Tenchi shook his head as he looked down at the smouldering remains of a visitor to the shrine. "Ano...I can appreciate what you're trying to do here, ladies, but could you please refrain from vaporizing my guests?"
"Gomen!" Rei giggled, floating around in the air. "I thought he was another yoma!" She descended and coyly ran a finger down Tenchi's chest. "If it's any consolation, Tenchi, I'd let you be my Tuxedo Masaki anyday."
Abruptly Rei's hand was smacked away from Tenchi, Ami coming in between the two. "Now you see here, Rei," Ami countered. "He's going to be *my* Tuxedo Masaki."
Rei growled. "What was that, Ami? Why would he ever protect a prissy little stuck-up magical girl like you?!"
"And I don't see why he'd want an abrasive pyromaniac like you!" Ami shot back.
Makoto groaned as the two Senshi started having a vicious tug-of-war over Tenchi. "Come on, you two; we need to find the Dark Kingdom and stop them from...taking over...the...."
Her sentence slowly faded out as another young male patron to the shrine walked by. Makoto sighed wistfully. "Ah, he reminds me of my old sempai back at the Galaxy Senshi headquarters."
Seconds later she was sent crashing into the floor as her partner, Minako, leaped onto her back for a better vantage point.
"A cute guy? Where?!" Minako exclaimed excitedly, looking around.
"You know," Makoto lamented, adjusting her uniform. "My life was absolutely perfect right up until the point I got you for a partner."
Minako giggled. "Arigato!"
Makoto's eyebrow twitched. "Ano...that wasn't a compliment."
"Look," Tenchi protested, fending off the two amorous magical girls. "I can accept the fact that you're all here to protect the world but is there any chance you could do it somewhere far away from my house?"
Rei shrugged. "We have no reason to. For some reason all the youma seem to come here sooner or later."
As if to prove her point, an enormous shadow enveloped the shrine. Everyone looked up to the skies only to see a ship blocking the sun.
"Na ni?" Ami said, straining to see what the silhouette was. "That doesn't look like Luna-Ohki."
"Get your Venus Love & Beauty laser pistol ready," Makoto said, drawing out her Supreme Thunder tazer. "It could be another enemy...though I've never seen them attack in a group this big before."
"Aw, can't we have lunch first?" Minako whined. "I'm sure the yoma would love to have a meal with us too if we tell them what we're having."
Makoto facevaulted. "Out of all the partners in the Galaxy Senshi, I had to get *her*."
The four Senshi all braced themselves for the inevitable battle as a frighteningly kawaii yellow & pink Koala mecha appeared from the skies above. And then its equally frighteningly kawaii pilot appeared, all clad in an outlandish outfit crossed between an idol singer and a magical girl!
The girl giggled. "Komban wa, Senshi-chans! Hysteria's sorry for being late!
Rei, Ami, Makoto and Minako all facevaulted.
With a confused look on his face, Tenchi turned to someone offside. "Na ni? Chaos, this wasn't in the script."

[The camera immediately turns and focuses on Chaos!]

Usagi: [leaning against the director's chair] "I don't recall Idol Project being a crossover mentioned in this fic."

Chaos: [frantically flipping through the script] "It's not! So what's Ruka-chan's Koala mecha doing here?!"

Hysteria: "Wah! Hysteria looks soooo kawaii, ne? Ne? Ne?"

Haruka: "Does that answer your question?"

Chaos: o.O [with megaphone!] "Hysteria, what the hell are you doing here?! You don't have a backstage pass for this fanfic!"

Hysteria: "Ooooooh! Chaos-momma Chaos-momma Chaos-momma!"

[Chaos sweatdrops, slowly turning to the snickering cast and crew.]

Chaos: --;; "Sure, laugh at the guy with the lipstick on."

Mihoshi: [checking the schedules] "Ano...Hysteria. You're supposed to be on Soundstage #08-MS. That's the one across from ours."

Hysteria: ^-^ [Tee hee!] "Oops! Gomen nasai!"

[The camera pans and follows Hysteria as she and her Koala mecha fly off...only to be accompanied by a strange set of floating rocks with tiny red eyeballs on them.]

Ami: "Now where does the Mass think it's going?"

Kiyone: [shrug] "Well, that is the Mass' nature. When the leader senses a will stronger than their own, they accept it as their brain and act accordingly."

Aeka: "The Mass just accepted Hysteria as their leader?"

Chaos: o.O "Hysteria! I need those guys for my next scene!"

Hysteria: [turning around] "Na ni, Chaos-poppa? (o.O) WAAAAHHH!! Poor kawaii little Hysteria's being chased by a horde of rock-chans! Hysteria doesn't like this! BUNNY MISSILES!!!"

[Cue the legions of bunny-shaped missiles that the Koala mecha fires off!]

Minako: "Sugoi! Who'd have thought something so cute could have so much firepower! Did Carnage make that?"

Haruka: [slowly backing away] "Ano...they're headed this way."


[The camera hastily zooms back as an enormous series of explosions total the filming cameras, the buffet table, a few hapless pieces of scenery and the director's chair! As the smoke clears we unscathed director.]

Makoto: "That's a first."

Aeka: "Will this throw the betting pool off?"

Chaos: [blink blink!] "I...I survived! (^-^) Hotcha!"

[Chaos' happy smile abruptly disappears as the Mass suddenly gathers in behind him to seek protection.]

Hysteria: "Waaah! Stubborn rock-chans just won't stay smited! That's it! Kawaii little Hysteria tried to be nice!"

Chaos: o.O "Oh no."

Hysteria: "KOALA PUNCH!!!"

[Cue the enormous fist of the Koala mecha shooting off and promptly punching a large crater into the earth--not to mention Chaos! The Senshi and Tenchi Muyo! cast slowly gathers around the rim of the smoking crater.]

Tenchi: [coughing as the dust clears] "Did we lose the Mass?"

Ryoko: [gesturing to a pile of floating rocks] "Daijobu. The Mass didn't even get hit."

Cameraman Dan: "What about the director?"

Haruka: "This is Chaos we're talking about."

Everyone: [nod!] "He got crushed."

Hysteria: "Oops! Gomen nasai, Chaos-poppa! Hysteria's really sorry for that...although it was just sooooo kawaii, ne? Ne? Ne?"

Banana-thingy: [popping out from behind the Koala robot's fist] "Ganbaru."

Chaos: [twitch!] "I could have sworn we smited you in the Christmasfic."

[End transmission.]

SOUNDSTAGE #0081 (Type A high school corridor & classrooms)

Rei was busy having too much fun hovering over him. "Ara, I have you now, my dear yoma. Don't you have any last words before I destroy you and make you scream something like 'Lovely!' or 'Beautiful!' or some other cliched term?"
With his back against the wall, Tenchi sweatdropped. Suddenly with a look of inspiration on his face he pointed past Rei. "Um...look! Tuxedo Kamen!"
"Oooh! Where? Where?" Rei eagerly asked, turning her back to excitedly search the corridor.
Tenchi raced out from the hallway, hellbent for the nearest exit or stairwell. With large white eyes he made a flying leap to escape the Mars Flame Sniper that would no doubt ensue.
A confused Rei spun back around to Tenchi. "Hey, I don't see Tuxedo--and just where do you think you're going?! BURNING MANDALA!!!"
Tenchi frantically sprinted across the floor as a small army of flaming rings smashed around his feet and burst into enormous balls of fire, causing a chain reaction of other explosions that nearly engulfed him in one large inferno.
"If I'd known I was going to die today I wouldn't have done all that homework!" he lamented.
Moments later he raced past a line of cameras. With that done, he took a few gasps for air from all the running and gratefully accepted the water bottle handed to him by Mihoshi. The fires abruptly died out, and the technical crew immediately went to work to clean up the scorch marks and clear the smoke.
"Cut!" Chaos proclaimed. "Okay, not bad. Let's check the replay on that."
"Can someone get me down now, please?" Rei asked, leisurely swinging in the air courtesy of hidden wiring. "This harness is starting to ride up my rear."
"In a minute," Minni-May said, checking the pyrotechnics. "If we have to reset the scene it'll be too much of a hassle to take you down and then hook you back up."
Rei sighed. "Hai hai."
She had used her actual Burning Mandala. However, to create the added fireball effect around Tenchi extra pyrotechnics had been installed into certain parts of the wall and floor. It was all a part of Chaos' idea of "dramatic effects."
"How was that?" Tenchi asked, looking to the director.
Leaning over the cameraman's shoulder Chaos appraised the playback of the scene. With a nod he gave Tenchi the V-sign and then raised the megaphone. "Perfect! Okay, can we get our stuntman in for Tenchi?"
Anipike's resident Wu, 3x3 Eyes' Yakumo, walked onto the set dressed in the exact school outfit that Tenchi had on. Everything on their wardrobes matched perfectly, right down to the ash stains. "Komban wa," he remarked with a sigh to the others.
"Feeling a little down about your stunt?" Ami asked.
Yakumo shrugged. "Either I do it flawlessly or I lose a body part. Pai's here too with a backstage pass, and you know how panicky she gets when I get trashed."
As if to prove his point, Rei came swinging along on her wires and crashed right into him. "Wah!" Pai exclaimed, racing onto the scene. "Yakumo got hit by a Senshi! Yakumo, speak to Pai!"
Kiyone shook her head. "There are days I wonder about that Triclops."
"Get those crashmats in place about four feet away from the side cameras," Chaos instructed to the tech crew. "And I want the portable one right in front of the mats so we can get a good shot of Yakumo getting launched into the air. Minni-May, how's the explosion coming?"
"We'll be ready once you finish the practice runs!" Minni-May piped up, cheerfully waving a handful of grenades before stuffing them into a hollow floor tile. "No no, I said the pink one! The *pink* grenade! The one with the lipstick mark on it."

[Begin Transmission]

Cameraman Dan: [adjusting the focus] "Ne, Mihoshi, could you give us a bit of an introduction to the set-up we're watching?"

Mihoshi: "Sometimes you get fanfics that deal with the more sombre character profiles, where you gain new insight on how a certain Anime character feels. The options are usually just retrospection on a scene that's already occurred in the Anime, or else they're new situations created by the author."

Haruka: [strolling across the screen in behind Mihoshi] "In case you haven't noticed yet, this fanfic isn't one of them."

Mihoshi: [sigh!] "Hai hai. The other way to go in fanfiction is to stage new battles. DragonBall Z and Sailor Moon are the more common fanfics to feature this because their stories are not as tightly woven as ones for, say, Fushigi Yugi or Evangelion. Those Animes have definite endings, and it tends to show in the writing just how far an author's seen the series."

Ami: "Sailor Moon was left open-ended at the end of Sailorstars. Crystal Tokyo has yet to emerge and there were no OAV series to let that happen. So it's a prime target for creating new enemies and thus new battles. Fanfics centring around these battles tend to be more action-oriented, focusing more on how everyone 'dukes it out' than reflecting on the struggles of the characters during the fighting."

[Chaos appears in the back left corner of the screen, helping one of the assistants duct tape a roll of wires to a wall.]

Chaos: "Now are you sure this is far away enough from the blast zone to not get flambéed? This equipment is all rental stuff."

Ryoko: "Good battle-driven fanfiction is harder to find more than good character-driven fanfiction. Merging the two together is a work of art, much how Gainax did in Evangelion. To write 'She punched and hit him hard in the face' lacks any real excitement to it. You're not writing violence for the sake of violence, but because there's a reason behind the fighting."

Aeka: [sly grin] "Coming from you, Ryoko? Rather ironic, ne?"

Ryoko: [indignant!] "Hmph! Whatever."

Usagi: "If you're looking for more information on that, just ask any of the guys from the Gundam series. They can talk for hours about the ethics and dilemmas about war, being a soldier and what it means to fight."

Tenchi: "Although the severity of the battle can depend on the tone of the fic itself. You don't write a corny fight scene in a very dark and serious fanfic; likewise it rarely works to have a dark battle scene in a very comedic fanfic."

[The camera pans over to Chaos, who's now managed to duct tape himself to the wall along with the cables. Three assistants are busy yanking on his legs to free their hapless director.]

Makoto: [overseeing the rescue effort] "Okay, boys, one more time! One...two...THREE!!"

[Chaos gets pulled off the wall, and shrieks as he flies across the air and crashes into the camera. The lens cracks as he slowly slides down offscreen.]

Cameraman Dan: "Chaos? Chaos?"

[The camera pans down to the twitching form of Chaos.]

Chaos: o.O [Itaiii!] "I think I left my eyebrows back on that wall."

Camerman Dan: "Um...okay. Ne, Chaos, would you care to tell us about just how involved this fanfic is in terms of action sequences?"

Chaos: [gesturing to the high school corridor] "True, the special effects in this fic of mine are more flashy than others, but this isn't a pure action fic. Senshi Muyo! isn't Die Hard in SD Mode. It's like roleplaying: sure you fight but your characters have to think too. Just like in the Legend of Zelgadis game I developed for the N64!"

[Chaos sweatdrops as the entire cast and crew facevaults right behind him!]

Chaos: [Ano....] "What? Was it something I said?"

Minni-May: [popping up in the background!] "Chaos, I got the detonator cables hooked up! We'll probably take out the back half of this hallway so you might want to clear it out first."

Chaos: "Now you're certain the C-4 won't blow that camera into my chair like last time?"

Minni-May: [giggle!] "Trust me, Chaos!"

Minako: [blink blink!] "Then again, anything to do with large explosions that involves *her* is always nothing short of spectacular. She's been nicknamed the grenade queen of FX at the Anipike."

[The camera pans over to Yakumo, who's busy testing a springboard loaded into the floor.]

Cameraman Dan: "What about you, Yakumo? A Sailor Moon/Tenchi Muyo crossover seems hardly the place for a Wu from the supernatural thriller of 3x3 Eyes."

Yakumo: [lightly bouncing on the springboard] "Because of my immortality I tend to get stuck with doing dangerous stunts in fanfics, like this one. Fortunately I still get hazard pay for this stuff."

[Yakumo starts walking over to Minni-May, gesturing for the camera to follow him.]

Yakumo: "Now what's supposed to happen is that, thanks to Rei using her Burning Mandala attack, all the fireballs plus the added pyro displays converge into a single focal point and then erupt. The explosion will send Tenchi into the air and flying out of control across the hallway. You just saw the lesser part of the stunt; Tenchi can dodge the fireballs, no problem, but Chaos is somewhat agitated about his actors doing the more dangerous kinds of stunts."

Rei: [being helped down from her harness] "He probably speaks from experience, knowing how painful it is. A few characters like Carrot Glaces, Priss and City Hunter's Ryo Saeba all insist on doing their own stunts for realism."

Makoto: [working on the Caribbean clips of the harness] "But you'd think Chaos would try to textually insert Tenchi's face onto Yakumo's. Remember when he did that scene in Ruruoni PenPen?"

Rei: [laughs] "Everyone at the Anipike went into hysterics when they hit this line: 'Shinji was sent flying as the ground exploded beneath him, Yakumo's limbs flailing helplessly around before he crashed into the side of the wall.'"

[A sweatdrop suddenly appears next to the camera before it swings around and focuses back on Yakumo at the springboard.]

Yakumo: [hopping up & down on the springboard] "Now this little device is a special catapult we managed to build into the floor. This will be what gives me my lift, and I'll tumble into that large crashmat located just offscreen of the filming."

Chaos: "Okay, places everyone! Yakumo, this'll just be a run-through to test the catapult. Once we get your flailing movements right we'll add the explosion in behind you."

Yakumo: ^^ [V-sign!] "Hai!"

[The camera zooms in on Yakumo. Abruptly Chaos races onto the screen with a film box.]

Chaos: "Senshi Muyo!, scene 113. Take 1!"

[Chaos snaps the box...and gets his hand caught in the process.]

Chaos: o.O "......"

[Focus on Yakumo as he races towards the springboard and then punches down hard with his feet on the tile with the loaded catapult. He leaps in the process to give himself the added air and realistic touch to the scene. Unfortunately he gets a height of about two feet and crashes facefirst onto the floor.]

Pai: [offscreen] "Wah! Yakumo!"

Yakumo: [twitch!] "That didn't hurt quite so much as last time."

Chaos: "CUT!!"

[The crew scrambles onto the scene, working on various riggings around the springboard. Chaos helps Yakumo to his feet, and the two examine the catapult mechanism.]

Yakumo: "I don't get it. This worked fine in yesterday's test run."

Chaos: [jumping up and down on the catapult] "I'm behind schedule as it is already! Work! Work, damn you!!"

[Suddenly the catapult activates, flinging Chaos right into the ceiling!!]

Mihoshi: [looking at the camera] "Strangely enough, in yesterday's initial test of this stunt, Yakumo got catapulted out the window and survived a three-storey fall."

Yakumo: [staring at Chaos' legs sticking out from the ceiling tiles] "It's the Wu mark. Everyone loves to abuse the Wu. Ano...could someone fetch him some spackling, please?"

Pai: [off-camera] "Yakumo, can we go to Club Anipike while they pull him down?"

Haruka: [yawn!] "I'm all for it."

Kiyone: [looking up at Chaos] "Can we have a fifteen minute break?"

Chaos: [muffled voice in the ceiling] "H-Hai...."

[End transmission]

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