Chaos: "What the hell was that first part all about? This is becoming the Rocky Horror Anime Show!"
Pesti: "Okay, this one's got my vote for the most frighteningly warped fanfic we've ever been stuck in!"
Mayhem: "I'll say. This one's borderline on being a hentaific."
Pesti: "Isn't that called a lemon fanfic?"
Mayhem: "Either or. Personally I think Hentaific sounds better."
Chaos: "We're not here to debate that, you two! Now I should warn you all that in the next part there will be nekkid flashes,
there will be mass destruction, and there's the slightest chance that one of us might be smited."
Havoc: "I'm out!"
Pesti: "Me too!"
Mayhem: "You know, that Big Breasted Anime Babes Go To The Beach movie sounds good right about now."
Chaos: "Hey! We have to finish this fanfic before Havoc turns it into a magical romp through Doji-land!"
Mayhem: "Oh, that's great, Chaos. Give him ideas, why don't you?"
Anarchy: "Fanboys: all super deformed, no brains."
Pesti: "Anarchy? Where'd you come from?"
Chaos: "What in the hell is *she* doing here?!"
Anarchy: "Apparently a very brief cameo. Just move along with the fanfic, you guys. I'll smite you all later."
They had all gathered into the large sleeping room rented by the Senshi: Ami, Makoto, Rei, Usagi, Minako, Pesti-chan, Mayhem, Chaos and Rampage. The girls had managed to put on shorts and T-shirts, still fuming over the hotspring incident. Chaos kept his female Haley version, while Mayhem had opted for a newt form in case another lady checked their room out. Pesti-chan, the literal odd man out in this case, was hiding out with his plug suit beneath a pile of covers.
A female Chaos glanced out into the hallway. "No sign of the resort owner yet. I think we're in the clear."
Everyone shared a sigh of relief, Pesti-chan climbing out from the covers.
A very unimpressed Chaos glanced down at the kawaii little SD Godzilla-thingy that was now sucking on his arm. "And I notice you were conveniently absent during all of this, Rampage."
"You realize," Mayhem said, dousing himself with hot water from his pan dimensional kettle. "that a now female Havoc is running loose around the hotsprings, with no one suspecting of his--I mean her, sexual perversions?"
"Is that a bad thing?" Usagi asked innocently enough.
"Yes, Usagi, this would nicely fit into that particular category," Rei replied. "Baka."
"Oh! Gomen!" Usagi exclaimed, bursting into a fit of embarrassed giggles.
"The future queen of Crystal Tokyo?" Pesti-chan sighed.
"H-hai," Makoto replied.
Abruptly four Sailor Senshi froze, eyeballs wide in surprise. Usagi, on the other hand, was blissfully smiling and unaware of anything else. Pesti-chan cowered as they towered over him with rather suspicious glares.
"And just how would you know about that?" Makoto inquired darkly.
Chaos shook his head. "Will you look at that. First time I haven't been the one to screw up like that."
"You'll have your chance before the fanfic ends," Mayhem replied. "Besides, I'd say we nicely screwed up the girls' weekend as it is."
Meanwhile a desperate Pesti-chan was trying to get out of a Sailor smiting, being punished in the names of most of the planets. And although they were all cute girls, one being his queen goddess Mako-chan, the idea of suffering intense pain wasn't a good thing in his book. Especially when one wrong attack might result in the large and hairy Zoantropy stomping around.
"Talk, Kamui," Ami said.
"Your fate depends on how you answer," Rei stated.
"Busted," Mayhem sighed. "Looks like the secret's out, guys."
Makoto suspiciously looked from one fanboy to the next. "I'm hoping this can answer for that Wonderland incident."
Chaos leaned over to Mayhem. "We can't tell them that they're only a television series," he whispered. "It'd really screw up our relationship with them."
Mayhem shook his head. "Idiot. Chaos, to them this is reality. And it's reality to us too. We just have to make sure we've got our cover story down perfectly."
A Super deformed Chaos' eyes bugged out. "No...you don't mean I have to...?"
"I'm afraid so," Mayhem nodded. And then with a friendly pat on Chaos' back he added, "Go get 'em, Sailor Dragqueen!"
Moments later Mayhem was reduced to newt form and then booted through the shoji screen. "HUSH, NEWT-BOY!!!"
"They really are a bunch of wierdoes, ne?" Minako remarked.
"How do you know about Crystal Tokyo?" Rei demanded.
Chaos and Pesti-chan exchanged uneasy glances. Which was understandable, considering how this could easily ruin the dramatic tension of the fanfic series.
"We know who you all are," Pesti-chan said finally. "Agents of love and justice, bishoujo Sailor Senshi. Sailors Moon, Mercury, Mars, Jup-ter and Venus: you five make up the Inner Senshi."
All five girls present--gender-blending Chaos nonwithstanding of course--recoiled in utter and stunned shock. Only the "Hwoooooooooo" kana of the wind could be heard.
"M-masaka," Ami-chan stammered.
"How do you know that?" Minako exclaimed.
"We share a...unique bond with you all," Mayhem answered, all nice and warm from a quick dunk beneath the transdimensional port-a-kettle. "Chaos, would you care to explain?"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. And it didn't really help when Rampage decided to use his hand as a teething ring...yet again.
And thus came the big moment where Senshi met...um, would you call a male fanboy a pretty soldier? And while we're on the topic, you notice that this is probably the first time that the identity of a Senshi is revealed outside of an actual combat situation? I mean, you'd think that with such distinctive hairstyles, someone might possess half a brain and make the connection.
Or are those nautical yet nice sailor fukus really that distracting? Perhaps we should delve more into the magical girl phenomenon to analyze why--
Mayhem: "Oh great, now the author's started to rant. Pesti-chan, if you please."
Pesti: "Certainly. [Ahem!] Summon the smiting of the falling cabbage!"
[Fanboy's Note: author nearly killed in sudden downpour of cabbage. On the good side, the writing staff now has a nice supply of coleslaw for the rest of the month!]
The five girls leaned closer to hear Chaos' words as he prepared to reveal his big secret. "I'm....Sailor Haley," Chaos muttered.
"What did he say?" Minako asked.
Rei shrugged. "I don't know. Could you speak up, Duo?"
Only a little louder Chaos said, "I'm Sailor Haley."
"Hm?" Usagi asked, craning her neck closer to his face. "What was that?"
"I'M SAILOR FREAKIN' HALEY!!!" he exclaimed, his voice not only loud enough to rattle the windows and doors, but also plastering everyone else to the opposing wall. "Are you trying to humiliate me more than I already am, woman?!"
"You're doing that all by yourself quite well," Mayhem retorted, peeling himself off the wall.
Mayhem and Pesti-chan snickered as Chaos pulled out an umbrella to shelter himself from the little storm cloud that appeared over his head. Seconds later he smacked the rain cloud across the room, drenching Pesti-chan and reducing Mayhem to newt form yet again.
"Y-you're Sailor Haley?" Minako asked.
"You're the one who helped us against the Spoon-chan monster!" Usagi exclaimed.
Makoto and Ami nodded. "We've seen him do this already," Makoto sighed, now scratching Rampage-chan's tummy.
"And you didn't bother telling us about it until now?" Rei exclaimed.
Ami-chan blushed. "Um, actually we're both trying to forget about that whole thing."
Minako turned to Pesti-chan and then began groping his chest. Pesti-chan's eyes bugged out as a sweatdrop appeared next to his head.
"Could you please not do that?" he asked ever so nicely and ever so nervously.
Minako sat back, arms crossed over her chest in puzzlement. "Hmmmmmm...Kamui and Carrot don't turn into Sailor Senshi."
"Trust me," Mayhem replied. "We have enough problems as it is. I turn into a newt depending on the water temperature, and if he's hit by magic Pesti-chan goes Zoantrophy."
"That big hairy thing?" Usagi asked.
Pesti-chan sighed. "Hai."
"Um, as much as I hate to break up this meeting," Chaos said. "We still have Havoc to contend with. Might I remind you that he's now female and still just as perverted as ever."
Rei growled, clenching her fist. "If I ever catch that pervert around me again...!"
"But what can we do?" Ami-chan asked, looking to the fanboys. "Havoc's almost as powerful as all of our past enemies."
"Forget about love and justice," Mayhem remarked. "Worry about getting groped and your panties stolen. This must be Havoc's dream come true. All he has to do is wait for sunset and he can go anywhere he wants as a woman."
"We can't just sit here," Pesti-chan said. "I refuse to let Havoc molest my Mako-chan!"
"Your Mako-chan?!" an SD Chaos exclaimed.
Pesti-chan stuck his tongue out at Chaos. Seconds later a cabbage came out of nowhere and struck his lordship Chaos in the face.
Mako-chan hung her head. "Why me?"
"Leaving Dumb and Dumber for a moment," Mayhem said. "We need to actually find a way to lure Havoc into the open. You girls might want to transform for this encounter."
The five girls nodded.
"Kamui will have to hide out here since there's no way he can pass as a girl," Rei said. "And with the way everyone is right now, it's better if we didn't try to risk it."
"Sounds good to me!" Chaos piped up, snuggling next to Mako-chan. He was promptly rewarded with a super deformed, Godzilla thingy for a mascot chewing on his nose.
"I'm going," Pesti-chan countered. "It's more of a risk to not let me stop Havoc than to have me running around this women's hotspring resort."
"So what exactly should we do?" Usagi asked.
"Maybe we should Zoantrophy Kamui," Ami suggested.
Chaos shook his head. "Only as a last resort. There is no way in hell that I'm doing my 'Call Me The Queen' attack unless absolutely necessary."
"Aw, but you're getting so good with your whip!" Mayhem sighed. He was instantly punched through the ceiling.
Luckily Mayhem had anticipated this and had attached a bungee cord to himself to stop him from flying into orbit. On the down side, the recoil as the rubber rope snapped back sent him right through the floor.
Minako peered down into the hole. "Ouch."
As Rei and Minako rummaged through the pit and dragged a stunned Mayhem out, Ami-chan suggested they find a way to get Havoc back into the hotsprings.
"Everyone knows he's out there," she said. "So they'll stay far away from the water--especially if they had to go...um, well, er...naked."
She blushed shyly.
"And just how," Makoto asked. "do you intend to lure Havoc out to the water?"
Mayhem grinned, turning to Chaos. "Shed your inhibitions, Haley. We're going for a dip in the bath."
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "You'll pay for this Mayhem, yes you will."
Well, once again cutting down on time and boring plot exposition, the operation to stop the a-Maze-ing Havoc (Gomen ne, but the pun was right there!) was set into motion.
Naturally the hotsprings were absolutely deserted, considering that Havoc was on the loose. All was quiet and still, even the Eva 01 prototype half in the pool. Then in the surrounding plantlife, five shadows quietly moved around the hotspring's perimeter to get a better view.
Of course the silence was shattered by Usagi tripping over a non-existant root and letting out a shriek that echoed across the hillside.
"Shhhh!" Rei hissed. "You want to give us away?"
Usagi whimpered. "Wah! Rei-chan's so mean to me!"
Pesti-chan rolled his eyes.
"I hope Duo and Mako-chan are alright," Ami said.
The little underlord-in-training growled. "Sure I get to kiss her, but no! Chaos gets to grope her and now see her naked twice! If he tries anything funny, I'll give him a Nurse Angel Ririka SOS marathon!"
"But why did Mayhem go down there?" Ami-chan asked.
Pesti-chan shrugged. "He just wants to make sure Havoc doesn't hurt you, Ami-chan."
Ami-chan blushed. "Oh."
The group reached the leg of Eva 01, which in hiding behind gave them not only a perfect view of the show, but also a great chance to check their reflections on the armour plating and see if they needed to primp for the rest of the fanfic.
"Wow, look at it," Rei whispered, running a hand down the cold metal.
Minako nodded. "Kinda looks like a really big lawn ornament."
Pesti-chan just shook his head. "Oh man, Ritsuko's not going to like this."
Then he caught sight of a small poster just recently attached to the heel of the Eva. "'Have you seen this cabbit?'," Pesti-chan read. "'Loves carrots, responds to the name Ryo-oki. Can transform into a large space ship. Please notify Tenchi Masaki at....'"
Pesti-chan's voice trailed off. He glanced down at Rampage, who was happily bouncing atop Usagi's shoulder. "I'm assuming this is your handiwork here."
Rampage beamed with happy pride. "CHU CHU!"
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