SCENES FROM LOVE RANMA 1846 HOURS

          "Akane Tendo . . . pig tailed girl . . . Akane Tendo . . . pig tailed girl . . ."
          Thus, the mantra of Tatewaki Kuno.
          Seated serenely in contemplation, he ignored both the tapping at his office door and the subsequent visitor as he focused his attentions on meditation.
          "Kuno-channnn . . ."
          He slowly opened one eye. "Konno-san, I keep asking you not to address me so informally. After all, I am your manager and rent collector."
          The girl sighed heavily, her chest rising and falling inside her tight sweater. "Hai, hai . . . geez, Keitaro was looser than you." She leaned her elbows on the table in front of him, hips swaying lazily as she frowned at him.
          "Konno-san. . . ."
          "Call me Kitsune, please," she purred, inhaling again.
          One of Kuno's eyebrows arched. "Very well, fox-lady. Your former manager was not a kendo practitioner. And look how he is faring."
          The two of them turned their heads to gaze out the window as a feminine cry echoed across the far half of the complex.
          "Aiya! Pervert manager in Shampoo's lingerie closet!"
          A spiralling, screaming figure shot through the air and disappeared over the rooftop.
          Kitsune shrugged. "I think he's getting used to it by now. If it wasn't those girls, it would be Kaolloa, Motoko, or Naru beating the stuffing out of him."
          ". . . Quite. Speaking of your fellow guests, they have all settled their rent for this month. As I recall, you avoided your last rent by . . . how do I phrase this? . . . . leading me on with the riches of your body. I trust you don't plan to repeat the same trick twice?" Kuno regarded the sweatdropping girl as she abruptly sat back on her haunches. "Or am I wrong?"
          "You mean, you didn't enjoy me sheathing your sword for you last time?" she pouted, looking mournful.
          "I would, if you could explain how your cleavage and my bokken together pay for supplies and upkeep." he replied, polishing the wooden sword resting on his knees. "Otherwise, your 2000 yen are due by the end of the week."
          As a disheartened Kitsune left the office, unable to move the Blue Thunder even after unzipping her sweater almost all the way open, things were happening elsewhere in the Hinata Inn.

Ranma-chan: [hmph!] "Admit it, Pop. You're just using me to get access to a free hotspring."

Genma Panda: [with sign & shower cap] *Make your father proud and get into Toudai, Ranma!*

Ranma-chan: -.-;;; "I'm surprised you never married me to one of those other girls here."

Genma Panda's sign: *Funny that you should mention that ...*

Ranma-chan: o.O "WHAT??"

Genma Panda's sign: *Can't you take a joke for once in your life, son?*

Ranma-chan: "Get your furry butt back here, Pop! I'm going to kick it back to Nerima!"

          The two of them tore by the hotsprings, startling several ladies in various stages of undress that were relaxing in the waters or coming out of the changeroom.
          Naru Narusegawa blinked. "She certainly spends a lot of time running around. You sure she wouldn't like to join us, Akane-chan?"
          "Hah!" Akane snorted, "Like I'd even let Ranma share a hotspring with me."
          Nabiki leaned back and shrugged. "I can never see what the problem is, since you're both girls."
          Heavily blushing, Akane folded her arms and slumped back against the bank of the spring. "Whatever. That baka's on her own."
          Genma Panda flew out of the changeroom upside down, imbedding himself into the wooden fence. His sign splashed in the water, floating by Nabiki and Ukkyou.
          " . . . "The Master is here!"?" Ukkyou read, turning her head on an angle. "What kind of sign is that?"

Akane: o.o; [sweatdrop!] "Uh-oh."

          At that moment, Happosai came bounding by, having "liberated" the underwear of all the women present and hotly pursued by a thoroughly pissed-off Ranma-chan. "Whoohoo! What a lovely selection in there. I'll have to come by more often!"
          "I'll hang you by those bras if I get my hands on you, you shrunken old freak!"
          "GROWF!"
          Genma Panda flew up from behind the bushes, lobbing another one of his signs over the pool at the perverted martial-artist.

Genma Panda's Sign: *Saotome Anything Goes School of Martial Arts Special Attack! Sudden Sign Stop!*

Genma Panda's Sign, Reverse Side: *This Space Available for Rent*

          At the same time Motoko yanked her sword loose from her scabbard and scrambled to her feet. "Unforgivable sneaking pervert! Ni No Tachi!" The attack blew by the flying sign, altering its course enough to clonk Ranma-chan on the back of the head and give Happosai his break for freedom.
          Which he would have had if he hadn't tripped over a completely lost little black pig. Seconds later, Akane hauled herself out of the water and proceeded to punt the pint-sized pervert over the bridge and river back into Tokyo.
          Groaning, Ranma-chan picked a tan bra off her head and blinked. "Odd. I don't think this is one of mine. Or Akane's."
          Her head was crunched into the pavement by a pan-dimensional mallet. "And just *how* would you come to that conclusion, you hentai?" growled the youngest Tendo.
          Naru blushed heavily as she got out and snatched the brassiere away. "Actually, it's mine."
          Ranma blinked as she sat up and gazed at Naru, then down at herself. "Boy, you take a small size, don't you?"

Naru: " . . . . SHIN'NE!!"

Akane: [grr!] "RANMA!"

Ranma: o.O; "GACK!"

          As a growling Naru dusted off her hands and stalked back into the hot water, Shinobu tapped her on the arm, looking shyly from the crater in the patio to her roommate. "Actually, Naru-san, that one was mine. We were wearing the same colour today."
          Naru paused, then handed the bra over to Shinobu. "Oh."
          Akane delivered one last stomp on an already two dimensional fianc e and turned to see her piglet thrashing around, lost in a pair of D-cups. "P-chan! Did you follow me here, baby? Or did Dad bring you?" Picking him up, she frowned as he squealed and struggled. "What? What's wrong? It's only a hotspring."

Havoc: ^-^ [popping up in the middle of the onsen and stripping towels!] "Hotcha! But what good is a hotspring and fanservice if you're all wrapped up tighter than Kenshin's ribs?"

Apartment Manager Tatewaki Kuno ran out from the changing room at that minute. "I heard the screams of damsels in distress! Ah, my pig-tailed girl . . . Akane Tendo. . . and even the lovely and violent Naru-chan! I am here to defend your honor! I . .. [O.o;] ... appear to have arrived at a bad time, haven't I?"

Women: "KYAAA! HENTAI!"

Havoc: ^-^v "Call me Hentenno-sama! And, arigato!"

Director Chaos: --; "Mayhem, fetch me Carnage and the Galaxy Gun again. I've found a new use for it."

[This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to dead perverts groping. Please stand by.]

CLUB ANIPIKE 1914 HOURS

          NinNin stomped down one of the halls angrily. "I can't believe he managed to boost the entire Hina and Ranma cast at the same time! I had most of those girls on *my* list! Now they'll be on their guard." He snapped his fingers at Charon. "Bring me my list, sashami-brain!"
          Charon rolled his eyes. "Right away, your Purple Princeliness of Perversion." Producing the roll of butcher's paper, he licked the Naked Minni-May pen (available for a few hundred yen at the Planet Hentai gift shop) and prepared to check off NinNin's targets.
          "Botan?"
          Charon frowned. "Need her."
          "The Magic Knights?"
          "Need them."
          "Sailor Mars?"
          "Need her."
          "The other Sailor Mars?"
          "Need her."
          "Washuu?"
          "Need her."
          ". . . Misato?"
          "Ummmm . . . yeah, need her."
          "Tattoon Master Nima?"
          "Need her."
          "Knight Sabers?"
          "Need them."
          Scowling, NinNin reached over and grabbed the paper. "Do we have *anybody's panties*?" he demanded.
          Charon shook his head. "Not unless you count the ones you had me steal from the Studio's laundry department. And that's against the rules."

          [Meanwhile, in the Studio Anipike's Laundry Department.]

Nami: [peering into the dryer] "Odd, I could have sworn I had a whole load of Delmo Girls' panties here. . . And I'm afraid I can't find yours either, Hotaru-chan."

Hotaru: ^^ "That's all right. I'm going to see my Chaos-chan. I won't need them."

Nami: [sweatdrop!] "Ooookay."

*         *         *

          NinNin and Charon continued arguing past the table where some of Anime's unluckiest characters were playing "Sorry!".

Desolation: [rolling the die.] "Five."

Photon: [rolling the die.] "Three."

Yakumo: [rolling the die.] "One."

Kiyone: [rolling the die.] "Five."

Menchi the Dog: [rolling the die.] "Awooo!"

Subtitle: *Four*

Pedro: [rolling the die.] "Two."

Kiyone: --; "This would be a lot more fun if one of us could actually roll a six to get the game started."

          Just then, the giant foot of The Behemoth accidentally stepped on the booth. Takuma leaned out. "Whoops! Sorry!"
          "No problem!" warbled the half-dozen voices from beneath the steel-cleated boots.
          At the Seiryuu Seishi table, Mihoshi winced and shook her head. "Oh dear. Nakago love, I think I'm going to be home late tonight. Kiyone's going to need some TLC again."
          Soi glanced up from her fanmail. "I've got some oils you can borrow." She frowned down at the letter in her hand. "Dear Soi: I'm having fantasies about my apartment manager, but they're all fantasies about killing him. Could I possibly be in love with him?' Ummm... only if you're a praying mantis." Folding it up, Soi reached for her drink, only to pause. "Boss, your hair's on fire."
          Sure enough, Nakago's blond locks were smoldering. Screaming, Amiboshi and Suboshi both leapt for a fire extinguisher, only to collide headfirst. As they fell back with chibi-Mokona's puuing around their heads, Tomo calmly snatched it up and proceeded to frost Nakago's tips.
          Nakago glowered around the area, his hair smoking and covered with extinguisher foam. "All right. Who's the wise guy?"
          A snickering made them all turn around to see Tamahome in a laser tag vest and gun wave at Nakago before scurrying through the arena doors.

Nakago: -.-; [brushing off his shoulders] "Mihoshi, lend me your Galaxy Police pistol. I'm going in there."

          As Nakago charged off to fry Tamahome's Monster-chan ass, the rest of the Seiryuu Seishi turned their attention back to the televisions.

SCENES FROM LOVE RANMA 2030 HOURS

          "No. Ohhhh no!" Akane growled, crossing her arms and sitting with her back to the wall. "No way."
          Kitsune uncrossed her long legs from where she was sitting on the windowsill and sighed. "Look, I can do this with only a few people, but the more contributions we make, the better chance there is of finding someone willing to finance it. Akane-chan, your sister has agreed to be our negotiator, as well as the photographer."
          "For a fee, of course," Nabiki smirked gently. "But I'm being reasonable about it."
          Kitsune nodded, then continued. "And she's assured me that things will be tasteful."
          "Tasteful??" Akane snapped. "You want us to parade around in our underwear and do martial arts poses for a calendar, and you think that's *tasteful*?"
          "Look, I need to get Kuno-chan off my back about the rent. I don't have time to get a job by the end of the week." Brushing aside her sweatdrop, she heaved another sigh and looked at the doorway where both Shampoo and Ukkyou were leaning on the doorframe. "You two still in?"
          The Amazon nodded. "Shampoo need publicity to build up new Nekohanten that she take over from Maehara family."
          "Same with my okonomiyaki stand," Ukkyou said, stretching her arms. "I'll probably end up with a lot more drooling guys, but I can handle them." She patted her Zanba spatula that was leaning on the wall.
          Smiling, Kitsune looked over at Akane again. "Still no?"
          "I've got studies to worry about, thank you! I'm supposed to be trying to get into Toudai, just like you, Nabiki! Ranma can slack off all he wants, since that's all he ever did at home, but I want to actually DO something!"
          Kitsune's normally closed eyes opened to show the gleaming red irises as she looked over to Ranma-chan. "How about you? You don't use weapons, I know, but your patterns would be a good addition."
          Ranma-chan, still in her female form, looked over at the panda imitating a throw rug. "What do you think, Pops?"

Genma Panda's sign: *Will there be a catered lunch?*

Ranma-chan: [oversized demon head!] "IS FOOD ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT, DAD?"

          "Oh, go ahead and do it, Ranma!" Akane snarled at him, "It's a perfect opportunity for you to go prancing around again as a girl! You complain about it an awful lot, but I'm starting to think you like it more than being a guy!"
          "What? Hey, when I'm a girl, at least you three aren't hanging off me! And I think you're just jealous because I'm better endowed than you are!"
          "BAKA!"
          Seconds later, the chest of drawers shot across the room to slam Ranma into the wall.
          "You think that's the reason?" she inquired darkly. "All right, Kitsune-san. I'll join, but only to show this pervert up!"
          "That's the spirit I'm looking for," Kitsune approved, rubbing her hands together. "Motoko-chan, you haven't said anything yet."
          The kendo girl sitting cross-legged in the far corner didn't even lift her head. "Never. I will not allow the spirit of my family's art to become a unworthy object in the hands of men."
          Ukkyou smirked as she leaned over to Shampoo. "I think she meant that in more ways than one, too."
          "To . . . engage in such an endeavour would bring shame and dishonor to not only my kendo club, but to my own name. I cannot allow it."
          Sighing, Kitsune slid off the windowsill. "Nothing will change your mind?"
          "No."
          Kitsune smiled slyly. "Not even . . . this!?" She reached behind her back and produced Tama-chan the turtle.

Tama: ^-^ "Miiii!"

Motoko: O.o;;;

Kitsune: [sticking Tama down Motoko's back!] "Have fun!"

          Motoko shrieked and frantically unbelted her kendo robes, ripping them off her shoulders and legs. "KYAAA! Where is it? Where is it?"
          Nabiki grinned as she pulled out her camera. "You're as evil as I am, Kitsune. I think I like that. It's not a good studio setting, but it'll have to do."

Motoko: [half-nekkid & chasing the flying turtle around the room!] "Hold still, unclean creature! I will be avenged!"

Tama-chan: ^-^ "Miii! Miiii!"

Motoko: "Grrr! Zan Ma Ken revised! Turtle splitting sword!"

Tama-chan: ^-^ [catching the sword blow between her flippers!] "Miii!"

          Nabiki's camera clicked away, capturing the image of the black haired girl in her chest wrappings & underwear, her sword held by the hovering turtle.
          As a stunned Motoko fell to her knees, Kitsune smiled. "Well, I'm sure we can use those pictures, unless you'd like to pose for better ones, Motoko-chan."

Motoko: --; "Once again, I have been deceived by an unworthy turtle."

          Two days later, Kuno returned from supervising Sasuke's repairs of the roof to find an envelope waiting on his table with a note attached, reading "Kuno-chan's Rent!"
          "I do wish she would stop calling me that," he sighed, setting his bokken aside and picking up the envelope. "Excellent. The fox-girl has paid in full! I knew she would not disappoint. Ah, and what is this in here with the rent? A "Woman Warriors" calendar?"
          Flipping open to the first month, Kuno's eyes bugged out to see the picture of Akane power-breaking a rack of cinder blocks while dressed in only a Chinese shirt, which was hanging open.
          February and March had Shampoo and Ukkyou respectively: Shampoo striking a pose in a purple negligee with her bonbori and a bikini-clad Ukkyou in the middle of a spatula strike.
          April featured Ranma-chan in a red bra & panties, legs split wide in the air to shatter two boards being held by Akane & Kitsune. And Motoko had taken May by storm with her kendo stance that revealed a lot more than her swordgrip.
          "Take a look at June," purred Kitsune's voice behind him. "I had that one added just for you."
          Kuno whirled. "Konno-san!"
          Reaching over, she pulled the calendar out of his hands and flipped it forward. "Tell me what you think," she grinned. The month she opened at had a medium shot of her in a dark green bustier, Motoko's sheathed sword half nestled down in her cleavage. "I couldn't get Motoko-chan to stop blushing all the time we were doing this one."
          Kitsune glanced over at her manager, only to find him collapsed on the floor, his eyes nothing but swirls. "Whoops. Guess he didn't want to see November & December's group shots, then."

Director Chaos: "And . . CUT! Kitsune, easy with the props! I'd like to try and sell those afterwards!"

Kitsune: [grinning] "Actually, Nabiki and I have the marketing rights for these. Didn't you read the fine print we had added to our contracts?"

Director Chaos: ". . . Didn't I pay to have them made in the first place?"

Kitsune: "Yes, you did. And thank you very much for a profitable endeavour."

Director Chaos: -.-; "I can't believe I pay you ladies for this."

         [This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to contract re-negotiation. Please stand by.]

CLUB ANIPIKE 2108 HOURS

          Riot frowned as he shuffled Scrabble tiles, his narrowed eyes managing to show irritation. "How could anyone make a most honorable word out of such dishonorable letters?"
          His opponent giggled. "Aren't the tile-chans the most kawaii li'l things? Ne? Ne?"
          The samurai snuck a peek at the board, which already had bingo-fu', pink-chan', sword-fu' and 'bow-chan'. "Anything goes martial arts suffix-fu, is it? Very well. Perhaps a change of strategy is in order."
          "Oooh, strategy-chan! Strategy-chan! Hysteria-chan should try that sometime!"
          Casting a despairing glance at the board as he passed by, chibi-Nightbreak sat down at the next table, his Neko-Senshi gathering at his back. "I'm glad you decided to take me up on this meeting. I'm sure we'll have plenty to offer you."
          Largo took another sip of his Dalmore single malt and patted his lips with a monogrammed napkin. "Like a Catgirl?"
          Chibi-Nightbreak exchanged a glance with his Neko-Makoto, who sashayed over to plant herself firmly in the Boomer's lap. "Now, are you ready to hear my proposal?"
          Largo shrugged. "If I should."
          A handful of papers was pushed across the table. "Here it is: A Knight Saber's Tale. Beautiful women, hardsuits, corruption, and jousting tournaments. And I'd like you to play the main villain as Count Largo. Instead of kicking their asses in the lists, you zorch them with a Satellite Strike while they're still putting on their armour. And you get to wallop the Knight Sabers all you want. You'll be a major heavy, Largo. The anti-hero."
          He flipped pages, face expressionless. "So, what's in it for me? You get my godlike presence and a name for your fic. What else do I get besides that paltry salary you fanfic authors give us?"
          Chibi-Nightbreak blinked a couple of times. "Umm . . . like all participants in my fics, you get a commemorative pin individual to the storyline. We can arrange it so your pin controls a laser satellite in orbit, if you like. And, to be honest . . ." He looked up at the TV screen overhead. "It won't be like a Chaosfic."
          Largo pulled out a gold-plated pen and immediately signed his name over the last page. "It's a deal."

Riot: -.-; "A most dishonorable draw, I'm afraid. Another type of challenge, shall we say, like a round of most honorable dominoes? Say with my most honorable former employers, who have still neglected to pay me?"

SEELE Monoliths: [sweatdrop!] ". . . . . ."

Hysteria: "Hey! The kawaii little SEELE domino-chans are making a fast break for the door! They're going to ruin Hysteria's kawaii little game-chan! Grrrrr. . . Hysteria can never forgive that! KAWAAI KILLER BUTTERFLY ATTACK!!!"

          Suffice to say, Hysteria won by not only knocking down all the dominos, but blowing them straight through the front door.
          A bell chimed as the loudspeaker came to life. "Would the Original Sailor Senshi, Sailor Starlights, and all SuperS Villains please report to the Studio and soundstage # 0 . . . 0 . . . 6 . . . 4. Complimentary Rollerblades will be available from Kinomoto & Daidoji's Roller Rentals and Reality Shows Inc. Not so fast, Zirconia."

Zirconia: [trying to sneak away out the side exit] "Drat."

Loudspeaker: "That is all."

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