Dr. Tofu sighed as he watched the clone war on the monitor overhead. "I suppose I'll have to wrap him up later, once I'm done with Sam here." He looked across the table. "What do you suggest we do in this case, Doctor?"
           "Good question, Doctor," Dr. Blackjack said. "I've never seen a patient in such bad shape before."
           "Well, seems that he's got writer's cramp." Dr. Tofu flexed his fingers. "I think I know how to take care of that." Rolling up his sleeves, he gave a series of shiatsu jabs at his patient's forearm.
           The Operation board buzzed loudly and Sam's nose lit up faster than the Tokyo Tower on a bad day (which incidentally is any day of the week ending in the letter 'y').
           Dr. Blackjack sighed and held out the small tweezers. "You're supposed to use *these*, you know. Here, let a specialist take over and show you how it's done."
           Wielding said tweezers professionally, Blackjack fixed his sleeves a few times and glanced over the board. "Let's see...."
           "Oh, for...I barely scraped the surface! I'm trying that again!"
           "Son of a..."
           "How about I just switch his Adam's apple with his bread basket? Would that make you happy, you infernal machine?!"
           Dr. Tofu looked up. "You're really not the king of bedside manner, are you?"
           "I hardly even live there any more," Blackjack growled back, tossing the tweezers down and eyeing the malpractice notices thoughtfully included in the game box.
           Immersed in the fine points of doctor/patient relations, both of them were oblivious to the rather sharp disagreement going on across the room.

Cross: [blindfolded] "Marco!"

Nagisa: [quietly lurking by the jukebox] "Polo!"

Cross: >) [irate evil bitch mode!] "I've got you now, you wretched girl, and your little Iczelion too!"

Desolation: [walking by the jukebox] "Hey Nagisa! Say, do you know where my Kasumi-chan might be?"

Cross: [lunging across the club!] "SHIN'NE!!!"

Desolation: o.O; "Eeeeep."

           [Cue the subsidiary violence, ending in Desolation hurtling through the air with style and grace! Although, it must be mentioned here that Style and Grace were stuntwomen contracted for just this scene. Anyways, Desolation crashes right through the doctors' table, taking out the Operation board.]

Dr. Tofu: [picking up now-mangled tweezers] "Okay, next operation: A wrenched ankle."

Desolation: [groan!] "Check..."

Dr. Blackjack: "Hmmm, I don't recall seeing severe bodily harm on the list anywhere."

Desolation: --;; [mangled l'il fanboy] "Got any morphine?"

           With another whine, the loudspeaker in the Studio caught everyone's attention. "Would the original Sailor Moon cast please make their way to the Studio and soundstage Number Zero, Two, Zero, One. All Monsters of the Day may now become Monsters Having A Day Off. That is all."

FIC #5: CLASSIFIED PLACE: STUDIO ANIPIKE, STAGE #0201 TIME: 1220 HOURS COMMENTS: When Wild Wild West meets Crystal Tokyo...

           City Hunter's resident weapons expert, Falcon, ran his hands down the barrel of the Lunar-cast rifle, checking the sights, then tossed it over to VeVes. "There you go. All set for the first scene."
           He turned back to the table that was heavy with modified Sailor Senshi weapons: Cosmos, Harvesters, Celestials, and Orbiters, among others. The ammunition budget for this fic was worthy of any Trigun episode, in his estimation.
           Makoto stopped at his side as she slipped a pair of Cosmos into her holsters and adjusted her hat. "How did I know I'd have the lead role in this one?" she sighed.
           Ami shrugged, taking the Celestials Falcon offered her. "Look at the bright side. If he starts whimpering and giving you the Bambi eyes, you've got a chance to shoot him."
           The brunette nodded. "Fair point."

Chaos: ^___________^ [Bambi-eyes!] "MAAAAAKO-CHANNNNNN!!!"


SD Chaos: [glancing at the hole next to his head] "Um...I can see you're busy. I'll come back later. KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Haruka: [holstering her Orbiters] "Dammit. Missed him!"


           The doors slammed apart as the young woman was hurled into the saloon, tumbling to the floor. Her hands were bound somewhere inside the folds of her priestess' robes and she landed hard, rolling over and over in the crystal dust that smeared the wood.
           "She just doesn't want to stay down," commented another woman, ambling in behind her. She shook her dark, dark green hair back and snorted in disgust. "Every time you club her, she tries to get back up." She slammed the butt of a large, ornate staff into the floor.
           Mamoru nodded at her. "Thank you, Setsuna. Good job." He turned to regard the other girl. "Hello, Rei-chan. I thought you'd left me forever."
           Long black hair stained with crystal dust, Rei lifted her tied wrists to brush her face off. She stared silently ahead, sitting on the floor with her back against the bar.
           "I hear you built a small temple in the south forests, Rei-chan," Mamoru continued, smiling broadly, "Welcoming pilgrims and praying for wisdom."
           Setsuna smirked, nudging Rei in the ribs with her staff. "We burned that temple to the ground, just like you told us, Mamo-san."
           Mamoru nodded again, then looked back at Rei. "All that hard work," he said softly, "Must make you feel angry, Rei-chan. Do you still get angry?"
           Her purple eyes gazed at him, completely serene.
           Mamoru chuckled a little and sipped at his water. "You used to be fast, too. You are still fast, aren't you?"
           Rei tilted her head to one side, raising a luxuriant eyebrow.
           His voice raised. "Don't I even get an answer? Or have you taken a vow of silence?"
           Getting angry, he picked up his water glass again and hurled it at her as hard as he could.
           In a blur of motion, Rei's bound hands were in front of her face, intercepting the glass. Before anyone could move, she drained it and sighed softly. "Faster than you. But I won't be fighting for you anymore. I have renounced violence."
           Setsuna growled and slashed her across the face with the thin end of her staff. She lifted it again, but Mamoru's upraised hand stopped her.
           He leaned back in his chair, watching the dark-haired priestess. "I seem to remember a time when you couldn't have enough, Rei-chan. You were as deadly as any one of us." Getting up, he moved closer, waving Setsuna away. "You rode beside me for a long time, and I can't think of a single occasion when you backed away from a fight. I was heartbroken when I lost you, too. I never thought that you would leave."
           She shook her head, blood crusting beneath one eye. "I told you, I renounced violence years ago. I just want to be left alone."
           Mamoru snorted and knelt down to look her in the face. "And I told you, you can't ever leave me. I'll make you a killer again, Rei-chan, as quick as ever, I promise you."
           Everybody jumped as a shot echoed through the saloon. The chain holding up the chandelier overhead parted slowly, a link torn in two by the bullet, then it gave way and the heavy wood and metal creation plummeted downwards.

Mamoru: o.O; "Eep!"

Kuroneko-sama: =^.^= [clinging to the chandelier!] "Nyaaaaaaa."


Mamoru: @.@ "Oooh, so many lov-e-ly bunches of coconuts, all standing there in a row...."

Chaos: "CUT!!"

Vash the Stampede: ^-^ "Sorry! I was using my gun for a nutcracker and it went off!"

[This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to Opera Phantom syndrome. Please stand by.]


           Nicholas D. Wolfwood ground his cigarette out and turned away from the TV, relieved that he hadn't been chosen as a bar extra. Settling back in his booth, he continued to clean his gun collection, paying occasional attention to the caber tossing going on across the room.

Tamahome: [hoisting up the Jurian warrior, Azaka] "AAARRGHHH!"

           The Suzaku Seishi stumbled forward, cupping the base of Princess Aeka's wooden advisor. As he reached the line, he launched Azaka as hard as he could to flip him over.

Azaka: [Booooyakaaaaaaaa!] "YOOOOOOOOO!"


Giant Robo: [commentary in a kilt!] "Thet's bonny style from Tamahomae! 'Boot Azaka's perfectly balanced on his heid; I dinnae ken how we're gonnae score that toss!"

Hanagata: [colour commentary!] "Hai! And we have to ask ourselves: If a log falls on Duramuramu's head and doesn't tip over, can it be counted as deadwood?"

           Wolfwood sighed and slipped a pistol back into the rack on his Cross Punisher. "Still thinking about it?" He moved on to cleaning the next Grader 2043, the small pile of handguns scattered around his side of the board. "This chess game won't finish itself, you know."
           Kiki's small black cat, Jiji, and her new partner Kuroneko had their feline heads together, discussing their next move. Then Jiji reached out a paw and pushed a rook forward. "Kuroneko-sama, you like this move?"

Kuroneko-sama: =^.^= "Nyaaaaaaaaa."

Wolfwood: [glowering at the chess board.] "Kuro-neko-sama, *I* don't like that move."

Kuroneko-sama: =^.^= "Nyaaaaa."

Wolfwood: "......"

Handgun: *BANG!*

Kuroneko-sama: =o.O= "Nyaaaaaaaa."

           The small black cat toppled off the tabletop as Wolfwood lit another cigarette and gazed across the chess board at a sweatdropping Jiji.

Wolfwood: --; "What?"

Jiji: ^^; "Nothing!"

           She quickly diverted her attention back to the television screen overhead, trying not to look at the Cross Punisher in the booth beside the chainsmoking preacher.

Kuroneko-sama: =^.^= [popping back up!] "Nyaaaaaaaa."


           Makoto pressed herself back against the doorframe, squeezing into the slanting shadows. She could feel the other woman doing the same on the other side of the saloon doors.
           Lowering the brim of her hat, Makoto took a deep breath. "Haruka's challenged Chiba-san. If I didn't know better, I'd swear he's been planning it this way from the start."
           The dark haired woman clinked the chain wrapped around her wrists. "I don't want to kill you. Stand down for me and let me take Mamo-kun in the finals."
           She snorted back. "You stand down. I didn't come all the way out here to drop out."
           "What makes you think I did?" Rei replied, "Setsuna-san couldn't have dragged me here if I hadn't wanted to come. I'm here for a reason. Look past the bar."
           Makoto did. There, both nursing their wounds, Setsuna and Minako had their heads put together, discussing something. Minako abruptly glanced up and caught her eye. Seeing Rei's shadow, Minako nodded tightly, tapping a fingertip to her temple.
           "It's odd," Rei murmured, "But I really feel like I know you three. And Ten'oh-kun, too. Not just because we're all still alive, mind you. Setsuna-san and Minako both feel the same."
           Makoto sighed softly. "I know what you mean." Every death here made her feel...different. Memories returned every time a lifeless body hit the ground in the tournament, memories she was never aware of. "This...all this used to be more, didn't it?"
           She felt the former priestess shift. "Yes. There was a kingdom here at one time. I...I've always known, but the last two days have made things clearer. We were all there, I think. But something happened and someone changed. Guess who?"
           The brunette nodded. "He wants both of us dead. What are we going to do?"
           The shadow fell over both of them.
           Mamoru scowled as he shoved open the far door and leaned against the frame, facing both the women, the black-haired priestess on his left, and the brown-haired gunslinger on his right. "I'll tell you what you're going to do. You *will* fight each other. If you refuse to draw, my men will kill you. If you try to leave town, my Starlights will kill you. You can't back out now." He pushed on into the bar, followed by his three enforcers.
           Makoto sighed heavily, turning her head a little to see the torn and stained hem of Rei's robes. "We have to think of something."
           Rei nodded, looking sideways at Makoto. "Agreed." She turned her body to lean on the swinging door. "There is something I wanted to tell you from last night, though...."
           The brunette turned around. "What's that?"
           Rei hesitated, then leaned over to cup Makoto's cheek and pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss.

Makoto: o.o; [blush!] "Mmmmmph...."

Chaos: [flipping through his script] "Hmmmm...I don't recall *that* scene being in here."

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! It is now! And vastly improved, if I say so!"

Chaos: [oversized demon head!] "HENTAI!!!"

Havoc: ^-^v "Call me Hentenno-sama!!"

Chaos: [irately punting Havoc off-set.] "We're going to have to set that shot up again, girls!"

Rei: [looking thoughtful and smacking her lips.] ", maybe we should do that scene again. Is that cherry-flavoured lip gloss, Mako-chan?"

Chaos: [facefault!] "......."

[This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to Rule 3 abiding Senshi. Please stand by.]


           The golf ball rolled over the fading features of Makoto and Rei and continued down the astroturf, just nicking the edge of the cup and coming to rest a few inches away.
           Far up at the putting tee, Tira Misu adjusted her dark glasses and swept her long dress aside to make room for her opponent. "Your shot," she murmured.
           Street Fighter Ryu smirked as he dropped his own ball and lined up the putt. "Not bad." He looked down the course, inlaid with a checkerboard of live monitors, a small water jump, and the obligatory windmill. "Let's see...."
           Aiming, he tapped his ball down the fairway, shooting it straight down the centre over the monitors, across the water, and whipping through the windmill.
           Ryu smiled and slung his putter over his shoulder. "I win."
           Tira Misu heaved a deep sigh and slammed her own club into the umbrella stand beside the door. "All right."
           "Just a second!" her sister Chocolate challenged, storming over and ripping up the artificial turf. Underneath the cup was a blinking Ken. A magnet was clutched in one hand, fastened tightly to Ryu's golf ball.

Ken: ^^; "Hiya. Just checking for leaks."

Chocolate Misu: --; [unfastening her collar!] "You're no Darling."

Tira Misu: --; [removing her glasses!] "But you must be punished."

           [Cue the OAV outfits for Chocolate and Tira Misu! And there is much fanservice!]

Otaku Masses: ^-^ "Banzai! Banzai!"

Ken & Ryu: O.o;; [holding each other for dear life!] "Jo'o-sama!"

           The demented cackling of the sisters and high-pitched screaming of the hapless Street Fighters filled the air as, through the whirl of whips, the test pattern faded back to the dusty interior of the soundstage.

Page 7
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