INTERLUDE: CLUB ANIPIKE
"Ha! I have you now, Tux-boy! Take this! FIREBALL!!!"
Numerous heads were raised as a small Slayers-esque fireball rose up from one of the tables.
Carnage gleefully smiled, cracking his knuckles. "Damn I love doing that. Insult my Gundams, will you, Mister Lob-a-rose-at-the-badguy. Let's see how hot your roses do against a Beam rifle, buddy!"
Zanza groaned, shaking his head as he hoisted his Zanba sword up on his shoulder. "Carnage, we have got to talk about your wanton love of Mass Destruction. It's so unbecoming of fighters such as ourselves; we should love the violent arts for the discipline they give us."
Carnage sweatdropped. "You know, I liked you a lot better as the ass-kicking guy in Ruruoni Kenshin."
"Most otaku do," Zanza agreed with a shrug.
"Besides," Carnage protested, pointing to the smouldering guy in the tuxedo. "He started it by saying that magical girls could kick a mecha's ass anyday! He's just damned lucky I had to leave all my Gundams at the door."
Zanza turned to Jotarou. "And how's that one order of decaff for Carnage coming along?"
"Ohayo!" Mamoru said, strolling into the club.
Zanza and Carnage froze, slowly looking from Mamoru to the now toasted guy in the tuxedo.
"Way to go, ya pyro," Lina shouted out from her table. "You just flambéed Tuxedo Chris!"
Carnage rolled his eyes. "This isn't going to count against me that I just flamed another Avatar, is it?"
Zanza placed a reassuring hand on Carnage's shoulder. "Since it's Caldwell not too many people here will care--unless he tries to retaliate inside the Club. If you two do wind up in a fight, I suggest you do yourselves a favour and take it to the AAA ring. You know the rules."
With a sigh Carnage walked over and flicked a bit of the ash from Tuxedo Chris' shoulder. "Hai hai; no picking a fight with other author avatars while inside the Club. I suppose now I'll have to buy him a drink."
Jotarou paused as a lone pair of panties floated down from above and landed on his cap. "What the...?" he growled, smacking his forehead. "Dammit, he's back again!"
"Hotcha!" the Hentenno-sama herself exclaimed, bounding across the tables of the Anipike. "The fics are alive with the sound of Doji!"
Jotarou's eyes narrowed as his Star Platinum Stand materialized over his head. "The fics are gonna be alive with another sound in a few more seconds, Havoc," he muttered darkly.
"GET BACK HERE, YOU PERVERT!!!" Devil Hunter Yohko shouted, chasing after the female hentai with her Soulsword.
The good Rabbi Happosai shook his head as havoc bounded on by. "Oi, what a perverted schmuck."
Suddenly Prince Phil of Slayers fame leaped high into the air, brandishing an enormous sledge hammer. "PACIFIST STRIKE!!!" he exclaimed, bringing down the weapon.
Havoc looked back with her Chichiri-like grin. "Oro?" Seconds later she was pummelled into the ground by the attack. "Itai." she remarked before toppling over.
Pesti-chan shook his head. "Yare yare; it's a good thing Skuld had the presence of mind to install those Yggdrasil bugs around the walls of the club, otherwise there'd be Cream Lemon everywhere."
"Please don't remind me," the Sabre Doll Panta lamented. "I think I've still got whipped cream stuck in my gears from the first time Jotarou discovered Havoc could do that."
Just then the crew for Senshi Muyo! entered the club, their fanfic finally completed. Chaos brought up the rear...though mainly because his smitten, twitching form had to be dragged in by Ryoko.
"So, was if good for you too?" Mayhem inquired as Chaos was dragged past him.
"Hush, Newt-boy," Chaos muttered in retort. His eyebrows twitched as the entire crowd starting chanting the chorus to Bakuretsu Hunter's closing theme "Whip on Darling".
Misato laughed, helping Jotarou prepare the new onslaught of meal orders from the famished cast. "He really is a cursed fanboy, isn't he?"
"He's hard enough to endure as it is with his annoying SD mode," Jotarou replied. "If he was an author avatar, I'd probably have killed him by now." He looked over to another end of the Club. "Speaking of...."
"Hey, that's *my* Bloody Card!" Kei of the Lovely Angels exclaimed angrily. "What the hell are you doing with it?!"
"It's mine!" the furry David Kintobar protested. "All mine!"
Suddenly Kei snatched the card. "Wanna bet?" she inquired, lobbing the card at Kintobar. However Kintobar ducked as the card proceeded to saw through the table, a chair, two more tables, a couple of glasses...and finally--!
"Ah!" Yakumo sighed, stretching out his bandaged arms. "No more stuntwork for the next week. No more time to spend in the infirmary. At last I get the chance to try to be normal, and not a--!"
Seconds later the Bloody Card decapitated him.
"Wah! Yakumo, speak to Pai!" Pai shrieked.
Yakumo's severed head groaned, looking over at his headless body stumbling around the booths. "And I just had this reattached too."
Chaos' shaky hand managed to grab hold of the bar, and the director struggled to stand up. "One Hard Lemonade," he said. "No wait...better make that ten."
He was abruptly aware that an ominous shadow was now looming behind him. Chaos blinked as he turned around and bumped into something metal. No, it was *someone* metal. He glanced down at the metal boots and then slowly lifted his gaze up across a very familiar set of armour and then into the one red eye that narrowed upon seeing him.
"You...!" Cross snarled.
Chaos's eyes ballooned out. "This is gonna hurt, isn't it?"
While a frantic SD Chaos was busy racing around the bar screaming "Jo'o-samaaaa!!!", Mihoshi was called over to the gambling board by Mitsuru and Shinobu.
"So, what was the final tally?" Mitsuru asked. "Everyone's pretty anxious to see if they won the bet on how many times Chaos smited."
Unfortunately Chaos stopped running to ask this question, which gave Cross the perfect opportunity to lob him into the dartboard. It was questionable as to whether or not Cross had scored a bullseye since Chaos took out the entire dartboard.
"You had a betting pool on how many times *I* would get smited during the filming of my Chaosfic?!" Chaos exclaimed, pulling himself free from the hole in the wall.
Shinobu Tezuka, with his perpetual poker face, turned away from the enormous display board with everyone's bets written down. "Ever since the Ramen incident, anyone who's around when you make a fic takes part in the pool. Arigato, Chaos; we've really cleaned up on the bets."
At the mention of the Ramen incident, Chaos reverted into super deformed mode before turning into a gargoyle and cracked apart into little stone pieces.
"The total was thirty-six smites on Chaos in four hours," Mihoshi stated after tabulating the results. "I think that's a new record for him, ne?"
A rise of various conversations rose from the gathered crowd:
Trowa: "Who was the closest?"
Miaka: [sulking] "I don't think I was."
Samantha: "I'm just impressed he lasted that long."
Ascot: "Aw, I was waaaay off!"
Makoto: "Shimatta! I missed by fifteen minutes."
Chaos: o.O "Mako-chan!"
Mayhem: "You think that's bad? I had the right number of smites down right, but I lost by an hour."
Chaos: [turning to the fanboys] "You guys bet against me too?!"
Carnage: "You were expecting us not to?"
Ryoko: [sigh!] "I had the right time but was off by ten smites."
Chaos: [teary Bambi eyes!] "Y-You're all so cruel...!!"
Mitsuru consulted the board. "And the grand winner for this fic is...Lord Chaos?"
There was visible shock on everyone's faces as the crowd inside the Anipike slowly turned and focused their attention on a now kitty-eared Chaos.
"You fixed your own bet?" Chocolate Misu growled, rising from her chair and glaring at Chaos. She pulled out her whip and gave it a sturdy yank. "You must be punished immediately."
Shinobu nudged Mitsuru. "Maybe we underestimated him. This is something we would pull off."
"But I didn't fix it!" a frantic SD Chaos protested. "I didn't even know you guys were betting on how many times I'd get smited during the filming of my fic!"
"But who else could be so precise on the bet *and* have the same name as you?" Chibiusa countered.
From the back of the club, someone cleared their throat. "*Ahem!* That would be me," a young man stated, pushing a set of glasses back up on his face. He winked at the group of kawaii young women he was sitting with, and calmly walked up to collect his prize money.
Misato leaned over to Jotarou. "Who's he?"
Jotarou shook his head. "I have no idea. I don't even remember seeing him come in or order anything."
"Thanks for making it all worth while," the stranger said, patting Chaos on the shoulders before taking a drink from his own bottle of Hard Lemonade.
Chaos smiled. "Hai!"
Mayhem, Carnage and Pesti-chan all sweatdropped. "Baka."
"Come ladies," the young man said as he pocketed his large sum of cash, his small group of kawaii females following him out the door of the club.
"I don't even think those girls were Anime characters," Ferio remarked.
"I don't even think I managed to steal their panties," Havoc sighed, taking a drink of her Creamy Ale.
"Were we asking you?!" Carnage snapped.
Shampoo scowled. "What author avatar no have Anime girls draped all over him?"
Shinobu's poker face never wavered, though a sly grin almost appeared on his face. "Ah, I see," he remarked with a nod. "Very impressive."
Mitsuru turned to his accomplice. "Na ni?"
"Didn't you at least recognize him?" Shinobu asked in return. "This wasn't the first time we met him over matters of money."
Visions of (and not Escaflowne) a certain Magical Girls Beauty Pageant suddenly danced through Mitsuru's head. His eyes widened as he quickly raced to the window to try and catch a glimpse of the elusive stranger. Yet the young man and his kawaii all-female writing assistant team had already vanished.
Mitsuru turned back to Shinobu. "You don't mean?!"
Chaos looked from one Greenwood resident to the next. "What? What'd I miss?"
Shinobu sat down on one of the bar stools and ordered a drink. "Congratulations," he stated, pulling out a cigarette from his jacket pocket. "You guys were just had by your own author."
Fanboys: o.O "NA NI?!?!"
On to the omake!
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