Returning back to the narrative rant of the original author, if one was to to pause for a
moment and look at the outside of Haruka and Michiru's house, they might find it strange to see a
T-74 type tank with the lisence plate "I Brake for No Mecha" idly waiting on the driveway. Then
again, if they knew the fanboys, they'd be taking a looooong vacation somewhere else. Say,
Acapulco, Mexico, perhaps?
Pesti: "Just what is it with the author's obsession to visit Acapulco, Mexico anyways?"
Mayhem: "Maybe that's where they're filming Big Breasted Anime Babes Return to the Beach (And Take Their Tops Off Again!)."
Chaos: o.O "Aiya!"
"You know, I can't help but wonder," Mayhem remarked, lounging atop the tank alongside Ami-chan.
"Na ni?" Carnage asked, his head popping up from inside the driving compartment of the tank.
"Well, you know how in Escaflowne, Van Fanel's got those white angel-like wings because of his mother. And he's also got Merle as a playmate, who's that crossbreed of humans and felines. So then if Van's half bird, and Merle's half cat, I'm wondering how long it will take for natural selection to kick in and she starts trying to eat him."
"Aw, that's nothing!" Carnage scoffed. "Try this on for size: in Gundam Wing, the Gundam pilots are fighting against the military force known as OZ. And then later on in the Endless Waltz OVA series, this psycho girl named *Dorothy* shows up to try to pummel the Gundams. Dorothy and OZ: concidence? I think not."
Mayhem nodded. "Hai hai, and...ah, I think Chaos is finally coming to join us."
Ami-chan looked around the house. "Hm? How can you tell?"
Carnage jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "The dust cloud screaming 'Kyaaaa!' to your left, heading this way."
And indeed peeling away from the sunset was a rather frantic and frustrated fanboy vaulting over the hedges, a smiling and laughing Hotaru-chan thoroughly enjoying the piggy-back as Chaos ran outta control and right into the tank. Hotaru was thrown into the air, neatly landing in Mayhem's lap.
"Well, that was surprisingly quick," Mayhem remarked.
Hotaru smiled. "Arigato, Carrot-san!"
Mayhem raised and eyebrow and then turned to Carnage, who was not about to hide his laughter. "And just what do you find so funny, Carnage? At least I have a name."
"Well," Carnage replied. "I figured I might as well go to Jyuban here. I mean, all of you fanboys are enrolled here. I have the chance to be in same class as my beloved Anarchy-chan!"
"So what name have you decided on?" Ami-chan inquired.
"Akito Tenkawa," Carnage replied.
Mayhem suddenly popped up behind Carnage with cat-like grin on his face. "Tenkawa Tenkawa Tenkawa Tenkawa!!!!"
Carnage scowled, and simply stuck his arm out behind him. "Fireball."
Seconds later Ami was towelling the ash off the smouldering fanboy. This really didn't help Mayhem, because of the rather "affectionate" way his Ami-chan was washing him off, causing him to expolde once again. Then again he was used to being his own ground zero.
Hotaru leaned over the side of the tank. "Ne, Chaos-chan, are you alright?"
"Carnage, drive!" Chaos exclaimed, suddenly leaping into the air and grabbing hold of Carnage's shirt. "Don't ask questions, just drive!"
Carnage responded by promptly clubbing Chaos with his Zanba sword. "Don't wrinkle my Gundam Wing jacket worn and signed by Duo Maxwell ever again, Chaos."
"What happened?" Mayhem asked.
A frantic Chaos glanced around the front yard, completely on edge. "Haruka drew out her sword and I panicked. I pointed to the kitchen and shouted something about a daemon in the ice box, and while they looked away I raced upstairs, grabbed Hotaru and then flung myself out her second-storey window."
Mayhem rolled his eyes while Carnage groaned and bonked his forehead against the tank. "Why? Why? Why did my kawaii incarnation of Mass Destruction have to have a crush on *him*?!"
"That's not exactly going to impress either of them," Ami said uneasily.
Chaos nodded. "You're telling me!"
Hotaru smiled, touching the tip of his nose with a finger. "You know, you're kind of cute when you're super deformed, Chaos-chan."
Mayhem: "So, are we going to hang around and see what Haruka-poppa and Michiru-momma have to say about this?"
Chaos: "KYAAAAAAA! Floor it, Carnage!!"
Carnage: "Hell no! I just got this baby waxed this morning while you guys were at school. I'm not about to get it scuffed by peeling out of the driveway."
Ami-chan: "Ano, Sailor Uranus is right behind us, Carrot-chan."
Uranus: "WORLD SHAKING!"
Mayhem: "I think getting your car scuffed is the least of your concerns right about now, Carnage."
And so to get not only the plot but also the tank moving, Carnage floored the tank and everyone narrowly missed getting struck by Sailor Uranus' World Shaking. Chaos, on the other hand, was not so fortunate.
"Haruka-poppa's got really good aim!" Hotaru remarked, towelling off the smouldering, bug-eyed fanboy of her affections.
The T-74 continued to make it's way back into downtown Tokyo, not really caring that it was moving down all the traffic going into the opposing direction. Mayhem and Chaos took great care to ensure that Ami-chan and Hotaru-chan didn't bounce off the end of the tank with all the fun little speedbumps Carnage tried to get air on.
Chaos stuck his head into the belly of the tank. "Do you even have a lisence to drive this thing through the middle of Tokyo?"
Carnage shrugged. "So far I've heard no complaints. Oh look! A ferarri!"
Rather than complaints, all they could hear were people fleeing and terror from their abandoned cars as Carnage played demolition derby down the streets of the Ginza district.
Abruptly Carnage's cell phone rang again. "Yare yare," Carnage sighed, handing the phone up to Chaos. "Here, take care of this for me, will ya?"
There was a loud irate honk fron another car.
"WELL SAME TO YOU BUDDY!" Carnage exclaimed, sticking his head out from the tank to shout at the opposing driver. Moments later Carnage decided to step out from the coversation and let his steel-plated friend do the talking. After one large and very profound speech that reduced the opposition to tears (mainly due to the fact that pieces of his porche was now raining down from the skies above) Carnage continued to the park.
Chaos: "Mosh, moshi! Chaos speaking!"
Crazed Killer: "Hello, Chaos. I trust I'm not interrupting you and little Hotaru. You know, I wasn't too impressed with what you did to her in your F5! fanfic."
"Chaos, who is it?" Hotaru asked, leaning over.
Chaos cupped his hand over the phone. "It's him," he said to Mayhem.
Mayhem sighed. "Let me take care of this," he replied, taking control of the phone. "You're talking to his lordship Mayhem. I told you never to call me here."
"Cute, Mayhem," the crazed killer replied. "You always were the one with the clever retort. So, let me ask you this: what's your favourite scary Anime?"
"Pretty Sammy," Mayhem gibly replied.
He grinned as there was a terrified scream on the other line. "This is too fun," he remarked to Ami-chan, hanging up the phone.
The tank abruptly jumped as a Rolls Royce met with a rather untimely demise. Hotaru let out a startled shout as her small form bounced off the tank and sending her into Chaos' lap. "Gomen ne, Chaos-chan," she said, pushing off his chest and looking up into his ballooned eyes. "I don't think I can ride like this without falling off. Would it be alright if you held me here until we get to the restaurant?"
"H-H-Hai...." Chaos whimpered, visions of Space Swords smacking his head when this fanfic was over.
"Carnage, are you deliberately trying to run down all the expensive cars?" Mayhem asked, looking into the belly of the tank.
"Yes, I thought that was obvious."
Mayhem's eyes bugged out suddenly as he looked ahead. "Carnage, no! Not the Genom President's limosine!!"
"Oh come on, Mayhem, where's your sense of adventure? Besides it's probably just another Boomer dressed up like him!"
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