How's it goin', eh?

I may as well start off with my usual disclaimer:

The characters here are trademarks of their respective owners. I am not expecting any money from any story I write, and therefore am not taking any money away from the copyright holders.

This has nothing to do with any of my other stories (thank god), and the idea intruded into my head after my brain was corrupted by reading from the "The Screwed-Up Kidnapping Of Mako-chan" to the conclusion of Famine's Slasherfic in one sitting. o_O The idea was updated as I went through the remainder of the Fanboys! fanfics (which was DAMN
hard what with F8! Part IV and all), with the most notable (and destructive change) being Carnage's as he made a thunderous appearance almost immediately after I first read his Fanboys! debut.

Yes, Carnage, you ARE in it! You even get to smite stuff! Just take it easy since this is a relatively low-budget fanficfic, I can barely afford the actor fees as it is without renting out space for Planet Hentai ads!

That said, those notes quickly became plot points, and a full-fledged fanficfic was born. Everything up to and including the entire "Bean Wars" arc is fair game.

Anyway, it got real hard to write this thing as I went, especially with the mass introduction of characters beginning with Hysteria, but I somehow managed... I think... maybe...

Well almost. Hysteria is the only one who won't show here because, well, you have to be in the right state of mind to include her, and I don't know if I'll ever attain that state. I sure as hell hope not anyway...

I must also admit that even though numerous bootings occur to them in this fanficfic, I am a fan of Havoc and Havoc-chan since they make me laugh out loud quite often!

Needless to say, I should have heeded His Lordship Chaos' warning when I mentioned that I'd only read as far as Havoc's first Hentopia fic, but it's too late for that now isn't it?

Anyway, I must thank Lady Jupiter as her works inspired me to write fanfiction in the first place, and also to His Lordship Chaos as everything contained herein is indirectly his fault.

Oh, before you start SD-ing around the room with kitty ears and a tail Chaos, this is NOT a revengefic.

Ya it's got self-insertion, and therefore some self-gratification, (but of course!) but it's more along the lines of a Fanboys! tributefic than anything else.

Who'da thunk it'd ever happen?

Therefore I'd say the unlikely has happened and you've actually garnered a fellow fanfic author as an ally who just wants to learn and will be loyal and everything instead of as an enemy like... well, it's a long list to say the least...

(looks about for any flying octopi due to 'guilt by association')

Statistically speaking, previous avatars have either been fangirls who indulge in self-gratuitous scenes, or fanboys who, well, yeah Famine's OK but he's been smart enough to steer clear for quite some time, so I'll just mention Lord Charon and leave it at that. My point is that you've been due to have a fanboy from the opposite end of the spectrum arrive, and I have!

Does my arrival mean that Chaos' self-gratuitous moment will soon be upon us? Or does it mean that the world will come to an end shortly? Who the hell knows, I'm just biding time here really...

Anyway, I'm a huge fan of practically everything written by His Lordship Chaos, particularly the "DreamWorld Tales" and recent "Nocturnal Tour" stories, so when I discovered "Fanboys!", my was I in for a shock.

Naturally I had to write myself into this crazy world somehow.

It could be said that my experience within said world reflects my following Chaos' work. I'll be bitter about that by the endnotes I'm sure.

However, I was somewhat prepared for the Anime On DVD "Philosophies In A Tea Cup" column because of this. Hardly a compromise if you ask me...

Still, that doesn't mean I can forgive him for some of those horrid Chaosfic titles, or even others for actually writing them...

(Note to self: don't let Chaos know about the list of 'Titles He's Never Allowed To See.' Where'd I put that list again? Oh yeah here it is...

"Saving Private Ryoga"
"The World Is Not Ecchi Enough"
       (wait no, that one's not supposed to be shown to Havoc...)
"Ghostbusters In The Shell"
"Starship Tenchi"
"The Good, The Bad And The Ukyo"
       (ohhh I'm gonna get flamed for that one I bet...)
"The Phantom Mononoke" or was it "The Pokémon Menace"?
"A Wind Named Artemis"
"Neon Genesis Televangelist"
"War And P-chan"
"Whose Lain Is It Anyway?"
"Piccolonocchio"
"The...

Aw damnit I showed him.

Hey wait a sec, what're you...

Chaos! Stop writing those down! Stop it this inst-

No they are NOT 'gold' so stop writing... you too Hysteria!

Ah the hell with it...

At least the MSTiers know what to watch out for now...)

Even with the much different humour (if you could call it that after reading that sorry list seen above) that I use, this still follows my usual writing style, for the most part... well it does for my character at least.

I'm not really sure why I pointed that out...

Anyway, I'm a huge Jupiter fan. This should be obvious as my past stories are all somewhat Lita-centric. Except this one that is, it's (duh) Fanboy!-centric!

Also, normally I would state whether or not I'll be using NA dub names or original Japanese ones here, but that would be a moot point in this fic's case. Explaining it here would take too much time, but it'll become apparant soon enough.

Anyway, my other/future fanfics can be found at my "Writing" page at www.muskoka.com/~summertn/writing.html<.a> and probably anywhere else you got this fic from.

Damn this is long, guess I'd better cue the fanficfic then, eh?



Cyclops' Fanboys! Fanficfic - The Empty Vessel
by Scott "Cyclops" Summerton,
       Underlord Cadet Cyclops?
Last Revised Sunday January 16th, 2000
---------------

       Confessions of a Serious Fanfic Author...

       It all started innocently enough.
       I, Scott "Cyclops" Summerton, was wondering what I could do for a non-serious fanfic. I had already done a pseudo-horrorfic with "Let The Punishment Be The Crime," a somewhat comedic attempt in "Divided Destiny" that ended up serious once more, and the tear-jerker "Forever And A Day." Full-fledged work on the "Destiny" sequel "Divide By Zero" let alone the Criderfic "Shattered Rainbow" or my epic "Edge Of Heaven" would be too daunting to attempt without first getting some real humour out into the open.
       It was then that I read the entire "Curse Of The Fanboys!"
       A marathon session prompted the creation of "Y1K." Originally intended as a spoof story that I almost got away with, that only lasted until my serious instincts caught up with me and made "Y1K" the story is now is. Sure it received much more praise then anything I'd written before, but something was still missing.
       Then the "Bean Wars" were released and it hit me...
       Self-insertion.
       My previous chats with His Lordship Chaos about my lack of anime knowledge spurred me on, germing ideas, and then it suddenly all fell into place.
       I'll have to create an avatar, and I'll put him riiiiight...

       -----Meanwhile, in a apartment somewhere in Tokyo, Japan-----

       *ding dong*
       Three otaku looked up from what they were doing at the sound, yet none made the appropriate motions that a doorbell commanded.
       *ding dong*
       The one with long purple hair whom was lounging on the couch while reading the newspaper, apparantly checking on the stock market, absently remarked to the one sitting at the dining table. "It's your turn to get it."
       The target of the comment and the youngest of the three, paused from painting a resin Sailor Jupiter bust...
       (A statue from the shoulders up! Ecchi!)
       ...and answered. "Iie, I got it last time."
       "Well I'm not getting it."
       The third one, who was for some strange reason wearing pantyhose even though he was a he, looked up from the computer. "Ara ara, I'll get it, just let me save my progress on 'Voltage Fighter G. I. Joe' first."
       After saving the crime to fanficdom to the hard drive, he made his way to the door and opened it to reveal a young man in his early 20s. He was clad in black pants, running shoes and a heavy red sweater. Though he stood 6'3", from the look of his build he couldn't have weighed more than 150 lbs.
       "Excuse me," began the stranger in perfect english, "but could you tell me where I am?"
       The door-opener was happy to answer. "You standing outside our
glorious apartment!"
       The visitor ran a hand through his short brown hair, still puzzled. "No, I mean, WHERE am..." He paused, then pointed at the newspaper-reading man. "Purple hair? Who are you guys?"
       "You must be a new avatar, so I guess it can't hurt to introduce ourselves, us hiding would only prolong the inevitable anyway." He too pointed to the newspaper-reader. "That is Mayhem." He pointed to the bust-painter. "The one with the bust of my Mako-chan..."
       The otaku-in-question abruptly shouted "WHOSE MAKO-CHAN?!" but the door-opener/introducer just ignored him.
       "...is Pestilence, or Pesti-chan, and I am none other than His Lordship Chaos."
       The one called Mayhem finally looked up from his newspaper. "Actually, we all are His Lordship such-and-such, Sailor Dragqueen here just has an ego so big he has trouble fitting his head through the door on most days. Also, my full name is Dark Mayhem, but that's not all that important unless you piss me off."
       After blinking a few times, Cyclops was able to utter the eloquently phrased "Holy crap I'm in Fanboys! Tokyo!"
       "You're not from around here are you?" questioned the quickwitted Chaos.
       "No, I'm from Canada. Bala, Ontario to be more specific."
       "Never heard of it." remarked the Torontonian Chaos.
       "I can't believe I'm in the Fanboys! series! He didn't tell me he was sending me HERE!" The newcomer paused. "Wait-a-sec, YOU'RE Chaos?"
       Being familiar to this series of events leading to potentially painful smitings, (are they any other kind?) Chaos answered tentatively. "Hai... and you might be?"
       "Scott, or at least his avatar I think. He didn't tell me anything really when he created me."
       Chaos blinked.
       He Who Is Named Scott continues. "Scott Summerton?"
       Chaos blinked twice this time.
       Scott seemed frustrated. "Scott 'Cyclops' Summerton?"
       This time Chaos shrugs while Pesti-chan turns to Dark Mayhem.

       "He's not related to any Triclops' is he?"
       Dark Mayhem responds. "Doubtful."
       Scott remains undaunted. "I write fanfics?"
       "Well... yeah that much is a given." replies the unimpressed Chaos.
       "'Let The Punishment Be The Crime'? Jupiter's old boyfriend gets what he deserves for dumping her?"
       "Nope, though I wouldn't mind reading it based on that premise."
       "How about 'Divided Destiny'? Jupiter and her best friend switch bodies?"
       "Doesn't ring a bell, though it sounds like one that would."
       "'Forever And A Day'? Jupiter's plates? The hope chest?!"
       "Sorry."
       Scott's frustration grew. "What about 'Y1K'? Surely you've heard of 'Y1K'!!"
       "Ano..."
       Scott was sensing this was a lost cause. "My unfinished 'Edge Of Heaven'?"
       "The name sounds somewhat familiar..."
       "It should, as you provided the title. Or at least, your author did..."
       "You'd think I'd remember something like that."
       Scott was down to one last title. "'Shattered Rainbow'? The Criderfic sequel?"
       Havoc's attention was gathered. "Crider? Samuel Louis Crider? Dr. Allosaurus?"
       Pesti-chan looked grim. "Hmmm, when these two agree on something, we end up having problems..."
       Cyclops decided to intervene at this point. "Does Havoc travel to hentai or does hentai travel to Havoc?"
       Dark Mayhem replied nonchalantly. "You may as well ask which came first: the chicken or the egg, as you'd probably answer that one sooner." He turned to Havoc. "When did you show up anyway?"
       Havoc shrugged. "Does it matter?"
       Dark Mayhem couldn't argue with that logic. "Not really, seeing as you'd show up before long anyway."
       "Ara that's enough of that!" Blink. "Oohhh wait a sec that's by YOU! Sorry, but if you've been keeping up with us as you said, you'd understand that we're weary of this being a revengefic like Charon's or those by Sailor Star Polaris..."
       CUE THE GENTLE UTERUS!
       Scott peered up through the hole in the ceiling. "I bet this even happens 'off camera' too, eh?"
       "We'd worry if it didn't." confirmed Dark Mayhem.
       "I still find it remarkable that after all this time he still hasn't gotten her name right. I mean even I, someone who is new to anime in general could even get it right! How hard can it be to say Sailor Star Pola... ImeanStarSailorPolaris! StarSailorPolaris!!!"
       As Scott cringes awaiting the inevitable, a note on a string falls through the hole in the ceiling stopping directly in front of his face reading "That's your only warning rookie. Nod if you understand."
       Needless to say he nods eagerly, causing the note to reel back into through the ceiling.
       By now Chaos has finally clambered (it's a word, look it up!) out of the uterus hole. "NA NI!? Rookie mistake?! The first time I got it wrong I got a mortal enemy! What justice is that?!"
       CUE THE SECOND GENTLE UTERUS!
       Dark Mayhem casually ignored the uteri like a everyone should ignore Rini. "Pesti-chan, this is what we call a newbie."
       "You mean someone who knows less about anime than I do?"
       "Yeah that'd about cover it."
       "And he's eager to learn but has no access? That's kinda like a reverse Desolation. One can't get enough anime and the other can't get any."
       Now Dark Mayhem was curious. "So what brings you here?"

       "I have no idea. Within seconds of my author creating me I was standing outside your door with no explanation whatsoever."
       "Sounds like our author." remarked a returning Chaos.
       Scott stuck his hands into his pockets. "I believe they get along quite well actually." With his hands in his pants, he discovered something. He pulled it out.
       (ECCHI! It's a folded up piece of paper! Damn you!)
       Scott unfolded it. "Hey, it's a note from my author!"

              Hi,
              You might be wondering 'why?' right about now.
              That's easy.

              Chaos has been underlordless since Pesti-chan achieved
              the Rumblequake.

              That and I was bored.

              By the time this is through, you'll be asking 'why?' a
              lot more times.

              The answer to those is 'because I can.'

              And likely the fact that I'll still be bored by then.

                     Scott "Cyclops" Summerton

              PS - I would offer my sincerest apologies in advance, but
              I'm actually looking forward to all of this. Have fun!

       The fanboys glanced at each other. Pesti-chan was the first to speak. "Did anyone else not like the sound of that?"
       Chaos, however, was open to the idea. "A new underlord huh?"
       Dark Mayhem cut right to the chase. "Well, if you're gonna be here for a while, let's at least know what were dealing with. We'll gauge his knowledge levels, starting with ownership... How many anime things do you own?"
       "Hmmm, well, I've got lots of Sailor Moon images on my hard drive..."
       "Doesn't count."
       "Do realvideo fansubs count?"
       "No."
       "Do anime mp3s count?"
       "No."
       "Do..."
       "Nothing on your computer counts."
       "Oh..." Blink. So basically it's down to just videos?"
       "Yes."
       "OK, well..." Scott ponders for a moment. "I plan to own a bunch of DVDs when I get the chance, like the Sailor Moon movies, Ghost In The Shell, Spriggan, Akira..."
       "But have you seen any of those?"
       "Other than the Ghost In The Shell dub I saw last month, no."
       "Doesn't count."
       "Well, then I guess the only thing I own is a bootleg of the unedited Street Fighter II animated movie...
       (pause inserted for dramatic effect)
       ...dubbed."
       Dark Mayhem starts to drool while Chaos mumbles "empty vessel..."
       Pesti-chan, wondering just exactly why his fellow overlords went catatonic, doesn't question Scott further...
       So Havoc does...
       "Tell me," begins the self-proclaimed Hentenno-sama as he inserts a tape into the VCR, the label unseen by all. "Do you know of the power of hentai?"
       Scott replies uneasily. "I... I am aware, though I have yet to even see any hentai at all for myself.
       Havoc starts giggling uncontrollably as he presses the play button, but soon that gives way to a terrifying laugh that rattles the very walls...
       "Virgin eyes! It has been a while since I have..."
       "Havoc!"
       ^-^ "Oro?"
       THOOM!
       "Sorry about that, we can't have him corrupting the guests before we get a chance to do it ours-OW! Mayhem!"
       "He means at all, can't have him corrupting the guests AT ALL! Right Chaos!"
       "Right, right, of course." Chaos headed towards the kitchen. "Before we get started, can we offer you a drink?"
       "Sure, just nothing alcoholic."
       (o.O) "You... don't drink?"
       "Nope."
       Chaos, apparantly forgetting about the kitchen entirely, mumbles under his breath while salivating. "So much potential..." He then speaks out loud, saliva flying everywhere. "So you don't own much, therefore you haven't seen much, but have you read much?"
       "Um, I've read every story posted on A Sailor Moon Romance, even everything in the hentai section."
       "Hmmm, he's dedicated too..." remarked the innocent Pesti-chan. He glances around for Havoc. "Ne Chaos, that hentai comment should have brought Havoc back by now. You booted him good this time."
       "It won't last and you know it..."
       "Hai, he's probably landed near the readers by now."
       A saddened look suddenly crossed Scott's face. "Actually, I missed the December 26th update on ASMR, the last one of 1999. You wouldn't happen to have it would you?"
       "Ara, sorry."

       (Author's Note: My avatar is upset, and so I am, as I missed the update too! Email me if you've got it! Pretty please!)

Page 2