Well, once more with a song in their hearts and absolutely no idea where the hell they were going, our brave group aimlessly wandered the oversized flower bed.
"Strange," Chaos remarked. "We haven't encountered the Mad Hatter's tea party yet."
"Wo-hoo!" Havoc exclaimed, bounding across the foreground with the Doormouse's top. The Doormouse, the Mad Hatter and the March Hare all chased after him.
"I think that explains why," Mayhem said. "Well, if we've at least seen them, then I think it's safe to chug some tea again."
"Why?" Ami asked.
"Well, according to the plot--"
"You're saying this even had a plot once, Mayhem?"
"As I was saying, the girl who was supposed to fall down this hole would shrink after drinking the tea, encounter the Mad Hatter, drink more tea and then grow to her normal size again. After that Miyuki-chan would be able to finish her adventures here."
"Thank kami-sama," Makoto said. "This is almost over!"
Chaos: "Um, Mayhem? I note you haven't mentioned the Red Queen yet."
Mayhem: "Ignorance is bliss, Chaos, and we might be able to avoid a smiting when the shock sets in."
Chaos: "Smiting from them, or smiting from the Red Queen?"
Mayhem: "Chaos, it doesn't matter. All I have to do is outrun you and I'm safe."
Chaos: "Your spirit of camaraderie staggers me, Newt-boy."
And so they set up the kettle and had their tea, returning to their usual size. Night had suddenly fallen, and they were inside another warped forest with gnarled trees.
"Hey, we forgot about Havoc," Ami observed.
Chaos shrugged, petting Bigot. "Are you saying that's a bad thing."
"Maybe for the girls here," Mayhem remarked. "Then again, their own perversions combined might even out Havoc's. I just hope he left his Doji collection in our apartment."
Chaos smacked Mayhem with a sweatdrop.
"Niaow!" came a seductive lady's voice behind him.
[Cue more sweatdrops of panic!]
"Oh no," Chaos groaned. "Not her. Please not the Cheshire Cat." He turned around only to see a young lady with incredibly thick, long blonde hair wink back.
"Hi," the Cheshire Cat said, her voice alluring and wispy.
Mayhem glanced up at the treetops, where Chaos was now quivering in terror. "Twelve feet in only point six seconds. That's a record for him."
"Um, we're looking for a friend of ours," Makoto said to the Cheshire Cat. "He's about sixteen, has short black hair, answers to the name of Kamui."
"Or Pesti-chan," Mayhem added. "Have you seen him?"
The Cheshire cat, all clad in her tiger-striped bodysuit and fingerless gloves, along with tail and cat ears, yawned as if bored with the conversation. However she seemed more interested in Chaos as his female Sailor Haley version toppled back to the ground.
"What's your name?" she asked, her long, striped tail twitching around her feet.
Chaos swallowed hard, reduced to nervous shaking. "Chaos?"
The Cheshire Cat smiled as she stroked Chaos' cheek. "I'm the Cheshire Cat, and you are so cute, Chaos." She bounded out of the tree, pulling at Chaos' sailor fuku blouse. "I'd like to teach you a thing or two."
Chaos yelped as he was yanked to the ground. "Nooooo!! I don't wanna be educated!!"
Makoto's eyes widened. "I see what you mean about letting Chaos be the decoy."
"Is he going to be alright?" Ami asked hesitantly, glancing back and then blushing as the Cheshire Cat chased after a topless female verson of Chaos.
"Oh, he's fine," Mayhem scoffed. "Although this is the first time he's had an attractive woman chasing after him. Usually it's the other way around."
Suddenly beams of sunshine spilled out between the trees, and the entire setting changed. Now the Cheshire Cat had vanished, and there was an enormous medieval castle looming before them.
A panting and gasping Chaos leaned against Mako-chan for moral support. "I...[wheeze!] didn't think I...[gasp!] would make it out...[wheeze again!] alive."
Now perhaps draping himself all over her wasn't the smartest thing to do, especially after she drop kicked him over the nearest tree. Bigot bounded after his gender-switching owner.
As they approached the castle they found a number of cute girls all dressed in white dickeys and dresses, sporting card suits on their tops. Each card girl had a paintbrush of red paint, and were proceeding to paint another set of women dressed up as roses from white to red.
"Yeow-zah!" Mayhem exclaimed. "Now this is my kind of card game!"
"Maybe they can tell us where we are now," Ami-chan said in high hopes.
"Hai!" one girl dressed in a 5 of spades dickey called out. "Next one, please."
"She looks almost like Arimi from Marmalade Boy," Chaos remarked, pulling the leaves out of his hair.
Mayhem smirked. "Oh the irony: the seiyuu who does Ami-chan's voice also does Arimi's too!"
"What are you doing?" Ami-chan asked, walking up to the card girl.
"Can't you tell?" the card girl said, starting to paint the petals on the flower girl.
"It looks like you're painting," Makoto stated.
"That's right," the 5 of Spades card girl replied. "I have to make these white roses into red ones quickly."
"But the white ones are just as beautiful as the red ones," Ami-chan said.
"Our queen likes red roses, but for some reason we only have white ones. We'll be severely punished if she finds out."
"Punished?" Ami-chan asked.
"This is starting to sound familiar," Mayhem said aside to Chaos.
Chaos nodded. "They're reciting the exact lines Miyuki-chan would normally say. I have a bad feeling about what's behind us."
Slowly they turned around and saw a shadow emerging from behind the trees, a dark cloak fluttering in the winds. Very large sweatdrops appeared next to their heads as the kana for "Run for your lives!" scrolled behind them.
"Uh-oh," they chorused.
"I want to be punished!" one brunette with a heart suit piped up happily.
"I want to be punished too, ya know," the 5 of Spades said.
"I want to be punished too!" another exclaimed happily.
"Me too!"
"Me too!"
And then came the Red Queen, all dressed up in a G-string, leather bra with spikes, and a collar adorned with
more spikes. She looked every inch the frightening dominatrix you pray never comes to your door...unless you happen to be Havoc (Kami-sama forbid!).
"I told you to only plant red roses here," the Red Queen stated, brandishing her whip.
"Miss Queen!" all the card girls exclaimed.
Chaos went all SD again, his eyes the size of the rest of his face. "Holy [beep!] [beep!] [beep!]!!!"
"K-kowaii," Ami-chan whispered, clinging onto Makoto.
"Wait a minute!" Mayhem remarked. "That's Haruka in the Red Queen's dominatrix get-up!"
"I didn't know Haruka-san was into S&M," Makoto said.
"Mayhem," Chaos said. "The seiyuu for the Queen of Hearts also does Haruka's voice."
"You mean?"
Chaos nodded. "Hai. No good can come of this, Mayhem."
The Red Queen looked out at all the card girls. "So, who's fault is it?"
"It's my fault!" all the card girls exclaimed, each one trying to overshout the other. "It's my fault! It's my fault!"
As this happened, the gallant and brave Lord Mayhem quietly and discreetly backed away from Chaos, taking the hands of Ami and Makoto and pulling them away too.
And so Mayhem ran away! He's chickening out and packing it up and shipping it off, and...oh, you should know the rest of that Monty Python song.
The Red Queen sauntered up to Chaos, who was suddenly the only person left in the immediate area. "What's your name?" she asked, propping up Chaos' chin with the whip.
"'Lunchmeat'?" Mayhem offered from a safe distance.
The whip cracked right next to Chaos' boots. But lucky for him and lucky for us, his lordship Chaos had excellent bladder control that was not lost at this time.
"Get down on your knees and lick my boots!" the Red Queen shouted. "I want you to lick them NOW!!"
And so Chaos did what any other man would have done in his position: naturally he freaked. "KYAAAAAA!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!"
He bolted past Mayhem, Ami and Makoto, who suddenly realized that the Red Queen was now chasing after them too! And so everyone was now trying to break the land speed record.
"Mee! Mee!" Bigot yipped, racing alongside them.
"This is worse than that incident with Bondage Mask!" Chaos shouted.
"What'll we do?" Ami asked, passing Chaos.
"This way!" Makoto said, taking the lead. They frantically ran into the nearest castle doorway, the Red Queen cackling as she chased them, cracking her whip at their heels.
"It's like Kodachi all over again!" Mayhem groaned.
"I'm jealous!" came the echoes of the card girls.
"Are they insane?" Makoto said.
The corridors just seemed to keep going and going with no end in sight. Yet now the Red Queen was starting to close the distance between them. Could this be the end of the Fanboys? Will the fanfic series abruptly end here? [Fanboy's Note: okay, you can stop cheering anytime now.]
And then came the shouts of "Wheeeeee! Go go!"

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