INTERLUDE: CLUB ANIPIKE
Michelle smiled as she pulled Haruka's yellow convertible into the parking entrance of Club Anipike. "It would appear that Shinji and Asuka have decided to take a break from their game of Kick-Mecha. I guess the Magic Knights didn't go for a three-on-three basketball after all."
For the longest time the EVA pilots had been trying for a long time to have an EVAs against Mashin basketball match, Harlem Globetrotters style. So far the Magic Knights had yet to agree to the challenge.
[Nightbreak's Note: the Harlem Globetrotters theme cues up over shots of the EVA's spinning a giant basketball and performing other such general antics. Scary, ne?]
Her friend in the passenger seat let out a sigh of relief. "I can't begin to tell you how thrilled I am to hear that," she said, recalling the incident last time she had been a guest at Club Anipike. If it hadn't been for Dio's 'The World' her own fanfiction series would have come to an abrupt end.
"Well you did say you wanted some excitement in your life, Beans," the North American counterpart of Michiru replied with a playful smile on her face.
"Bottling the lake god in that aquarium was excitement enough for me, thank you very much," Beans retorted, adjusting her BYTE ME shirt. She looked out at the multitude of vehicles out in the parking lot.
Numerous Gundams--one of them which now appeared to be ticketed--were mingled in between a battalion of Tank Police tanks. The EVAs themselves were deactivated and "sleeping". Two Magic Knight Mashins, Seleces and Windam, were next to the Speed Racer...and somehow the enormous floating castle of Laputa had managed to find a parking spot. A few of the large, water-filled crystal balls from Fairy Princess Ren were hovering around; Beans hoped the drivers of those balls had opted to wear their clothes inside of the club too.
[Fanboy's Note: yes, in Fairy Princess Ren, to travel in these oversized crystal balls you must be nekkid. Hey, that Anime never made sense in the first place, so why should this? Oh, incidentally: Gatchabagoose! That, and ecchi! ^-^]
Beans' gaze stopped at another EVA coloured in black and gold armour plates, yet possessed a few...different accessories than the others. Such as the missile pods in the enormous shoulder blades where the Progressive knife should have been. Or the fact that it had a pair of demonic black wings curled around its body.
"That's a strange-looking EVA," Beans remarked, leaning forward to get a better view. "It's not Toji's EVA 04 and it's definitely not one of the Mass Production models."
"Not anything by DJ Croft either," Michelle added.
"So who else pilots an...." Beans groaned, massaging her temples as she sensed another headache coming on. "Shimatta! *They're* here again, aren't they?"
"Not as you might think," Michelle replied. "The fanboys themselves are just relaxing in the club while Chaos is out filming a new fic of his. I hope you don't mind me leaving you to fend for yourself while I do my scene."
Beans pulled out a pan-dimensional octopus. "Don't worry; I think I can handle myself."
Michelle found a parking spot and the two ladies strolled into Club Anipike. Many of the tables were already filled, as well as the bar stools. Larva and Vampire Hunter D were having a very silent game of pool, while Dilandou was hosting a poetry session with the young ladies from Sakura Taisen.
"Think we'll be able to find a seat?" Beans inquired. She turned around as someone tapped her shoulder.
Pesti-chan looked warily at Beans and then to Michelle. "Does she know Chaos is around?" he asked the North American Senshi.
Michelle nodded. "Daijobu. She came armed and odds are he won't be here for a while."
Jinnai emerged from the Studio Anipike entrance, heading straight for the bar. He rubbed his throat. "Water please, Jotarou."
"Had to do another fit of maniacal cackling for an El Hazard fic again?" Princess Minky Momo inquired from her bar stool.
Jinnai nodded. Moments later he downed the contents of the glass and gave a refreshed sigh of relief. "Ah, much better! Now that I am refreshed, prepare yourself Makoto Mizuhara! El Hazard shall be mine for certain this time. Bwah hah ha hah ha ha hah hah HA HA HA HAH HAHA!!!!'
Beans and Pesti-chan sweatdropped.
"Some characters don't even change outside of their series," Beans said, shaking her head.
Pesti-chan shrugged. "Just be thankful Naga and Kodachi don't behave the way they do in the Anime. With their combined maniacal laughter they'd be able to clear this place in about three seconds."
"That reminds me," Ayanami Rei said. "I need to set up that chiropractor appointment for Naga to cure her backache from all that Gainax Bounce."
"Dr. Tofu available next week," Shampoo piped up.
Pesti-chan rolled his eyes and walked over to the bar, ordering a few bottles of Hard Lemonade. Upon receiving his order the young fanboy tried to scrounge for a place to sit. And he managed to snag a chair next to Chibiusa. "Evening, Yamhead--er, Chibiusa," Pesti-chan said as he sat down. "Sorry about that; force of habit."
Chibiusa sighed, scratching at her long brown hair as she set the pink wig onto the table. "Daijobu; you haven't been the first to make an unintentional crack like that."
"Oh, and sorry about that whole 'Shake Your Booty' ChibiChibi HyperBoomer/Satellite Strike incident in our MSTfic 2," he added hastily to Chibiusa. "Um, no hard feelings, right?"
Chibiusa shrugged. "Take that up with Rini. But you'll get no hard feelings from me over *that* lemon." A sly grin appeared on her face. "Ne, P-chan?"
"Ooooh! Charlotte! Charlotte!" Azusa Shiratori exclaimed, suddenly skating around the tables of the Anipike. She looked at Chibiusa, who was suddenly the only person at her table. "Ne, have you seen where my darling Charlotte went to?"
Chibiusa shook her head, and Azusa skated off.
Pesti-chan warily got out from his hiding place under the table. "Please don't call me that. The last time someone decided to give me the nickname P-chan, in a case of mistaken identity Azusa and Akane got into this martial arts skating match over me."
"Aw, but isn't that a little flattering to have two ladies fight over you?" Kaji inquired, stroking his stubble-covered chin as he leaned against the bar and winked over at Misato.
Pesti-chan scowled, crossing his arms over his chest "Not when they wind up chaining you to the Charlotte Cup trophy."
Beans had to laugh at that as she ordered a drink and made her way to a vacant booth Michelle had somehow managed to snag. That, or everyone had vacated it for her. Strange how even though Michelle wasn't Michiru, she still held the same type of aura that Michiru had.
Abruptly a restraining arm was placed in front of her. "Hang on a moment, Beans," Mayhem said, lifting his Hard Lemonade off the table. Seconds later Ryu's head was hammered through it.
Beans' eyes widened. Moments later she realized that a sweatdrop had appeared next to her head and she discreetly swatted it aside.
"Well, so much for that table," Mayhem sighed, taking a drink from the bottle. "I tried to warn you, Ryu. If Hinako Shiatori could kick cockroach-boy Ganpachi's butt in The Ultimate Teacher, then you don't stand a chance.
"Street Fighters," A-ko sighed from her table with B-ko and Captain Napolipolita. "All muscles, no brains."
Pesti-chan motioned over to the bar. "Did you want me to get something for you, Chibiusa? I'm buying. I've got to wait for my Mako-chan to finish with the Chaosfic anyways."
"*WHOSE* Mako-chan?!?!" came a sudden bellow that sent everyone in the Anipike flying out from their chairs.
"I really wish he wouldn't do that," the mighty MSTer Megane 6.7 muttered as he helped Lina Inverse pick her face out from a bowl of dip. Strangely enough, wherever Megane moved the lights nearby dimmed just for him, thus masking his identity.
"Now, Lina," Megane said. "You will remember to Giga Slave him *outside* the Club this time, right?"
"Gomen!" Pesti-chan said loudly to everyone at the club. "My fault! That was my fault!"
"Ne, where's the other one of yer group?" Ferio asked, leaning his sword against the wall as he ordered a meal for himself and Fuu. "The guy with the obsession for mechas?"
Mayhem shrugged. "Probably over at Malachite's auto shop seeing if the replacement parts are in for his Gundams."
As a general rule of thumb, no avatars were allowed to be on Studio Anipike's mecha design committee, which encompassed primarily the Gundam fanfiction. This was mainly due to the fact that avatars relied too heavily on hammerspace (aka the pan dimension). That, or else they had too much of a love of mass overkill. Carnage had been devastated when he discovered he fit into the latter category and spent the rest of the night getting drunk and ranting about his woes to Nina Purpleton.
At the back of the club in a private booth, a group of naughty tentacle monsters from the Dojiworks Studio were busy debating over brandy and a game of chess whether Captain Kirk was better than Captain Picard. They halted their game as a loud cackle echoed across the club.
"You're the good avatar!" a rather drunken Adam Chris Leigh laughed, dancing around one of the tables. "And I'm the bad avatar! You're a goody little two-shoes avatar, Samantha!"
"Someone watch Army of Darkness again too many times," Shampoo sighed, at the same table with Samantha.
Iria nodded. "This could get unpleasant."
Adam Chris Leigh continued to dance around in front of Samantha, who was growing more unpleasant than ever. "You're a goody little two-shoes! You're a goody little--!"
"Self-insert this!!!" Samantha snapped, launching him with a ki blast through the front door. Adam Chris Leigh toppled over in a smoking heap of debris. He groggily lifted his head, blinking in surprise over what had just happened to himself.
Samantha cracked her knuckles, returning to her beer. "Good...bad...I'm the avatar with the inner soul," she stated.
Pesti-chan shook his head. "Remind me not to get on her bad side."
Suddenly a convoy of Anime regulars emerged from the Studio Anipike entrance, both casts of Sailor Moon and Tenchi Muyo! quickly mingling with the other patrons.
"Ah, they return already," Duo remarked, looking up from his poker game with the rest of Gundam Wing's cast of pilots. "That was fast even for a Chaosfic."
"It's not quite done yet," Ryoko replied, unceremoniously tossing the twitching form of Chaos into A-ko's booth. "He got sent through the ceiling again. We're just taking a break while he recovers."
Duo nodded. "You know, if he wasn't so much of an idiot he'd make a great Gundam pilot. We're always used to getting our asses kicked."
"I call," Trowa Barton said, laying down his cards. "Three of a kind, Jacks."
Duo groaned. "Shimatta! All I've got is two-pair!"
Quatre Winner sighed. "Nothing."
"Same here," Wufei and Noin chorused, tossing their cards aside.
Hiiro's steely gaze never wavered as he laid down his cards. "Full house," he stated. "Kings and sevens."
Zechs Merquise grinned. "Four of a kind, aces high," he countered, revealing his better hand. "I believe I win this round, Hiiro."
Duo winced. "Oh, that's cold."
"It would be even worse he had lost to Treize," Trowa added. "Hiiro would have shot that guy on the spot."
Over at the booth, Chaos groaned as he regained full capacities of his senses (and still didn't bother using them). The first thing he saw was a rather unimpressed A-ko and B-ko holding their rescued meals in the air. He glanced over at the cross-dressing Captain Napolipolita.
"Saaaay!" Chaos remarked. "Who's you're tailor? I love that outfit!"
His eyes bugged out as B-ko's clenched fist was raised up to his face. An evil smile appeared on the suddenly battle armour-clad babe. "AKIGAYAMA MISSILES!!!"
Naturally, Chaos freaked as a dozen small missiles chased him around the club before blowing him through the ceiling. And there was peace at the Anipike for about two minutes until Chaos began his descent.
"...kyaaaaAAAAAAAAA!!!" the frantic li'l SD fanboy shrieked before crashing into the pool table. Larva and Vampire Hunter D rolled their eyes in exasperation and tossed their pool cues aside before adjourning to the bar.
Misato turned to Ukyo. "Ne, Uuchan, could you use your spatula and peel him off there for me?"
"Why do these things keep happening to me?" Chaos groaned, managing to pull himself off the pool table and flop onto the floor.
"That Akazukin ChaCha Maru idea comes to mind," Mayhem said with a smirk as he passed by in search of a new table. "The idea of crossing Red Hood ChaCha with Plastic Little does not rank high on my list of ingenious ideas."
"Hush, Newt-boy!" Chaos shot back. "What about the time you turned into Dark Schneider and wound up fighting against the *real* Dark Schneider to see who would take Tia Noto Yohko out to dinner, hm?"
Mayhem stuck out his tongue, finding a spare seat next to Miaka--who was devouring three different meals at once. "That couldn't be helped, Chaos. And that was only one incident. You've pulled off worse stunts than that here."
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "Since when did I ever spark the wrath of the Anipike?"
"What about the Ramen incident?" little Ascot inquired, hovering past Chaos on his floating piece of rock as he joined Umi at her table with Shampoo and Samantha.
Chaos reverted into bug-eyed SD mode. "Aha haaaaa...ix-nay on the amen-ray, Ascot."
Beans laughed darkly from her seat. "I'm not about to let you live that one down, Chaos. Bean Bandit hasn't either, for that matter."
Chaos' hair frizzled as he slowly turned his head around to behold his eternal rival (at least, in his mind anyways). "I know that voice...and I know the lake god that voice has in her dorm room! Beans, what are you doing here?! "
"Unlike some self-inserted characters I was invited," Beans evenly replied.
"I invited her here," Michelle spoke up. "Now be nice, Chaos."
Chaos hoisted a cow over his head. "Only when she realizes that her life will find meaning when I have the lake god as my mascot!"
Abruptly a Babbit from Child's Toy bounded in between Chaos legs. "What the?" he remarked, staring down at the little critter. However in being distracted Chaos reverted into SD mode and thus was crushed by the cow seconds later.
"This is too good an opportunity to pass up. Mind if I interview some of the clients here?" Cameraman Dan inquired.
Jotarou shrugged indifferently. "Knock yourself out."
Cameraman Dan laughed nervously, knowing that when Jotarou said, "Knock yourself out"...he meant it too.
Mayhem: "You want my opinion on Chaos' prowess as a writer? I think you might want to define 'writing' first. He's the epitome of what many regulars here MST on a weekly basis."
[Pesti-chan and Samantha join in the conversation.]
Pesti: [leaning on Mayhem's shoulder] "Chaos can't write a decent fic to save the world. I mean, what kind of an idiot decides to cross Battle Angel Alita and Battle Skippers to create Battle Skipper Alita?"
Mayhem: "At least that was only a 2-page story...unlike his 45-part Hotaru-chan No Ribon saga."
Beans: [laughs from her table] "And he claims *not* to have a thing for Hotaru?"
Chaos: "Dammit, she's only 12 years old!"
Samantha: [very dark] "Like that's stopped a few authors."
Miaka: [still eating!] "That's one of the disadvantages with fanfiction: there's no eyecatch or commercial breaks. It's one long haul and the filming can get pretty gruelling, especially if the fic happens to be a lemon."
[Mayhem and Pesti-chan shift uncomfortably, muttering dark things about a certain "Oscar".]
Samantha: "When it comes to bad fanfiction you've got one of two places to go: self-insertion and lemons. The lemons really get to me since they usually have some stupid plotline that a five year old could improve on. And the self-insertions are even worst since they usually have some snot nosed little [beep!] [beep!] that's more powerful then the original cast!"
Mayhem: "Hoboy. Um, Rei? Could you bring Samantha a beer before she kills the avatar nearest to her...namely me."
[Samantha pauses as Ayanami Rei brings her a beer, and she calms down again.]
Samantha: "Arigato. Now what gets me the most are the avatar romantic scenes. The break from how a character usually acts or reacts is too damned sudden and noticeable. Typically if you romance an author avatar--if you would call any of that romance--it's more to ingratiate the avatar rather than the audience!"
Mayhem & Pesti: [lament] "Must be nice for those avatars."
Samantha: [eye roll!] "Oh would you guys quit whining about it? I'm an avatar and you don't see me bitching about my love life."
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "But you're not a self-inserted one. You're a vigilante."
[The camera moves around the club, stopping at Jotarou.]
Cameraman Dan: "What about you? As the resident bartender, you must be quite familiar with all the fanfiction that goes on."
Jotarou: [attending to Haruka at the same time] "The best things you get to hear about are the comparisons of North American and Japanese characters from the same series describing the stories they star in."
[A glass of red wine appears on the bar, Haruka taking the order and then looking at the camera.]
Haruka: [taking a sip] What gets me going is when an author for Sailor Moon states that their fic takes place after Galaxia, yet uses the DiC names and really shows no real grasp of what happened in S, Super S or Sailorstars. For us Outer Senshi especially, all the alternative names we're given when S hasn't even been dubbed in English yet can get really irritating."
Michelle: [drawing up behind Haruka] "It's a concession you sometimes have to make as a character, Haruka. Does that mean you find me irritating?"
Haruk: [softening] "You know I'd never say anything like that."
Jotarou: "But you'd imagine the authors would be the ones making concessions for what the series has already established. Probably the single greatest fault in fanfiction is when you write a character Out Of Character, OOC for short."
Michelle: [smiles] "Like Ami, for instance?"
[The three turn and look back at Mayhem and Alexander Misamoto, who are growling at each other as their battle auras flame up.]
Alexander: "*Whose* Ami-chan, Newt-boy?!"
Mayhem: "At least my nose doesn't gush blood every time I see a flash of skin, girlie-boy!"
Alexander: "Hey, that's bishounen to you!"
[Abruptly the fair Ami-chan walks by, happily arm in arm with Akira's Kaneda. Mayhem and Alexander naturally facevault!]
Kaneda: "So, Ami, how does a ride to Neo-Tokyo on my bike sound?"
Ami: [smile!] "I'd love it."
Mayhem & Alexander: [twitch twitch!] "C-Cruel...!!!"
Beans: [aside to Shinobu] "Put me down for 'thirty-one in four hours' on the betting pool, will ya?"
Chaos: "Okay, I think I've regained full use of my legs now! To the studio!"
[Chaos exist with great flourish!]
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Do you think we should tell him that he just walked into the ladies' bathroom."
Wufei: [shrug!] "He'll find out soon enough."
[Cue Chaos getting launched through the doorway!]
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Akane: [storming out after him] "Pervert!!"
Cameraman Dan: "Okay, before we go, how about one last interview."
[The camera pans to a newcomer wandering aimlessly into the Club Anipike.]
Desolation: [looking into the camera] "Could you tell me where the bathroom is?"
Cameraman Dan: [sweatdrop!] "Ano...."
Back to Fanfics