Away from the adventures of the Senshi, a couple of Suzaku Seishi were engaged in their own battle.
          "JAN KEN PON!"
          "AI KODE SHO!"
          "AI KODE SHO!"
          Fresh from her own late night television show, "Sunday Night Sex Show with Soi", the lone female Seiryuu Seishi leaned between Hotohori and Mitsukake. "What are those two fighting over?" she asked.
          Mitsukake sipped his drink and shook his head sadly. "The last bit of Vodka for their cola. And I'm surprised Tasuki hasn't whipped out his halissen and fried Tamahome yet."
          "AI KODE SHO!"
          "AI KODE SHO!"
          "Hah-ha, Monster-chan! Rock breaks scissors!"
          Tasuki gloated and waved his fan around, then Minni May reached over from her booth and grabbed the Vodka bottle, leaving one of her pink lipstick grenades behind.

Tasuki & Tamahome: O.o;;

          As the small explosion shook the bar, Jotaru shook his head and pulled out a calculator & form letter. "And the Gunsmith Cats, Inc. will get *that* repair bill."
          Off in another corner, a small handful of disgruntled, dateless FanSenshi were playing Old Maid and sulking.
          "It's not fair," sighed Sailor Gamma. "Hundreds of Senshi here and we're left out of the fanfic that brings more of us together than ever before."
          Sailor Nexus grimaced at her hand and slapped a pair of cards down. "I mean, we didn't even get the chance to give auditions to the director!"
          "Maybe we should file a protest with the Studio Council," Gamma suggested, making her draw from Sailor Sun. "If we could get the fic delayed somehow until we make our case?"
          "No, I've got a better idea," muttered Sailor Titan, one of the Satellite Senshi left out. "Why don't we go and take up our quarrel with the director . . . directly?"
          Nexus glanced over at her. "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"
          "I believe so." Titan looked around carefully. "Gather the others. Quietly."
          As the game broke up and the women dispersed around the club, the adventures of their mentors and fellow FanSenshi continued on the monitors overhead.


          HawkEye clicked the button on his radio. "Wing of the Light Hawk reporting in. All the precious metals have been picked up and delivered. And is it just me, or was the Aluminum heavier than the Iron this time?"
          Everyone else chuckled and crossed the four animates off their list. TigerEye reached for the handset in Viluy's truck. "When you're not fighting for love and peace, I guess you're putting on weight," he commented.
          Beryl ignored the banter and glanced out the windshield. "Hawk, this is Beryl Roller. Coming up on your road and seeing you ahead. We have the Crabs, Scorpions, and Fish on board. It's getting a little warm back here with all that wildlife."
          "Roger that, Beryl-san. We'll strike that from the record and head back to the supply depot."
          Back in the heart of the city, Jadeite smiled as he drove his own crew around a parking lot, both Tellu and FishEye on the lookout for their next acquisition.
          "Jadeite-san," Tellu asked, tending to a creeper in the backseat. "Why on earth are we waiting at a supermarket? Who's inside?"
          The general pulled up next to the gardening display at the front door and nodded inside. "We need Onion and Artichoke."
          FishEye gave him an odd look. ". . . You making soup or something tonight?"
          Jadeite bapped him on the head with a sheaf of papers. "No, you fruity fish-brained Michelin Man! The Sailor Vegetables are inside! And when they come out, we're going to grab them through this display!"
          Tellu nodded in understanding and rolled down her window, letting the tendrils of the plant curl through the other potted plants and gardening tools until two nooses were sitting in the middle of the walkway.
          While the three of them waited, FishEye humming the closing theme to Kazemakase Tsukikage Ran, Jadeite ran down the list of Senshi still left to snatch. They weren't doing too badly. Five hours into the operation, close to 30 girls had been picked off. There were still a couple dozen Satellites out there, plus two original Senshi and the Starlights.
          Looking up, Jadeite saw the two women in his pictures walk out of the market. "Thanks, Tellu-chan. Are you ready?" At her nod, he eased the vehicle from park to drive. "Tellu-chan, make sure that they'll both fit. Use the rear window if you have to. FishEye, help her get the sacks over their heads once they're in."
          They all watched as the girls came closer.

          Across town, Cyprine took over the wheel as Ptilol vaulted out of the side door with her staff. The redheaded woman in the denim jacket blinked before receiving a blow to her knees, knocking her down, then the end of the staff was planted in the hollow of her throat.
          Ptilol leaned down a little, choking the girl. "You . . . you would be an alternate Senshi, wouldn't you, Selina-san?"
          Green eyes glared up at her, confirming her own notes and pictures.
          Ptilol sighed and bowed her head. "Forgive me, my dear, but we need you if our leader is to live. HawkEye!"
          He appeared and sat down on the edge of the doorframe. "Hai. . . . One!"
          The red backboard materialized underneath the Senshi, lifting her up.
          Manacles appeared, clamping around her wrists and ankles.
          Selina struggled. "Hey, I like the kinky stuff as much as the next person, but not in public, okay!?"
          Both HawkEye and Ptilol grabbed the floating table. "Three!" they chorused, tossing her into the back of the van.
          "Kyaaaaa! That's NOT what I meant!"
          Ptilol leapt into the passenger side as HawkEye shut the sliding door. "Let's go!"
          The van roared out of the park and back onto the main streets.

*         *         *

          Jadeite clapped hands with Tellu as they dropped off the last Satellite Senshi. Picking up the handset, FishEye cleared his throat. "Fire, Earth, and Water reporting in. All Satellites have been tucked in for the night. What's everyone's twenty?"
          TigerEye clicked his microphone on. "Eye of the Tiger here. You're not going to believe this, but we're not the only ones out here, Fire. Venus was sighted, brighter than usual, but it seems she's in another car. Wasn't yours, was it, LightHawk?"
          Cyprine leaned over HawkEye's shoulder. "Negative, Tiger. We're running empty at the moment, pending confirmation of the Starlights. What about Mars?"
          Jadeite took the set from FishEye. "Mars is mine, everybody. I've got a history with that girl that I'm not going to let anyone else interrupt. Mime, any word?"
          Back at their base of operations, Mimete concentrated on her three favourite idols. "They've finished their concert for the night by now. And it looks like they're heading to the . . . Fire River Temple? Why would they be going there?"
          Jadeite frowned. "That's where Mars lives. We're going to need two teams on this. LightHawk, your team and ours converge there. Eye of the Tiger, it's the thrill of the chase for you. Track down whoever has Venus and grab her. It's getting late and we don't have to be subtle any more. Fire, Earth, and Water out."

*         *         *

          Both Cyprine and Ptilol swung their staves at once, deflecting Seiya's Star Serious Laser attack right back into Taiki, knocking the Senshi wanna-be into one of HawkEye's tables. At the other end of the Temple, Jadeite had Rei slung over his shoulder and was bounding over to his car.
          "Jade-chan! Not that I mind being kidnapped in the middle of the night, but would you at *least* have the decency to buy me dinner first?"
          He handed the raven-haired Senshi off to Tellu and leapt into the driver's seat. "Sorry, Rei-chan. This isn't an official date. Then again, I'll be damned if I'm going to let Galaxia get her hands on you." Looking over his shoulder, he saw HawkEye and Cyprine toss the last Starlight into their van. "Let's roll!"
          Just then, the CB crackled to life. "LightHawk and Fire, this is Eye of the Tiger. Have spotted Venus and am pursuing towards your temple. You should see them any minute. Can you cut them off?"
          "Tiger, this is LightHawk. Will intercept." The black van gunned its engine and shot forward, launching itself past Jadeite and his crew.
          Jadeite shook his head. "Kids today. Hold onto something, Rei-chan. Preferably not FishEye." He zoomed out onto the lawn of the Temple, following the tailights of the van. Then he saw the other headlights off to one side. The car was gleaming pink underneath the rows of streetlights. "Tiger, we see her. LightHawk, come around to her right. We'll box her in."
          Just then, Tellu and Rei gave startled shrieks and leapt up in the backseat, causing Jadeite to spin out, taking out the shrine's torii.
          "Sorry!" Rei gasped, "But . . . someone just stole my panties!"
          Tellu nodded. "Me too!"
          Something bounced off the roof of the car, then a figure was seen flashing (in all senses of the word) past the headlights.

Havoc-chan: ^-^ [panties panties panties!] "Hotcha! Silken villianess treasures!"

          The Dragon Pink Cadillac swerved into the light just then, its headlights glaring at the three vehicles as Havoc-chan cataperved back into the jacuzzi. The wind god vacuum cleaner was at the wheel. Havoc was beside it, Minni May and Minako both nestling up against him. In the backseat, Kintaro and Carrot Glaces were busy classifying the pile of brassieres and panties while Charon was keeping Havoc-chan's and Shampoo's Screweddrivers filled.
          Havoc-chan dropped seven pairs of panties into the backseat. "We found them, fellow hentais. The people responsible for stealing almost every nubile young girl and pair of silken treasures in this city!"
          Jadeite rolled down his window and glowered at the occupants of the Pervmobile as the other two crews pulled up on either side of him. "You can keep her underwear. Just give us the Senshi of Venus, Aino Minako!"
          Minako clung to Havoc-kun, groping him while burying her head in his chest. "Save me, Na-chan!"
          The two groups stared across the courtyard at each other, exhaust filling the air. Then a lone figure stepped between them.

Director Chaos: -.-; "Havoc, I would advise you to make your explanation for interrupting my fanfic *very* good."

Havoc-kun: ^-^ "Jello?"

Director Chaos: -.-; "Not good enough. You go squish now."

          Yet, before Chaos could summon a falling bathtub, cow, or smack the leader of the Benkyo Brigade silly with a herring, a finger tapped him on the shoulder. "Director Chaos?"
          He turned around, smiling. "That's right. And who might you be?"
          A FanSenshi stood there, glowering at him, her fingers sparkling with energy. "In the name of the moon Sinope, I will punish you! ORBITAL DECAY!"
          After the explosion had passed, his crumpled SDship tapped a mangled finger against a flagstone. "I sense hostility towards this fanfic."
          Sailor Sinope ground her high heel into his battered forehead. "For leaving us FanSenshi out of this fic, we will not forgive you!"

          [Cue the horde of pissed-off FanSenshi!]

FanSenshi: [grrr!] "In the name of the Magical Girls' Union, SHIN'NE!"

          Jadeite gawked as a hundred FanSenshi hurled magical attacks and flung their shoes at the pulverized director. "This is one of the most surreal moments of my life, guys."
          "More surreal than the time you were asked to represent the Generals at the Senshi Convention in England?" Beryl asked.
          Wincing, Jadeite watched a set of Triplet FanSenshi combine their powers and simultaneously blow Chaos up into the air and compact him from all directions into a cube. "Oh, yeah. Much more."
          The air suddenly exploded into heat and noise as the Queen Senshi above all materialized on the set. "WHAT'S ALL THIS?" Galaxia bellowed, waving her arms and cancelling all the FanSenshi powers.
          Chaos crashed back to earth, only to have Galaxia use him as a stepping stone. She tapped a foot impatiently, glaring around at the cowering magical girls. "Well? You've managed to completely disrupt our work here. What do you want?"
          Sailor Caramel stepped forward. "Galaxia-san, we were simply protesting our exclusion from this fanfic . . . ."
          Galaxia lifted an eyebrow. "Really? That is the first time, I believe, that anyone would object to being *left out* of a Chaosfic."

FanSenshi: O.o;;

          [The kana for ". . . SHE'S RIGHT!" scrolls in behind the FanSenshi.]

Director Chaos: [flattened li'l fanboy] "My ego doth protest that, although my body thanks you for stopping the pain."

Sailor Diamond: [frown!] "Dammit. We should punish him immediately for making us want to be in his fanfics."

Sailor Nexus: [priming her Infinite Horizon spell.] "I can do that."

Director Chaos: -.-; [new pain!] "I hate my life with a passion Mamoru can only dream of."

          Once again, before record pain could commence, the Pervmobile blared its horn (which sounded remarkably like a Sailor Senshi orgy) and Havoc-kun stood up on the hood of the Dragon Pink Cadillac. "FanSenshi, Sailor Scouts, Ecchi avatars all, lend me your panties! If you truly want to be in a fanfic that will immortalize you forever, follow us to the Dojiworks for the filming of the most ambitious Havocfic to date: Gone With Sixty Thousand Panties! It will contain the greatest climax of all time! And when we say climax, we *mean* it! You will help us attempt to set the Anime World Record for Largest Lesbian Sex Pretzel ever created! Now, who's with me?!"
          Cheering, all the FanSenshi began to form ordered ranks behind the Pervmobile as it turned off the set and pointed towards the Dojiworks soundstages.

FanSenshi: [saluting!] "At your command, Hentenno-sama!"

Havoc-kun: ^-^ "For the glory of the Ueber-Perv! Forward . . . Thrust!"

FanSenshi: ^-^ [genki genki march!] "A benkyo, a benkyo! Watashitachi wa ecchi! Wai!"

         [This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to fuku overload. Please stand by.]


          Cutey Honey shook herself and stretched. "Okay, let's hurry up here. I'm pretty sure there's going to be tickets available for the screening of that fic."
          "Which one?" asked Kekko Kamen, "The monstrosity we just witnessed, or the hentai masterpiece that's about to start?"
          "Oh, either. It's a choice between hurting myself laughing or squirming myself silly from the yuri scenes." She checked her cards again. "Got any more of me?"
          Violence Jack shook his head. "Go Nagai Fish."
          "Don't mind if I do!" Cutey Honey leaned over and reached down Kekko Kamen's cleavage to pull a card out, causing her fellow Go Nagai creation to eep and wriggle around.
          As she smilingly stuffed it between her own generous breasts, Honey grinned over at the Big Toenail of Satan, who had managed to talk his way into the game. "How about you?"
          "Nope. Fish around."
          She snorted. "From you? Not likely." She reached across the table to yank Violence Jack's waistband away from his body and rummage around inside his pants.

Cutey Honey: ^-^ "Let's see, how about . . . (o.O) A human skull??"

Violence Jack: "Hey, I wasn't through with that yet! Put it back!"

Kekko Kamen: "Ewwwww... Alas, poor Yuusuke. I knew him, Hiei."

          From the Yuu Yuu Hakusho table came a yell. "THAT'S NOT FUNNY, BOUNCY GIRL! OW!!!! BOTAN, PUT THAT OAR DOWN!"
          Edging past the irate Ferry Maiden, Vash the Stampede discreetly made his way to the washroom. Before he could open the door, the long arms of Toilet Hanako snaked out and yanked him in.

Vash: o.O;; "Aiiieee! Be gentle with me, please!"

Toilet Hanako: [giggle!] "Stop squirming so much! Don't you want to play with me?"

          The entire Club turned to gaze at the door, bemused at the not-so-subtle sounds of Hanako's flirting and Vash's continued protests and shrieks.
          Jotarou looked over at Misato. "Think we should send someone in to rescue him?"
          Misato shrugged. "Well, if it were me and if Hanako were the Red Mantle, I'd wait a little bit longer. But it's your call."
          Just then, Vash stumbled out, his usually gravity-defiant hair drooping, and a confused, yet goofy grin on his face.

Vash: ^^v & ^^x "Love . . . and PEACE!"

         [Cue the facefaults!]

          The loudspeaker whined to life overhead. "Would the casts of Ranma Nibun No Ichi and Love Hina please report to the Studio and soundstage # 0 . . . 1 . . . 5 . . . 3. Women to the right, men to the left, Ranma in the middle. Just like always. That is all."

FIC #8: CLASSIFIED PLACE: STUDIO ANIPIKE, STAGE #0153 TIME: 1835 HOURS COMMENTS: Anything Goes Martial Arts Apartment Managing.

          Naru Narusegawa sighed heavily as she slammed the door of the wardrobe department behind her. "That director's an idiot."
          "Welcome to our nightmare," Nabiki commented, looking through a rack of blouses. "You get used to it after a while."
          Shampoo nodded as she slipped her top off and slung it over her chair. "Pay is good. Work is rewarding. Chaos is neither."
          "I couldn't make head or tails of the script outline for this, either," grumbled Naru, "Someone want to give me a rundown?" She undid her jeans and wriggled out of them, going bare-legged over to the closet of skirts and flipping through them.
          Akane sat down at the dressing tables and examined her reflection critically, turning her head one way, then the other. "Pretty simple, actually. You Hina women in your apartment building, us Ranma women in the other, each with our own apartment manager. We share the hotsprings and wackiness ensues. Other than that, we're on our own in terms of actual inspiration."
          Naru blinked and looked over at the script on her chair. "Well, the dialogue did seem rather . . . sparse. We improvise?"
          "Not really. Just wait for the rewrite. There'll be lots of those when things start malfunctioning, blowing up, and going to Hellsing out there."
          Konno Mitsune appeared from behind a row of elegant costumes, dressed up in slacks and a burgundy brassiere. "Think Kuno would notice if I flashed him?" She copped a feel off her own breasts and grinned as she leaned on the dressing table beside Akane to put in her earring studs.
          "I've got a better idea," Akane told her, running her hands through her short hair. "What you want to do is . . . ."
          At that moment, Director Chaos decided to stroll into the room. "Right, guys! How's it going finding the--(O.o!) Hey, this isn't Men's Wardrobe!"
          "That's right," growled a still half-naked Naru. "And this isn't my fist about to send you through the ceiling."

Director Chaos: ^-^ "Oh, good! For a second there, I was worried!"

Naru's Fist: *WHAM*

Page 4
Back to Fanfics