SCENE #038: Nyotaimori – the 5th food group

Narrator: “Heading off down one of the adjacent corridors, Chaos decided to see if Havoc might be in one of the private nyotaimori rooms. And just what is nyotaimori, you newbies might ask?”

NinNin: “I can tell everyone! Wai!”

Narrator: “Hey, I was going to field that, NinNin! No cutting in!”

NinNin: “Piiiiiida! An amateur like you doesn’t qualify to describe something as radiant as nyotaimori, so buzz off!”

Narrator: “You impudent little, useless ninja-thingy!”

NinNin: “Ah-ah, you forgot ‘purple’. I’m a useless purple ninja!”

Narrator: --;; “Yeah…geez, the twerp lands a role in La Blue Girl, and suddenly he thinks he’s Ujin’s gift to hentai.”

NinNin: “Now then, no…er, nyoti…um, nero…no-to-mo-ro—“

Narrator: [rolling his eyes] “Nyotaimori.”

NinNin: “Whatever. No-to-mo-ro is a wonderful Japanese concept. Y’see, when yer woman isn’t barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, what she oughta be doin’ is lettin’ you eat her flowers. Y’see, she lies down and awaits your precious gift, knowing that once again her life has meaning and—“

          [Havoc abruptly strolls up & bonks NinNin on the head. The cast applauds!!]

Havoc: “And that is the reason I don’t let you into the damn rooms to begin with, NinNin. It would appear I should take this. Now then, nyotaimori is the Japanese term for ‘the adorned body of a woman.’ The concept is simple and as follows: the woman giving her partner this wonderful gift lays herself naked upon a table. Sushi, sashimi, and maki are arranged upon her in elegant patterns. Her partner then appreciatively partakes in the meal, and each piece that is eaten reveals a little bit more of her body…which could be considered ‘dessert’.”

Narrator: “Nicely described, Havoc. Okay, who here learned about nyotaimori for the first time today?”

          [Audience can raise their hands.]

Narrator: [nod nod!] “Very good. Just remember to tell your parents that you didn’t hear it from us first.”

Chaos: “Um…shouldn’t we, you know, be getting back to the story?”

Narrator: “Anyhoo, Chaos began sliding open the doors to each nyotaimori room, hoping that he might stumble across Havoc in one of them.”

Chaos: “Moshi moshi? Havoc, are you in—(o.O;) WOAH! Sorry! Um…congratulations on your honeymoon!”

Chichiri: “Thank you, no da!”

Chaos: […….] “Okaaay, that was the wrong room. Next!”

Narrator: “However, the next four rooms Chaos searched were empty. And in the last room, he discovered Havoc’s second-in-command, the mighty and impossibly blonde admiral, von Lohengrope, enjoying a meal.”

Lohengrope: “Oh. You.”

Chaos: o.O;; “A-Anooooo…why are you eating sashimi off Setsuna’s nekkid body?”

Lohengrope: “Because I’ll be damned before I ever eat it off the likes of you, you Derwin Mac wanna-be.”

Chaos: [……] “Touche. Um…aren’t you and Anarchy dating now? Does know about this?”

Lohengrope: “Who do you think’s gone to get us more Sake? We ran out a few minutes ago. Come to think of it, we just ran out of wasabi too. I am most displeased…”

Chaos: [trying not to panic] “And that sounds like a distant galaxy imploding …um, I’m just going to slowly back out and leave you and your lunch alone. Bye!”

Narrator: “And with that, Chaos slowly backed out from the room, knowing Lohengrope could smell his fear, stupidity and Ctarl Klien cologne.”

Chaos: “And what’s more, I still haven’t found Havoc! Now what?”

Narrator: “Since he can’t seem to track down Havoc, should Chaos: A) go to the giftshop and try to find a present for Hotaru there, or; B) return to the Benkyo booth to see if Havoc’s returned?”

          A) GIFTSHOP
          B) BENKYO BOOTH, ROUND 2