Well, through some internal compass they had lacked earlier on in the morning, the three exhausted fanboys managed to find their way home without consulting the map. Which was just as well considering that said map was somewhere inside Rampage's digestive tract.
"Damn, this is getting way too stressful for me," Chaos sighed, tossing his bag the second they were in the front door of their apartment. "First I nearly get killed by Mako-chan, only to be saved by Rampage who ate almost everything in my desk."
"I barely fared any better," Mayhem added. "With Ami-chan, anything romantic means she'll be too embarrassed to even look at me right."
Pesti: "Would you give this all up now?"
Chaos: "Not a chance. Besides, Mako-chan still thinks I'm cute."
Pesti: "Dream on, Chaos!"
Chaos: "Already ahead of you. Ah, a bottle of sake, a roll of sushi, and thou, Mako-chan."
Mayhem: "You know, I kind of wish that we had done this with Bakuretsu Hunter."
Chaos: "Oh yeah, right. And get the shit kicked out of us by whip-happy, sado-queens Tira and Chocolate."
Mayhem: "But I'd die a happy man."
Pesti: "You'd die a broken man."
Chaos: "So long as we don't have a bunch of big hairy guys wearing Lucky Kitty gym shorts and shwinging us, I'll be fine. Mayhem, I'm looking in your general direction here."
Mayhem: "Hey, this isn't going to turn into a running gag like guessing what animal's on Momiji's underwear, is it?"
Pesti: "Can we stop this rapid conversation thing? I want to get off now."
"Done," Mayhem said.
Pesti-chan beamed. "And what's more, Usagi asked us to join them for a picnic tomorrow! We'll be in the company of our favourite ladies all evening!"
"Yeeeees!" Chaos exclaimed, giving the V-sign. "I still have a chance with Mako-chan!"
"Not the way you're groping," Pesti-chan said. "You're like Ataru. It's a good thing Lum isn't around for shock therapy!"
"That's it!" Chaos exclaimed, rolling up his sleeves. "You and the Godzilla-thingy are dead!"
"Wait a minute. Slow down," Mayhem said. "We're fanboys, remember. Every episode follows a particularly dumb and obvious plot device. What's it for this season?"
Chaos gave that a moment of thought. "Um, they chain a person down and look into their dreams, and since we know Pegasus isn't there, whichever Eye guy it is tries to kill that person."
"And the victims always introduced by close interaction with at least one Senshi," Pestilence added. "That's the way it always goes for every season. If they're a new, one-shot character you know they're toast before the eye-catch."
"Hold on," Chaos muttered. "You don't think...we have beautiful dreams?!"
Pestilence shrugged. "So we get attacked and saved by our favorite Senshi. What's so bad about it?"
"I do not want to get hit on by a guy pretending to be a girl who dresses like the Michelin Man!!" Chaos exclaimed.
Whereupon Lord Chaos began frantically dancing around the scenery like Ranma long-gone into Catfist mode.
"Cool," Mayhem remarked. "Not only did you go into Super Deformed mode, but you got Hikaru's cat ears and tail too! But seriously Chaos, This could be worse."
Chaos gave a sarcastic laugh. "Like it could get any worse!"
"We could be forced to sit with Chibichibi," Mayhem pointed out.
Chaos facevaulted. "I take it back. Things could be a lot worse."
"Chibichibi?" Pesti-chan inquired.
"It's better you don't know," Mayhem said. "Think of cuteness so frighteningly large it causes instant diabetes. Now put that into a little kid."
"Worse than the Olsen twins?" Pesti-chan asked.
"Pestilence," Mayhem said. "Nothing is more frightening than the Olsen twins. But Chibichibi comes close."
With a sigh, Chaos liberated a Hard Lemonade from the fridge and collapsed onto one of the couches. "We need something really interesting in our apartment," he said abruptly, sipping his lemonade.
"And Rampage isn't interesting enough?" Pesti-chan inquired, poking the SD Godzilla-thingy as it happily scarfed down one of the throw pillows.
"I meant a substitute for Rampage."
"Rampage is more of a cute and carnivorous asset," Mayhem said. "Maybe we should try to find a big mecha or a battleship. I hear the Nadesico's got some job openings."
"What about Beans' lake god?" Chaos suggested.
"What about Beans' lake god?" Mayhem asked suspiciously.
And enthused Chaos leaped up and started towards their private computer. "Come on, we haven't heard anything about it for a long time! I mean, what if she forgot about it? What if the aquarium water hasn't been cleaned?!"
"Then why would we want to pull that irate lake god over to our pseudo-reality?" Mayhem inquired.
"Besides," Pesti-chan added. "That lake god's in a completely different fanfic. You can't bring it into our alternate universe by conventional means."
"It's no problem," Chaos said with a smile. "I discovered last night that I can log into Satsuki's BEAST supercomputer. Combine that with our Anime realm, and we can easily open up a dimensional portal to Bean's 'College Life' fanfic!"
Mayhem shook his head. "Chaos, Beans put that lake god there for a reason, and I for one do not want it burbling angrily at me. You want it as a new mascot, you get to clean the fish tank."
Chaos finished clicking a few more keystrokes. "Too late. Within the hour Beans' lake god shall be ours. Don't worry; what harm could possibly be fall us?"
Pesti-chan shook his head, opening the fridge. "Was that rhetorical?"
Mayhem busied himself sorting through the mail. "Hey Chaos! You got a package. No return address. Just your name on it."
"Maybe it's a fan letter from part one of our Fanboys tale," Chaos suggested, taking up the box. He opened it up and removed a small, fancy wand that was the length of his entire hand. On it was the kanji for "otaku".
"Impressive," Pesti-chan said, feeding the box to Rampage.
"Sugoi!" Chaos exclaimed. "I've got a transformation stick! Does that mean I'm a magical girl?"
"Magical guy," Mayhem countered. "Strange, though; why would they need another warrior when they have a slew of Sailor Senshi?"
"Go ahead and try it," Pesti-chan said. "This should be interesting."
Chaos smiled, holding up his transformation stick high into the air. "Fanboy Planet Power!" he shouted. "Make up!"
Seconds later Chaos went through this enormous transformation scene where his body became an array of sparkling colours and all kinds of fancy little pieces of uniform magically appeared and wrapped around him. There was the usual cutesy transformation theme music, but Mayhem managed to turn off the CD player before it could do any real damage to their minds.
And so the latest Senshi came into being.
The eyes of Mayhem and Pestilence bugged out as they stared at the newly transformed Chaos. Even Rampage stopped eating the utensils, gagging on a fork when she saw the new Chaos.
Mayhem: "Well, you certainly have changed."
Pesti: "Um, Chaos, when exactly did you get breasts?"
Mayhem: "Even more, when did you slip on Patrick Swayze's gender bender from Too Wong Foo?"
Pesti: "Gender bender? This is more like gender blender."
Chaos: "Holy shit! Look at me! I'm wearing a blouse and skirt!"
Pesti: "He...he's a she now! It's like the Sailor Stars all over again!"
Chaos: "This is so humiliating! I feel like Ranma Saotome!"
Mayhem: "Well, one thing's for certain: no one will ever be able to tell you apart from your alter-ego."
He chuckled, and was abruptly cut off as a bucket of cold water splashed him in the face. Seconds later a sopping wet newt glared up at Chaos.
"Look on the bright side," Mayhem said, once again pulling out the pan-dimensional tea kettle. "You get to join the proud ranks alongside the Sailor Starlights, Nuriko from Fushigi Yuugi, Tsubasa from Ranma 1/2 and Shun from Here Is Greenwood."
"Do I look like I'm thrilled?" Chaos sulked. "I don't even think I'm wearing a bra underneath this. And this thing is riding up my rear. How do they move with these things on?"
Mayhem shivered. "Butt floss. Somehow, on you, that idea makes me very scared."
Chaos growled, examining her--er, his now busty form. "Am I being punished for something in my previous dimension? Why not do this to Mayhem; he's the hentai one!"
Pesti-chan's eyes widened. "Chaos, think about that for a moment. Mayhem, hentai, a lady's body: I don't think so."
Chaos walked into the bathroom, scrutinizing his new female appearance in the mirror. "I look like Relena freaking Peacecraft!"
"At least he stayed in the same Anime series as his pseudonym," Mayhem remarked offside.
"What, you don't think your earrings match, Chaos?" Pesti-chan snickered.
"No, my shoes don't match the colour of my skirt," Chaos said. "Look! I should have high heels if I want to coordinate properly."
Cue the SD Mayhem & Pesti-chan with reeeeeally big eyes.
"Chaos," Mayhem said slowly. "You're frightening your otaku buddies. Retransform please."