Well, wasn't that a touching piece of work? Doesn't it just stir in your hearts the hope that
Chaos might actually redeem himself in the series after all? Oh...you don't. Yeah, well, neither did
Chaos: [pouting] "Some help you are! What, is this because of my Vampire Princess
Michiru Chaosfic?! That's become an MST classic, I'll have you know!"
But what about the crazed killer who still knows what they did last fanfic? Had they
forgotten? Had the crazed killer forgotten the time and run off to another hideously back Sailor
Moon fanfic such as General Peterson's work? Was the plot ever going to get back to the return
of said crazed killer?!
But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Leaping back to apartment 206--but making certain
we avoid hitting the window this time around--we quickly change the scene back to Pesti-chan
and Mako-chan's ongoing dinner date.
"So, how was the miso chicken?" Pesti-chan asked.
"You still need a little work at cooking," Mako-chan replied, still trying to reassure him.
"Hai hai," Pesti-chan said. "Could be worse; my cooking could be like Usagi's or Chaos'.
Hers is like ingesting a one-day flu, and as for Chaos' cooking...he seems to have tapped into a
way to resurrect pastry dishes."
"I HEARD THAT!!!!" the distant shout of Chaos blared into the apartment.
Mako-chan blinked in surprise. "Ara, he's very...excited, isn't he?"
"He's just jealous," Pesti-chan said. "I mean, he'd allow himself to get smited by anything
to be here with you like the way you and I are here ...together...alone. Um, is it getting hot in here
all of a sudden?"
Mako-chan, blushing, nodded and quickly shuffled over to open the windows.
Pesti-chan's face started to grow pink again as he nervously coughed into his fist. "Ano,
Mako-chan, I tried asking you this before, so I'll try it again. Um...I really...you know...um, what
was I saying again?...Shimatta!"
"Ganbaru, Kamui," Mako-chan said, smiling at him with her hand propped up under her
"Ano...would you like to be my...could I be your...?"
The doorbell rang again.
"Havoc...!" Pesti-chan growled, the Anime vein throbbing on his forehead. "I swear if
that's you coming back and trying to put the moves on my Mako-chan...!!"
"Oh, I'll get it," Makoto said, standing up.
"Let me," Pesti-chan insisted, brushing past her. Properly loading his cabbages on his
forks, Pesti-chan prepared to greet the next patron at the apartment. "Here hentai, hentai,
hentai...! Here hentai, hentai, hentai...!"
Makoto pulled back the curtains and peered through the window. Her green eyes widened
as she saw a burly figure dressed in a black hooded cloak raise a large pan-dimensional mallet
where his right hand used to be up to the door, ready to pounce.
"Kamui, look out!" she screamed, lunging for Pesti-chan.
Pesti-chan curiously looked at her as he twisted open the doorknob. She dove right into
the underlord as the mallet smashed its way through the door, missing Pesti-chan's head by mere
"Chikusho!" Pesti-chan exclaimed angrily. "You just had to come in to the fanfic right
then, didn't you?! For a crazed killer you have the absolute *worst* sense of timing!!"
The crazed killer, identity still hidden beneath the large wide-brimmed black hat and thick
black trenchcoat, raised the large mallet where his right hand used to be and leveled it to the
"You're next, Pestilence," the crazed killer stated.
Pesti-chan's eyes narrowed. "That voice...."
Suddenly Makoto stepped in between the two of them. "Kamui, get out of here. I'll hold
"Wait a minute!" Pesti-chan protested. "Mako-chan, it's me he's after!!"
The crazed killer abruptly moved, pushing Makoto onto the couch as he lunged for
Pesti-chan. Pesti-chan sprang backwards, tumbling over the kitchen counter and spilling bowls
and utensils all over the floor with him. He opened his eyes just in time to see the crazed killer
towering over him, bringing down the hammer.
"Cooking wok counter-strike!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, grabbing the wok and smashing it
into the mallet, sending the large blunt implement of Mass Destruction slamming into the floor.
Pesti-chan scrambled to his feet, diving over the couch as the crazed killer chased after him, wildly
brandishing the mallet.
"It's no use running," the crazed killer stated. "It's sad really, Pestilence; you of all the
fanboys were half normal. Had this just been your gratuitous self-insertion fanfic you might have
survived. But now I must purge all of you from my beloved Sailor Moon universe!"
"Hold it right there!" came a loud shout.
Both spun around to see Sailor Jupiter standing atop the kitchen counter. "A cooking class
is meant to strengthen the bond between friends and make one elegant in the kitchen! Nothing
means more than a bento box packed with love, and I will not let you spill its contents across the
floor like this!"
Pesti-chan smacked his forehead. "Mako-chan, please, you're embrrassing both of us! Is
making really dumb speeches a defect all magical girls have upon transforming, or what?"
Jupiter vaulted through the air as the crazed killer tried to sweep her off the counter with
the mallet. She landed right next to Pesti-chan. "I won't ever let you hurt my friends, no matter
how strange or weird they are! Jupiter Oak Evolution!!!"
The swarming attack converged on the crazed killer. And then with but a single swipe the
crazed killer dispelled the Oak Evolution. The crazed killer chuckled. "Gomen ne, Kino Makoto,
but that doesn't work on me."
"Masaka!" Jupiter exclaimed. Her eyes narrowed. "Something more powerful, then!"
"No time!" Pesti-chan countered, flinging anything he could at the crazed killer who was
steadily stalking towards them: books, plants, coffee tables, lamps, couches, Mako-chan--Sailor
Pesti: [setting her back down.] "Gomen! I got a little overexcited there."
The crazed killer effortlessly dodged all the flying pieces of furniture, steadily stalking his
way towards our two hapless characters.
Pesti-chan frantically glanced around the room. "Um...idea!" He snapped his fingers, and
suddenly a horde of falling cabbages dropped onto the crazed killer, burying him up to his mallet
in large green balls of leaves.
"Run!" the underlord exclaimed, grabbing hold of Sialor Jupiter's hand and racing out of
"What about that guy with the oversized hammer?" Jupiter protested.
"He's not just after me!" Pesti-chan said, leaping down the stairs, Jupiter keeping perfect
pace alongside him. "This guy's also out to kill Chaos, Mayhem, Carnage and Havoc as well for
being here in Tokyo!"
"Shimatta!" Jupiter growled. "And Hotaru-chan and Ami-chan are with them now!"
Pesti-chan skidded to a stop. "Mako-chan, I know this goes against every principle I hold
to being a fanboy, but the crazed killer's left me no choice!"
Jupiter blinked. "You don't mean I have to..."
Pesti-chan nodded. "If we want to stop him before he finds the others, you have to do it to
* * *
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