CLUB ANIPIKE BACK LOT 2321 HOURS
EVA-01 roared at the sky as it watched its defeated opponents slink away. Then it turned and began exchanging high fives and forearm bumps with the other four EVA units.
Misato grinned at Ritsuko and Kaji as the pilots came off the outdoor basketball court for a breather. "And we win again. First the Gundams, now the Mashin."
"Don't forget those Hamlin Globetrotters," Kaji pointed out, "I think one of them's still smashed into the concrete there."
"Jo'o-samaaaa!" warbled the small crater under the EVA's net.
Turning to the small audience in the bleachers, Misato smirked. "Anyone else dare to take on the mightiest giants in basketball?"
"HAI!" Two people stood up.
Kaji: [sweatdrop!] "Card Captor Sakura and Daidoji Tomoyo? You're kidding me."
Sakura smiled. "Don't underestimate us. RELEASE! The Clow!"
The Cards erupted into the air, coming to life. And as Sakura used the Big card to grow her team to EVA size, the announcers on the sidelines settled in.
Magical VP Aburatsubo: ^-^ "Well, here we go again, broadcasting to you LIVE from the Wide World of Anime Sports, where it's been non-stop, high-flying, end-to-end action, street rules basketball today. We've just witnessed a major challenge. The Clow Cards have accepted a match against the Evangelion units. And I see betting is going heavy on the EVAs down there on the sidelines."
Mitsuru Ikeda: [Here is Greenwood, Here is the Betting Pool!] "We're going to put the spread at 30 points, people! Place your bets, place your bets!"
Shinobu Tezuka: ^^ "Anyone betting that the EVAs will win, put your money here!"
Announcer Hanigata: "It appears so, Aburatsubo-kun, but let's just see how this match goes! There's the tipoff . . and here's a surprise, it's won by The Power. She passes to The Dark, who flips behind her back to The Shadow, who . . . has somehow gotten control of EVA-02's shadow and has it shooting for the Clow! Score!"
Aburatsubo: "Amazing co-ordination between the pair of The Dark and The Shadow on that play, Hanigata. Rumours have the two of them dating, if you can believe it."
As they discussed the rumours, The Through shook her long hair back and handed off to Windy, who let her cyclone dribble the ball down to The Jump. Flapping its wings, The Jump shot straight up into the air, flipping over the rim and slamdunking the ball through the net.
Hanigata: "The EVAs are looking disorganized right now. The Clow are off to a fast start on this oversized court and oh, there's a deliberate foul by EVA-02!"
Aburatsubo: "Asuka Langley's trying to light a fire under her team by throwing a punch at The Mist! She's going to regret that in more ways than one, though. I guess she hasn't watched the series, because The Mist is corrosive, even to EVAs."
Sure enough, the red EVA was dancing around at center court, frantically trying to shake off the stinging in its hands as The Mist solidified herself again.
Hanigata: "The Shot will take the free throws here for the Clow and he never misses! No matter what it takes, The Shot will do just that!"
Aburatsubo: "Nothing but the sound of net here. And with the game back underway, EVA-03 with Touji has the ball. Touji, one of the best EVA pilots you'll ever see, has a clear lane to the basket. He goes for a dunk and . . . a giant tree just shot up under EVA-03, courtesy of The Wood! I don't care what your synch ratio is, that's *gotta* hurt!"
As EVA-03 tried to pull its face out of the tree trunk, EVA-01 grabbed the rebound.
Hanigata: "Ikari Shinji in EVA-01, goes around the tree, fakes a throw and passes it over to Ayanami Rei. Hold on here . . . The Time has just turned back the clock five seconds and stepped in between them to grab the pass himself! Oh, the referee has *got* to call that."
Aburatsubo: "He's going to. . . there's the whistle. And, I don't believe this! The Silent has just teleported the referee away for making a noise near her!"
On the sidelines, Kaji frowned as he stubbed his cigarette out. "Okay, there goes the referee. Maybe we should consider cheating now?"
The three EVA coaches were abruptly rained on.
"What do you think they've been doing up until now?" Ritsuko sneezed, glowering at The Rain hovering nearby. "You can't catch, touch, stop, or even see half of their team. What would you suggest?"
Kaji shrugged. "An N2 mine?"
". . . . Good idea."
Hanigata: "Without a referee here, Aburatsubo, this game has turned dirty."
Aburatsubo: "There's no doubt of that, Hanigata-kun. The Power has not only blocked EVA-03's shot, she also managed to pile-drive it headfirst into the cement! I'm not quite sure what else can happen here."
Hanigata: "I wouldn't say that yet, Aburatsubo. It looks like the Evangelion team has pulled a switch. That basketball wasn't white before, was it?"
Aburatsubo: "No, that looks more like an N2 mine to me. The Clow have control, and none of the EVAs are making any move to stop them from scoring! This can't end well. The Wood, once again, passing it over to The Illusion, who fakes the throw back, but flips it instead to The Shot, who goes for the layup! And we now must pause in our play by play, so we may duck and cover!"
[Cue the N2 Mine!]
Hanigata: [popping up from behind his blast shield] "Oh, the carnage, the humanity! This basketball court is a wreckage of blackened concrete! The EVAs are celebrating on the sidelines, Aboratsubo, but I can hardly call this a cause for celebration. The Clow have been absolutely decimated!"
Aburatsubo: [slapping out fires on the desk] "Ladies and gentlemen, the horror of what lies before us is impossible to describe. Please bear with us as we struggle to bring you the remainder of this game!"
Just then, the crater that was the basketball court reformed itself. The hoops rose up on sturdy poles again, high above the crowd. And the Cards of the Clow reappeared, unscathed, uncovering The Illusion in their midst with the real basketball.
Hanigata: O.O "Wait a minute here! The Illusion! It projected what the EVA coaches wanted to see most, and what we all expected to see. If that was an illusion, then the real N2 mine is . . . under the bench of the Evangelion team?"
Team Evangelion: O.o!!!
[Cue the REAL N2 Mine!]
Audience: [with complementary sunglasses!] ^^ "Oooooh!"
Israfel: [sipping his drink] "Yeah, I know what that feels like."
Aburatsubo: [lowering his magical barrier] "Never have I seen anything like this since the NERV/SEELE synchronized Mine Dropping competition last month!"
Hanigata: ;.; "The destruction! The agony! The EVAs are down! I repeat, the EVAs are down!"
The smoke and falling debris cleared away, revealing Sakura, Tomoyo, and the ladies & creatures of the Clow all safe behind the power of The Shield. On the other side of the court was a giant crater with five pairs of mecha legs wearing giant running shoes sticking out of it.
Aburatsu: "I can't help but notice that someone, most likely The Loop, has tied all the EVA's shoelaces together. I think this game is over, Hanigata."
Just then, the outdoor loudspeaker hissed and came alive. "Would the cast of Neon Genesis Evangelion please report to the Studio and soundstage # 0 . . . 1 . . . 0 . . . 5. Please remove scuff marks and Nike footwear from the EVAs and prepare for pre-fic mecha inspection. Angels, your buffet table is ready. That is all."
Ritsuko: [throwing in the NERV-embroidered towel.] "We give."
FIC #10: CLASSIFIED PLACE: STUDIO ANIPIKE, STAGE #0105 TIME: 0000.00000000000000000000000000001 HOURS COMMENTS: Tomorrow, yesterday, and today collide in one, brief, shining moment. Too bad the same cannot be said for the Fic.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't shoot a fic at midnight in here!" demanded His Directorship Chaos, irately waving a fistful of forms. "I've filled out all this paperwork to reserve camera units, physical effects, stunt doubles, catering, special effects, digital graphics, Fanboys insurance! Why can't I begin shooting?"
The SEELE Monolith towered over him from the entrance to the Soundstage. "Because, this is Soundstage Number One Hundred And Six. You're the next door to the right."
Chaos: [???] "So, what you're saying is that Beans has cunningly switched door numbers to prevent me from completing my latest masterpiece?"
SEELE Monolith: " . . . ."
Chaos: -.-; "You guys are just mad because of that time we used you for a game of Memory, aren't you?"
[Cue Dark Mayhem and IlPalazzo standing around a group of facedown Monoliths!]
Dark Mayhem: [turning one over] "SEELE 05. I think I saw that other 05 around here someplace."
IlPalazzo: "Oh, wrong one. Looks like it's my turn again."
SEELE Monoliths: " . . . . "
Faceup SEELE 05: [sweatdrop!] "I can't say this was predicted in the Marduk Report."
SCENE FROM NEON GENESIS ACE VENTURA 0005 HOURS
Hikari sighed as she saw Misato's apartment's door was ajar again. She probably hadn't locked it when she had left for the shelters. She entered and shut it behind her, hanging up her coat and clapping her hands. "Pen-Pen, I'm back!" Misato always left the penguin in her charge, for some reason.
No bird came waddling out to meet her. Hikari looked around, frowning. "Pen-Pen? Now where did that penguin get to?" She snorted and stamped her foot. "Honestly, every time there's a monster warning, he takes off! He's just like Shinji and Asuka, I swear!"
Not stopping to consider how close she was to the truth, the class president searched the apartment, checking bathtub, refrigerator, and even the freezer for the wayward bird. No Pen-Pen.
Then the memory of the half-open door jarred Hikari upright. If Pen-Pen had left . . .
She bolted outside to look around, half-hoping that Pen-Pen hadn't even made it off the floor. It was only a half-hour later that she had to admit to herself that he wasn't anywhere nearby.
Reluctantly, Hikari reached for the phone.
Major Misato Katsuragi sagged back into her chair, drained from the events after the EVAs battle with Matarael. Still without power, the EVAs had to be wrestled back down into their cages manually. Even after that was done, the cleanup was a job looming large and long ahead of the entire NERV staff. Misato decided that she needed to get drunk before anything else went wrong.
Before she could get up and go to the beer fridge, her cellphone vibrated against her hip, making her jump.
"Moshi-moshi? Hikari-chan, are you all right?" Misato listened to the anxious voice in her ear. "Stay calm, Hikari-chan. Just keep looking. I'll do my best to join you as soon as I can."
As she hung up, she caught Maya's eye across the room. "Pen-Pen escaped during the evacuation in Tokyo-3." She heaved a sigh. "I guess I'll have to ask Commander Ikari for permission to go home and look for him."
Maya stood up. "Major, when I lost my cats, I called somebody to find them for me. Maybe you can have him look for Pen-Pen."
Misato sat back in her seat and stared at her lieutenant. "You're kidding me. You went out and paid some guy off the street to look for your pets?"
She shook her head, rummaging through her handbag. "No, ma'am. He specializes in missing animals, especially with all the runaways during Angel attacks. He has quite the reputation." Finding a small card, she handed it over to her superior.
Major Katsuragi fingered the square of cardboard. "A Pet Detective? Maya, you really have to be kidding me. Who's ever heard of such a thing?" She sighed again, then slapped the card down and reached for her phone.
Meanwhile, far above the heads of those in the Geofront, a lone white pigeon cooed contentedly on top of a building. It was blissfully ignoring the loud efforts of the JDF forces below, who were trying to haul the carcass of Matarael away.
The same noises also covered the fake cooing of the garishly dressed detective crouched on the ledge behind. The bird was worth a great many yen to him, being rare, valuable, and having flown away from a rich businessman.
He inched a little closer to the oblivious bird, hands outstretched to grab it. Then the dummy building they were on opened up to let the NERV technicians drag Matarael inside.
Startled, the pigeon flew off as its comfortable ledge retracted suddenly into the ground. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective did not have that luxury.
Ace: O.o "KYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Chaos: "And cut! Excellent work on the stunts there, Yakumo!"
Yakumo: [walking up with Asuka] "Hey, Chaos. Asuka and I are back from the break. When are you going to need me to do that building scene??"
Chaos: o.o; "If you're here, then who just went off the roof?"
Jim Carrey: @.@ "Good afternoon....... good evening....... and good niiiiiight...."
[This ficfeed has abruptly been terminated due to lack of Wu. Please stand by.]
CLUB ANIPIKE 0024 HOURS
Tattoon Master's Fujimatsu critically examined the bow and arrow her teammate was using. "How can you even shoot with this? The arrow's through the middle of the bow and that huge plastic tail won't fit through. Not to mention the complete lack of aerodynamics!"
Akazukin ChaCha, in her older form as Magical Princess Holy Up, just shrugged. "It's a Beauty Serein Arrow, which makes this a Magical Bow of Love, Hope, and Courage. Screw physics."
Dark Mayhem leaned over to Demolition at the Fanboys' booth. "I wonder if Seravi lets her get away with an attitude like that at home?"
"Probably not if she takes that same stance towards her magic homework." Demolition muttered, "She tried to use one of my demon wards and ended up making a tentacle demon!"
The second team was already taking aim at the archery targets along the side wall of the Club. Ashitaka, from Mononoke Hime, and Inu-Yasha's Kagome had their bows bent and strung, arrows nocked, then they fired together.
Ashitaka: o.o; "Umm, does it count if your arrow completely obliterates your target? It *did* go through the bullseye, mind you."
Ruriko frowned from her judge's position. "Let's see how your partner did, first. Kagome-san?"
Kagome: ^^; "Well, it *was* heading for the target, but it sorta swerved at the last second and hit something else."
Puuchu Bear: >.o "Once again, I have been pierced with an unworthy object!"
Ruriko shook her head. "Team 2 has been disqualified from further competition for two reasons: Having a possessed arm is against the rules. And impaling spectators is also against the rules."
Kagome sighed in resignation and turned away, only to eyebrow twitch at the sight of her dog demon Inu-Yasha and Princess Mononoke/San nose to nose, growling at each other. The two of them had their backs up, circling each other.
Kagome: -.-; "I thought I told you before . . . SIT!"
Both Inu-Yasha and San abruptly slammed themselves facefirst onto the floor.
Kagome turned to Ashitaka, frowning. "Dare I ask just *how* she's so well trained?"
Ashitaka: [innocent expression] "It was her mother's idea."
Hououji Fuu sighed as she unslung her bow and tested the string. "This shouldn't be hard, Hino-san. Just hit the target and we can win this."
Sailor Mars nodded and stretched her arms. "Not a problem. MARS FLAME SNIPER!"
Ruriko-chan: o.O [ack!] "Team 3 has been disqualified! Setting the targets on fire is completely against the rules!"
Sailor Mars: ^^; "Gomen nasai! You should really cover those things in asbestos."
Ruriko-chan: "Team 1 is the winner by default! Again, Team 1 is the winner!"
Fujimatsu & Akazukin ChaCha: ^^v "Wai!"
Just then, Havoc-chan bounded past happily. "Hotcha! I've got Birdy's panties! I've got Birdy's panties!"
Hot on his heels was a very unhappy interplanetary police girl, reaching for her blaster. "Grrrrr! Just you wait until I get my hands on you!"
Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Pervis in Extremis!"
Birdy: --; "AUGH! I can't catch him like this! I'm going to have to switch bodies! Give me back . . . . "
[In midair, Birdy's body suddenly phases into Tsutomu's!]
Tsutomu: --; " . . . my panties, you freak! (o.O;) Birdy, warn me when you're going to do that!"
Ranma: [playing Go with Kasumi.] "I know what you're going through, buddy. It doesn't get any easier."
STUDIO ANIPIKE 0029 HOURS
Misato groggily picked up the phone. "Moshi-moshi?"
"Great, you're still alive, Captain. Or should I say, Major? Cozy little city you have here, what with all the explosions and giant robots."
Shaking her head to clear it, Misato groaned. "Where are you? If you're just calling to make jokes and haven't found PenPen . . ."
A sarcastic laugh came over the phone. "I'm in Psycho-Tokyo and your boss Ikari's the mayor. Wherever your penguin is, I'm positive that the two are connected somehow."
Misato almost snorted in annoyance. "Come on. Are you saying Commander Ikari took PenPen?"
"No, I said that they're connected. Your penguin, your boss, you. What's happened lately that's connected all three, Miss Katsuragi? What have you come across?"
"Nothing!" Still attempting to shake off sleep, Misato ran a hand through her tousled hair. "The only major things I've done recently is rescue my pilots and tried to capture an Angel."
"Too big. Think smaller. Ordinary things. What were you doing before that Spider tried to drop down on you?"
She tried to think, sitting up. "I sent Makoto out for my laundry. . . then I was stuck in an elevator with Kaji for a few hours during the blackout. The night before I was going over the reports from the last Angel attack . . . the Commander wanted me to return his copy of the Marduk Report and . . . " She blinked and looked over to her cluttered nightstand. "Strange. I thought that I had put it there last night, because I was reading it before I went to sleep. Dull stuff, mostly. Can make you drop right off . . . ." She paused suddenly. "That's it, isn't it? The Marduk Report. There's a lot of people who would love to know what it says. They've taken Pen Pen?"
"Major, before that next Angel hits, you need to get me into NERV. Think you can fake a few pages of that Report and find me a cover story?"
". . . . I'll see what I can do." She dropped the handset back down onto the phone and flopped back into her bed, sighing.
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