-----Later that day at a mall, the name of which to remain undisclosed due to wishes to not be publicly associated with the fanboys because of past acts of visitation on their part, as is their right in accordance with the Japanese Mall Anonymity In Any Fanboys! Fanfic Or Fanficfic Act, passed at Shinjuku Towers on the morning of 10 January 2000, which is punishable by dismemberment, torture, humiliation and finally death if viola...
Um, right... they're at some mall-----
Minako phewed as she dropped into a seat at the mall's food court, her hands naturally filled with shopping bags from numerous clothes outlets. The other girls did the same, each with purchases of varying degree ranging from Usagi challenging Minako's haul to Ami's solitary scarf. Her load was sure to grow, as were Rei's and Makoto's, what with their favourite stores were coming up during the second leg of the mall crawl.
The fanboys had fared well for themselves too. At the peculiarly placed stonemason's shop both Dark Mayhem and Pesti-chan could be seen placing orders with the resident sculptor, including the handing over of pictures and quick pointing instances towards the brown and blue haired Senshi respectively. Not to mention the curious hand gestures both fanboys made, Pesti's being more exaggerated than Mayhem's. Delivery was due around the time the
fanboys themselves are finished reading this paragraph.
Chaos on the other hand actually had more bags than Minako. Strangely enough, they were from many of the same stores as her's as well.
Cyclops was simply overloaded, completely unaccostumed to the finer points of female shopping unlike the Senshi and Chaos. The physics of carrying that many bags would have gotten the best of him had Minako not helped him set them down.
"So, are you up for it?" asked Makoto as she stretched her lithe arms above her ponytailed head.
"Sure I'd LOVE to." answered the eager-sounding Pesti-chan.
Makoto looked to her fellow Senshi. "You guys are coming too right?"
Unanimous nods of approval were her answer.
She now turned to Dark Mayhem, Cyclops and yes, Chaos. "How about you guys?"
"Of course, especially since Ami-chan will be there." answered Dark Mayhem as smoke began to billow from his ears thanks to Ami (who was seated beside him) having her hand currently barren from view.
"You know I wouldn't miss THIS for ANYTHING!" exclaimed the giddy Chaos.
"Sure thing Mako-chan!" replied the equally giddy Cyclops. "I think a cooking lession for everyone is a great idea!"
(HAH! Fooled you didn't I you ecchi little hentais!)
"Don't forget to see if your cousin can come, that way we can get to know both of you better." reminded Ami.
Cyclops nodded, still in Musu-chan mode and now clad in some of his purchases. He, or more appropriately she, sported a dark green pleated skirt that was cut above her knees, and a small matching doudle-breasted vest which was buttoned right side over left. The vest, which not only allowed the skirt's top to be easily seen but also had a folded down collar, was over a long-sleeved white blouse that had a high collar buttoned at the neck. Black pantyhose adorned her legs while green ankle-high 2' heeled boots (of COURSE they match skirt!) were buckled snuggly to her feet. The matching jacket (light green with white liner, a welcome gift from the Senshi!) remained in it's bag.
Pesti-chan was nearly falling asleep by the time the paragraph had completed. "Huh, wha? Ugh, so much anal detail..."
Chaos yawned. "It's a trait of the author."
Pesti-chan would have given a greatly elaborate response had he been more awake. Instead he just mumbled "Ah."
Ami on the other hand was used to monotonous descriptions. Being one who lovingly sits in on med school seminars, she finds the sound of monotony to be a pleasant one. "Musu-chan, I can't help but admire your hair! I love the colour, and especially the style."
"Thanks Amy, sorry, Ami, but it's a real pain to maintain."
"Oh Musu-chan," began Minako, "you shouldn't comlpain about it! You know what they say..."
"Oh god here it comes..." winced Chaos.
"'Don't look at a gift that's a horse's butt!'"
Dark Mayhem blinked. "I think you mean 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth,' but that particular Minako-ism actually has its merits as well."
She nervously giggled. "Ah, gomen, er... arigato?"
He shrugged. "Either or."
Usagi was busy scanning the crowd during this exchange, apparantly eager to play matchmaker. The fact that Makoto was helping her made Pesti-chan and Chaos two very happy fanboys.
"Hey check out that guy Musu-chan!" pointed Makoto.
Cyclops' face was blank. "Why?" Blink. "Oh right! Uh, he's not my type."
Rei, who had begun passing out the food that Dark Mayhem and Pesti-chan had carried over, seated herself once more and quickly became more concerned with the day's purchases so far than anything else.
Cyclops was distracted however as he watched Usagi eat. Currently Usagi was working on a massive plate of noodles, and it was dwindling frighteningly fast. "No matter how prepared you think you may be, nothing can truly get you ready to watch her do that."
Rei pressed on. "Ne Musu-chan, what did you and Minako get in the Silky Doll lingerie store?"
Nosebleeds and spontaneous combustions ensued at the mere naming of the franchise.
Cyclops grudgingly displayed the assorted (and rather plain) bras and panties she purchased whereas Chaos was flaunting his. The baby blue nightie Cyclops raised caused a momentary pause however.
"Well I'd rather own my own nightie if I'm gonna be wearing one." rationalized the cursed fanfanboy.
"Then explain these..." demanded Pesti-chan as he pulled a purple frilly boustierre and a pair of matching panties (all silk), complete with garter and stockings.
"What?" blurted the red-faced Cyclops. "They were really soft, I couldn't resist. Besides, Mina insisted and I just couldn't say no after that."
That didn't satisfy Pesti-chan. "That still doesn't explain these..." This time he pulled out a sheer black (and practically see-through) lace bra and panty set, again complete with garter and stockings.
Cyclops blushed furiously. "I... well... you see..."
"Do not be embarrased! You are on the right path my Hentai apprentice. With your fantabulous speed you will make a worthy addition to my ranks. Of course I will have to liberate you of those as you are far too inexperienced to possess such silken treas..."
Havoc's latest appearance is a mere cameo however, and not even a full four sentences, for he was summarily booted into a Mir-like orbit which the fanboys hoped would last just as long.
"Stop bugging Musu-chan, Nagumo!"
Everyone turned to Makoto, only now lowering her fist after launching his hentaiship to the heavens.
"What? I'm just defending my friend, that's all."
"Well, we'd better be going ne, uh, Musu-chan?" asked Chaos.
"Havoc got the panties before Mako-chan booted him didn't he." questioned Pesti-chan.
"Only the ones I wearing..." mumbled Cyclops.
That was enough for Dark Mayhem, aware that 3 Havoc-related pantythefts in one day was likely taking it's toll on their guest. "Yep, it's time to go."
As the Senshi and fanboys begin to part ways, a newcomer made a gloriously dramatic entrance. First a shadow was cast over the group, followed by the suspenseful opening of "After Into The Dark" from Macross Plus! This entrance was so great that it could be for only ONE fanboy, and would forever be rememb...
What do you mean the opening theme from Magical Stage Fancy Lala is playing?!
"Doesn't everybody love the kawaii little music-chan that Hysteria picked for her kawaii dramatic entrance-chan?"
Oh dear god.
"Who said that?" asked Chaos.
Dark Mayhem looked worried. Was it because... ah hell he was just worried, let's leave it at that. "I think that it was the fanficfic's author."
Hysteria, what the hell are you doing here?
"Hysteria's sorry she's late for this kawaii fanficfic-chan! She guesses that when the invitation-chans were sent out, her's was lost in the mail!"
Uh, right, lost in the mail... Look, if you didn't get an invitation, how'd you know where to come?
"Hysteria just used her kawaii little mecha-chans to tap into the emails you and my author-chan have sent each other and tracked you down! Then she used the Remote Control-chan Of The God-chans to come here! It's such a kawaii plot development-chan, ne? Ne? Ne?"
Oh so it's His Lordship's fault eh? I'm not letting him mess with my fanficfic before it's even finished! I'm going to have to have a word with him personally!
---system message: author away from computer---
Pesti-chan didn't like the system message one bit. "This is a bad thing, right guys?"
The Senshi apparantly agreed, as they were beginning a hasty retreat. "Um, we have to be going now." stated Makoto.
"WAH! Bye Makoto-momma!"
"Please don't call me that."
Blink. "Makoto-momma is fine..."
With that the Senshi began the second leg of their mall crawl.
"You know," began the now author-less Cyclops, "it frightens me to think of what a Yggdrasil bug would do to her..."
"How come Cyclops-sama?" asked the practically sugar-coated fangirl.
"Cyclops-SAMA?" blurted Pesti-chan.
Dark Mayhem actually looked surprised, but it didn't last. "We HAVE been calling him an empty vessel remember. It's only natural that in the future he'd have gotten the anime knowledge he's seeking. Because of that, I guess he'll get REAL powerful."
"And he's MY Underlord Cadet!" beamed Chaos. "She called him Cyclops-sama too, so she's not his kid then right? At least that's taken care of."
"Are you sure about that Chaos?" asked Pesti-chan.
"Er, I think so." Chaos turned to Hysteria. "Ne Hysteria, who is that?" he asked while pointing at Cyclops.
"Don't you mean Musa-poppa?" asked Cyclops.
Chaos simply shook his head. "Deja vu all over again..."
"WAH! The look on Cyclops-sama's face reminds Hysteria of the time when she knocked over his kawaii little trophy case and all the little trophy-chans and belt-chans fell out!"
This one came from left field, so even Dark Mayhem (who was striving to be the stoic one in this fanficfic) was caught off guard. "Excuse me, but WHAT did you say?!"
Pesti-chan seconded the question. "Trophies? Championship belts?"
"YAH! In Crystal Tokyo-chan Musu-momma is a famous professional wrestler-chan at Havoc-poppa's Planet Hentai!"
Chaos fell straight onto his ass as his knees gave way. "Oh dear lord."
"What's wrong Chaos-momma? Havoc-poppa signed Cyclops-sama to a big contract-chan when he accepted the Futaba changing as a good thing just like Jolt-chan did with his Jusenkyo Curse-chan!"
Now Cyclops fell straight onto his pert little ass.
"WAH! What's wrong Musu-momma? You said you needed the big money-chans to pay for the damages that Chaos-momma, Dark-poppa and Pesti-poppa make when stuff falls through your floor-chan!"
Dark Mayhem was beyond confused by now. "Does that mean what I think it means?"
"Cyclops lives above our apartment in the future?" proposed Pesti-chan.
Cyclops suddenly stood up and started back towards the fanboys' apartment. "Miss Ecchiban?" came the startled comment with his cultivated voice. "I... I suppose it could be worse."
Chaos was right on his heels. "You're saying you'd LIKE to compete in that crazed wrestling pit? Granted I could win given the fact that I know karate, kung fu, and 47 other dangerous words."
"That's your philosophy isn't it Chaos?" queried Pesti-chan.
"In a tea cup." replied Chaos.
Cyclops looked at him with an 'are-you-an-idiot' look. "You're telling me that you'd turn down the chance to get paid to grapple in Jello against half-nekkid women?"
"He does have a point..." stated Dark Mayhem as he stared off into space. "I'd be there in a heartbeat if Ami-chan decided to participate."
"OOOOH! Musu-momma and Ami-momma were the best kawaii little tag team champion-chans!"
And that was when Dark Mayhem turned to ash.
Pesti-chan looked around. "How come Hysteria's getting away with foretelling the future without any punishment?"
The pile of ashes had recovered. "The author took off, remember?"
"I wish I could have done that." quipped Chaos.
---system message: author at computer---
"WAH! Author-chan! Author-chan!"
Hi Hysteria, I'm back alright. I had a talk with His Lordship. Nobody's at fault for your being here, I was just taken by surprise when you showed up. Guess what? He's lined up some friends for you to have a tea party with! Their names are Kage, Satoshi and Satsuki. They've just finished their current project and are looking for someone to... er, I mean, something to do. I understand he's trying to get someone named the Shadowqueen to attend as well.
"KAWAII!!!" exclaimed Hysteria, who suddently ran off to have a most glorious tea party, leaving the fanboys standing in the street once again with the Remote Control Of The Gods once again in their possession.
Chaos looked skyward as he clasped his hands together gratefully. "Thank you!"
Alright now. On the way back to the apartment, a seemingly innocent conversation strikes up.
"You know Cyclops," began Pesti-chan. "You're pretty lucky to have not encountered any anime villains yet."
He hadn't even closed his mouth when what should they hear?
"OHO HO HO HO HOH HOH OH!!!"
Chaos was wide-eyed. "Uh-oh."
Red Queen Kasumi now stood before them. "Call me the Queen and lick my boots, please!"
"You know, I've only heard a handful of real anime cackles," began Cyclops. "Eudial, both versions of Beryl and the dubs of Zoicite and Emerald/Esmeraude/whatever her name is."
"And?" asked Dark Mayhem.
"Well, whenever I read the laugh for the Red Queen, be it any variation, the only laugh I can really 'hear' is that of Jabba The Hutt."
Chaos gets a mental image of Jabba The Hutt in the Red Queen outfit...
...and then falls to the floor suffering massive convulsions.
"Even though I could take on the Red Queen persona when I'm Musume, I don't think there's anything that'll push me that far over the edge." commented Cyclops.
"I hope we don't need Dark Schnieder," stated Pesti-chan as he glances at Chaos who's mumbling 'Red Queen Jabba... nooo...' while flailing about. "Since I've got a feeling he and Sailor Haley'll be incapacitated for a while."
"That depends..." Mayhem cast a sideways-glance at Cyclops.
(O.O) "Why do I suddenly feel like a virgin about to be sacrificed?"
Pesti-chan winced. "Unfortunately you just said the magic words."
"Oh right..." He starts to think 'Must change subject! Must change subject!' "You know, I could really use my big-ass Berserk sword right about now."
Dark Mayhem "So? Just summon it."
"I tried, I don't know where it is."
"What the hell was that?" asked a startled Pesti-chan.
"No way!" exclaimed Cyclops. "I recognize that sound effect! I used it in Part Six of 'Divided Destiny' when Artemis was coughing up hairballs after sleeping with Mina!"
Pesti-chan began twitching violently. "'Divided Destiny' isn't inspired by a certain hermaphrodite we helped destroy in the moviefic is it?"
Pesti-chan made note to avoid naming the horror that was Oscar.
The author shudders as he realizes he just named Oscar.
The author starts freaking out because he did it again!
---system message: author composing himself, please wait---
The fanboys stare at the blinking cursor for a few moments.
---system message: author has been deemed fit to continue---
Cyclops blinked. "NO! NO! Artemis just slept next to Mina's head when they stayed over at Lita's due to cramped sleeping arrangements! He got hairballs from her long hair!"
Still twitching slightly from the mere mental image his misconception brought about, Pesti-chan struggles to speak. "I suppose that'll do for an explaination..."
"I think it's Rampage!" exclaimed Dark Mayhem. "She's... (o.O) She's choking?!"
Suddenly Chaos was well again due to the fact that one of his wildest dreams was coming true. "Rampage choking! Finally!"
"I didn't even know she could choke." continued Dark Mayhem as if Rampage choking was akin to Beans gleefully handing Chaos her lake god.
"KAHK! KAHK! KAHK! CLANG!"
"There's my sword!"
"Aren't you goint to wash it off first?" asked a disgusted Pesti-chan.
"Ne Mayhem, why would Rampage mistaken a 10' broadsword for a mascot?" asked Chaos.
"Perhaps she mistook it for some mascot-like creature from a hentai?"
As Chaos began convulsing once more, this time in kawaii-kitty mode, Cyclops looked wearily at the broadsword she's now brandishing. In this pose, the blade points upwards while the hilt originates from near the centre of her skirt creating a... well, a rather dirty looking image that we don't really need to describe any furth...
"Quite phallic, wouldn't you say my dear?"
Thank you Havoc.
"Demo, it's rather nipply out, ne?"
"AAAAAHHH!" shouted a hopping-mad Cyclops, creating a rather eye-catching Gainax bounce since she was now 'free.' She raised the sword over her green-haired head. "Give those back!"
Havoc raised the frilly bra and panties, which he recognized were Chaos' as he'd stolen them previously, then throatily purred "My you look/sound/smell/act/ooze kawaii when you're angry..."
And so Havoc was the first to be smited by Cyclops' big-ass Berserk sword.
And there was much Cream Lemoning.
Naturally the author hopes that by now you've forgotten all about Red Queen Kasumi, since he had only plotted as far as the inclusion of the scene and could not come up with an acceptable conclusion to it. Therefore he has decided to merely skip ahead beyond the ineveitable conclusion between our heroes and their foe, thereby completely avoiding the ill-conceived nigh-improbable badly convoluted outcome that would have to be thrown together at the last
Anyway... what do you mean that's not good enough?
Oh come on you REALLY want a conclusion to that? It'll be so stupid you wish you were having an evening at Lita's complete with Havoc and Jello and everything!
"Call me the queen, please!" demanded the polite dominatrix once more.
Cyclops shrugged. "You're the queen."
The Red Queen Blinked. "Could you repeat that, please?"
"You are the queen."
She blinked again. "OK." She blinked twice more. "Thank you."
As the Red Queen wandered off, she could be heard mumbling "I forgot to get her to lick the whipped cream off my boots! But she was *so* nice..."
Chaos finally calmed out of the kitty-mode he was in and managed to ask "What did you do that for?!"
"Well, she asked nicely, and only wanted to be called the queen."
Chaos was beside himself. "Shimatta... but it's not at all animelike! You haven't even gone SD yet!"
"WHAT?!" asked an incredilous Cyclops, cringing as he again noticed how sexy it sounded thanks to the inability to make his female Amy Anderson voice sound threatening. "Are you saying you want her to come back?"
Dark Mayhem immediately started backing away. "Don't say such things..."
"OHO HO HO HO HOH HOH OH!!!"
Anyway, on with the... oh now you're probably wondering how they escaped her a second time right? Well, would Carnage stepping on her with a Mecha Of Mass Destruction™ allowing everyone to escape and retreat back to the fanboys' appartment be OK?
What do you mean Carnage hasn't been introduced here yet? Oh that's right, the author hadn't heard of Carnage when he first started writing this scene and Hysteria interrupted what was going to be his really cool entrance beforehand. Just a sec...
-----Back at the fanboys' apartment in Tokyo, Japan-----
Suddenly the front door is blown off its hinges, and after it broke in half across Chaos' head, Rampage and Catastrophe managed to each eat half each before it caused any further damage to the apartment interior.
Carnage valiantly strode in through the smoldering doorframe.
"We really ought to get him a key." remarked a passive Pesti-chan.
The author would have started a long-winded description of the latest fanboy to enter the fanficfic, however due to a break down while negociating details of the contact, those specific rights were not secured.
That and Carnage yelled "There'll be none of that while I'M around!" really loudly during the meeting.
His madness was, well, mad. "I walk into town and on my way here what happens? First I scuff the left foot of my mecha on Kasumi and and then I scuff the right foot on what I'm guessing was Desolation. Now I come home find the front door is broken off its hinges, and my Tenchi Masaki syndrome is already kicking in during my first paragraph of the fanficfic!"
"Actually Carnage," corrected Dark Mayhem, "you did that to the door, and that's the author's avatar and not a crazed anime babe."
"Speaking of the author's avatar..." began Chaos, "Why is it MY panties were stolen when said avatar was ambushed by Havoc?"
"I forgot to switch them with the new pairs when I got changed at the mall?" tried Cyclops.
"Well, you owe me a new pair then." grumbled the displeased fanboy.