Well, wasn't that a touching piece of work? Doesn't it just stir in your hearts the hope that Chaos might actually redeem himself in the series after all? Oh...you don't. Yeah, well, neither did this author.
Chaos: [pouting] "Some help you are! What, is this because of my Vampire Princess Michiru Chaosfic?! That's become an MST classic, I'll have you know!"
But what about the crazed killer who still knows what they did last fanfic? Had they forgotten? Had the crazed killer forgotten the time and run off to another hideously back Sailor Moon fanfic such as General Peterson's work? Was the plot ever going to get back to the return of said crazed killer?!
[Ahem!]
But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Leaping back to apartment 206--but making certain we avoid hitting the window this time around--we quickly change the scene back to Pesti-chan and Mako-chan's ongoing dinner date.
"So, how was the miso chicken?" Pesti-chan asked.
"You still need a little work at cooking," Mako-chan replied, still trying to reassure him.
"Hai hai," Pesti-chan said. "Could be worse; my cooking could be like Usagi's or Chaos'. Hers is like ingesting a one-day flu, and as for Chaos' cooking...he seems to have tapped into a way to resurrect pastry dishes."
"I HEARD THAT!!!!" the distant shout of Chaos blared into the apartment.
Mako-chan blinked in surprise. "Ara, he's very...excited, isn't he?"
"He's just jealous," Pesti-chan said. "I mean, he'd allow himself to get smited by anything to be here with you like the way you and I are here ...together...alone. Um, is it getting hot in here all of a sudden?"
Mako-chan, blushing, nodded and quickly shuffled over to open the windows.
Pesti-chan's face started to grow pink again as he nervously coughed into his fist. "Ano, Mako-chan, I tried asking you this before, so I'll try it again. Um...I really...you know...um, what was I saying again?...Shimatta!"
"Ganbaru, Kamui," Mako-chan said, smiling at him with her hand propped up under her chin.
"Ano...would you like to be my...could I be your...?"
The doorbell rang again.
"Havoc...!" Pesti-chan growled, the Anime vein throbbing on his forehead. "I swear if that's you coming back and trying to put the moves on my Mako-chan...!!"
"Oh, I'll get it," Makoto said, standing up.
"Let me," Pesti-chan insisted, brushing past her. Properly loading his cabbages on his forks, Pesti-chan prepared to greet the next patron at the apartment. "Here hentai, hentai, hentai...! Here hentai, hentai, hentai...!"
Makoto pulled back the curtains and peered through the window. Her green eyes widened as she saw a burly figure dressed in a black hooded cloak raise a large pan-dimensional mallet where his right hand used to be up to the door, ready to pounce.
"Kamui, look out!" she screamed, lunging for Pesti-chan.
Pesti-chan curiously looked at her as he twisted open the doorknob. She dove right into the underlord as the mallet smashed its way through the door, missing Pesti-chan's head by mere inches.
"Chikusho!" Pesti-chan exclaimed angrily. "You just had to come in to the fanfic right then, didn't you?! For a crazed killer you have the absolute *worst* sense of timing!!"
The crazed killer, identity still hidden beneath the large wide-brimmed black hat and thick black trenchcoat, raised the large mallet where his right hand used to be and leveled it to the underlod's head.
"You're next, Pestilence," the crazed killer stated.
Pesti-chan's eyes narrowed. "That voice...."
Suddenly Makoto stepped in between the two of them. "Kamui, get out of here. I'll hold him back."
"Wait a minute!" Pesti-chan protested. "Mako-chan, it's me he's after!!"
The crazed killer abruptly moved, pushing Makoto onto the couch as he lunged for Pesti-chan. Pesti-chan sprang backwards, tumbling over the kitchen counter and spilling bowls and utensils all over the floor with him. He opened his eyes just in time to see the crazed killer towering over him, bringing down the hammer.
"Sayonara, fanboy!"
"Cooking wok counter-strike!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, grabbing the wok and smashing it into the mallet, sending the large blunt implement of Mass Destruction slamming into the floor. Pesti-chan scrambled to his feet, diving over the couch as the crazed killer chased after him, wildly brandishing the mallet.
"It's no use running," the crazed killer stated. "It's sad really, Pestilence; you of all the fanboys were half normal. Had this just been your gratuitous self-insertion fanfic you might have survived. But now I must purge all of you from my beloved Sailor Moon universe!"
"Hold it right there!" came a loud shout.
Both spun around to see Sailor Jupiter standing atop the kitchen counter. "A cooking class is meant to strengthen the bond between friends and make one elegant in the kitchen! Nothing means more than a bento box packed with love, and I will not let you spill its contents across the floor like this!"
Pesti-chan smacked his forehead. "Mako-chan, please, you're embrrassing both of us! Is making really dumb speeches a defect all magical girls have upon transforming, or what?"
Jupiter vaulted through the air as the crazed killer tried to sweep her off the counter with the mallet. She landed right next to Pesti-chan. "I won't ever let you hurt my friends, no matter how strange or weird they are! Jupiter Oak Evolution!!!"
The swarming attack converged on the crazed killer. And then with but a single swipe the crazed killer dispelled the Oak Evolution. The crazed killer chuckled. "Gomen ne, Kino Makoto, but that doesn't work on me."
"Masaka!" Jupiter exclaimed. Her eyes narrowed. "Something more powerful, then!"
"No time!" Pesti-chan countered, flinging anything he could at the crazed killer who was steadily stalking towards them: books, plants, coffee tables, lamps, couches, Mako-chan--Sailor Jupiter: "Hey!"
Pesti: [setting her back down.] "Gomen! I got a little overexcited there."
The crazed killer effortlessly dodged all the flying pieces of furniture, steadily stalking his way towards our two hapless characters.
Pesti-chan frantically glanced around the room. "Um...idea!" He snapped his fingers, and suddenly a horde of falling cabbages dropped onto the crazed killer, burying him up to his mallet in large green balls of leaves.
"Run!" the underlord exclaimed, grabbing hold of Sialor Jupiter's hand and racing out of the apartment.
"What about that guy with the oversized hammer?" Jupiter protested.
"He's not just after me!" Pesti-chan said, leaping down the stairs, Jupiter keeping perfect pace alongside him. "This guy's also out to kill Chaos, Mayhem, Carnage and Havoc as well for being here in Tokyo!"
"Shimatta!" Jupiter growled. "And Hotaru-chan and Ami-chan are with them now!"
Pesti-chan skidded to a stop. "Mako-chan, I know this goes against every principle I hold to being a fanboy, but the crazed killer's left me no choice!"
Jupiter blinked. "You don't mean I have to..."
Pesti-chan nodded. "If we want to stop him before he finds the others, you have to do it to me now."

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