-training Pesti-chan, one day woke up to find ourselves in Tokyo. Which in itself isn't a bad thing unless you had gone to sleep in the city of Toronto a few hours before.
Anyhoo, to make a long story short--
[Ahem] As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by his lordship Mayhem, to make a long story short we three fanboys now find ourselves trapped in the surreal world of Sailor Moon, season Super S.
"Wow, talk about your alliteration!"
Thank you, Pesti-chan. But things have gotten weirder by the minute, because now we're all back in Senior high with the cell-drawn ladies of our dreams, apparently we can speak Japanese, and what's more Mayhem's fallen victim to Juskenyo's spring of drowned newt!
"This entire fanfic turned me into a newt!"
o_O (Na ni?)
"Well I got better!"
And I'm sure we're all glad to hear that, Mayhem. But let's get the next half of this utterly deformed Rod Sterling-ish show on the road, ne? Here it is: Curse of the Fanboys!!!, Act Two: Ghezunteit!
"Do you think we'll get fan service in this part?"
Mayhem! How can you be thinking Hentai at a time like this?
"Come on! Just a bath scene like from Captain Tita in Plastic Nipple--er, Little?"
That's it, when we get back to our world I'm taking all your Uretsuki Doji tapes."
"Don't you dare touch my Doji, Chaos!"
Act Two: Gezundheit!
Act Two: Gezundheit!
[Cue the eyecatch!]
It was a bright and sunny day in Tokyo, an average and rather normal day provided that you were not one of three fanboys getting hopelessly lost in a city that you just suddenly appeared in a couple of days ago:
Mayhem: "No, I'm telling you, Jyuban High is this way!"
Chaos: "I could have sworn it was three blocks behind us."
Pesti: "Um, guys--"
Mayhem: "We found it yesterday. I can't shake this fear that we'll end up with Ryoga's sense of direction by the end of all this."
Chaos: "I note your implying that Ryoga has some sense of direction to begin with."
Pesti: "Uh, guys, if you just look over there--"
Chaos: "Hang on, Pesti-chan. Mayhem, didn't you bring the map?!"
Mayhem: "Rampage ate it about half an hour ago."
Mayhem: "Aya. Here we go again with him and his Super Deformed routine."
Chaos: "I just can't believe this! We're trapped in a foreign city we can't navigate through, I'll never see Mako-chan again, our dumb carnivorous mascot ate our only map, and what's more I've got that damned 'Hime-chan No Ribon' opening theme stuck in my head!!"
Mayhem: "Ne, Pesti-chan, should I tell him that Rampage-chan is currently reducing his pants to a set of shorts?"
Pesti: "I could be on a quiet date with Mako-chan right now, but instead I'm on a roadtrip with Tweedledum and Tweedledork. Look, I've been trying to tell you idiots that Jyuban's right across the street!"
Chaos: "Out, out, damned mascot! And what makes you so certain Jyuban's across the street, Pesti-chan?"
Pesti: "That sign labelled 'Jyuban High School' is kind of a clue. [sigh!] And I'm your underlord-in-training, Chaos?"
Moving back to original storyline form, Pesti-chan let out a beleagered sigh, that pesky sweatdrop once more appearing next to his head. Seconds later that same pesky sweatdrop was eaten by a rather ravenous Rampage.
[Fanboy's note: just try saying that 5 times fast! Oh...you already tried that....Um, oh look! A plot!]
Chaos sighed. "Well, we might as well visit our newfound friends!"
Mayhem laughed. "This I have to see. There's a pool going at school to see how Makoto treats you. I've got twenty bucks that says she either shoulder throws you out the nearest window or else elbow slams you into the classroom below us."
A pouting Chaos crossed his arms over his chest. "You're just jealous, Carrot."
Suddenly an oversized head of Mayhem towered over his lordship Chaos. "WHO IS CARROT?!"
"Yes," Chaos agreed. "Who is Carrot?"
Completely unaware of the fact that Mayhem was now trying to strangle Chaos, Pesti-chan was still thumbing through a small stack of paper information about the series.
"Something's wrong," he said, stepping onto the road to cross over to the school.
"What's the matter Pesti-chan?" Lord Mayhem asked, jogging up next to him.
"I was just going over these Hitoshi Doi Coles notes you assembled for me," Pesti-chan replied. "And I can't help but think that this alternate reality is flawed somehow."
A sudden yelp followed by a little green SD Godzilla-thingy being punted out into the low orbit around Tokyo later, Chaos managed to race out onto the road to join them. And considering how much luck he had, Chaos was nearly smitten by a large, sleek race car.
Whereupon his benevolent lordship and the driver of the vehicle exchanged a few colourful words that one will rarely find in a regular Japanese-English dictionary, but we're not going to get into that right about now.
"I don't care if your car is a speed racer!" he hissed, showing the driver some wonderful one-digit, Canadian hospitality. "For all I care, you can Mach Go Go Go right to--"
"Chaos," Mayhem cautioned.
"Look at this timeline," Pesti-chan said, holding out the spreadsheet. "According to this, the Inner Senshi are still in junior high at the beginning of Super S, which then leaks into their summer vacation."
[Fanboy's note: DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!]
"So?" Chaos asked. "The battle could have carried on through into Jyuban high. We haven't seen those final episodes yet of Super S. And Hitoshi Doi had nothing on the final eps."
"Yeah, but according to this, they beat Nehelenia just in time to enter Jyuban high in Sailorstars. Guys, everyone's in the wrong season!"
[Fanboy’s note: Pay no attention that pathetic little flaw in the story. HEY, YOU!! I said not to pay attention to the fact that everyone's in the wrong...um, oh look! A plot!]
"You and your imagination!" Chaos laughed. "First you think we're in some kind of deranged otaku's fanfic, and then you think the entire series timeline is wrong. I love your sense of humor, Pesti-chan. Pesti-chan? Pesti-chan?"
"He's currently standing along the yellow divider line on the street," Mayhem replied, making a gesture with his hand. "Been there since you were talking about his imagination."
Pesti-chan was now staring blankly out at the empty street, completely unaware of anything happening around him.
"Yo, Pesti-chan," Chaos said, slapping the underlord's shoulder. "Snap out of it. You look like you've been through a Pretty Sammy marathon."
Snapped out of his reverie, Pesti-chan continued across the street with his fellow fanboys. "I though I saw Ayanami Rei standing out there on the street," he mused.
"If an Angel suddenly appears," Chaos said ever so nicely, resting an elbow on the underlord-in-training. "I will personally slap you silly with a herring."
Well, once again to ensure that people do not drop dead from boredom and manage to get keyboard marks on their face, our three fanboys got into school and were travelling down the hallways to their homeroom class.
"Strange," Lord Chaos remarked. "I thought I heard Mako-chan's voice. Guess I was wrong; she was calling for Duo and not me."
Chaos paused. "There she is again."
"Duo, you baka! Over here!"
"Boy," Chaos mused. "Whoever this Duo guy is, that girl's going to be plenty pissed off with him if he finally turns around."
Mayhem and Pesti-chan exchanged exasperated glances.
"Chaos," Pesti-chan said. "That's YOUR name!!"