It was mid evening as Pesti-chan began to play a game of Go with Mayhem, who was at the time leisurely enjoying being a newt. Granted he had to roll all his pieces across the board, but hey! If he's happy then we should be happy too.
If you think otherwise, then work with it, you heartless creature!
Suddenly his lordship Chaos burst in through the front door, in his arms a strange but cute little critter. "Great news! I found our new mascot!"
"What about the lake god?" Mayhem asked, dousing himself in a kettle of warm water. "After all it was your brilliant idea to steal that from Beans' 'College Life' fanfic."
Chaos shrugged. "The lake god's fine, but we need something to really give a 'so cute it's giving me diabetes factor'."
Mayhem glanced down at the new pet. ""What is it? A puppy?"
"It's ears look more like a rabbit," Pesti-chan said. "And he's got kind of a monkey's tail."
"Mee!" the little critter said.
"Great," Mayhem remarked. "We've got one mascot who loves to talk about kissing between meals, and another who just wants to talk about himself."
"Chu chu chuuuuu!" And with that, Li'l Rampage was suddenly on the couch, happily chewing away on the latest of his lordship Chaos' bunny slippers. But then the SD Godzilla-thingy saw their newest mascot and hissed.
"Well," Mayhem said. "That's the first time Rampage has said anything other than that kissing noise."
"Did the guy who sold him to you say anything about his name?"
Chaos shrugged. "I think something about Bigot."
Pesti-chan's reoccurring sweatdrop appeared again. "Okay, in North America that's not exactly the name you want to give to your pet. I guess it's alright here, though. What was the owner's name?"
Lord Chaos picked up Bigot. "I never did catch it. Some short little kid who was flying around on this really neat floating boulder. What was it? As-cooties? As-cut? As-cork?"
He set Bigot down on the floor and let the little pet run around the apartment. Rampage on the other hand...well, decided to let bygones be bygones (even if they were overexcited fanboy bygones) and promptly polished off Chaos' bunny slippers. After salvaging an ear and an eyeball from the slippers, Chaos retreated down to the kitchen.
"Where are you going?' Pesti-chan asked.
"I'm going to see how our lake god is doing," Chaos answered, sauntering towards the aquarium located in the dining room.
Mayhem rolled his eyes. "You know, sooner or later Beans is going to want that lake god back, and you're going to pay for stealing it from her fanfic."
Chaos laughed. "Ha! That's what you think. Thanks to Satsuki and her Beast supercomputer, it'll be a miracle if Beans is ever able to figure out we did it, let alone track us down."
"What's this 'us' thing?' Pesti-chan mused. "He's the one who stole the lake god."
"Chaos is just trying to make sure that if he gets smited, then he at least has the comfort of watching us all get smited," Mayhem replied.
Both fanboys looked up as they heard a loud burbling followed by an exploding geyser. Chaos walked away from the fishtank, utterly soaked and now sporting a terrified octopus who was clinging to the back of his head.
He spat out a mouthful of water. "Our lake god is feeling rather temperamental today."
Well lucky for them and lucky for us nothing else worth mentioning happened to our fanboys last night. We're just going to skip over that alien abduction by the planet Jurai and being subjected to numerous tests by Washu simply because it isn't worth mentioning.
The next morning proved to be a happy one for our fanboys, especially because it was Friday. And that meant the weekend to put off more assignments in lieu of their anime explorations.
"Well, at least we managed to get up early today," Chaos said. "And best of all we managed to sneak past Rampage!"
"Only because she's out chasing Hausenfeffer," Mayhem yawned.
Pesti-chan drew a blank. "Who?"
"That rabbit thing called Mokona," Chaos replied. "Ever since we got here, Rampage has been trying to eat any and all other mascots in the city. Last week she ate Utena's monkey-thingy for lunch. Unfortunately she's never been able to stomach Mokona after swallowing him."
Mayhem paused, reading a nearby poster. "Michiru's doing a big violin duet," he remarked. "Check it out! We should try to get tickets to that; guaranteed some poor sap will have their beautiful dream attacked and you can jump in as Sailor Haley to save the day."
"Why me?" Chaos whined, sprouting cat ears and a tail. "I don't wanna be Sailor Haley!"
"Would you rather go there as Bondage Mask?"
Chaos went into another SD pouting mood.
"I wonder who Michiru's playing with," Mayhem said.
"Wow!" Pesti-chan said. "I can't tell who she is, but that girl's violin is the size of a freakin' cello!"
Does it say where she's from?" Mayhem asked.
Pesti-chan parused the ad. "Um, Hamelin."
All three fanboys turned around to see Bigot following them to school.
"Aw, isn't that so kawaii!" Chaos exclaimed scooping up the little critter.
"You never thought it was cute when Rampage followed you everywhere," Pesti-chan observed.
"Well, it's only natural," Mayhem replied. "Bigot doesn't try to keep trying to eat Chaos' homework...not that he does it anyways. Really Chaos, it is the perfect excuse to say that your mascot ate your homework."
"Oh hush, Newt Boy," Chaos sulked, letting Bigot back down onto the ground.
Mayhem's oversized head snarled at Chaos. "Who's a newt, you cross dresser?!"
And then suddenly came a voice from above.
[Cue the newest lord of Mass Destruction!]
"Hey Mayhem! Heeeeeeeeeeeeey!"
His lordship Chaos had only enough time for his eyes to bug out before finding himself a crash mat for a falling fanboy. Mayhem and Pesti-chan winced as the dust cloud finally cleared to reveal Lord Chaos bent in wondrous new positions meant to be tried only by body contortionists.
"Aya," Pesti-chan sighed. "I'll get the inflator."
"Thank you," the newcomer fanboy said, dusting off his 'DOJI BOY' sweater. "You broke my fall perfectly, Chaos."
"You broke my back perfectly too," Chaos muttered, pulling himself off the ground. He stared at the latest fanboy and then went reeeeeeeally super deformed.
"Havoc?!" Chaos exclaimed, sweatdrop appearing by his head again. "What in the hell is he doing here?!"
"Call me Hentai-sama!" Havoc exclaimed, striking an Ah-nold bodybuilding pose to show his rippling muscles. Chaos promptly took the sharp end of his sweatdrop and popped Havoc's inflated muscle tone suit.
"And here I thought he was killed in the HentaiCon tentacle disaster of 98," Mayhem remarked. "I guess you can't keep a good Hentai Otaku down after all."
"Unfortunately," Chaos groaned.
"Nah, I was never dead," Havoc said. "The government offices just screwed up again with the death certificates."
"So then what are you doing here?" Pesti-chan asked.
"Well, I was in that HentaiCon disaster," Havoc explained. "I got caught in the midst of that final explosion when the SWAT team was called in to battle that naughty tentacle mascot run amok. The next thing I know I wind up here!"
"Sounds like kinda like Fire Tripper," Mayhem said.
Chaos groaned. "Thank you Rumiko Takahashi! Give us the guy with hormones from hell, why don't you?"
Havoc threw his arms around Mayhem & Pesti-chan's shoulders. "And now we're together again!"
"Gee," Chaos remarked dryly. "How lucky for us."
Havoc beamed, oblivious to the sarcasm. "I have now made it my purpose in life to collect items of ladies wear from every last possible Anime series. Check out this Lina Inverse bra I got without her even realizing it!"
Pesti-chan's eyes bulged out as Chaos rolled his.
"Well I'll be," Mayhem remarked. "She really does have small breasts after all!"
"Now is not really the time to be talking about that!" Chaos exclaimed, his head expanding to twice its normal size and snapping at Lord Mayhem.
"He has a title of Mass Destruction like us?" Pesti-chan asked. "Why haven't I heard about him before?"
Chaos shook his head in despair. "Havoc is...well, unique. Tell me, are you familiar with Ataru? Carrot Glaces? Kekko Kamen's principal? Combustible Campus Guardress' principal?"
The Underlord-in-training just stared blankly, sweat drops appearing all over the place.
"Allow me, Chaos," Mayhem offered. "I don't want to get soaked by all this cold water in public. Pesti-chan, think Happosai."
Pesti-chan's eyes did the usual super inflation thing.
Pesti: "Y-you mean?"
Chaos: "No good can come of this, Pesti-chan."
Pesti: "Strange. I was ready for a Happosai-looking Hentai master."
Chaos: "Blame whoever created this alternate Anime realm of dementia we're stuck in."
[Fanboy author suddenly whips out halo and nonchalanty whistles whilst trying to hide his pitchfork.]
Mayhem: "Isn't this great, Chaos! Havoc actually managed to find his way into our pseudo-reality. I hope he brought his Doji collection with him."
Chaos: "I have this sinking feeling that panty theft in the area is going to skyrocket."
Pesti: "I had better go protect Mako-chan."
Chaos: "Oh no, you don't! I'm the overlord so I go protect Mako-chan!"
Pesti: "Ha! All you can do is throw on some sailor fuku! Not only can I Zoantrophy, but I've got an EVA too!"
Chaos: "Oh, rub that in too, why don't you!"
Mayhem: "I think I'll go protect Ami-chan at her house."
Chaos & Pesti: "NOT A CHANCE, NEWT-BOY!!!"
Havoc: "Hey, anyone want to see my Dragon Balls?"
Chaos & Pesti: "Etchi!"
Havoc indignantly sniffed. "No, I mean I really have three of the seven dragon balls need to summon Shenlong. You guys have sick, perverted minds!"
"We do not!" Chaos protested.
Meanwhile as everyone was busy turning into Super Deformed fanboys, they failed to notice the frantic Miyuki-chan racing towards them. Until Mayhem had the presence of mind to glance back.
"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Look out! Incoming Bunny Girl!"
However everyone else seemed oblivious to his warnings.
"I am not a pervert!" Chaos exclaimed.
"You're more of a pervert than me!" Pesti-chan exclaimed. "You copped a feel from Mako-chan!"
"Well at least I touched her!"
Pesti-chan was just about to smite Chaos with a pan-dimensional Anime mallet when suddenly Miyuki-chan collided with him, sending them both sprawling forward. There was dead silence as everything suddenly went into slow motion coupled with an annoying series of jump cuts showing Pesti-chan and Miyuki-chan falling into the black hole. Seconds later the skateboarding bunny girl used Chaos' head as a ramp to soar after the two into the hole.
"Cool!" Havoc exclaimed. "I managed to get that bunny girl's tail off her suit without her realizing it! This is definitely going into my collection!"
"Pesti-chan!" Chaos exclaimed, staring down into the gaping void. "Oh man, his mom and dad are gonna kill me!"
Havoc leaped onto Chaos' shoulders for a better look. "Was that Clamp's Miyuki-chan who fell down there with him?"
Chaos growled, his eyes ballooning out to match his irritation.
Havoc: "That's no problem. Everyone there will be going after Miyuki-chan...in sexy clothes...Hey! I should be the one going down that hole!"
Chaos: "CAN YOU NOT THINK OF HENTAI FOR JUST A FEW [beep!]ING SECONDS!!"
Havoc: "No. I thought that was obvious."
Chaos: "That's it! I'm personally going to summon a falling cow from the sky to smite you!"
Mayhem watched the hole slowly close. "Ne, Chaos, what if he gets hit with the To-li/Cho-li Heart?"
Chaos' eyes ballooned out even more. "AUGH! He'll Zoantropy and smite everything! What should we do?!"
"Don't worry!" Havoc exclaimed, pulling out a large set of videos. "I've got my Doji collection!"
[Cue the eyecatch!]
Curse of the Fanboys 2 - Part 2