Grabbing her five-iron and slipping it down one checkered pant leg, Lina stepped quietly in the woods.
           Soaring into the air, she cleared the crackling fence. The compound was lightly guarded; none of the people below looked up as she flew over.
           Just then, a cloud of butterflies erupted out of a nearby greenhouse and swarmed her. Smothered, Lina couldn't control her flight and found herself falling.
           She hit the ground with a thud and blacked out.

*           *           *

           Lina blinked as the room swam back into focus. Bright lights were shining in her face and, glancing down, she saw she was chained to an upright table. Moving her leg a little, she gave a soft groan of disappointment. Someone had taken her club after all.
           "Greetings, Double O Inverse..." came the deep voice she had been expecting. "Fast work, I congratulate you. Your golf handicap needs work, though."
           Lina sighed. "Tell me about it. Now, Doctor, what did you want to discuss?"
           She watched the shadow move around. "Discuss, Double O Inverse? Well, certainly not my plan to take over the world. I would just like to enjoy my retirement surrounded by some of the world's greatest treasures. Sentiments I know you can sympathize with, *Lina Inverse*. You're hardly one to begrudge a fellow treasure-seeker."
           Lina scowled at him. "I never plundered museums or robbed graves, Rezo!"
           "Rezo? Oh, he's certainly here, but I'm afraid you have me confused with someone else." The shadow moved forward as the room lights came up.

Gourry: ^^v "Yoghurt?"

Lina: O.o "G!"

Gourry: o.O; "What? Where?!"

Lina: --;; "I'm talking about you, baka!"

           Lina gawked. "But, *why* did you put me on your own trail?"
           G shrugged and smiled. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. Then again, I *thought* I had covered my tracks well enough. But, none of that matters now, Double O. Just say that you'll join me, and we can both retire from the horribly dull spy business. What do you say?"
           She glowered at him and angled a fingertip. "Fireball."
           Coughing out smoke, a barbequed G brushed himself off. "I suppose I deserved that, but I'm rather disappointed in you, Double O Inverse. You really should have taken me up on my offer."
           Lina rolled her eyes. "And now are you going to threaten me with a goofy death trap that falls apart at the last minute?"
           G shrugged. "That's not for me to decide. My assistant will take care of you from this point on." He gestured behind him. "I think it's time you two ladies met...."

Chaos: "And cue Naga!"

Hysteria: ^-^ [boing-chan!] "Ohayo!"

Director Chaos: O.o;; "Hysteria?? Where the HELL is Naga?"

Amelia: "Still recovering from her latest round of breast implants. She's trying to top Amazing Nurse Nanako."

Prince Phil: [blink blink!] "At some point, you just fall over, don't you?"

Chaos: "Keep rolling! Keep rolling!"

           Lina boggled once more at the uber-kawaii terror. "Masaka! How can an eleven-year old be more stacked than I am?" Then, as if realizing how stupid that actually sounded, she shrugged and glared at G. "And what's she going to do to me?"
           Giggling, Hysteria reached behind her back and produced an array of frilly aprons. "Kawaii, ne? Ne? Ne?"
           Before she could react, Lina found herself trussed up in bowties and dangling by her apron strings over a deep pit.
           Hysteria bitch-laughed saucily, bounding over to a pair of levers on the wall. "Kiss your kawaii li'l ass-chan goodbye! WOOHHHOHO HOHOHOHO!" She yanked a lever.
           The cover rolled off the pit, revealing the horror awaiting below.

Chaos: "Well, at least she's keeping the pit of cackling Naga Clones."

Gourry: [peering into the pit] "Ummmm...Chaos?"

           G leaned against the doorframe, filing his fingernails with his Sword of Light. "I'm feeling charitable, Double O Inverse. What do you say? Our partnership would look pretty good, compared to what's down there."
           Lina glared at him. "I'll show you what else is looking good! DRAGU...ACK!" Hysteria had pulled the other lever, dropping the Sorceress Spy into the depths of the pit.
           There was silence for a little while.
           Chaos cupped a hand to his ear and raised his megaphone. "I don't hear mind-breaking cackling going on!"
           Gourry shook his head as he backed away from the edge. "I was trying to tell you. Those aren't Naga clones in there."
           Pulling out a pair of binoculars, Chaos focused them on the set. "I had no idea I was this far away!"
           Prince Phil rolled his eyes and tapped the director on the shoulder. "Perhaps you should try looking in the other end?"
           "Ahh, of course! I was the lenses!" Switching them around, Director Chaos squinted down into the pit. "Now, what is she--(o.O;;;) Killer Kawaii Animal Crackers? HYSTERIA!!!"
           Yes, indeed, the cackling Naga clones had been replaced by an entire herd of giant Animal Crackers, intent on tearing Double O Inverse apart! The only trouble is, she was equally intent on having her snack!
           Horrendous chomping and tearing sounds came from the ground, shrieks and growls mingling as the battle raged out of sight. Slowly, the noise died away, one last bone-shattering *CRACK* echoing up from the depths, followed by an earth-shaking "BUUUUUUUURP!"
           G winced. "Oooooh...that did *not* sound pleasant."
           A gloved hand rose out of the pit, digging into the ground. Attached to it was the rest of Double O Inverse, panting heavily as she dragged herself out. Crumbs fell off her clothes and hair as she hauled herself upright.
           "You...." she wheezed, stumbling backwards a little. "You tried to kill me with...with FOOD!" Leaning on a nearby table, Lina glared at her two opponents. "And you didn't even have the decency to offer me a cup of tea to go with my crackers!"
           Glancing over, G idly yanked the teapot out of Hysteria's hands and tossed it over his shoulder.
           A black aura surrounded the Sorceress Spy as her anger grew. "For this act, I cannot forgive you! For this, A Dragon Slave will NOT be enough!" Spinning, she grabbed her lost five-iron off the table and pointed it at G and Hysteria. "For this, I will punish you!"
           She tore the club head off and whirled the staff around. "LIGHT, COME FORTH!!!"

Gourry & Hysteria-chan: O.o;;

           Power roared out from the end, forming a shining sword.
           "Darkness beyond Blackest pitch...Deeper then the deepest night...King of Darkness who shines like gold on the sea of Chaos!...I call upon thee and swear myself to thee! Let the fools that stand before us be destroyed by the power you and I possess!"
           Lina snarled at them from behind the whirlwinds of light and power. "Kiss *THIS*, Apron-girl!! GIGA SLAVE!!"

[This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to a Giga Slave. Please stand by.]


Boy Detective Conan shaded his eyes and looked away as the explosion of light overloaded the TV filters. "Oooh, that's going to leave a mark."
           Ling Ling of the Steam Detectives glanced across the booth at Noboru Imonoyama. "If I asked nicely, would you three mind investigating how that idiot manages to convince people to star in those stupid fics?"
           The president of the Clamp Campus Detectives nodded absently. "Yes, yes...but first we have to solve the crime before us. Now, everyone study their information closely. I know that the key to solving Miss Anthy's murder is here!"
           Akira and Suoh both bent their heads over their Anime Clue gamepads, scribbling away frantically.
           Conan leaned back in his seat, tapping his pencil against his teeth. " can't have been Nanami in the atrium with the curry...Mikki was nowhere near the conservatory at the time, according to his watch...And Touga didn't do it in the elevator with the Sword of Dios."
           Narutaki shrugged and tossed his own paper into the middle of the board. "I'm stumped, too. Juri and Wakaba were both in the fencing room with the foils, Saionji didn't kill her in the dueling arena with the poisoned rose, either."
           Everyone looked to the Clamp Detectives, who shrugged their shoulders helplessly.
           "Wasn't Akio with the Akio-car in the observatory," offered Suoh.
           Akira nodded. "And it wasn't Utena shoving her into the Car Wash in the Rose Garden, either."
           They all turned to Noboru.
           He shook his head. "Nope. Not Chu-Chu smothering her in her room."
           Inspector Zanigata took his fedora off and scratched his head. "Then...who *did* kill Anthy?"
           All seven detectives reached for the envelope in the center of the Clue board. But before anyone could open it, a rather hickory-smoked Gourry ambled past from the Studio and peered over their shoulders.

Gourry: ^^v "Desolation, on the freeway, with the castle on wheels."

Detectives: [opening the envelope] "......"

Noboru: o.O;; "He...he's right!"

Gourry: ^^ [ambling off] "Damn, I'm good."

           He patted Pandemonium on the shoulder as he passed. "Any luck, Pan-chan?"
           The AD Police officer sighed heavily and shrugged. "Managing." Turning back to her Poker opponents, she picked up her cards and tossed a few yen into the center of the table. "I'll take two."
           One of her naughty tentacles of justice dealt out two cards, another tentacle holding the deck. Across the table, two more tentacles checked their own cards, then signaled for three. Receiving them, they conferred with each other, then slapped four aces and a joker onto the tabletop.

Pandemonium: --; "I can't help but think the odds are stacked against me here."

Tentacles: ^^v [Vee!]

Havoc: ^-^ [grope grope!] "Oh, something's certainly stacked here all right, Pan-chan!"

Pandemonium: [booting Havoc across the club!] "Stay out of this, otoka-san!!"

           The Sexaroid Boomer sourly contemplated the predicament she was in as Goku hopped by her on all fours.

Goku: ^-^ [sproing!] "Whee!"

Ryo-ohki: ^-^ [bounding over him] "Myaaa!"

Piccolo: ^-^ [woohoo!] "Leapfrog!"

Vegita: ^-^ [king me!] "Ribbit!"

Riot: [sweatdrop!] "Most dishonorable. So this is how you bore the most honourable viewers for twenty-six episodes of a DBZzzzzz season? By playing leapfrog-fu?"

           Jotaru rolled his eyes. "I turn my back for a second, and the whole place just goes to hell." Pouring himself a mug of beer, he blew the foam off the top and glanced at the television set behind the bar. "Oh, and speaking of the inferno...."

FIC #3: CLASSIFIED PLACE: STUDIO ANIPIKE, STAGE #0393 TIME: 0940 HOURS COMMENTS: One's got a very sharp blade and loves to use it...and, so does the other one.

           Haruka turned her sword from side to side, squinting down the blade and testing it with her thumb. "Nope." She handed it back to Ferrio. "The edge needs to be dulled down some more."
           The green-haired propsmaster nodded and took it back to the rack, sorting through a box of fake Space Swords.
           Chaos stepped onto the set of downtown Tokyo and beamed, lifting his megaphone up. "Beautiful, people! Beautiful! I do so love the city!"

Crosstown Bus: [It really does run all night long!] *HONK!*


Ferio: [nudging Chaos' twitching body with his foot] "Are you still alive?"

Chaos: "Minor setback, minor setback. Okay, let me just wash off the tiremarks and we'll get started!"

VesVes: "Not just yet, Chaos. Your other co-star is still over there, signing autographs."

           [The camera pans swiftly over to the autograph table.]

Chibi-Sandrock Gundam: ^-^ "Could you make it out to "Sandy"?"

The Predator: ^^ *scribblescribble*

Chibi-Sandrock: ^-^ "Huwei!"

Chibi-Giant Robo: ^^ "GRAGH!!"

Subtitles: *I'm next!*

Chaos: --; "HEY! You guys can have all the autographs he'll sign *after* my glorious Chaosfic gets completed! Geez, that alien gets his own Versus Whatever series, and suddenly he's got an ego the size of his trophy case."


           The Space Sword and the handblade threw sparks as they clashed and grated against each other.
           Grunting with the strain of keeping her balance on the narrow ledge, Haruka glared at her opponent. "You know are one *ugly* mother--"
           The kick to her neck knocked her backwards, straight off the edge of the building.
           Her arm smacked against metal, her fingers closing around the flagpole to stop herself before she fell. One foot swung out over the ten-storey drop, then came back in a vicious arc of its own, drilling the Predator in the gut.
           The other Senshi hadn't been able to figure out what had been happening around them. Minako had been the first one to disappear. Some thought she had given up and gone back to England, but Sailor V hadn't made a reappearance. Then it was Ami, then Makoto...
           Luna and Artemis could talk all they wanted about the Negaverse or the Dark Moon. But Haruka had recognized the work of a hunter. Normally, she would have told the others what she had discovered, but its next target had been a mistake.
           Before, she would have gone after him on a professional basis, Senshi against villain. Now the fight was personal. If she wasn't able to stop this monster, all of Tokyo would end up being an intergalactic game preserve.
           "You like challenges, don't you?" she gasped, going down on one knee to try and regain her wind. "Well, you're going to love this one, because I'm going to--ack!!" Haruka winced as a hand clamped around her throat, lifting her off her feet. "Or not..."
           Still gasping, she felt her own hand tighten around the Space Sword, then slashed it up in a blur of motion.
           The unearthly steel bit into the wrist of the Predator, eliciting a loud howl of pain as ichor spurted. Its grip slackened and tore away from the blade, letting Haruka go again.
           The two combatants paused, each nursing their own injuries. Then Haruka looked down and snerked, beginning to laugh.

Chaos: O.o "What? Okay, cut!"

Haruka: [still laughing] "I'm sorry! Sorry! I couldn't help it. He was making stupid faces right then!"

Predator: ^-^ [shrug!]

Chaos: [stomping over to them] "Is it too much to ask that you not stick your tongue out during takes? I'm trying to keep on a schedule here. I told you, you won't be able to go see the Hello Kitty filming until you're done here!"

Predator: ~.~ "Grarg!"

           *SLASH CLAW SHRED!!*

Chaos: O.o [mangled l'il strips o' director] "Ummmm. . . ten minute break!"

[This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to Julienne-fried director. Please stand by.]

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