National Animegraphic presents...
The Restaurant at the End of the Aniverse!!!
[Cue the illustrious and often incoherent His lordship Chaos
sitting in a Club Anipike booth, a Gin Fizz & Tonic drink in front
of him...and a Puchuu bear sitting in his lap.]
His lordship Chaos: "I don't understand why he'd protest. I mean, it's not like I didn't have a permit to hunt all those chibi-Totoro. So what if I was one over the limit, that was no reason for officer Leon to fine me! Ne?"
Puchuu: ^-^ "Puchuu!"
Cameraman Dan: [offside] "Um...your lordshipness? We're on."
His lordship Chaos: ^^;; "And with that I mean: welcome, one and all, to the newest story for the ongoing series 'Curse of the Fanboys!', the fics which have everyone saying--"
Bancho: "GATE: OPEN!!!"
[His lordship Chaos bops Bancho over the head with a large
His lordship Chaos: "Do me a favour and dispose of him for me, will you?"
Puchuu: ^-^ [dragging Bancho off] "Puchuu!"
His lordship Chaos: "Now as I was saying, today's special serving comes courtesy of those genki gals working at the Pia Carrot. I'd like to take the time to tell all you viewers about their restaurant's fantastic service, exquisite mouth-watering cuisine and friendly atmosphere. And naturally this has nothing to do with the fact that I have to make reparations after my horde of Viking Puchuu bears sacked and pillaged it last week."
[Cue Misato, the local proprietor of Club Anipike, strolling onto
the camera and over to the author's table.]
Misato: "Is there any reason one of your Puchuus is trying to stuff Bancho down the kitchen sink with a plunger?"
His lordship Chaos: "That fluffy idiot...he was supposed to stuff the guy down the toilet!"
Misato: --;; "......."
His lordship Chaos: ^^;; "And by that, I mean: today we're here to celebrate a special fanfic written by a long-time friend and conspirator, Nightbreak. He was so kind to let me run amok in his own Club Anipike series, and now this is his chance to do an Anipike fic featuring more fanboys and Chaosfic lunacy!"
Misato: "This is even worse than that time you decided to create that Sci-fi Anime hybrid character, Chang Wufaye Valentine, you know that?"
His lordship Chaos: "What are you complaining about? I mopped up the grey matter after the test audience's heads exploded after the reading, didn't I?"
Misato: [sigh!] "Just cue Nightbreak's introduction. I'm already feeling a lapse in sobriety coming on."
His lordship Chaos: ^^v "I've got some Hard Lemonade to help that along if you're interested!"
[Misato shakes her head & walks off, punting the returning Puchuu
bear through the ceiling in the process!]
Puchuu: -o- "The glow of your teeth exudes the courage of raw liver, vile temptress!"
So much I want to say about the fic. But I'll forget it all and go with this, instead: This is not as much about the Fanboys as it is about those who put themselves on the line for Chaos and his baka-genre. I ask you, which one of us has not wanted to elegantly execute a triple facefault into our keyboard at any one of the 400 Chaosfic titles (only to be denied the gold by the voting bloc of OZ, Genom, the Ohtori Students' Council, SEELE, and NERV)? So just think about what it's like for the Sailor Senshi, Ranma cast, Evangelion, and other anime characters when another Chaosfic is announced for filming.
I also wish to say, this could not have happened without the encouragement, expertise, and energy of many other people, several of whom are other associates of the Fanboys! and appear within.
AN ANIPIKE FRINGE DOCUFIC2: CHAOS IN THE MAKING
Parte the Firste: Dr. Strangefic, Or...
How I Learned To Stop MSTing And Love The Fic!
Chaos: ^-^ "Wai! Wai! Wai! It's fanfic time! Oh, what to do first, what to do first?!"
Dark Mayhem: "Well, you could start with Cutey Haruka and get yourself beaten senseless, or Four Wedding Peaches and a Funeral to incite mass riots, or even Martian Slayers Nadesico and have the entire Club commit seppuku just to avoid the mental image of Ruri-Naga."
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Ano..."
Pesti: "How about his newest releases like 3x3 Eyes of the Tiger, A Kimagure Clockwork Orange Road, and Irresponsible Card Captor Tyler?"
Chaos: "Hey! So Tyler bumbles his way through the Clow Cards. Doesn't First Officer Yamamoto make up for it with all those kawaii outfits?"
Pesti: "He has a point."
Carnage: [smacking Pesti-chan upside the back of the head] "Hush, you!"
Dark Mayhem: [consulting the looooong list of Chaosfics] "You think the Magic Knights are going to forgive you after Mokona Kombat? The Outworld collapsed on itself when the marshmallow showed up, you know."
Chaos: "Well, that was Goro's fault for trying his fatality on the little demonic marshmallow god now, wasn't it?"
Pesti: "He's a threat to each and every dimension out there."
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "And the next time you let NukuNuku team up with the Gunsmith Cats, remind me to step on you with my Deathscythe.
Chaos: "*WHOSE* Deathscythe, mecha-freak?"
Havoc: ^-^ "And don't forget the classic Havocfic movie, Armitage 3 1/2 Weeks!"
Fanboys: "SHADDUP, HAVOC!!!"
Hysteria: ^-^ [giggle giggle!] "Oooh! Hysteria has a kawaii little Hysteriafic-chan too! Hysteria calls it: Catgirls Can't Dance! Isn't it just soooo kawaii, ne? Ne?"
Dark Mayhem: "I just thank Tezuka that no 'Dance Dance Revolution' was involved with that fic title."
Chaos: "Although the idea of Aisha ClanClan in a ballet tutu is rather cute."
[Cue Aisha stomping across the intro. bit!]
Aisha: [stuffing Chaos into Melfina's suitcase & mailing him to Jurai] "How dare you make a mockery of the Ctarl Ctarl empire, you self-inserted twerp!"
Demolition: [turning to Dark Mayhem] "I like her, I really do."
Pesti: "Perhaps we should cue the Docufic 2?"
[Cue the Docufic 2!]
THE BEGINNING: CLUB ANIPIKE 0600 HOURS
Misato yawned as she slipped her sunglasses down onto her nose, stepping out of her car and looking blearily at the eastern horizon. The pink sky was heralding the arrival of the sun, and she wished the damn clouds would pack the trumpets away and go about the morning quietly.
"At least it'll be a dull day," she muttered, heading for the front doors of the Anipike. "The weekend fanfic rush is over, authors are back doing whatever it is they do for the day, and I can have a nice glass of breakfast."
Shuffling in the front door, she took off her jacket and hung it up before moving behind the bar. "Morning, Jotarou. All quiet last night?"
The buff bartender shrugged his apron off and slid a beer can down to her. "Unless you count Those Who Hunt Elves trying to strip all of Go's sisters naked...yep."
"Better you than me." Popping the tab, Misato chugged the can back, slamming the empty on the bartop. "AHHHHHH!!! That's better!" She dug into the plate of food he set in front of her. "Rei said she'd be in early for you this morning, too. There's only so many late nights I can ask you to do."
He shrugged again, putting his own blue trenchcoat on and adjusting the heavy chain on the collar. "It's no bother. I don't have to worry about fanfics. At least, not my own."
The two of them looked around the nearly empty Club. Most of the members that belonged to anime had either gone home hours before or bedded down in the back rooms, having pulled all-nighters in the Studio. Other authors and avatars, similarly, had wrapped production until later that day. A few studious types were reviewing their scripts, tucked away in dimly lit booths.
And, under a lone hanging lamp, Vash the Stampede was staring intensely across the table at his latest opponent. "So, it's agreed."
The spiky-haired blonde in the muscle shirt nodded, arms folded tightly. "Hai."
"Six million chocolate donuts to the winner."
Vash's opponent sweatdropped. "I thought we were playing for ten million double dollars."
"Oh...gotcha. I'll just buy donuts with my earnings," Vash said, chuckling nervously. His hands vanished beneath the tabletop, then re-emerged, clenched into fists. "All right, then: choose."
Vash opened his hand, smiling broadly. It was empty. "My turn." Tossing his other hand up, a small white globe spun into the air and Vash leapt back, brandishing a ping pong paddle. "En garde!"
Dio smiled grimly and produced his own paddle. "Bring it on."
With some fancy footwork and flashy hand movements, Vash smacked the ball, sending it skimming over the net and smashing off the edge of the table. A certain point.
"THE...WORLD!!!!" Time screeched to a halt and Dio chuckled manically as he knelt, his paddle slipping under the frozen ball. "And...time begins again. HAH!"
The ball leapt upwards, clearing the net. To be honest, it cleared the lamp and a few rafters before descending, too. But, as it landed, the spin Dio had put on it took effect.
Chuckling even more, he watched the ball fly off to the left. "My point, it se--" Then he gawked as Vash dove headlong, clearing a nearby couch and twisting in midair to catch it, sending the shot back. "Impossible! THE WORLD!!!!!"
Time stopped again and again. Crazy shot after crazy shot flew over the net. All were returned.
Back at the bar, Misato watched the two of them. "He really is the luckiest bastard alive, isn't he?" she remarked.
Jotarou nodded, watching Vash stand on his head and smack another shot back, only to receive another blistering World return. "They'll tire of their tricks soon enough."
"Either that, or they'll both need more coffee to keep them bouncing off the walls like that." Misato scratched her head. "Just so long as they don't leave any holes in the ceiling the way Sana Kurata did yesterday. Mmmmmmph. Okay, what's next?"
The front doors opened and a sleepy Senshi stumbled in, sipping her morning sake. (C'mon, civilians. Try saying *that* three times fast with ice cubes in your cheeks!) "Morning," Usagi yawned. "The studio open yet?"
"Never closes," Misato told her. "What's happening so early?"
Usagi shook herself and groaned. "Chaos-sama is going to try and set a record for the number of fics started in one day. Our crew call was half an hour ago. Oh, I hope there are some muffins left."
Coming around the bar, Misato patted her shoulder. "I'll have more sent in if there aren't, okay? Which soundstage?" She looked back at Jotarou, who flashed her three, then two fingers. "Got it. Go on in." As she watched Usagi hurry back into the Studio Anipike area, she leaned on the bar. "Multiple Chaosfics...may Kami-sama have mercy on us all..." she whispered. "Do you know what this means, Jotarou?"
Jotarou: [kneeling in front of a small shrine and chiming the bell] "Tasukete."
Misato: ^^; "Yes, that too. Nene! Get the TV system up and running!"
BGC OVA's Nene Romanova scrambled over to the stage area and began hooking up the closed-circuit network. All over the Club, televisions hummed to life, displaying the test pattern colour bars with a superimposed Babbit.
She looked over at Cameraman Dan, who was attaching the remote unit to his camera. "Got enough power?"
He shrugged. "If the battery dies, I'll run off the spare Shizuma drive. Unless it turns out to be unstable and blows the entire studio off the face of the planet...oh well, I've had a good life at any rate." Shouldering the camera, he marched off into the Studio Anipike.
Misato leaned on the bartop and gazed up at the television sets. "Let's see what monstrosity he'll come up with today."
Abruptly, the set flickered, broadcasting the scene from the Studio.
FIC #1: CLASSIFIED PLACE: STUDIO ANIPIKE, STAGE #0032 TIME: 0630 HOURS COMMENTS: And somewhere else in the world, Akio's pants are missing. Kowai!
As Usagi scrambled onto the soundstage, panting, Setsuna massaged the bridge of her nose in mild exasperation; not a good sign when she hadn't even set foot on the fanfic set. "Explain to me again why the Luna P-Ball has to be my guide?"
Calmly, Melody flipped through the script. "I would assume that the director thought that it would be the best choice for a mascot," the FanSenshi of Neptune commented. She paused, then adjusted her straight black wig. "Either that or he wasn't really thinking at all."
"I'll place my money on the second one," Setsuna murmured.
The two women watched as their director shouted instructions through a megaphone.
Chaos: [let's look professional, people!] "All right! Senshi on set?"
Sailor Senshi: "Hai!"
Chaos: "Advisors on set?"
Tomoyo & Sakura-chan: "Hai!"
Chaos: "Random non-sequitur gag on the set?"
[Cue Carrot Glaces chasing Setsuna across the set!]
Carrot: "I love you! I need you! Let me poke you!"
Setsuna: [clobbering him with the Luna P-ball!] "Poke this, baka!"
Chaos: "Very good. Insurance adjusters on set?"
Milly Thompson & Meryl Stryle: --; [with paperwork and donuts!] "Hai."
Vash the Stampede: ^^v [munch munch!] "Mmmmmmmm!"
Meryl: O.o "Give those back, you FREAK!"
Chaos: "Very good, Vash, nicely munched! Now then let's revolutionize my Chaosfic! ACTION!"
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