Back at the Geofront, Misato and the technicians could only gawk as they watched the tank roar around Tokyo-3, hotly pursued by a pair of pint-sized, pissed-off Angels.
Misato sighed. "As much as I hate to say this AGAIN, would SOMEBODY have them drop an N-2 mine on that Angel before it does any more damage?"
Airi: O.o "Gun it, Ritsuko-chan!"
Ritsuko-chan: [whipping the Neko-tank!] "Waahhhh!"
Chibi-Israfel #1: "Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
Subtitle: "Feel ME up, will you?"
Chibi-Israfel # 2: "Grrrrrrr!"
Subtitle: "In the name of the moon, I'll kick your ass!"
[Cue the N-2 Mine!]
Chibi-Israfel #1: O.o [holding up sign!] *Mommy.*
Chibi-Israfel #2: o.O [opening tiny pink umbrella!] "Eeep."
Director Chaos: "And cut! Oh, come on, Israfel, pull yourself together! That wasn't so bad!"
Israfel: [broken eyebrow twitch!] "Come over here and I'll show you how bad it was..."
Chaos: O.o "Kowai!"
[This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to being Touched By An Angel. Please stand by.]
CLUB ANIPIKE 1124 HOURS
The screens all over the Club faded down from the immense explosion taking place. The odd juxtaposition of a Babbit silhouette with the cross-shaped smoke caused several patrons to break into scattered applause.
Youko Kurama brushed his silver hair back and nodded his own approval. "Oh, very nice." Currently in kitsune mode, the former thief appraised his current situation. "Well, let's see, I'm married. Not bad. Got a fairly good job. Oh, and plenty of cash. I think I'll pass."
The rest of the YYH cast and a few members of the Excel Saga crew glowered at him from around the table. The rest of them were not faring as well at the Game of Life.
Yusuke Urameshi gave the Wheel of Life a spin, rolling his tiny plastic car along the board. "Oh, lovely. I think I just had twins. Again."
Hyatt: ^^ *giggle* "Oh, that's so cute."
Yusuke: --; "Drop dead, Hyatt."
Hyatt: ^^v "Already have done."
Yusuke: --; "Encore."
Dark Mayhem: [sitting at the bar] "Does anyone else find it amusingly ironic that all the dead people are playing that game?"
Alucard: "Well, we tried having all those undead Ghouls play the game, but they just ate all the pieces...and then I shot them all."
Dark Mayhem: "You don't say."
As if on cue, the monitors switched back to the soundstages. NERV Central Dogma's PopUp Music Video was on the air....
SCENES FROM THOSE WHO HUNT EVAS 1133 HOURS
Ikari Gendo (Anime's greatest Sphincter Impersonator until losing the title in an all-night showdown to Photon's Poppacha) pondered the situation that had greeted him upon his return.
The strange tank and its occupants had continued to appear whenever the EVAs surfaced. Shinji was still morose and spineless, although whether that was from the extremely odd incident or his natural personality, it was impossible to say. Rei had taken matters with her usual calmness. The invaders had removed a shoulder plate from EVA 00, but she had responded by punting them across the Pacific Ocean. Oddly enough, only two days later, EVA 04 and NERV's American branch had been obliterated. But he highly doubted the two events were connected.
[Meanwhile, out in the Pacific. . . ]
Junpei: --; [swimming and towing the T-74 behind him] "Ritsuko-chan, did you have to fire the tank into their entire stock of N-2 mines?"
Ritsuko: ^^; "Gomen. We still got the spell fragment and you said you wanted a distraction!"
Airi: [sunning herself in a bikini!] "Distraction, yes, not destruction. Faster, Junpei! There's more curry for you when we get to land!"
Junpei: ^^ [curry curry curry!] "Must swim faster!"
Just in case they returned, though, Gendo felt he needed to know more. And there was only one other EVA that he needed to worry about.
His second in command came into the room. "You called me, Commander Ikari?"
He frowned, tempted to unlace his fingers and whap his subordinate upside the back of the head. "No, I called you Fuyutski! *I* am Commander Ikari! Have Major Katsuragi and Dr. Akagi meet me in the loading bay at EVA 02."
With an outraged Asuka being held in a full nelson by Kaji, Misato and Ritsuko began examining her EVA, looking for anything out of the ordinary.
Grinning, Kaji switched his grip to grope Asuka. "Oooh, someone likes it rough."
A few seconds later, he was twitching on the ground from Asuka's mule kick to his groin.
Misato glanced down from the scaffolding. "Asuka, don't damage him! Who else is going to sleep with me? Makoto?"
Demolition: [flex flex!] "Manly biceps of justice, deploy!"
Misato: "Ritsuko, did you say something?"
Demolition: --; [slinking off-set] "I should have known better."
Then Ritsuko found the spot in the middle of EVA 02's back. "Major, this is it! This marking isn't part of the design or from damage. It must be what they're looking for!"
"Let them come," Asuka growled, "I'll step on them so hard, they'll make rice paper look thick."
Misato rolled her eyes. "Doctor, have the techs replace the armour plate. Commander, what do you want us to do?"
Gendo leaned on the balcony railing above, gazing down. "I have a plan, Major. Leave the plate on. This is a plan so cunning, it makes Lain look like Pretty Sammy...."
Fuyutski looked over anxiously as Matarael continued to dissolve away the NERV defences. "You're expecting them to show, aren't you, sir?"
"Patience, Commander," Gendo muttered, watching the viewscreen. "There may be no power left in NERV, but I'm counting on that."
The sub-commander looked confused, but shrugged and looked over at the giant hamster wheel. "Keep running, Maya!"
The NERV technician chugged back another bottle of caffeine and tossed it over her shoulder. "Hai!"
Overhead, Matarael's acid ate away slowly, the spider Angel boring deeper into the heart of NERV. Then the EVAs appeared and executed an incredible chain of teamwork, Asuka spreading her own EVA across the hatch, using her AT Field to bear the brunt of Matarael's acid. Rei dove down the pit to retrieve the dropped machine gun and launched it up the shaft, where Shinji grabbed it.
"Asuka, clear the way!"
The redhead screeched as she let herself go, plummeting down to crash into Rei, clearing the path to the surface for Shinji.
The blast tore through Matarael, the Angel slumping down and dying without going up into flame. The three EVAs powered down, the batteries on their backs completely drained. And the invaders came.
The huge martial artist grabbed the comatose Matarael by its four spider legs and began whirling it around in a wide circle. "Sayonara, you four-legged freak of nature!" As he let go, the Angel sailed far away, lodging itself in an oversized rainspout off in Tokyo-2.
The pit down to the Geofront cleared, the T-74 tank plunged down the shaft, landing on both EVA 00 and 02, who were just sorting themselves out, with a giant *CRUNCH*
Asuka & Rei: @.@ "Oro-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-. . ."
Ritsuko-chan: [popping open the hatch] "Now, where's that last bit of the spell . . . Sugoi! We're sitting on it!"
Producing her handy crowbar, Ritsuko-chan and Airi set to work prying the plate off a stunned Unit 02. Getting it off, they handed it over to Cecelia as Junpei dropped down the shaft after them, dusting off his hands.
The elf priestess closed her eyes as she began transferring the final part of the spell that they needed. Soon, she would be rid of Those Who Hunted the EVAs and she could resume her quiet life again. The spell was done, now it was time to activate it....
Her eyes flew open. "There's still a piece MISSING?!" she shrieked, staring down at the spell fragments still visible on her dog's body.
Junpei's eyebrow twitched. "Whaddya mean, there's still a piece missing? We've stripped all of these mechas already!" Leaping off the tank, he began jumping up and down on Units 00 and 02 frantically. "Which one of you has it? Cough it up! Cough it up!!!!"
Back in the main room, the power was back on. And all the technicians were gathered around the NERV officers, watching the strange sight on the viewscreen before them.
Misato swept a hand through her sweat-soaked hair. "Where are they going? Makoto, can we track them yet?"
The technicians swarmed back to their computers.
"Tracking invaders through level 7!"
"Bypass attempted at Junction 42! Explosions detected there!"
"Attempting counter-measures! Failing heavily!"
"Invaders close to the next level! Unable to reroute security!!"
"Continuing tracking down to level 10! No interruptions!"
"Major, Commander Ikari's now on that level too!"
Misato blinked. "Oh no...I'm going down there!"
Gendo pointed to a spot on the map. "I will confront them at that point, Fuyutski. You must go up to the main level and have Major Katsuragi distract Those Who Hunt the EVAs until such time as I can..."
Both Gendo and Fuyutski leapt, startled as the T-74 tank exploded through the wall right ahead of them. The hatch flew open and Ritsuko-chan popped out again, aiming her shoulder bazooka at the two men. "Give us the spell!"
Fuyutski glanced at his commander. "What should we do now, Sir?"
Gendo stroked his beard calmly, considering the situation carefully. "We should flee in terror, Fuyutski. Yes, that would be the wisest course."
And so the heads of NERV bravely ran away! Yes, they were packing it in and shipping it off, and sneaking away and buggering off, and chickening out and pissing off home . . . .
The T-74 immediately took off in hot pursuit of them both, catching up and shredding the back of Gendo's uniform before he increased his speed.
Junpei: [atop the T-74!] "Boy, that bearded bugger's fast!"
Gendo: [running along at high speed with Fuyutski beside him, scribbling more notes] "Fuyutski, cancel my workout at lunchtime today, have the Major and Dr. Akagi meet me down in the construction hanger...and find me another pair of pants."
As they made an abrupt left turn, they both saw Misato charging towards them, her pistol drawn. "Commanders!"
Gendo grabbed her arm and whirled her around as he sped by. "Major, come with me, please. Fuyutski, onwards with my orders."
Fuyutski nodded. "Right away, Commander."
Misato was gasping for air when she and Commander Ikari entered the construction hanger, where the towering form of EVA Unit 03 was still being assembled. The workers scrambled aside at his signal and fled the room as the two members of NERV approached the silent mecha. Dr. Akagi was already present, working on one of the computer banks, her pistol lying on top of the monitor.
Gendo cracked his knuckles as he gazed up at EVA 03, then he turned his back on it. "We'll make ready here, Major. Those Who Hunt EVAs will be here shortly for their last fragment."
Blinking, Misato drew her gun again and held it across her body, loosely gripping her wrist. "Orders, Commander?"
"Patience, Major. That's all."
For what seemed like eternity, Misato waited, listening to distant rumblings and small explosions. Then a crash sounded at the end of the hallway and she could hear the roaring of the heavy tank engine. "Sir!"
"Hold your fire, Major. Doctor, display the images, if you would, please."
Viewscreens flickered to life even as the treads of the invaders' tank chewed up the concrete. EVAs appeared on them, each standing massively above the ground.
The T-74 screeched to a halt in front of them and a young girl in school uniform was first out, followed by a broadly built hunk and a lithe, attractive woman. And their pet dog.
Ritsuko stepped around the computer panel, levelling her pistol at the crew.
Ritsuko-chan stepped to one side, turning her body to aim a rifle back at the Doctor.
Misato brought her gun arm up, but was stopped by Gendo's hand.
Junpei smacked a fist into his other palm. "Please excuse us, but where is the spell fragment?"
"The one to send you home, you mean."
Airi looked over at the beared man with the dark glasses and gloves. "You know of it?"
"I have studied it carefully," Gendo replied. Behind him, the screens zoomed up to the dark spot on each EVA, revealing a pattern burned into the armour. "And I know all the fragments you possess, as well as the one you still wish to possess."
"Wonderful," Airi nodded. "Thank you for your assistance. May we retrieve it?"
Everyone in the room paused at that, staring at him.
Gendo pushed his glasses up on his nose, the lenses reflecting the light. "The spell can do more than send you home. There is an alternate use for it that I have discovered; the one thing that I live for. The one thing that is the reason for us...The Third Impact."
Misato & Ritsuko: O.o;
Gendo smiled, stretching his arms out. "Can't you hear it now? The sound of the End of Eva!"
Junpei looked over at Dr. Akagi. "He's not all there, is he?"
She shrugged. "Some days, I wonder."
Reaching up, Gendo tore his jacket and shirt open, a shadowy figure stepping out to join him.
[Cue the sound of a car revving its engine!]
Gendo & Touga: [bare-chested!] "Now, let us show you the End of Eva!"
[Cue the Rei Clones!]
Junpei: O.o "The *hell* is this? Serial Experiments Rei?"
Chaos: ^-^ "Brilliant idea! Let's do that fic next!"
Gendo: [pointing at Chaos] "Rei! New plan! Forget Third Impact! Sic 'em!"
Rei clones: [salute!] "Hai, Ikari-sama!"
Chaos: O.o "KYAAAAAA!"
[This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to lots of Impacts. Please stand by.]
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