Well, in a desperate attempt to get the plot moving, the night came and went and thus the morning found three fanboys along with Ami & Makoto walking together to school.
"Are you sure it's alright if we miss a day of school?" Ami asked hesitantly.
Mayhem shrugged. "Miyuki-chan's trapped in a time loop, so it could still be today when we arrive there tomorrow, just as Pesti-chan's yesterday will still be today because tomorrow never comes."
Sweatdrops plagued the rest of the group.
"Did that make any sense to you?" Chaos asked.
Makoto sighed, holding Bigot in her arms. "He's really loyal to you guys."
Bigot smiled. "Mee!"
"He follows us everywhere we go," Mayhem replied. "Chaos is just thrilled that this one doesn't eat his homework."
Chaos: "I just don't see why I have to be the decoy! You're abusing my magic girl status."
Havoc: "Correction. We're abusing your magic dragqueen status."
Miyuki: "I'm late! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!"
Havoc: "Um, guys, Miyuki-chan and the bunny girl are heading this way."
Makoto: "I don't believe this."
Cbaos: "Where's Lum when you need her electric shocks!"
Havoc: "Been there, stole her bikini top!"
Mayhem: "Incoming bunny girl!"
Ami: "Look out!"
Bunny girl: "It's late! It's late! Yeah yeah it's late!"
Well as it turns out no one looked out and as a result an entire troupe of fanboys, Sailor Senshi, a mascot and a bunny girl on a skateboard disappeared down a mysterious black hole. Miyuki-chan stared down from the very edge of the hole.
"Sugoi!" she exclaimed. "I almost fell into that!"
* * *
Moving right along, when our fanboys finally woke up they found themselves indeed in Clamp's Wonderland. There before them was the girl with blonde hair going into two neat tapering curls, mounted on the door.
* * *
"We're here!" Mayhem said, helping Ami to her feet.
"We need to get past this door first," Chaos said.
"Is...is she for real?" Ami-chan asked.
Mayhem nodded. "She's the first Wonderland resident we meet."
Abruptly the girl on the door opened her eyes and looked up at them. "Ohayo gozaimasu!" she said cheerfully.
"Ohayo!" the three fanboys chorused.
"What are your names?" the girl on the door asked.
The three fanboys looked back at Makoto and Ami.
"Um, I'm Ami."
The girl on the door smiled. "What cute names! Please. Come through this door."
"This is a door?" Makoto asked, surprised.
"What did you think it was?" the girl on the door asked.
"A...a woman?" Ami-chan hesitantly answered.
The girl on the door laughed if not cackled. Just think a lower tone of Naga, but one that doesn't induce instant death. "Now, please come through this door."
"How?" Ami-chan asked. "I don't see knobs or anything else?"
"Really?" Makoto asked. "Where?"
"Here!" the door girl exclaimed happily, cupping her breasts. The folds of her blouse really added to the
overall effect, showing how well endowed her "knobs" really were.
Ami-chan blushed incredibly. Mako-chan slowly turned to Chaos and gave him a very funny but darkly suspicious glare.
"Um, perhaps we should have warned you about that," he said.
Havoc grinned. "Allow me ladies." And with that he started towards the door.
"Um, don't these characters only interact with females?" Mayhem whispered. "Havoc won't get anywhere with them."
"You forget this is Havoc," Chaos replied.
After a few moments of quiet words with the girl on the door, Havoc returned to the group. "Gomen ne, but she'll only let us pass if either Ami-chan or Mako-chan touch her knobs."
Sweatdrops appeared next to Makoto & Ami's heads.
"M-masaka," Ami-chan whispered.
"They can't be serious," Mako-chan growled.
"You actually did something without being overly hentai," Chaos said. "I...I'm speechless."
Havoc snickered. "Yeah, can you believe I actually managed to remove her bra without her realizing it!"
Cue that pesky sweatdrop next to Chaos' head. "I knew it was too good to be true," he said, seizing the drop and smiting Havoc with it.
"Alright," Mako-chan said grudgingly. "I'll do it, but only for Kamui's sake. But when we get back to Tokyo, all three of you guys are dead."
"It shouldn't matter all that much, should it?" Havoc asked. "After all, you've got a crush on Haruka, don't you?"
And as it turned out Makoto didn't have to touch the 'knobs' since her punch sent Havoc flying right into the bosom of the girl on the door. And so surprised was the girl that she instantly blipped them to the other side. They came crashing down onto forest grass, now in a clearing, the trees just about twenty steps ahead of them.
Makoto sat up from where she had fallen on top of Chaos. "Thanks. You make a good crashmat, Duo."
Chaos, his eyes big, swirly lines now, laughed. "At least I'll die a happy fanboy."
"Come on," Mayhem said, dusting Chaos off. "We've still got a lot more echi adventures to go through."
And so our brave group trekked through the forest.
Chaos: "I feel like we've been walking forever!"
Havoc: "An ode to your Mako-chan, then, to pass the time away. [Ahem!] Mako-chan: she's a babe with beauty no one can surpass, with her soft round breasts and tight little--"
"Pervert!" Mako-chan exclaimed.
Chaos proceeded to pull out his herring and slap Havoc silly with it. "How can you be thinking Hentai at a time like this?!"
"Well it's not exactly like we're Tokyo anymore," Havoc replied, nursing the oversized bump on his head.
"Um, there's a set of twins in front of us," Ami-chan said.
Everyone turned to find what resembled Chun Li in versus mode staring back at them. Two rather athletic twins with their raven dark hair done up near odango-style stared at them.
"My name is Cho-li."
"My name is To-li."
"Now what?" Makoto asked.
"Technically they'll ask for one of our names," Mayhem replied. "And then try to beat the pulp out of that person using their attack of the Cho-Li/To-Li Heart."
"Well, we just have to show those girls who's boss," Havoc said, pushing Chaos forward. "Go get 'em, Chaos!"
A super deformed Chaos naturally freaked. "ME?! What about you, Mayhem?!"
Chaos stared at the small, grinning newt perched on Ami-chan's shoulder. "I detest you." He sulked as he walked towards the battle-happy twins. "Sailor Haley, my ass. I could be piloting an Eva right now but no! Pesti-chan had to be the sixth child!"
"Anytime now!" Havoc said.
A little storm cloud dogged Chaos. He took out his transformation stick. They shall pay for this, yes they shall. Fanboy Planet Power: Make Up!"
Seconds later Chaos became a well-endowed doppleganger for Relena Peacecraft. Makoto and Ami-chan's eyes were wide in shock. All they could do was blink in surprise.
"N-na...ni?" Mako-chan stammered.
"He's...a she now," Ami-chan gasped.
"Chaos, you poor soul," Mayhem sighed, adjusting his glasses. "We're still in the Super S season, so they haven't seen a transsexual Starlight like you before."
Seconds later Chaos hammered Mayhem with a pan dimensional mallet. "Hush, Newt-boy!!!"
"Hmmm," Havoc remarked, groping Chaos. "He's got smaller breasts than I thought. It must be the fuku he's wearing."
"Do you mind?!" Chaos exclaimed, punting the Hentai-sama into orbit.
Cho-Li and To-Li looked at Chaos. "What's your name?"
Chaos feigned kawaii-ness. "Um, Sailor Haley?"
The twins smiled. "What a cute name."
Chaos laughed nervously. "Ah ha haaaaaa...I am so [beep!]ed."
"Let us fight!" the twins exclaimed, leaping into the air to attack Chaos. Chaos proceeded to revert to his SD self and run aimlessly around the forest like a crazed Umi in Cephiro.
"What should I do?" Chaos whined.
"Do I look like I care?" Mayhem exclaimed. "Just do something, Chaos. Shout out an attack."
"Okay," Chaos muttered. "Here goes nothing: Comet Cleaner Scrub!" His eyeballs ballooned out again. "Where the hell did that come from?!"
A black little storm cloud appeared again over his ladyship Chaos' head as he glared at everyone else, who were now rolling on the ground in laughter. "I fail to see what is so amusing," he growled.
Even Makoto and Ami, and the twins were laughing.
"That's almost as dumb as Star Gentle Uterus!" Mayhem snickered.
However this did not the twins from fighting. To-Li and Cho-Li clasped their hands together, red and blue electrical arms crackling around their arms. With a loud shout each twin launched their attack, resulting in a massive split in the earth.
Whereupon our three fanboys grabbed their replacement mascot and the two utterly bewildered Sailor Senshi, racing hellbent for anywhere as the gigantic crack in the earth chased them down.
Chaos: "KYAAAA! TASUKETE!!"
Mayhem: "Thank kami-sama I don't have to run in heels!"
Chaos: "Hush, Newt-boy!"
Bigot: "Mee! Mee!"
Havoc: "Don't worry! If we fall I can weave my panty collection into a parachute!"
Well as it turned out no one could outrun that big, gigantic crack in the earth, and everyone's eyes bugged out upon seeing how deep the chasm really was as they hovered in the air, still trying to run. And then gravity cut in.
"Heart!" the twins chorused, clasping hands as their crackling powers formed a heart shape.
"If we ever survive this," Makoto shouted at Chaos. "I swear I'm going to rip your lungs out!"
"We can't keep falling forever," Mayhem stated. "We have to find that sudden stop at the bottom sooner or later. Havoc, aren't going to do something?"
"Panty Parachute!" Havoc exclaimed, flinging a massive set of stolen undergarments into the air. The panties wove themselves into an enormous parachute that caught the winds, stopping their plummet. Everyone grappled onto each other's hands as Havoc gripped the makeshift parachute.
"Hey!" Mayhem exclaimed. "That's Ami-chan's bra up there!"
Ami-chan blushed furiously.
And they all leisurely floated to the ground that had suddenly appeared far below. Um, except for Chaos, who let out a girlish shriek before an audible WHUMP!! echoed across the fields.
"OW! Son of a bitch!!"
"Bean Bandit?" Mayhem mused.
"Well," Havoc remarked. "There goes the G rating for this fanfic."
"You've already upped it to a near R rating, Havoc," Mayhem replied.
Makoto shook her head. "Idiots."
Well, moving right along, Havoc gathered up his "collection", giving Ami-chan back her bra after being smited by an irate Makoto.
"How can you store all that beneath your DOJI BOY sweater?" Mayhem asked.
Havoc smiled. "Trade secrets, Mayhem. Trade secrets."
Makoto peeled Chaos out from the crater in the ground and flapped him back into his original state.
"That's it!" Chaos exclaimed, grabbing his transformation stick. "Now I can be a normal guy again!"
"We need you to stay as a girl," Mayhem countered. "That way all the girls will try to hit on you, and Mako-chan & Ami-chan will be safe."
"Just what kind of place is this?" Makoto demanded.
Ami nodded. "I don't really want to go any further."
Chaos: "But what about Kamui? He's still out there somewhere!"
Havoc: "If he's playing strip chess with Humpty Dumpty, then I'm going to be so very jealous."
Chaos: "Do they actually have a name for your disorder, Havoc?"
Mayhem: "Look, if you and Mako-chan are having such a rough time, then you can wait here, and we'll return later on with Pesti-chan."
Chaos: "But what about the rest of the amorous female population? And can we get out of this rapid conversation mode, please?!"
Makoto punched a fist into the palm of her hand. "Don't worry, Duo. I'm sure we can handle ourselves."
"Yeah," Mayhem muttered to Chaos. "Send an Jupiter oak evolving right up your ass."
Chaos had to agree with that. "Alright," he--er, she--er, whatever!--conceded. "Just stay here and we'll be back to get us all out of this place."
And so the two disheartened fanboys started making their way through the fields. Bigot chose to bound along with them, exclaiming "Mee! Mee!" whenever he felt like it.
"Do you think we did the right thing?" Ami-chan asked, watching them go.
Makoto nodded. "Hai. There's something about even them that doesn't seem normal." She smiled. "Daijobu, Ami-chan, we can take on whatever this Wonderland can throw at us."
"No problem!" Havoc exclaimed happily, draping an arm over each of their shoulders. "I'll protect you two!"
Mako-chan and Ami-chan looked at each other, sweatdrops appearing once more. "Wait up!" they shouted, racing after the two Fanboys.
Once they caught up, they saw that Chaos and Mayhem were all staring at a mysterious table that had suddenly appeared, a number of china cups along with a teapot set on it. Abruptly the teapot began pouring tea by itself into every glass.
"Convenient," Mayhem remarked. "We need to get one for our apartment."
"Oooh! Do they have Viennese Cinammon?" Chaos inquired. Everyone gave him a curious look. "What?" he demanded. A flying heart came out of the sky.
"It says 'Drink Me'," Makoto said, catching the valentine on wings.
"Free tea!" Chaos exclaimed. "Oh boy, am I thirsty!"
"No wait!" Mayhem exclaimed. "Don't--"
He watched as Chaos, Bigot, Makoto, Ami and Havoc all shrank after having a sip of the tea. And with that Mayhem shrugged. "Oh well, when in Rome...."
Saving some tea in his portable Jusenkyo kettle, Mayhem sipped the tea and promptly shrank into the flower bed.
* * *