Pluto shielded her face from the blast of fiery air as the daimon attacked. The Inner Senshi were knocked aside, their own powers having no effect. Oak Evolution, Venus Love and Beauty Shock, Aqua Rhapsody...all merely disintegrated harmlessly against its body.
           Neptune stepped up beside Pluto as Sailor Chibi-Moon's Luna Ball fought to stay in place against the winds of fire. "Something's wrong here. No daimon is this powerful."
           Pluto frowned, then glanced over at the Luna P-Ball, which was now sporting a small set of white wings on its backside. "Kero-chan, could this be a daimon that has been possessed by a Clow Card?"
           The ball tilted.
           Neptune smiled knowingly. "Ah, how fortunate that I brought your latest costume with me...Card Captor."
           Pluto blushed. "Quietly, Michiru. I don't need the Inners to know I've acted so foolishly in letting the Clow Cards escape. I'll be right back." She hooked the bag with her Time Key and vanished into a nearby doorway, already undoing her battle fuku.
           Closing her eyes, she held her Time Key in front of her and whispered tightly. "The Key that hides forces of darkness! Show your true shape to me! I, Meiou Setsuna, command you under the contract! RELEASE!!"
           The Garnet Orb spun wildly, glowing brightly as the ornate staff reformed its tip into a sharp beak. The red orb stretched itself into a single eye, gleaming in the now birdlike head.
           Grasping it in one hand, Setsuna clamped her feathered half-mask over her eyes. With her long green hair invisible beneath her hat, the other Senshi shouldn't be able to recognize her. And she fervently hoped it would stay that way.
           Meanwhile, the possessed daimon laughed as swirls of fire surrounded it. "Come on, ladies...who wants to be the next one to warm themselves at my hearth?"
           Clutching an injured elbow, Rei winced. "It's invincible. What are we going to do?"
           "Card of the Clow...Grant my Key your strong power...Come, heed my call...STORM!!!!"
           A deluge of water came from above, stopping the fire of the daimon with a loud hiss. Startled, the Senshi glanced up into the storm, seeing a black-cloaked, masked figure alight on a lamppost.
           "Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailor Moon murmured dreamily, then gawked as the cloak was cast aside.
           Either Mamo-chan had undergone some radical new character design (akin to the Sailor Starlights), or there was more than one bishie superhero who shopped at the same suit outlet.
           The figure was definitely female, as the black leotard showed. A white feather mask covered her eyes and a black and white jester's hat perched on the woman's head. Low-heeled shoes tapped on the metal post as she considered the sputtering daimon. "You seem to have something of mine," she commented, whirling a hawk-headed staff between her fingers.
           Glaring wetly, the daimon clenched her fists, new fireballs erupting around her. "Come and get it, then!"
           Setsuna looked over at the stunned Senshi. "Pardon me for a second, my friends. But you cannot win this fight until I win mine." She glowered back at the daimon and crouched. "Prepare yourself! WINDY!"
           The wind howled wildy, snuffing out the still weak fires. Then, in a flash, Setsuna was off the post and riding the gale, swooping right in on the daimon with her Hawk Key raised.
           "Return to your true form...CLOW CARD!!"
           The Hawk Key's beak slashed down onto the monster's head and a pool of golden light erupted as Fiery emerged, becoming a card once more. As the daimon stumbled back from the blow, Setsuna rolled onto the ground and snatched the card up, turning to her comrades. "She has no power left now. Destroy her!"
           Sailor Moon wound up for her final attack, her own staff whirling gracefully around her head. As she did, the other Senshi started towards Setsuna, intent on discovering who she was.
           Tucking the Clow Card carefully into her cleavage, the disguised Pluto lifted her Hawk's Key again. "Perhaps later, everyone. When this fight is over. MIST!"
           Abruptly, in an unexpected fog malfunction, the fog machine sputtered and coughed, belching out a tiny cloud to match the rainstorm over the director's head.

Director Chaos: --; "CUT!!!"

Setsuna: [whipping her feather mask off and sneezing] "ATCHOO!! What happened?"

Ami: [examining the dead fog machine] "Chaos, this was supposed to be filled with *dry* ice. Not real ice. There's water everywhere in here!"

Director Chaos: ^^v "Correction: there's Jusenkyo's cursed Spring of Drowned Gema water in it! Um, you might not want to stick your hand inside. Just FYI."

Ami: "You're not making me feel any securer here, Chaos."

Chaos: [shrug!] "Well, the other fog machine broke down for some inexplicable reason, and I had to act fast getting the spare here to work."

Ami: "Mind if I take a look at the broken one?"

Chaos: "Go right ahead. Largo said he could fix the problem and upgrade it with a Satellite Strike option, but the pricetag was a little high for that."

           [Ami rummages around in the fog machine only to haul out--]

Kuroneko-sama: =^.^= "Nyaaaaaaaaaaa."

[This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to waterlogged nekos. Please stand by.]


           Ukkyou leaned on the back of Kasumi's chair, staring up as the TV flicked back to the test screen. "Well...*That* was certainly surreal." She glanced over her shoulder. "Little early for gambling, isn't it?"
           Sitting at the table with Kasumi, Benkyo Brigade members Ryo Saeba, male Maze, Carrot Glaces, and Kintaro, all looked up at Ukkyou.
           "This isn't for money," Ryo pointed out, shuffling the deck of cards quickly. "This is a matter of honor and mokkori!"
           She smirked. "You mean, the two go together?"
           Kintaro scowled. "If you're not going to play...."
           Lifting her hands, Ukkyou nodded. "Hai hai, I'll keep quiet. I promise."
           The Club was beginning to fill up, as more normal hours brought out the not-so-normal characters that inhabited the Multiverse. And inspired by the donut-fortified Vash and now-twitching Dio, the Anipike was shifting into a gaming atmosphere.

Mikado Sanizen: "How about it? I challenge you to a round of Anything-Goes Martial Arts Squash!"

Carnage: ^^ "If you insist."

           [A Dendrobium Gundam abruptly falls from the rafters and squashes Mikado!]

Carnage: ^^v "Right, I win. Next?"

Mikado: [flattened l'il figure skater] "I...demand a rematch!"

Azusa Shiatori: "Oooh, what a cute mobile suit! I'm going to name her Herb!"

Carnage: o.O;; "What the--hey, get away from my Dendrobium, you airheaded skating freakbiscuit!"

Azusa: [bapping Carnage on the head!] "Herb! Give Azusa back her Herb!"

Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "Oh, I'll give you something all right...."

           Just then, the loudspeaker system in the Studio Anipike crackled to life. "Would the cast of Slayers, please make their way to Soundstage # 0141. Filming will commence in...TEN...MINUTES...AND TWENTY -SIX SECONDS. That is all."
           Across the Club, Xellos, Gourry, and the other Slayers members groaned and struggled out of their booths. Amelia stumbled out of the back rooms, still yawning and trying to straighten her cape.
           Lina Inverse sighed deeply and looked at the Magic: The Gathering cards in front of her. "Okay, I've got time for one last play..."
           Her opponent, Takeo-kun of Mahou Tsukai Tai, fidgeted nervously. He was barely holding his own against the younger sorceress even though he was the president of the Magic Club.
           Letting his mind wander, however, he began to consider that Naga and Miyami Mizuha were the same person. After all, both of them had the most evil, bitchiest laughter that his eardrums had ever to endure. And the fact that their shirt-tops were strained to the limit...
           Oblivious to the nosebleed geyser across the table, Lina giggled as she selected a card. "Sugoi! Just what I needed!" Closing her eyes, she touched her fingertip to the card. "Source of all power...Light which burns beyond crimson...Let thy power gather in my hand!"
           Takeo-kun, stuffing Kleenexes up his nose, glanced up in sudden panic. "Oro???"

Takeo-kun: O.o "KYAAAAAAAAA!"

Touga: "Ano...Lina? Using a Fireball card doesn't mean you're actually supposed to zorch him with the attack."

Lina: ^^;; "Oh. Well, he'll live, won't he?"

           Overhead, the TV picture stabilized once again, focusing on another set and Chaos' latest misguided attempt at creating an artform....

FIC #2: CLASSIFIED PLACE: STUDIO ANIPIKE, STAGES #0141, #0149 TIME: 0820 HOURS COMMENTS:Ahhh, I love the smell of Mass Destruction in the morning!

           Gourry kicked his chair back, putting his feet up on the desk. "Why can't I be the villain in this?" he asked, flipping through the script. "It isn't often I get to be considered for world domination, Lina."
           His niece shrugged and adjusted her bow tie, studying her reflection in the mirrored walls behind him. "Some things are just too strange, Gourry, even for Chaos-sama." She posed, contemplating the mixture of her sorceress outfit with the classic James Bond tuxedo. "You know, I could get used to this. Remind me to steal the wardrobe from the set when we're all done."
           Gourry nodded. "He did the right thing, though, picking you for this role, Lina."
           "How so?"
           "Just like James, everywhere you go, it blows up."

Chaos: [let's work hard, people!] "All right! Slayers on set?"

Slayers Cast: "Hai!"

Chaos: "Advisors on set?"

Sean Connery: [chasing after Amelia] ^^ "Come to Poppa!"

Roger Moore: [arguing with Xellos] "If you say "It's a secret" one more time...!"

George Lazenby: [nose-to-nose with Prince Phil] "Good Will to All Men Kick, HAH!"

Timothy Dalton: [peering over the security guards' shoulders] --; "Yoohoo? I was James Bond, too!"

Pierce Brosnan: "Now this is what I call *Bonding*!"

Chaos: "I'll take that as a 'Yes'. Insurance adjusters on set?"

Milly Thompson and Meryl Stryle: [with paperwork and more donuts!] --; "Hai..."

Sean Connery: [munch munch!] ^-^ "Mmmmmmmm!"

Meryl: O.o "You mumbling, grey-haired...OOOHHHH!! You're sexy!"

Pierce: "Not as sexy as I am, though."

           [Cue Maho Tsukai Tai's Aburestubo racing across the set & kidnapping Pierce Brosnan!]

Aburestubo: ^^v "You're all mine now, Pierce-chaaaaaaan! Show me your Remmington!"

Pierce Brosnan: "Hey, not the suit! Don't wrinkle the suit!"

Chaos: ^-^ "Okay! Let's get this fic underway, people!"


           Lina stopped at the desk and smiled charmingly. "Komban wa, Ameliapenny. G told me to go down to Research to get outfitted for my next assignment. Could you please let X know I'm on my way down?"
           The secretary looked up from her typing. "Hai, Lina-san. By the way, you struck a great blow for justice on your last case!"
           The redhead grinned. "Let's just say that Dr. No-onsa won't be terrorizing the West Coast with his feared prosthetic lips any longer. In fact, I've had him mounted and I plan to put him over my fireplace." With a giggle, she flashed the V-sign and made her way towards the elevator.

*           *           *

           Down in the research labs, the white-coated lab staff were startled to hear the sudden yell that came out of the elevator shaft.
           Z sighed and straightened up from his table, rubbing the back of his stone neck. "She's here."
           As the doors opened, white smoke poured out, followed by the one and only Double O Inverse. She was grumbling to herself as she stopped beside Z's table. "Take a note to Engineering," she said quietly, leaning over to him.
           Z nodded. "And what would that be?"
           "Never, *ever* play "Give A Reason" as muzak again. Or else."
           Z nodded again. "Of course. X is expecting you. But you might be interested in this, first." He picked up a sword from the table and held it out to her. "As you can see, it looks just like your old one, but in reality...." He pressed a button on the hilt.
           A small design on the pommel suddenly moved apart to reveal a second, smaller blade.
           "It's twice as deadly." His fingers danced around the rest of the hilt, removing scrollwork and revealing more hidden compartments. Pincers, cutters, corkscrews. "And it contains everything else you might need in the field. We're calling it the Swiss Army Sword."
           Lina's eyes widened slightly. "Sugoi!" she whispered.
           Grinning, Z was about to offer it to her, but found himself unceremoniously yanked back by the belt on his lab coat.
           "Ah, there you are, Double O Inverse," smiled X. "I trust Z wasn't taking up too much of your time? Come over here. We've got everything ready for your next assignment."
           Being led away by her arm, Lina turned back to a glowering Z and mouthed *Send one to my office,* behind X's back.
           "All right, X. So how does one work this Deadly Razor CD Launcher of yours?"
           "Sore wa...himitsu desu!"
           Lina facefaulted.

Xellos: ^^ [waving] "My fault! Wrong line, I know. Force of habit, I'm afraid."

Chaos: ^^v [off-screen] "Don't worry. We'll keep it! To the next stage!"


           Double O Inverse unshouldered her golf bag and gazed down the fairway. Somewhere on this course lay the answer.
           G's report had been brief, but very precise. Priceless treasures the world over, from ruins, from museums, from everywhere, had been vanishing. But no one had ever been seen. The dig sites were undisturbed. Security lasers went unbroken, pressure pads hadn't been activated, and no prints existed anywhere.
           At the same time, G had wanted her to check on the work of a certain scientist, whose laboratory bordered this golf course. Dr. Rezo was engaged in top secret research about the local wildlife. Lina wasn't sure what his work entailed, but she didn't mind testing out X's new Golf Bag O' Surprises while she scouted for more information.
           She patted the hilt of her Swiss Army Sword, which was jammed in with the rest of her Clubs of Doom, then drew her seven-iron out and moved back into the woods.
           Satisfied she was alone, Lina gave a quick twist to the club to break it apart. Lifting the two ends to her eyes, she gazed through the hidden binoculars at the fenced-in compound just on the other side of the forest.
           Nothing could really be seen, other than the quiet buildings and the littering of lost golf balls on the grounds. Considering the electrified fence, any attempt to retrieve them would count for far more than a simple one-stroke penalty.
           Lina sighed and reassembled her club. Determined to keep up her cover, she dropped a golf ball and proceeded to half-heartedly swat it down the fairway. "There's got to be *something* that I'm missing here!" she muttered, turning around to glare around the course.
           She then watched in stunned disbelief as a small troop of Kodamas chattered by her, bearing the Mona Lisa over their heads.

Kodamas: *clickclickclick!* *clickclickclick!* *clickclickclick!*

Subtitles: "Hup Hup Hup!!!"

Lina: O.o "......"

Tonberry: [bopping along behind!] ^-^ "Doink!"

Prince Phil: [off-screen] "Where did that idiot get the Mona Lisa?"

Amelia: [shhh!] "He had Havoc swipe it in exchange for keeping her panties."

Prince Phil: "That explains that odd look on her face."

Amelia: "After the lake god, it's easy for Chaos to steal something that doesn't fight back."

           [Cue the Kodamas carrying the lake god and aquarium over their heads!]

Kodamas: ^-^ *clickclickclick!* *clickclickclick!*

Subtitles: "Here's your smite magnet, O idiot director!"

Director Chaos: ^-^ "Hotcha! I AM the Otaking!"

           [Cue the terrified flying Octopus-Rex!]

Director Chaos: O.o "KYAAAAA!"


           Lina blinked a couple of times, watching the painting with legs disappear into the woods again. Then, acting as nonchalantly as she could, she picked up her golf bag and resumed walking. Now that she knew what to look for, she could see the signs all around her.
           A few Babbits bounded past her, carrying gemstones.
           A bunny rabbit with one bloodshot, yellow eye was digging down under one of the trees.
           And farther down, by the 16th hole, she watched as a sabre-toothed squirrel picked up her golf ball in its fangs and dropped it in the cup. Seconds later, she watched a giant glacier of ice erupt out of the cup and proceed to chase the frantic squirrel across the landscape.

Lina: --;; "This place is nuts."

Mix: "Don't you talk about my little brother that way."

Lina: "Does this look like the Maze OVA?!"

           Just then, the Kodamas tore frantically past her, the Mona Lisa bobbing and weaving over their heads.



Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"

Chaos: [yanking on the Octopus gnawing on his head!] "No, Rampage! Not *them!* I need them for this fic!"

Tonberry: o.o [must go faster!] "Doinkdoinkdoinkdoink!"

[This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to a kawaii, carnivorous, SD Godzilla thingy for a mascot. Please stand by.]


           Fuma shook his head, blinking as he turned away from the TV set behind the pool table. "I can't even begin to describe what I just saw...." He tapped the hilt of his sword on wood as he considered his shot. "Come on, Kamui! Couldn't you leave me anything *good*?"
           His fellow Dragon shrugged, leaning on his own pool cue sword. "I'm being cutthroat. In more ways than one."
           Grumbling, Fuma tapped the nine ball into the corner pocket, using the blunted sword point. Slinging his cue over his shoulder, he moved around to take aim at the ten.
           Until he accidentally decapitated a hapless spectator.

Fuma: o.O; "Oh...damn! I am so sorry about that! Someone get this Wu some ice!"

Pai: [dryly] "Wah. Yakumo got decapitated again. Yakumo, speak to Pai."

Yakumo's head: "I think the love's gone out of our relationship, Pai."

Misato: "Hey, quiet down everybody! They're coming back on!"

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