SCENE #007: Finally, a plot!

Dark Mayhem: “You are such an idiot.”

Chaos: “Oh yeah? Well, would an idiot have forgotten that today is the anniversary that Hotaru and I first met in the waterpark in the F5! fanfic?”

Dark Mayhem: “Did you?”

Chaos: “No. The threat of global annihilation and my own painful demise courtesy of Sailor Saturn’s glaive is a really good reminder.”

Dark Mayhem: “And we’re all relieved about that. So what are you doing to celebrate?”

Chaos: “Well, after that second Christmasfic fiasco, I made a point of not doing any ordering over the phone or Internet. Hotaru’s been telling me all about her favourite bands, so about three months ago, I camped out at the box office for the Tokyo Megadome and managed to get her the ultimate present! Behold: front-row tickets to the sold-out ‘Jinnai & The Bugroom: Live’ concert!!!”

Dark Mayhem: “Chaos?”

Chaos: [still posing triumphantly] “Yes?”

Dark Mayhem: “You’re holding front-row tickets to a SMAP concert.”

Chaos: o.O;; [recoiling!] “FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS FANSUBBED, I LET THEM TOUCH ME!!!”

Dark Mayhem: “You know, you really should double-check all tickets after you get them. Remember the time Carnage thought he was buying those exclusive tickets to the Glorious Gundams exhibit, and wound up with guest passes to the Hello Kitty Hall of Fame?”

Chaos: “What Hello Kitty Hall of Fame?”

Dark Mayhem: “Oh, there wasn’t much of one left after he took the tour. I’m not even sure he made it to the Keroppe wing before he snapped and Dragu Slaved the place.”

Chaos: “This is horrible! Mayhem, what am I going to do? Hotaru will be coming over to the apartment tonight for my anniversary surprise! I can’t let her know we’re going to see SMAP; they’re like the Backslap Boys of J-Pop, only worse!”

Dark Mayhem: “Maybe you could just tell her about the misunderstanding.”

Chaos: “And then maybe she’ll go into shock, and I can get off the planet before she Death Reborn Revolutions it? Say, there’s an idea.”

Dark Mayhem: “No, you half-wit.”

Narrator: “Abruptly the phone rang. Chaos, being the closest to it, answered.”

Chaos: “Moshi moshi?”

Hotaru: “Ohayo gozaimasu, Chaos-chan!”

Chaos: o.O;; “O-Ohayo, Hotaru-chan….”

Hotaru: [giggle!] “Sorry for calling you, but I’m just so excited about tonight! I can’t wait to see what you’ve got planned for our anniversary. Poor Haruka-poppa’s complaining about how I’m practically bouncing off the walls.”

Chaos: “Really? You’re that excited?”

Hotaru: “Hai! Um…I’ve got to go; I’m going out shopping for a special dress for tonight, but I’ll be there at your apartment at five. And I’ve got a very special present for you too…I’ll see you then. Ja, Chaos-chan.”

Chaos: “Good-bye.”

Dark Mayhem: “In more ways than one, apparently.”

Chaos: [groan!] “This is just not happening! I’m going to be ground into hamburger and served as a lunch special at a Pia Carrot restaurant!”

Dark Mayhem: “I hear they have cute waitresses there.”

Chaos: “You’re not helping me here, Mayhem!”

Dark Mayhem: “Hey, this is your fiasco, not mine. If I were you, I’d already be out the door, searching the city for something good to replace those lost Guitar Wolf tickets.”

Chaos: “You know, you’re absolutely right! If anyone asks, Mayhem, I’m off to find the best damned present for Hotaru that’s out there in Tokyo! Chaos out!”

Narrator: “And so, with the plot of this fic firmly established, Chaos dramatically posed…and then launched himself off the balcony.”

Dark Mayhem: “I wonder if he remembered that we’re almost thirty floors up, and he’s not a flying Super Saiyan?”

Chaos: o.O;; “KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

Dark Mayhem: [shrug!] “I’m sure he’ll survive.”

Narrator: “But lucky for Chaos, a live N-2 mine was waiting on the sidewalk to help cushion his fall!”

Chaos: “You call that a good thing?!”

Narrator: “A few minutes, and one really large hole in the ground later….”

Chaos: [groan!] “Note to self: once ears have stopped ringing, take the time to find out where they went.”

Narrator: “Once Chaos established that he is in fact alive, he considered his options.”

Chaos: “Ano…Ano…Ano….”

Narrator: [a pause] “Well?”

Chaos: “What are you looking at me for? You’re the narrator, you think of something!”

Narrator: [sigh!] “Your author isn’t paying me enough for this. Okay people, Chaos needs to go look for Hotaru’s present. Should he go searching for it at: A) Tokyo’s famous Shibuya shopping district; B) the Tokyo Tower, or; C) Planet Hentai?”

          A) SHIBUYA DISTRICT
          B) THE TOKYO TOWER
          C) PLANET HENTAI