Get ready for the fanfic that will leave you smitten again!
The man with the mallet is back....
Chaos: "We're back with the first installment of our FBZ Fanboys! series...and I can't exactly say I'm impressed with the author. Just who in the hell decided that Pesti-chan here should date *my* Mako-chan?!"
Pesti: "*YOUR* Mako-chan?!"
Mayhem: [looks at the polls] "According to this, Pesti-chan kicked Chaos' ass by a count of 5 to 2 in favour of Mako-chan dating Pesti first."
Chaos: "NA NI?!"
Mayhem: "And for all of you out there out voted that Hotaru should get her own fanboyfriend, she's decided to take you up on that offer."
Hotaru: "Chaos-chan!"
Chaos: "Why me?"
Carnage: [consulting polls] "Wait a minute! No one voted that Hotaru-sama should have a fanboy for a boyfriend!"
Chaos: o.O "EH?!"
Mayhem: "It would appear that the author decided to step in with some creative liberty."
Anarchy: "It's not as if anyone here *didn't* see it coming after F5! part IV."
Carnage: [sharpening his Zanba blade] "Chaos, you dare to date our goddess of Mass Destruction? I'm not a violent fanboy, but I really do think I'm going to have to smite someone here."
Mayhem: "This isn't really going to help the city recover from that last Dragu Slave you unleashed, Carnage. Plus we've still got that crazed killer stalking us all down."
Pesti: "So long as that guy goes after Chaos and doesn't interrupt my long-deserved date with Mako-chan--"
Chaos: "*WHOSE* Mako-chan?!"
Pesti: "--I'm happy."
Hotaru: "Chaos-chan, who's that guy in the suit?"
Havoc: [suave & sophisticated] "Greetings, fellow fanboys. My, Hotaru-chan, don't you look absolutely kawaii today. If I might say so, a stunning beaty to behold."
Hotary: [blush!] "A-Arigato...!"
Chaos, Mayhem, Pesti & Carnage: o.O "NA NI?!"
Mayhem: "Chaos, what the hell's with that jacket you gave him?"
Anarchy: "You'd better answer that fast, Chaos. Here comes the fanfic."
[Cue the fic!]


Part II: DNA Hentai2

Hail, fellow otaku! Well this is certainly an interesting way too kick off the second season of the Fanboys! series. We've got mecha-fetish, Dragu Slave-happy Carnage added to the cast, everyone's dating a Senshi (whether they want to or not), the real crazed killer who still knows what they did last fanfic is back to viciously smite them all, and just to make it interesting Havoc's gone into total character profile reversal! Which all brings us back to the age-old moral of this fanfic: "Eat all your Vegeta's if you want some Chocolate Misu for desert".
o.O Na ni?
Okay, who let Havoc slip that line into the script?!
Well we must begin somewhere so this looks like a good place to start something other than another mindless rant from the author. So let the fanfic begin, and--HEY!! No, you cannot check out the in-flight movie of Bid Breasted Anime Babes Go To The Beach (and take their tops off!)!!! We know where you least, we're pretending we do.
[Fanboy's Note: "domo arigato gozaimasu!" must go out to Beans for this next part where Chaos has to pick up Hotaru. After all I've put her through she still agreed to write it. ^-^ Tee hee! And I eagerly await her revengefic against Chaos!]
"Ding Dong."
"I'll get it!!!" Hotaru raced out of her room and down the stairs to answer the door.
"Just a minute there, Hime-chan." Michiru caught her arm at the bottom of the staircase. "On a first date, you have to make the guy wait for at least a half four before you come down to greet him."
"But Michiru-momma, I'm ready now," she pouted.
Michiru stroked her fingers through Hotaru's hair in a motherly gesture. "I know you are, but it's tradition. Now go wait up in your room and we'll get you when it's time."
Hotaru sulked back up the stairs to her room with a pouty expression on her face.
Once Hotaru had closed the door to her room, Michiru said, "Haruka?"
"I'm on it," the tall blonde nodded. She straightened her posture and then opened the front door. Standing before her was quite possibly the greatest threat she had ever known in all her years of being a Sailor Senshi.
"Ano...I'm here to pick up Hotaru," a nervous Chaos stuttered while Haruka's hard glare bore into him. "I brought her flowers!" He proudly held them out for inspection, and went bug-eyed upon seeing the blossoms had been eaten by Rampage. Quickly he tossed them over his shoulder and out the door. "Um, nevermind!" he laughed nervously. "Ah ha haaaa...I'm dead, aren't I?"
"Spare the pleasantries." Haruka stepped aside in an obvious indication for him to come in.
Chaos came in. He looked around the well-furnished house before stepping in further. Haruka whacked him hard upside the head once he passed her.
"Itai!!" he exclaimed, rubbing his swollen bruise. "Why'd you do that?!"
"Baka, take off your shoes," she ordered.
Chaos glanced down at the front entry, kitty ears and tail procuded as he sheepishly removed the offending footwear. "Oh. Um, is Hotaru ready?"
"Not yet." Michiru slid into the room that Haruka led them to. "Why don't you have a seat while you wait?"
"H-Hai," Chaos stammered, nervously rattling himself to pieces as he glanced from one woman to the other. "Oh, let me at least get a coat for Hotaru. Ne, is this the right closet?"
Michiru stiffened as Chaos opened up the nearest door before Haruka could stop him.
"Ah," he said, trying to ease the tension as he opened the door and peered inside. " This must be-- (o.O) Um...uh..Aiya!"
A wide-eyed SD Chaos quickly slammed shut the closet door, pinning his back against it as a sweatdrop appeared next to his terrified face. "S-S-Sugoi..." he whispered, nervously glancing around the room. "Beans wasn't kidding about *that* closet...!"
Haruka's eyes narrowed. "Chaos," she said very deliberately. "You never saw what was in that closet. *Right*?"
A still bug-eyed Chaos rapidly nodded, and now a bright shade of pink shuffled quietly out of the hallway. He sat down on the white (very white) couch at the end of the family room. He tried to look, who are we kidding? He was fidgeting like a little kid at the country fair in line to the roller coaster who has to go pee but stubbornly doesn't want to lose his spot in line.
Mayhem: "Beans' country farmgirl side strikes yet again."
Pesti: "Shhh! We're missing the best part!"
"Would you like some tea?" Michiru offered politely after several silent minutes. Haruka had spent the time staring down Chaos with a somewhat peeved look on her face. Chaos could only guess which past incident she was glaring at him for: the interruption at college, the Pizza Shock incident, the bathhouse melee, the fanficfics, the intro to this fanfic, the waterpark--
Chaos: "Dammit, for the last time I did not strip Hotaru nekkid!!"
"Yes please." Chaos took in his surroundings before considering his situation. That really didn't take all that long, so he went back to staring blankly at the wall behind Haruka's head.
"What are you staring at?" Haruka growled, annoyed.
Chaos shrank into himself, impressive considering how borderline super deformed he already was. "Nothing! I'm just waiting for Hotaru."
"Be nice, Haruka," Michiru said, re-entering the room.
Once everyone was settled, the questioning started. "We seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot," Michiru drawled. "Tell us a bit about yourself."
Chaos looked nervously from one parental unit to the other before deciding it was safe to speak. Or, more precisely, dangerous to keep silent. Haruka had pulled out out her Space Sword, which was now resting lightly across her lap. A smirk played across her lips.
Chaos' eyebrow developed a nervous twitch. Sweatdrops were starting to plague his forehead. "Well, technically my name's Chaos, an overlord of Mass Destruction. His lordship Chaos, but you can just call me Duo Maxwell."
Haruka seemed suitably unimpressed.
Chaos decided to omit his rather "unique" senshi transformation. "Um, what else? My smiting technique involved falling cows!"
Michiru giggled. Obviously there was some joke between them that he wasn't aware of. Haruka coloured slightly before nodding for him to continue.
"I'm not really as bad as the author makes me out to be," Chaos continued. "The other fanboys bring out the worst in me, honest! And for some reason or other I'm a central black hole for things falling out of the sky to smite me. And that Beans, well can't she just give up the lake god to the better of us, ne?"
Haruka curiously raised an eyebrow as out of nowhere a terrified, flying octopus clocked Chaos on the side of the face.
"Mame-kun," Michiru said to her with a smile.
Chaos laughed hesitantly at the disapproving frown marrowing Haruka's features as he desperately tried to pry off the octopus. "But no worries! I'm not going to do anything with Hotaru! (Oof! What'd Beans put on this thing? Superglue?!) Just take her out for the evening, that's all. The rest of the gang will be around, so think of me as a babysitter for the day!"
He smiled at his improvisation.
"Ara? Then why did you bring flowers?" Michiru pointed out. Chaos instantly went into SD bug-eyed mode. Haruka's eyes narrowed while leaning further forward on her seat.
"Er...because everyone likes to receive flowers?" he ventured, brushing away the sweatdrop that was forming next to his head. "You do want me to make Hotaru special, don't you?"
Chaos: "Yes! Yes! Put pressure on them instead!"
"Define 'special'," Haruka replied.
Chaos: o.O "Um...."
Haruka's eyes narrowed even further. "If special is like that perverted fanboy...fangirl...whatever the hell that panty thieving friend of yours is, then I definitely have a problem with it."
"No way!" Chaos said, shaking his head. "There's no way this fanfic could withstand *two* hentai-sama's in it!"
"Call me Hentenno-sama!!" Havoc exclaimed, suddenly popping out from Haruka & Michiru's 'private' hall closet.
And while Haruka & Michiru were lost in that split second of utterly stunned shock, Chaos lobbed a flying cow at Havoc. "YOU STAY OUTTA THIS, HAVOC!! AND COME OUT OF THE CLOSET, WILL YOU?!"
Pesti: o.O "Ecchi!!"
Carnage: "Isn't that pervert in his mysterious suave phase now?"
Mayhem: "Well, that joke was too good to pass up, ne?"

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