Dark Mayhem decided to change the subject in hopes of avoiding a sad moment typical of Scott's author. "What should we call you anyway? Scott seems so bland don't you think? I mean in the realm of our fanfic at least. And you don't really know enough anime to pick a fitting psuedonym yet..."
"Are Lord Apocalypse or Lord Armageddon taken?"
"That'd be setting some lofty expectations, ne?"
"Probably. I guess Cyclops will do."
Dark Mayhem continued his questioning, for it was easier to have just one fanboy speak for the sake of the readers' remaining scraps of sanity. "You're Canadian too right?"
"Right. I live about two hours north of Toronto."
"Not bad not bad... so you're a Sailor Moon dub fan right?"
"How'd you know?"
"Comes with the territory."
"That part of Canada or being an otaku?"
Dark Mayhem smirked, barely showing his pointed fangs. "Take your pick."
Chaos himself finally decided to question Scott. "So just what anime HAVE you seen?"
"Dubs mostly. Sailor Moon, Patlabor movies, Ghost In The Shell, Macross Plus, a little Ranma 1/2 and a few others. Plus subs of some Sailor Moon, Appleseed, early Berserk and the odd other show."
"With that little anime experience, would he be an underlord in training, training?" asked Pesti-chan.
Dark Mayhem was thoughtful for a moment before answering. "Underlord Cadet sounds more likely."
"You read the ficfic's title didn't you." presumed Pesti-chan.
Back to Chaos. "So you write? I've never seen you at the Anipike Studios... ne, you don't work in the Dojiworks division do you?!"
"Nope, but because I've got such a small portfolio I'm still just working in the independents. 'Y1K' got some good press, so hopefully my 'Edge Of Heaven' proposal can garner enough interest to score me a budget that accomodates the epic-ness I have planned for it. After that one I have a few period pieces planned that should be
"I understand you want to work in Dojiworks for a few scenes of 'Shattered Rainbow' though right?" asked Havoc.
"Possibly just mere flashes of them at the most."
"Flashes? Hotcha! The best kind of scenes!"
Cyclops could only blink at the latest development. "When did you get back?!"
Dark Mayhem couldn't help but snicker. "If you'll be here for a bit, you'll have to get used to that."
"That and replacing your wardrobe on a hourly basis thanks to the Cream Lemon." stated a sorrowful Chaos.
Pesti-chan looked worried. "Speaking of which, we're about due for one here as it is, so we may as well take Scott, or Cyclops, siteseeing so we can have the landmarks Cream Lemoned instead of our apartment."
Havoc bounded out the front door. "Cream Lemon for everyone! And Jello! Hotcha!"
The fanboys and their guest followed.
-----Later that day, in scenic Tokyo, Japan-----
"So," began a thoroughly-enjoying-himself Cyclops, "what kind of powers do I get here?"
Chaos was curious. "Powers? Oh you mean anime abilities? I don't know if you'll even have any really."
Dark Mayhem had to agree. "But don't worry about that, as it means you're here without a disorder as well. Consider yourself lucky."
"Hey check out that poster!" shouted Cyclops as he pointed at a telephone pole. "There's going to be a Sharon Apple concert at the Tokyo Dome in a few months!"
Dark Mayhem's eyes narrowed. Was it because of the evil that Sharon Apple represented? Was it because of the potential damage that she caused when around? Was it the fact that they the fanboys would likely be blamed for said damage and forced to pay the repair bills?
Or was it because he had just bought shares in the Tokyo Dome?
"Shit, I've got to rearrange my stock portfolio ASAP..."
Yep, he had shares.
"I didn't think she was all THAT hot in Macross Plus." continued Cyclops. "Myung was much more attractive in my opin...whoa..." Cyclops started to sway as if fainting, then...
"Holy crap!" exclaimed Chaos.
"What the hell happened?!" shouted Pesti-chan.
"Well would ya look at that." drawled Dark Mayhem.
Indeed! It seems the 6'3" Canadian had suddenly become a 5'3" Japanese native, with a body and hairstyle just like that of Mizuno Ami. The only discrepancies were the fact that the face, albeit still very attractive, was somewhat different than Ami's, and the hair was not only a tad curlier, but a kawaii bright green as well!
Oh, that and he was now a she!
"He turned into a greenette!"
"A greenette, Chaos?"
"Well what would you call a green-haired girl, Pesti-chan?"
"I think 'green-haired girl' sounds good."
"My Ami-chan, a beautiful bluenette..."
Chaos decided to ignore the now-simmering Dark Mayhem, "Well I definitely didn't see that coming, though perhaps I of all people should have, what with his following of my illustrious career and all!"
"You mean your author's career." quipped Dark Mayhem.
"Anyway," ignored Chaos, "it seems for a disorder he's got..."
"Wait-a-sec," interrupted Pesti-chan, "let me get this one. Hmmm, he's not wet, so it's not a Jusenkyo curse... There's no fuku to speak of, so it's not a magical girl transformation... It can't be Zoantropic since there was no energy burst..." He looks up. "It's the middle of the day, so it can't be a Maze transformation." Pesti-chan scratches his head. "I'm stumped. Still, he went kinda faint there for a second. Hmmm..."
"Good try, but we can't blame you for not guessing it, much as I'd like to." began Chaos. "Remember how he's got very limited anime knowledge? Well, his disorder reflects that and actually had to draw from a manga instead!"
Dark Mayhem had his say. "Hey there is a bit of a resemblance to the girl from, what was it... Futaba-kun Change?"
"Hai. Whenever he get's, you know, excited, be it by any girl, willingly on her part or not, at any time, even if she's not there and he's just daydreaming, he'll feel faint and then it'll happen. EVERY time."
A word balloon pops up above the startled newcomer filled with the delicate and very feminine looking kanji for "What?"
Pesti-chan's eyes bulged as he made an observation. "Even like that he still doesn't actually say 'na ni', interesting..."
Dark Mayhem made his own commentary. "Sure takes the faulty dating chromosome disorder to a new level..."
"Hai. I'd gladly ignite into flames rather than have *that* happen to me." resounded Chaos.
As Cyclops raised a slender hand to his equally slender throat, another word balloon appeared filled with beautiful kanji, this time reading "Where's my voice?!"
"Yeah," began Pesti-chan, "where is it guys?"
Dark Mayhem appeared thoughtful yet again. "Hmmm, because there is no Futaba-kun Change anime yet, there is no seiyuu for the part of Futaba-chan. Therefore: Cyclops, who has just become the anime Futaba-chan, HAS no voice!"
Pesti-chan turned to Chaos. "How's he change back?"
"I don't know."
A new (and friggin' huge) word balloon filled with "WHAT?!" written in elegant kanji dominates the sky above the three fanboys and the startled fan... um... well you know... the one who now has bright curly green hair.
"Hey, I only know OF the manga, I don't know every detail!"
Dark Mayhem was still thoughtful. "Well, I'd imagine when he's not 'excited' he'd change back, but as long as he's excited, even looking like that, I think he'd stay like that."
Suddenly Cyclops' now-green eyes went wide as a reaction to not only Dark Mayhem's statement, but also to a gust of wind that blew by.
"Hotcha! She looks just like Ami, but her hair and eyes match beautifully with my lime-green Jello and not the blueberry! I wonder why she'd taunt me so by not wearing a bra, but nonetheless, I got her magnificent panti... NA NI KORE?! BOXERS?! She taunts me with SD Sailor Senshi boxers?! This I'd expect from Haruka but not one such
as..." He glances at the boxers. "Aah! All the Inners in bikinis!"
Suddenly a shadow loomed over the Hentenno.
Havoc careened into (and through) a far wall thanks to his being smited by a word balloon containing "GIVE THOSE BACK!" in the now-familiar exquisite kanji.
"Phew! No Cream Lemon!"
"He... she? just didn't hit him hard enough, Pesti-chan."
"Ano, those kanji must be sharp, ne Mayhem?"
"I'd say so. Plus that noise the word balloon made was fairly impressive too, something like a cement pillow."
Pesti-chan's only response to that statement was (o_O)
And that's when Cyclops started to cry.
'Wail' would probably be the more correct term for it actually.
"Thank Kami-sama the crying is mute!" remarked Dark Mayhem. "It'd be hell to listen to if it were done by Usagi's seiyuu."
"Hold on, I got an idea." said Chaos as he ran towards the nearby payphone.
"I thought I smelled smoke." commented Dark Mayhem
After looking through the phonebook, Chaos placed a call. "Hello, Belldandy?"
Pesti-chan looked wearily to Dark Mayhem. "The Goddess Technical Hotline?"
"This can't be good."
"Ne Mayhem, look at Cyclops."
Cyclops was on his knees, practically swimming in the clothes which were now too big for his female body. Tears were streaming down his gentle face as the wails turned to sympathy-demanding sobs.
And of course, his newly-green eyes (they were blue before) had entered what the fanboys referred to as Bambi territory: huge and overflowing with tears. Pleadingly he looked towards the fanboys for help.
"My," began Pesti-chan in a surprisingly out-of-the-moment tone of voice, "quite the dramatic moment, ne Mayhem?"
"His author likes to do this now and then: combining dramatic moments with elements of humour on top of an underlying plot."
"How'd you know that?"
"I read the pre-Tokyo parts of the fanficfic while you were pre-occupied with that Makoto bust."
"I still wish I could find a life-like nude statue similar to the one of Mercury that you have in your study."
Dark Mayhem paused. "I don't have a like-like nude statue of Ami-chan in my study..."
Pesti-chan went red in the face. "Ah, then give Ami my best next time you see her 'kay? I don't think I'll be walking, talking, breathing, or just plain functioning properly once Mako-chan hears about this, accident or not."
Dark Mayhem brushed it aside. "Still, we really should have gone alone with that dramatic bit you know." He looked to Cyclops, who had stopped crying and was now looking at the two curiously. "See what we did? We went and ruined a perfectly good dramatic moment."
"That won't please his author."
"I don't think his author truly knew what he was getting into by writing this, really. He DID read all of our fics within a week, willingly!"
Suddenly the goddess Belldandy appeared, interrupting their conversation. Immediately her face takes on one of pity for he who was dragged into fanboyland (which is reputedly much better than Euro Fanboy!Land) as she approached him.
"Maybe the author was more prepared than I thought." countered Dark Mayhem. "Here comes another dramatic moment already."
Belldandy, who is wisely ignoring the fanboys themselves, places her right hand amidst the curly green hair on Cyclops' head. A white glow emits from the contact as she scans his head.
"Very little anime knowledge, placed here with virtually no instructions other than..." Belldandy's eyes widden in shock. "To be Chaos' underlord?! You poor poor soul..." She removes her hand from Cyclops' head and turns to the fanboys. "You were correct in his attaining the Futaba disorder due to lack of anime knowledge, and yes
he will change back when he is no longer 'excited,' as you put it."
She turns back to Cyclops. "Thankfully he's not as much of a lost cause as he would have been had this ficfic been finished before the author went on his Christmas vacation since the anime experience has nearly doubled since then, with solid titles at that." She turns back to the fanboys. "He is relatively an empty vessel though, so the fact that he has been entrusted into your care, let alone Chaos' specificaly, troubles me greatly. Regardless of that, those are his
author's wishes and they must be followed."
Chaos finally speaks up for the first time in pages. "But what about my wish?"
"Hm? Oh yes, a most noble one at that I must admit, especially from one such as yourself." She stands before Cyclops, who is now standing as well. This WAS he first time encountering an actual goddess afterall. "I shall grant you a voice. You are unable to choose, but rest assured it will be one you are familiar with." She places her hands on Cyclops' throat. "Fare thee well, and good luck, knowing them you'll need it..."
With that she disappeared.
Chaos was beaming at his handiwork. "So? What seiyuu did you get?"
Cyclops tentatively spoke. "Hello?"
Chaos went (o_O)-eyed. "That's not a seiyuu..."
Pesti-chan continued. "That's a North American dub actress..."
Dark Mayhem concluded. "That's SAILOR MERCURY'S dub actress!"
The Amy Anderson-voiced fanperson looked somewhat disappointed. "Aw crap, an accent I can't place? Damn it to hell!"
Chaos raised both eyebrows this time. "THAT sounded out of character."
Dark Mayhem agreed and countered at the same time. "Yet somehow it works for him... her... you know. I wonder what Ami-chan will think."
"Eh, it's not all bad." commented Chaos. "Belldandy could have picked some pretty annoying voices in place of Karen Bernstein's."
"As much as I like how this voice makes me sound REALLY intellectual and stuff, I'd still prefer to have Susan Roman's Lita voice instead..."
Pesti-chan made a decision. "We may as well head back to the apartment and deal with these undoubtedly traumatic developments, don't you think?"
Cyclops, hugging his loose closes to him(her?)self, just nodded. After a short time, he absently made a comment. "So this is what I get for switching the Jupiters when I wrote 'Divided Destiny?'"
Dark Mayhem sighed. "Weren't you paying attention during the shameless plug segment at the beginning of the fanficfic, Pesti-chan? He wrote a fic that took place in Lady Jupiter's 'Jupiter Knight' universe that had Makoto and Shinozaki unwillingly swapping bodies."
"Oh! Ara, that sounds like what Belldandy did to Chaos and Beans a few fics ago."
Chaos shuddered, yet readjusted what could only have been a bra. "Don't remind me about that, let's just head back shall we?"
-----A short time later, they re-enter the apartment-----
"You know," began Dark Mayhem as he led the way through the door, "With some blue hair dye and contact lenses you'd practically be a dead ringer for Ami." He squints. "You'd have to have your hair parted on the opposite side of course."
Cyclops follows into the apartment while looking into Chaos' much-too-convenient compact and shaking his head. "At least it's not like Relena Peacecraft's hair, but bright green?"
"Shimatta!" exclaimed Chaos as he entered with Pesti-chan right behind him. "That's not just bright green, it's practically neon green! I bet it'd glow in the dark!"
Cyclops handed Chaos back his compact. "Guys, what should I be called when I'm like this? He? She?"
"That sounds good." answered Chaos as he pocketed that which he shouldn't really own.
"You're one to talk." chastised Dark Mayhem.
"I'm serious! I'm gonna be spending a lot of time like this if I'm in a world full of anime babes, right! What do you call Chaos when he's Sailor Haley?"
"Hush Uber Exploder Newt-boy!"
"Speaking of anime babes, which I guess you can almost count yourself a member of now, who're your favourites?" asked Pesti-chan.
"Well, Myung from Macross Plus was attractive, as was Kusinagi in Ghost In The Shell. Yuki from Tekkaman Blade II was cute too, but I can only really fairly comment on Sailor Moon. My favourite would
have to be Lita..."
"You mean Mako-chan." was growled by two of the fanboys.
"Though Amy comes in at a close second..."
"You mean Ami-chan." growled (and twitched!) the last fanboy.
"But I must admit that they're all rather attractive in their own way. The Inners at least. Mina's gorgeous, and Raye is pretty hot too, and I don't care if that IS a bad pun."
"What about the Outers?"
"Saturn? She's 12! Uranus? Uh-uh. Neptune? She's nice, but then Uranus comes into play again. Pluto? Not for me."
Dark Mayhem took the initiative. "If you're going to be staying here for any length of time, you're going to have to get used to the local names, you know. Ours too."
Cyclops didn't seem too concerned. "Well, for the most part I will. The Outers will be easy enough to handle since there aren't any dub names for them so I'm already used to the Japanese ones. I can likely get away with Mina for Minako, and Rei equals Raye in pronunciation so I'll be fine there anyway. Ami will likely just attribute my calling her Amy to my being from out-of-town, an accent if you will, which fits with this voice. Usagi is so kind she won't even mind much if I call her Serena. Hmmm, Makoto/Lita will likely be the hardest."
"We wouldn't have it any other way!" remarked the ecstatic Chaos and Pesti-chan as they seated themselves on the couch.
"You'll have to register in school too." ponders Dark Mayhem as he too sat on the couch. "I think it'd be easier to register you as a girl."
"Are you nuts?! Besides I'm 22!"
"Not here you aren't, trust me." countered the eldest overlord. "Regardless, do you honestly think you can withstand an entire day at Jyuban High surrounded by anime babes and NOT get excited."
Cyclops bowed his head in defeat as Chaos passed him an extra Jubann High girls' fuku. "Skirts and bows it is."
Cyclops then leaned against the wall. "Stupid author, writing me in as Chaos' underlord of all people. I suppose being a female human IS better than being an omnipotent newt though, so I can be glad I'm not Mayhem's underlord."
"Feh." was Dark Mayhem's only reply.
"Why couldn't I have been Pesti's underlord? At least I'd get the girl, or at least get to feel her butt while making out, and get to drive cool mechs to boot."
"Mecha." countered... well... they all probably would have said it so it doesn't matter who I single out really.
"Whatever." replied an unimpressed Cyclops as he entered to the unoccupied kitchen to change. After a few moments he returned now clad in the fuku and holding his regular clothes in his arms. "Hey, where can I put these?"
"Try your pan-dimensional pocket." answered Pesti-chan. "Say, what's in yours anyway? With such little anime experience I'm curious to know what you've got."
"Beats me, how do I check?"
Pesti-chan shrugged. "Just 'reach' really."
Cyclops raised his still-dainty hand into the air. "OK, let me see..."
"Maybe it's just a mallet?" began Pesti-chan. "A mini-cold shower to 'un-excite' you at opportune times? Maybe you've got a..." (O_O) "YAAAHH!"
The three fanboys quickly scrambled off the couch as a massive sword longer than any of them severed it in half.
(You thought I'd skip that "longer than any of them" line didn't you? Well I didn't... ECCHI!)
"That-That's Gatts' sword from Berserk!" shouted Chaos.
"And there we have his power." announced Dark Mayhem.
"Pesti-chan," began Chaos, "I hold you responsible for the damage to our couch."
"NA NI?!" exclaimed the accused fanboy.
"It WAS your idea to see what was in his pan-dimensional pocket!"
"Just a 10' sword?" remarked an unimpressed Cyclops as he hefted the 10' sword with ease, a strange site considering he just barely passed 5' in his current state. "I don't care how big it is, this is all I get for a power?"
"Again, it matches your inexperience." countered Dark Mayhem. "Just be glad its size isn't directly related as well else you'd be wielding the dagger Natsuki has in Hyper Police instead."
"But--! But--! I'm also the author here right?"
"Uh oh..." started Chaos. "I've seen this before in emails..."
"Na ni?" pondered both Dark Mayhem and Pesti-chan.
"I can't believe this! It doesn't make sense!"
Chaos' concerns were valid. "Look out he's gonna rant!!"
"I should have infinite powers! This is a self-insertion fic, so I'm the author as well! But I wrote myself into the fic as I started writing the fic, so I shouldn't even be here in anime Tokyo, but I am because... because I'm writing it... I... wait a sec, how can I write you guys knowing about all this anime that I the author don't even know about... @_@ I gotta sit down..."
"I used to think paradoxes were kinda fun..." stated an equally swirly-eyed Chaos.
"Now I know why I never bothered to try and figure out how self-insertion into our fanficfics works before." claimed Dark Mayhem. "Still, with your inexperience you don't have that 'all-powerful' priviledge yet."
The author must point out a paradox that occured thanks to the infamous moviefic. If the Megane 6.7 pan-dimensional eraserfic destroyed all fanfics by or starring you-know-who, why did the moviefic continue to exist? @_@
Sorry about the extra rant, we will now return you to your regularly scheduled fanficfic...
Cyclops suddenly staggered as he went to sit down on the split couch, dropping the sword as he fell.
Cyclops looked at him(yes him!)self. "Finally!"
"Good!" responded Chaos, still mildly light-headed. "Now don't get too excited again for a while, ok?"
"I'll try not too. Now that I've changed back, I've no qualms about going to the bathroom anymore." He heads into the bathroom.
"Why was he waiting to go to the bathroom until now?"
"Think about it Pesti-chan, how many times are you aware of that Chaos went to the bathroom as Sailor Haley?"
"None, and that's still too many."
Chaos seemed oblivious to the insult. "Did you guys notice that when he was ranting at us in Futaba mode, he didn't sound all that mad?"
"Hai. It was somewhat kawaii actually." replied Dark Mayhem.
"Probably another level to his disorder." deduced Chaos. "Even though he can look mad, he can't sound it in female form."
"Should we tell him?" queried Pesti-chan.
"And ruin the fun?" smirked Dark Mayhem. "No way." Suddenly he realized something. "It's actually somewhat reminiscent of our resident whip-wielding leather-wearing housemaker."
Chaos was aghast. "Don't say that or she'll show up!"
"Nah, she'll probably just taunt the readers instead of us."
"But what if we're reading it?" countered Pesti-chan.
"I... I don't know..."
"Another thing I noticed," continued Chaos, "is that this author often jumps from past tense to present tense during the course of the fanficfic. Should we be worried?"
"Nah." replied Pesti-chan. "No one else has noticed so it can't be too much of a problem."