Rule #50 on my list of "Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Anime" states that no matter how good a character you are, no matter how great your Anime is, someone out there will write a hideously bad fanfic about you. And it will hurt. A lot.
Many of us otaku are in the business of writing fanfictions about our favourite Anime series. Now while sadly the aforementioned rule holds true to many a fanfic, a slowly but steadily growing number of authors have risen up to be revered and loved for their works. My eternal rival for the lake god, Greenbeans (^^ It's mine, I tell you! Mine!!), is such a beloved creator.
In my own Curse of the Fanboys! series a strange twist takes place in regards to writing fanfics. My own incarnation in the series, Lord Chaos, can't write a decent fanfic to save his life. Fanboys and Anime characters alike roll their eyes at his stupidity, and completely oblivious to his lack of skill Chaos keeps cranking out more fics. The now infamous Chaosfics range from Fushigi Usagi to Please Save My Rayearth to Katsuragi Orange Road, and still manage to make me laugh by even just reading the crossover titles.
Although I myself have yet to write an actual Chaosfic, some have taken it upon themselves to try. Ever since he bowed down in an Email before me claiming he wasn't worthy, I've been an ardent fan of Nightbreak's work. Namely his quite original and ingenious Club Anipike series.
In a way, this Docufic is a bit of a tribute to him for doing such an impressive & kick-ass job on an otherwise deranged Chaosfic called "Vampire Princess Michiru". It's also my own gesture of thanks to a special featurette he & Jolt did in a fanfic centring around Alexander and Ami. I nearly died laughing in seeing just how truly stupid Chaos looked while trying to pull off directing his Sailor Scream Chaosfic.
That inspiration has led into this bizarre little vignette which holds somewhat of a fond place in my heart because it's not as hyperactive as the mainstream Fanboys! antics. Naturally the usual copyrights apply to all the Anime characters, avatars, authors and so forth. A lot of the material in here is based on Nightbreak's concept, while some new devices have been created by myself. Continuity also is held inside his series, which will account for the "absence" of Michiru. If you haven't read Club Anipike yet, check out Beans' website and all shall be answered.
Now it should be noted here by both Nightbreak & myself that
before we get started on the fic, Nightbreak never secured permission from the actual website to use it, as they ignored his e-mail. (Sigh!) But so there is no confusion, the term "Anipike" belongs to the creators of the Anime Turnpike and they have all rights to it. However, the concept of Club Anipike does belong to Nightbreak and bears no resemblance to any other Anime bar, grill, or hotel that exists in fandom.
So if you give His lordship Chaos kudos for this one, give a round of applause for Nightbreak while you're at it. The guy deserves it. Gracious thanks also goes out to Beans, Jolt and my fellow Fanboy overlords for providing me with the additional opinions, information and C&C I needed to make this Docufic what it is today...Kami-sama help us all.
National Animegraphic presents...
An FBZ FANBOYS DOCUFIC: THE MAKING OF SENSHI MUYO!
Chaos: ^-^ "Yes! Finally someone has recognized my true prowess as being a masterful fanfic writer!"
Mayhem: "Ah yes, who could forget such classics as Card Captor Setsuna, Mako Kamen, Haruka Vs. the Predator, or James & the Giant Wedding Peach?"
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "......"
Pesti: "Or his newest releases like Ramiel 1/2, Record of Lodoss War in the Pocket, and Hell Custom Kitty?"
Chaos: "Hey! Hell Custom Kitty beat out the competition for the MST Silver Malley awards in the 'Worst Conceived Fanfic Idea of the Year', I'll have you know. Let's see anyone else try to top Hello Kitty piloting something in Gundam Wing!"
Mayhem: [consulting the looooong list of Chaosfics] "Actually, you've been progressively topping your own inane work as you go. I mean, Bakuretsu City Hunters?"
Pesti: "Just how is it that someone can get better at writing so badly?!"
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "BubbleGundam Crisis, my ass. And I swear if you *ever* write a sequel to Hana Yori Dancougar I will make sure Quartre sends you instead of the Gundams into the sun."
Chaos: o.O "That sounds...rather painful."
Havoc: ^-^ "And who could ever forget that classic Havocfic: Hotchaman?"
Fanboys: "SHADDUP, HAVOC!!!"
Hysteria: ^-^ [giggle giggle!] "Oooh! Hysteria has a kawaii little Hysteriafic-chan too! Hysteria calls it: Totoro Babylon! Isn't it just soooo kawaii?"
Fanboys: o.O [Ano....]
Pesti: "Perhaps we should cue the Docufic before Clamp and Studio Ghibli have our asses for that one."
[Cue the Docufic!]
INTERLUDE: CLUB ANIPIKE
It was surprisingly busy for a Friday night at the Club Anipike; as far as Misato could tell, half the tables and booths were full. Typically this was prime time for authors all over the continents to start or resume work on their fanfiction. But tonight, this looked more like a lull before the storm.
A few avatars were milling about and seemed to be actually quite sedate tonight. Numerous other Anime characters were busy discussing the past week's work or else digressing on the latest hot topic.
"Ara, you haven't been here in a while," she remarked, looking across the bar at a fanged Suzaku Seishi with wild orange hair.
"Anarchy and I've been busy boozing it up at the beach with F8!," Tasuki drawled, his speech slurred only slightly. Which of course implied he was only half drunk and thus wouldn't be hogging the karaoke machine until around midnight. There was a chance for others to sing after all.
Another young man approached the bar. "The usual", he said in a low monotone.
Tasuki grinned, turning around. "Hey, Tamaho--!" He paused, laughing in embarrassment as he came face to face Gundam Wing's Hiiro Yui. "Gomen! Sorry about that, Hiiro."
Seconds later the Wing Gundam's foot stepped on Tasuki.
Hiiro gave a beleaguered sigh as he took a seat at the bar. "Whatever; Tamahome and I are used to it. You should have been here last week when the Sabre Marionettes mistook me for Faust."
"Or the time before that when Red Priest Rezo mistook Tamahome for Zelgadis," Misato added.
Hiiro shook his head. "Sometimes having the same seiyuu can be a real pain in the ass."
"I would be inclined to agree," Tenchi Masaki agreed, turning around on his bar stool. "Keiichi's been rather upset after Aeka and Ryoko mistook him for me and then blew up the temple he was staying at. Belldandy wasn't too thrilled either. She almost Tai-Chi'ed them to death!"
The gang at the bar abruptly ducked a flailing Kenshiro, the Fist of the North Star's star crashing headlong into the door of the men's bathroom.
"She's at it again," Tenchi sighed, taking his drink and discreetly slipping off the stool. "I think it's best that we take this conversation to someplace less likely to have customers flying around."
Hiiro nodded, joining Tenchi. "Agreed."
"You go, Anarchy baby!" Tasuki crooned, waving his halissen in the air. "Don't take that crap from 'em!"
Misato started back to see how C-ko and Akane were doing in the kitchen. "I can't believe you of all people would encourage her," she said. "Then again, this is *so* you, Tasuki." Misato glanced over at the other bartender. "Jotarou, could you take over for me...and try to keep her under control this time?"
Jotarou snorted, looking over at the source of all the ruckus. "Yeah, right. Not even being totally drunk slows her down."
The entire cast of DBZ was all lined up in a corner, each one eagerly awaiting the chance to arm-wrestle the unofficial champion of the Anipike Wrestling Tournament. For some reason Anarchy only bothered arm wrestling the males--probably because she enjoyed it more when she decided to get serious and then send them through the tables.
Sweat was pouring down Vegeta's face as he gritted his teeth, his biceps flexing so hard it appeared they might burst. His hand was savagely gripped against the open air...and the air was winning.
[Fanboy's Note: anyone else getting a flashback to the MST subjob of the badly-dubbed Toshinden, or is it just me? Eiji Vs. Air...Air wins! ^^]
Anarchy sat across the table, leaning back in her chair and polishing off another bottle of Sake. She blinked and then looked over at Vegeta being held at bay by her AT Field. "Oh, did we start already?" she asked.
Seconds later Vegeta yelped as he was unceremoniously catapulted from his chair into the wall. "J-Jo'o-sama...." he warbled, sliding down onto the floor in a stunned and battered heap.
Anarchy turned back to Goku, Piccolo and Freeza, all of whom were sporting rather surprised sweatdrops next to their heads. "Next!" she called out.
Jotarou rolled his eyes as he cleaned out one of the mugs from behind the bar, taking a moment to adjust the large clinking chain around his neck. "If it wasn't for the fact that she pays double for all the damages she invokes whenever she shows up," he muttered. "We would have tried to find a way to keep her out long ago."
And with her godlike powers that in itself would prove to be an impressive feat. The rest of the cast in her series were just damned lucky she never actually bothered to care enough to do something with her avatar abilities.
"Avatars need to justify their existence in our world by their powers," Ayanami Rei said cryptically as she filed past Jotarou to pick up another few orders of beer. "What they cannot get away with in the real world they wield in ours like an eager child, but have yet to master the gifts given to them."
The front door was opened again, and in walked a less than enthusiastic couple.
"Aw, come on!" Duo Maxwell pleaded, chasing after You're Under Arrest's officer Miyuki. "I can't believe you're fining me for double-parking my Deathscythe! Miyuki, you know that if I park my Gundam anywhere near the EVAs they'll trash the hell out of it with their 'Kick the Volkswagen' game!"
"They only do that on the days when they can't play Punt the Pokemon on a Skyscraper," Miyuki evenly replied.
Duo's eyebrow twitched. "Na ni?!"
"Don't bother arguing," Tatewaki Kuno remarked as he made his way over to begin another lecture session. "She towed Akito's Aestevalis last week for being parked in the loading zone, remember?"
Duo crossed his arms over his chest, sulking. "This is so unfair," he complained. "Noin won't let me live this one down for weeks."
"Irony of that," Shampoo whispered aside to Samantha at another table closeby. "Miyuki notorious for own collection of Anipike speeding tickets."
Samantha Jones had to stifle her laughter to keep from spitting out her mouthful of beer.
Elsewhere at another table, the oh so suave Jonathan Brisby was busy testing out new pick-up lines on Chocolate Misu. "So," he remarked idly with an ingratiating smile. "Would I be able to have some cake and eat it too?"
[Fanboy's Note: in case you haven't noticed Chocolate Misu and her sister Tira are named after cakes. Which makes that pick-up line all the more...wrong.]
That managed to spark Chocolate's ire. She turned to Fuma and Kamui, who were singing a duet of "Forever Love" on the karaoke machine, and gave them a look that everyone knew not to mess with. Kamui shifted uneasily as he leaned over and cancelled the love ballad, switching it over to a Bakuretsu Hunter tune: the theme music for Tira and/or Chocolate's transformation into their leather S&M Dominatrix modes.
Brisby recoiled in stunned shock as Chocolate leaped onto the table and flung off her outfit to reveal her rather *revealing* OAV outfit, which essentially was comprised of baggy-waisted pants and a set of suspenders the width of her index finger.
"Wha...what the?!" Brisby exclaimed, scrambling out of his chair.
Ruri-chan shook her head as she quickly grabbed her bowl of uudon and moved out from the path of inevitable destruction. "Baka baka."
From their booth on the other side of the Anipike, the cast of Megami Paradise tried to suppress their giggles. "Ne, perhaps we should have warned him about that trait of hers," Rurubell said.
Sword mistress Julianna considered that for a moment before discarding it completely. "Nah! This is more fun!"
Chocolate cackled as she flung her whip at the hapless avatar. "Now let me demonstrate how *I* hit on someone!!!"
Misato peered out from the kitchen. "What's with all the noise? C-ko nearly dropped an entire order into the Miso soup!"
Jotarou shrugged. "What else? Another avatar just walked into a series he knew very little about."
"Aren't you going to do anything?" Misato asked.
"No," Jotarou replied evenly.
Misato shrugged before ducking back into the kitchen. "Just checking."
"Ohayo!" Mihoshi said cheerfully, stepping through the front doors. She gave Jotarou a strange look as a frantic Brisby raced by, bondage queen Chocolate Misu leaping after him and flinging her whip. "Um, did I miss something here?"
"Other than last night's sell-out, rooftop performance from Priss and the Replicants, na no da?" Chichiri inquired.
"Ah, back from the honeymoon...finally?" the DiC Mina teased, playfully winking at the proud student with a Masters at Psychology. It was incredible how Mihoshi had managed to balance the wedding arrangements and her studies all at the same time, making Mina somewhat uncomfortably aware of how much she enjoyed slacking off in her studies during the Sailor Moon series.
The wedding itself had been chosen to take place at Tenchi's shrine since it housed some of the best open area for all the invited guests. The real kicker had been when Nakago had Tamahome act as his best man, while Tenchi, in a slightly ironic gesture, gave the bride away. Even though Misato and most of the other staff had attended the ceremony, Jotarou had opted to remain and keep the Anipike open for the uninvited Avatars.
"Such events are not exactly to my liking," he remarked finally when pressed about not going.
Mihoshi nodded, removing her glasses and then pushing aside some locks of blonde hair. "Hai. I would have stayed in Kotou a little while longer with Nakago, but I was called back to work on another fanfic."
Mina motioned for Mihoshi to join her at a table. "Oh, which one?"
"Well, it's another--"
Mihoshi stopped in midsentence as Freeza was catapulted across the air courtesy of Anarchy's AT Field before he crashed into Jonathan Brisby.
"Touchdown!" Tasuki's voice boomed.
Abruptly a strange set of newcomers strolled into the club, causing everyone to pause and take notice. Samantha craned her neck to stare at the small group standing in the doorway. "Huh? Those guys aren't Anime characters."
"They no avatars either," Shampoo added.
One figure stepped out from the group, bowing slightly in Jotarou's direction. "Excuse me," Cameraman Dan said, playing with his headset. "But we're the crew from National Animegraphic. I believe we talked earlier on the phone."
Ayanami Rei finished delivering her drinks and then approached the documentary crew. "You discussed the matters with me. If you'll follow me, he's out on one of our backlots. The filming should begin soon."
With another gracious bow Cameraman Dan motioned for the crew to get their gear ready. Two of the young men darted back outside and began bringing in large suitcases full of equipment, stacking them off to the side. Dan set down his portable camera, rubbing his sore shoulder from having to lug that across the EVA war-torn parking lot.
Misato walked out from the kitchen and greeted Cameraman Dan, inviting him to spend some time and cash at the bar while they waited. Jotarou summoned up a few shooters of Sake for them.
"Sorry about the short notice," Dan said, making a face as he downed the Sake. "But we weren't expecting him to start another one so soon."
"Hai hai," Misato agreed, waving the apology aside. "I just can't believe how someone who seems to use so little of his mind can come up with so many deranged ideas."
"If you don't mind me asking," Kuno spoke up from in front of his lecture group. "What is the feature about?"
Cameraman Dan turned, and discovered that he now had to address a rather intrigued crowd. He cleared his throat. "It's a documentary on the making of really bad fanfics."
A murmur ran through the crowd. A few lamented over the ones they had been subjected to (both the North American and Japanese Sailor Senshi in particular voiced their displeasure over a few choice authors), while others in morbid curiosity wanted to discover what Anime was about to be pillaged.
"Who's the unlucky victim?" Samantha inquired. "We could use some good cannon fodder for our riffing. Washu's been complaining that the recent fics for MSTing haven't even been a challenge."
Cameraman Dan consulted the sheets on his clipboard. "It's so hard to remember what he's got going these days. Ano...ah, here it is! Chaos' Senshi Muyo! fanfic."
Silence reigned until moments later...and then entire club cracked up in gales of wild laughter.
"This ought to be good," Morrigan remarked aside to her Darkstalker's cohort, Demitri. "Remember how you couldn't stop laughing during his Crayon Shinma-chan fic?"
"You mean *that's* the fic you were called back here to do?!" Mina exclaimed, practically dying in her seat.
Mihoshi's smile grew even bigger. "Hai. Upon learning it was Chaos doing the direction how could I refuse? After all, he gives more of a performance than the actors."
"This way," Ayanami Rei said, gesturing for Camerman Dan and his crew to accompany her.
Tenchi approached Mihoshi and Mina's table. "Shall we?"
Mihoshi got up from her chair. "Well, I suppose I should join them. I'm not actually starring in this Chaosfic, but he needs me there as a technical consultant."
"Keep us updated for the betting pool then!" Greenwood's Mitsuru Ikeda called out after her. He and Shinobu hoisted out a large chalkboard and began arranging the gambling event.
Mihoshi gave the crowd the V-sign before ducking out after the Animegraphic group. "Hai!"
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