SOUNDSTAGE #0800 (Tenchi Masaki's house & temple shrine)

"Cut! And there we go!" Chaos barked through his megaphone. "Okay, I think we're ready at last. Can we get ready for the grand finale?"
The cast and crew of the fanfic began moving around the set to rearrange cameras, costumes or other assorted props. Michelle had managed to catch up on her lost scenes--which was impressive considering how much time was wasted when a wayward daemon from another Sailor Moon fanfic stumbled into the wrong scene and tried to extract Chaos' pure heart.
The strangest part was that upon examining the footage from that incident (and the ensuing battle with the daemon against the Sailor Senshi *and* Ryoko, Tenchi & Kiyone), Chaos decided to leave that scene in his fanfic.
"I'll figure out where to throw it in when I do the editing," he said, waving it aside.
Aeka shook her head, unable to contain her smirk. "Washu will have a field day when the time comes to riff that," she remarked.
"Well," Cameraman Dan remarked, making a panoramic sweep of the set. "This by far has to be one of the most surreal assignments I've ever worked on."
"Even more surreal than our documentary on the making of Perfect Blue?" one of the National Animegraphic techs asked.
Ryoko looked up, eyes widening. "Incoming Volkswagen!" she exclaimed, teleporting out of the way of the flying motor vehicle.
Chaos turned around. "Na ni?"
Minako winced as Chaos was clobbered by the car courtesy of the EVAs. "Um...we might want to cue an eyecatch or something."
Chaos groggily rose to his feet. "Well, on the bright side I got the license plate of the car that hit me."
Seconds later the enormous foot of EVA 02 stomped right on top of him.
"No, this is much more surreal," Cameraman Dan stated.
The wide-eyed tech nodded. "I see."
"I can't believe I have to be in this," Haruka said, taking a large swig from one of the water bottles. "I'd rather be shopping with Setsuna right now."
"At least it isn't another lemon," Mihoshi pointed out.
Haruka's eyebrow twitched. "Er...yeah."
"Hold on," Cameraman Dan said, starting to film. "I want to get this recorded."

[Begin transmission]

Tenchi: "Lemons, or as our flattened director here calls them, Hentaifics, are probably the darkest avenue of fanfiction you can encounter. Actually tasteful lemons are very few, kind of like an endangered species."

Usagi: "But they *do* exist. Tim Nolan's Anniversary series was one of my favourite series to work on, even if it was a lemon."

Makoto: "Much of what Andrea Hui does is also something to take notice of."

Haruka: [almost sulking] "At least you got a hentai scene in either of those authors' fics."

Ryoko: [teasing tone] "Aw, are we jealous, Haruka?"

Haruka: "Oh, would you rather have me do that scene from Sailor Gay, Version 2 again?"

Minako: "I rarely ever get any good lemons to work with. It's always an orgy whenever I show up."

Cameraman Dan: [sweatdrop!] "......"

Tenchi: "You tend to find the largest archives of lemons whenever you hit a series that has a larger female cast than male. Bubblegum Crisis and our own Tenchi Muyo! for example. And those ones usually involve large lesbian scenes...written mainly by male authors."

Makoto: [wince!] "Don't remind me. You know how many of those we Senshi have to put up with? I find it rather disturbing that the any crewmember of Dojiworks knows us by name. They can tell which of us are the Japanese or the North American ones just by looking."

Mihoshi: "Don't forget about the equivalent 'yaoi' scenes for the Animes with the larger male cast, written mainly by female authors...we hope. They're everywhere in Gundam Wing and Fushigi Yuugi lemons."

[The camera pans left to Ami, who are busy practicing some fighting moves with Rei for the final battle sequence.]

Chaos: [looking at the camera] "This is always the most exhilarating part of making a fanfic: the grand climax, typically which features some kind of mega battle. Now *this* is where things need to be epic! Which is why I'm not only having Luna in Ryo Ohki spaceship mode appearing, but Sailor Moon as well--plus a very special guest shot!"

Haruka: [offscreen] "Chaos, are you absolutely sure its necessary that I show up looking like this?"

Chaos: "But that's the beauty of it, Haruka! It's a crossover in terms of the roles your seiyuu does! Beans would love it."

Haruka: [sigh!] "Hai hai, but not in this fic."

Michelle: [offscreen] "But that does look cute on you, Haruka."

Haruka: "Is that a proposal?"

Michelle: "Depends on how you take it. But you might be making Alex jealous if she hears about this."

Haruka: [soft laughter] "You're ruining your Washu 'crab hair', Michelle."

Michelle: "Are you asking me to stop?"

Chaos: o.O "Ano...I'd like to start the scene now."

Kiyone: [laughs] "Even in different versions of the Anime they still flirt."

Chaos: [with megaphone!] "Now remember: this has to go flawlessly! We've spent the past...twenty minutes rehearsing this scene, and we've only got one single take to shoot it before we have to leave."

Cameraman Dan: "Um, isn't that a little haphazard to do a major scene for a fanfic in one shot? You can barely do any editing or revisions that way."

Chaos: [lament!] "Thanks to Hysteria and her Koala mecha I had to spend the rest of the budget patching up the soundstage for this finale. You might want to watch out; I think the paint's still wet in some places."

[The camera tilts as Dan quickly pulls away from the set. The image settles on Mihoshi.]

Mihoshi: "This tends to be how many authors seem to write fanfiction: one shot and no revisions. Spellcheckers become irrelevant and they don't really look back on what they've just finished writing."

Ami: [dressed in a Juraian kimono/Sailor fuku crossover costume] "In a case like this it's all about budgets; the work put into the fanfic can still kill a terrific script. This is where you can really see just how good a director is."

Cameraman Dan: "So how'd Chaos wind up with an extensive budget?"

Everyone: "Medical insurance."

[End transmission.]


It was almost time for the picnic out by the family shrine, and everyone was cheerfully bustling around the kitchen in preparing their meals.
"I'm telling you, only I get to feed Tenchi my kappa maki!" Rei snarled, ready to butt heads with Ami again.
Ami sniffed indignantly. "Hmph! You're just jealous because I've learned how to prepare my sushi rolls from the royal chefs of Jurai. Compared to my meal, yours isn't even worth a second glance--or a first glance, for that matter."
Rei's eyes narrowed, a fireball erupting in her palm. "Why you little...!!"
Tenchi nervously laughed as he came in between the two Senshi and tried to calm them down. "Um, please, don't go making more holes in the ceiling again."
Makoto shook her head. "Yare yare. What are you making for Tenchi, Miche--hey! That bento box was for Tenchi, not you, Minako!"
"Gomen!" Minako managed to say with her mouth full of rice.
With a laugh, Michelle finished off her own plate of exotic seafood delicacies. "I'm not one to bicker over a boyfriend," she said. "My interest in him is only for his pure heart and whether it contains a talisman." She gave a wistful sigh. "There's only one person I want to share this meal with...and she's so very far away."
All the laughter, fighting and fireballs came to an abrupt stop as the ground began to violently rock. Food and dishes were sent everywhere as the group was pitched sideways into the living room.
"Earthquake!" Minako shrieked.
"No, these vibrations don't match for something of a subterranean origin," Michelle countered. "It's coming from above the earth."
Makoto managed to stumble over to the doorway. "Something's coming down!"
Everyone carefully made their way out of the house, gathering in the front to witness the spectacle. Suddenly a shadow fell over the entire cast as an enormous mecha landed. All the Senshi protectively crowded around Tenchi, their attacks summoned.
"Masaka!" Rei exclaimed. "Its...! It's...!"
Tenchi sweatdropped. "Gekiganger 3?"
Michelle raised an eyebrow. "Now there's something you don't see every day."
Yes, there it was: the mighty & beloved mecha of the Nadesico crew, Gekiganger 3. Somewhere in the background the faint sounds of the opening theme song for the series could be heard. A transdimensional viewer was activated in front of Tenchi to reveal a three-way split screen. And there seated in the three cockpits were Queen Beryl, Kagato and Nehelenia.
"K-Kagato?!" Tenchi stammered.
"Beryl! Nehelenia!" the Senshi chorused in disbelief.
Beryl cackled. "Ara, you thought I was still dead at the northern latitudes, didn't you? Well I've been resurrected and I'm back for my revenge. And I found these two along the way."
Nehelenia leaned in closer to the viewscreen. "Senshi of the white moon, I'll take everything valuable that you love...starting with your beloved Tenchi."
"Tenchi!" a horrified group of Senshi cried out.
Kagato's eyes narrowed upon seeing Tenchi. "Just be sure you don't kill him, Nehelenia. I want those Wings of the Lighthawk but I can't get them if he's dead."
"Shimatta," Rei hissed, summoning a fireball.
"They have us at an extreme tactical disadvantage," Michelle stated. "I don't think our combined efforts could even put a dent in that mecha's armour."
"Well there's always one way to find out!" Makoto said, pulling out her tazer. "SUPREME THUNDER!!!"
A furious bolt of lightening exploded and smashed into the mecha's leg. But the metal was left unscathed from the attack.
"That's a bad thing, right?" Minako asked.
Ami groaned. "Hai, Mihoshi. If we die and Tenchi is taken away, that definitely qualifies as a bad thing."
"What we need is something of equal size to fight with," Tenchi said. "But where can we get a mecha that big and that strong?"
Michelle smiled. "I think I know just the person who can provide that," she replied, pulling out her subspace laptop and relaying a message. With one final push of the button the distress call was sent.
"Are you finished with your last pathetic escape attempt yet?" Kagato snapped. "I'm getting impatient here!"
"Don't be so cocky, Kagato," Tenchi retorted. "The battle's not over yet!"
Nehelenia chuckled. "Not yet...but in a few moments it will be. Beryl, summon the Gekigan Sword."
Beryl nodded, pushing a number of buttons. Gekiganger 3 reached back and drew out a monstrous sword. The mecha raised the sword high above its head, ready to bring the savage blade crashing down upon the Sailor Senshi...and then an Autozanian FTO appeared.
"Na ni?!" Beryl exclaimed.
"You're cutting your entrance a little too close, don't you think, love?" Michelle inquired.
Inside the cockpit of the towering mecha, Haruka opened up her eyes and let the scanners do an analysis of the Gekiganger 3 mecha. "FTO," she said. "Prepare for fighting mode."

[Fanboy's note: Megumi Ogata, who does the voice for Haruka, also does the voice of Eagle in Magic Knights Rayearth 2, hence the mecha she's piloting.]

"Stop right there!" another female voice exclaimed.
Everyone spun around as Luna-Ohki in spaceship mode suddenly appeared from behind the trees. Atop the enormous cat head was Sailor Moon!
"I cannot forgive someone who interrupts a picnic on such a wonderful sunny day!" the odango-haired Senshi proclaimed. "Meals are meant to take your mind off how hungry you are and let you concentrate on all that homework you've been putting off. But what's more the meal that you make for your boyfriend is a message of your love, and I will not let you squash it beneath your mecha's steel boots! In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"
"Sugoi!" Minako said. "Now we've got two mechas and they've only got one!"
"Let's see Beryl try to worm her way out of this one," Rei laughed.
"You realize this can only mean one thing, Beryl!" Sailor Moon stated, pointing at Gekiganger 3.
Beryl's eyes narrowed. "My thoughts exactly."
Suddenly a loud voice shouted: "MORTAL KOMBAT!!!"
Haruka's FTO and Gekiganger 3 took defensive stances at Luna-Ohki let out a loud "MEOW!" and trained its weapons systems at Gekiganger 3.
Abruptly Haruka's FTO convulsed, teetering as the mecha lost control of its balancers. "N-Na ni?!" came a startled shout from Haruka over the comm system. "What the hell were you doing in the FTO's glove compartment?!"
Came the reply: "PUUU!!!"
Needless to say, sweatdrops ensued.
"Did Haruka just say 'puuu'?" Ami asked, turning to the others. She growled upon seeing Rei stealing a nuzzle from Tenchi, and proceeded to get into another tug of war against her fellow Senshi.
Makoto shook her head. "Puu? But Setsuna's not in this. What else has...Aiya!"
"What? Did I miss something?" Minako asked, still busy stuffing her mouth full of dim sum.
"I think it's Security who missed something," Michelle remarked.
Suddenly something erupted from the cockpit of the FTO, a white ball of...something puffy soaring high into the air before popping out to reveal ears, feet, tail and a really dumb grin. "PU PU PUUUU!" the creature exclaimed, freefalling right into a stunned Sailor Moon's arms.
Sailor Moon's eyes widened in surprise. "M-Mokona?!"

[The camera abruptly pans over to Chaos, who's hauling out a cow and lobbing it across the set]

Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "Okay, who smuggled Mokona onto the set? Dammit, I thought we had made sure that marshmallow wasn't hiding in the FTO! We swept that mecha three times before the scene!"

Kiyone: "It would appear you were mistaken, Chaos."

Chaos: [argh!] "How can I create when I'm constantly being interrupted?!"

Ryoko: "So much for that scene."

Chaos: o.O "Hold on; no need to panic. We can just punt Mokona across the studios and carry on filming. I can just edit those few moments. Ha ha, nice try Mokona! This fic's not dead yet!"

[Cue Tenchi's house suddenly exploding into a barrage of wood and debris! And out from the smoke emerges--!!]

Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"

Anarchy: [with Sake!] "Rampage, we got him now! Tighten up the net! Tasuki, Mokona's breakin' left! Get him!"

Tasuki: [with flaming halissen!] "Hai! LEKKA SHIEN!!!"

[Cue the enormous ball of fire!]

Chaos: o.O "......"

Ryoko: "Bad news, Chaos: your fic just flatlined."

Aeka: [backing away] "Ano...."

Minako: "Incoming! Everybody scatter!"

Mokona: "PUUUUU!!"

Anarchy: "Fry, ya little marshmallow, fry! Cue the N-2 Mine!!"

[Cast and crew flees in terror as Mass Destruction tears towards the camera, the harbinger of demonic marshmallowness leading the onslaught! ]

Mokona: ^-^ "PUUUUUUU!!!"


Cameraman Dan: [offscreen] "Oh my...!!"

[Transmission is abruptly terminated....]

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