Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched. "That's 'try, try again', Minako-chan." He glanced over to Mayhem. "She's even worse here than on the T.V. series."
"I know!" Chaos exclaimed suddenly. "We can bring over Beans' lake god and use it to smite Havoc! We could just dump its aquarium into the hotspring, and the next time Havoc tries another attack the lake god will nail him with an octopus!"
"Um, Chaos," Pesti-chan interjected. "That will only result in the lake god getting reeeeeeeally angry and levelling the entire resort. Not to mention the retribution this'll bring from Beans, Haruka and Michiru."
"You know Haruka-san and Michiru-san?" Usagi asked, surprised.
Makoto's eyebrow twitched.
"I think she's still a little...disturbed over that Red Queen encounter," Pesti-chan remarked to Mayhem.
Mayhem shrugged. "Well, I think seeing Haruka in that leather dominatrix get-up was kind of a shock for us all."
Now reverted to his super deformed mode, Chaos produced a pandimensional laptop recently borrowed from Washuu. He began working to connect with the BEAST supercomputer and open the trans-fanfic portals.
"Is he serious?" Rei asked, looking to Pesti-chan.
The underlord in training nodded. "Unfortunately, yes, he is."
"This is perfect!" Chaos cackled. "We lure Havoc into the lake god's hotspring, and it will smite him--I mean, her--for us! Brilliant! And I still get my mascot afterwards!! MWAH HA HAH HA HAH HA HAH!!!!!!!!!!"
"Will you just give it up, Chaos?" Mayhem exclaimed, rolling his eyes.
"NEVER!!" Chaos proclaimed, still typing away like a possessed maniac.
"'Chaos'?" Ami-chan inquired.
"Our pet names for each other," Pesti-chan explained. "He's Mayhem, I'm Pesti-chan, and the idiot over there on the computer is Chaos. And Havoc is...was the perverted guy."
"CHU CHU!" Rampage happily squeaked, nuzzling back into Mako-chan's arms.
"In fact," Mayhem said. "Rampage here is the reason Chaos has become obsessed with this lake god. He wants a pet that won't eat everything he owns."
Usagi and Minako giggled as they started to tickle a delighted Rampage.
"I can't believe you're siding with the Godzilla-thingy," Chaos said.
"Oh, just admit it!" Pesti-chan sighed. "Chaos, you lost against Beans. She duct taped you up and wrote BYTE ME across your forehead."
"That's what you think!" Chaos laughed. "This time for certain I'll have that mascot! I'll get you, my pretty, and you're little lake god too!"
"Maybe we should give Beans her own little title of Mass Destruction," Mayhem remarked.
"Are you [beep!]ing nuts?!" Chaos exclaimed, an oversized head looming over Mayhem.
Ami-chan pointed to the laptop. "Something's coming through the computer!"
Everyone watched in stunned awe as a young woman slowly pulled herself out from the glowing screen.
Pesti-chan's eyes bugged out. "Oh no, it's Urd! She found me and is going to punish me!"
"Oh no, it's Video Girl Ai!" Mayhem lamented. "She's come to reclaim our remote control of the gods!"
And then with a loud pop! the girl appeared, sommersaulting around to land on her feet. Dressed in a black Daicon 4 bunny suit and choker, she glanced around the room, her blue eyes searching for someone to hurt. However, where the bunny ears would have been there were little devil horns, and she brandished a pitchfork.
Our newest fangirl adjusted one of her cufflinks. "And I suppose I have one of you three idiots to thank for this," she said coldly.
Chaos, Mayhem and Pesti-chan all went super deformed again, their sweatdrops combining to form a little black stormcloud that rained down on them. Lucky Mayhem got out his umbrella.
"She's...kawaii," Minako said.
"She's...deadly," Rei added.
"Who's that?" Ami-chan asked quietly.
Mayhem & Chaos exchanged nervous glances.
Mayhem: "What's she doing here?"
Pesti: "Oh shit. There goes the fanfic."
"Who's Anarchy?" Mako-chan asked, holding a strangely happy Rampage-chan.
Chaos winced. "My…little sister."
"Ah, Chaos, my dear brother," Anarchy said, her voice so darned sweet everyone knew a vicious smiting would soon follow. "There you are. And just what in the hell am I doing here?"
Chaos went all Bambi-eyed. "Ano… we missed you?"
Anarchy swatted aside the sweatdrop that had appeared next to her head, the drop promptly eaten by Rampage. Anarchy opened up her daily planner. "Note to self: smite Chaos Tuesday, after lunch."
"Another otaku with a title of Mass Destruction," Pesti-chan sighed. "And the one we've been trying to avoid for the longest time."
Anarchy grinned. "Let's face it: Anarchy is the one who really reigns supreme. Chaos is just too dumb enough to figure it out."
"CHU CHU CHUUUU!!" Rampage exclaimed, squirming out from Makoto's arms and happily bounding onto Anarchy's shoulder. Anarchy smiled, scratching the SD Godzilla-thingy's head. "Ah, ohayo, Rampage-chan. Did you miss me?"
"Wait a minute!" Chaos exclaimed. "You know about Rampage?"
Anarchy chuckled. "Who do you think mailed her to you?"
Pesti-chan shook his head. "You've got a weird sense of humour, Anarchy."
"Duo seems really frightened of his little sister," Minako remarked to Ami.
Mayhem nodded. "Chaos' hobbies are smiting people with either an umbrella or having a cow fall out of the sky and land on them. Anarchy's hobby is smiting Chaos."
Usagi gawked. "Sugoi! Any particular method?"
"Not really," Anarchy replied, letting Rampage return to the arms of Makoto. She walked over to Mako-chan. "So, you're the girl Chaos has a crush on, ne?"
Makoto sighed. "H-hai."
"Is she really that bad?" Rei asked.
"On a scale of 1 to 10, one being Kasumi Tendo and ten being Nagisa Tezuka," Mayhem replied. "Anarchy rates as an 8."
Anarchy turned to Chaos. "Imagine my surprise when one day I was playing Taipei, and got sucked into the screen. I've been through El Hazard, Cephiro, Escaflowne, the Spooner Continent and Kutou, all the while trying to track you down."
"Mommy," his fearless lordship Chaos whimpered. Abruptly he squatted down and started to growl, tucking his arms in and waving his elbows around like they were wings.
"Th-that pose," Mayhem exclaimed. "It can't be!"
Ami-chan backed away. "What's he doing?"
"When his fear of Anarchy becomes too intense for him to handle," Pesti-chan replied. "Chaos escapes his fear by becoming a--"
"Cat?" Anarchy inquired. "Well, I never thought Chaos had the brains to know the Cat Fist technique."
"Not quite," Pesti-chan sighed, rolling his eyes.
Chaos crouched down and began to peck away at the floor. "BRAWK BRAWK BRAGAWK!"
[Cue facevaults and sweatdrops for everybody!]
"He...he's become a chicken!" Minako exclaimed.
"Chicken Fu," Mayhem said. "Chaos escapes into the Chicken Fist and acts like this. You can see why we don't let him out much."
"But chickens don't have fists!" Anarchy exclaimed. "They don't even have arms!"
Mayhem shrugged. "You get the idea though."
Chaos began clucking and flapping his arms.
"If he lays an egg," Mako-chan said. "I'm going to be very upset."
"Please don't watch anymore," Pesti-chan groaned. "This is embarrassing."
Anarchy walked up to Chaos and then smacked him with a pan dimensional Anime mallet. "I can't believe this! I'm not even an otaku, and yet you guys have dragged me through countless Animes already! You guys can keep this warped little world of yours. I'm leaving for home!"
Chaos winced as he rubbed his tender, oversized bump. "Ow! She didn't have to hit me that hard!"
"Be thankful she didn't smite you with a mecha," Pesti-chan replied. "She could do it if she wanted to. But we still have to worry about protecting our Senshi!"
Usagi raced up to Anarchy. "Please, if you could stay just for a little while longer. We really need your help."
"She's right," Mayhem said. "Anarchy, we need your smiting powers right about now.
Anarchy paused in consideration. "So what exactly is this problem you're all ranting about anyways?"
As if perfectly cued to respond, there bounded a female Havoc through their shoji screen, happily laughing with her latest collectibles of bras and panties. And as she was being chased by angry resort patrons, Havoc could be heard to exclaim: "Echi echi, go go, jump!"
Mayhem glanced at the sweatdrop next to his head. "Now that's what I call a hentai version of Himechan No Ribon's chant."
"Havoc?" Anarchy said. "I thought he was killed in the HentaiCon '97 mascot disaster."
"Hentai fanboys die hard with a vengeance," Pesti-chan sighed. "He popped up a while ago, and we've been stuck with him ever since. Now he's got a Maze transformation that turns him into a girl during the night--and he's still just as perverted as ever!"
Anarchy rolled her eyes. "I guess some things never change. Okay, I'll make sure Havoc isn't a problem for you--but then I leave for home." She turned to Chaos. "Don't think this means I like you or anything, little brother."
"Perish the thought," Pesti-chan wryly remarked to Mayhem.
"Any new suggestions on how to stop Havoc?" Rei inquired.
"Want to try the remote control of the gods again?" Mayhem ventured. "We might be able to find some help in another Anime dimension."
Chaos: "You brought that?"
Mayhem: "Would you just have this lying around the apartment knowing what Havoc did the last time with it?"
Chaos: "Touche, Mayhem. Touche."
Anarchy: "Don't just stand there. Use it!"
And with that, the scene did not change at all.
"What the?" Chaos exclaimed.
"So this is the awesome power of the remote control of the gods," Anarchy remarked wryly.
"It worked the last time," Mayhem mused.
"Hai!" Usagi piped up. "We got to meet Cross-chan!"
Carefully our group of Fanboys and Senshi, now in a new set of clothes, made their way back to the hotsprings. Once again nothing had changed: the hotsprings were deserted, and EVA 01 was still frozen.
"Maybe the batteries need to be changed," Ami-chan offered.
Suddenly a massive metal foot smashed into the earth nearby, and an enormous mecha towered over the resort. By the light of the pale moon, its features were revealed:
Pesti: "It's a Gundam! But what's it doing here?"
Mayhem: "Methinks I need to adjust the tracking on the remote."
Minako: "It's even bigger than Pesti-chan's EVA!"
Pesti: "It's not the size that counts! It's how you use it!"
Anarchy: "I'm hoping you're talking about the EVA."
Chaos: "We're in Gundam Wing! Deathscythe, I come anon!"
And with that, Chaos happily bounded over to his favourite mecha of all times. Seconds later his lordship Chaos was rendered two-dimensional as Gundam Deathscythe promptly stepped on him.
Mayhem sighed. "You know, we lose more fanboys this way."
Pesti-chan nodded. "Reminds me of Bambi Meets Godzilla."
The two fanboys helped peel his lordship Chaos off of the ground. "Did you get the license plate of that mecha that hit me?" Chaos asked, little stars around his head and his eyes now reduced to big swirly lines.
Anarchy rolled her eyes. "I just know someone switched bassinets in the hospital."
"Is he going to be alright?" Minako asked.
Chaos shook himself out. "Daijobu, Minako-chan. If I can take the wrath of all of Clamp's Wonderland, I can certainly take this!" Seconds later his lordship Chaos was stampeded on by a herd of OZ Leos that chased after Deathscythe.
Ami-chan winced. "I think he felt that one."
"This is getting us nowhere," Rei sighed.
Suddenly Chaos leaped up and snatched away remote control of the gods. "I will not be abused like this for fanfic sight gags any longer!"
"Hey!" Mayhem said, jostling for control of the remote. "What are you doing?"
"Hang on," Chaos said. "I'm trying to play around with the buttons. Here we are!"
And there before them appeared:
Chaos: "Oh, well this is just [beep!]ing ducky."
Mayhem: "Congratulations, Chaos. *Now* you've screwed up the fanfic."
Tasuki, clad in his black overcoat and still sporting his wild mane of orange-ish hair, whirled. "What the hell?!" he exclaimed, unsheathing his taissen.
Our three fanboys all sprouted kawaii little cat ears and a tail, feigning innocence in the hopes of being missed.
However Tasuki spotted the them. "Hey! I remember you! You were the guys who suddenly appeared on that road!" And then his eyes narrowed upon seeing Chaos. "And you were the one who blew your nose on our sacred scroll," he growled.
Mayhem sighed, shaking his head. "Chaos, run."
Tasuki raised his taissen over his head. "LEKKA--!"
And then a delighted shout arouse from the group:
Everyone turned to Anarchy, who was gawking dreamily at Tasuki with little thumping hearts where her eyes should have been.
"She's fallen for Tasuki," Mayhem said. "Now she can have cows fall from the sky and he can cook them up for dinner."
Mako-chan shook her head. "Masaka."
"You are such a stud!" Anarchy exclaimed, draping herself over Tasuki. "I never though there would be someone as cool as you in Anime!"
"What the hell?!" Tasuki exclaimed, going super deformed. "Somebody get this girl offa me!!"
"Okay, you've persuade me," Anarchy said, hoisting Tasuki onto her shoulder and carrying away her prize--er, victim--er, whatever!
"Put me down, you crazy woman!!" Tasuki exclaimed, throwing a hissy fit and waving his taissen around.
"Aw!" Usagi and Minako chorused. "How romantic!"
Rei and Ami-chan were plagued with sweatdrops. "Are you serious?" Rei asked, her eyebrow developing a nervous twitch.
"Hey, there's Havoc!" Pesti-chan exclaimed.
And sure enough, leaping happily and nakedly across the hotsprings was a female Havoc, laughing as she brandished a few more stolen bras.
"Uh oh," Mako-chan said, taking a step back. "She's heading this way."
An SD Chaos freaked. "KYAAAA!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!"
"Hotcha!! Ohayooooooo, nurse!" Havoc exclaimed, bounding towards the ladies of the group. Needless to say, all five Sailor Senshi plus a female Chaos screamed and ran for their lives with Havoc bouncing after them...and Mayhem, Rampage & Pesti-chan trying to run after Havoc to smite her.
Anarchy shook her head as she watched the demented spectacle. "You are such amateurs," she sighed, snapping her fingers.
Suddenly, out of nowhere and for no apparent reason, a cow fell from the sky and promptly smited Lord Havoc. Everyone stopped and examined the twitching remains of the Hentai-sama. As it turns out Havoc was alive, but it was doubtful the author would be that cruel to unleash her once again in this fanfic.
"Sugoi!" Minako and Usagi chorused.
"Now that was impressive," Mako-chan agreed.
"Hey!" Chaos exclaimed. "That's my patented smiting technique! Only I can use that, Anarchy!!"
Anarchy sighed, rolling her eyes. "If you insist," she said, snapping her fingers once again.
Seconds later, out of nowhere and for no apparent reason, an enormous statue of Mokona fell from the sky and promptly smited his lordship Chaos.
Mayhem winced. "Ouch. Now that's adding insult to injury. Nice touch, Anarchy."
Tasuki looked down at Anarchy with wide eyes. "Hey, not bad! You wanna get some booze later?"
Anarchy grinned. "My pleasure."
"Can we go home now?" Rei asked, exasperated with an otherwise perfect weekend now no doubt shot to hell by this fanfic.
"We'll leave you to enjoy Sunday here alone," Pesti-chan said. He looked back at Chi-goki. "I had better call Nerv and let them know their EVA needs to be airlifted out."
"Come on, Tasuki-chan!" Anarchy said happily, still carrying Tasuki on her shoulder. "I bet I can drink you under the table before sunrise!"
"Can ya put me down first?!" Tasuki exclaimed, still frantically struggling to get back on the ground.
Mayhem: "All's well that ends well."
Pesti: "I'm guessing there's a moral to this fanfic somewhere."
Chaos: "Definitely! Curse panties are bad news."
Mayhem: "You'd think there would be something a little more profound than that."
Rampage: "CHU CHU!!"
Chaos: "KYAAAAAA!! SHE'S GOT MY ARM AGAIN!!! TASUKETEEEEEE!!!"
Ruri-chan: "Baka baka. Minna baka."
[Cue the closing credits!]
"Doctor!" one of the technicians exclaimed. "An unknown aircraft is approaching the lab at high speed."
The Doctor whirled, adjusting his tiny tiny glasses, his short grey hair going in all directions. "Na ni?! Generate the barrier!"
Glassy-like barrier appears around the lab, which in itself resembled a large skyscraper with the the Gekiganger crest on the top floor.
From inside his Big Akara Special mecha (which resembled a big blue human/monster), his evil highness Akara (leader of the evil alien race currently trying to conquer Earth), cackled. "That's useless! I'm using a technique I saw on Nadesico to break through your barrier field. Distortion field!"
One strike almost completely shattered the field, the glassy dome cracking and falling apart. Inside, the entire laboratory shuddered violently.
Inside their lounge, where they had once been peacefully watching the Martian Successor Nadesico recap episode, the Gekiganger pilots Ken, Joe and Akira whirled as the ceiling nearly came down on them.
"What the?!" Ken exclaimed, his big black hair sticking out about a foot from his face.
"An earthquake?" Akira said, his expression resembling that of a grown-up Barefoot Gen.
Joe, who looked kinda like a big white scarecrow with really long black hair, grabbed onto the doorpost for balance.
The view screen came on to display the face of the Doctor. "Ken, Joe, Akira, it's an enemy attack! Move out immediately!"
"Roger!" the three Gekiganger pilots exclaimed.
[Cut back outdoors to the smiting mecha!]
Another strike from the Big Akara Special mecha broke apart the shield even more. Akarau laughed. "What's the matter, Gekiganger? If you don't come out, I'll finish it off. CHECKMATE!!"
Suddenly from the waves of the ocean at the base of the lab's cliffside residence erupted the Gekiganger vehicles.
"Wait!" Ken exclaimed.
"Let's Gekiga-in!" the three pilots chorused.
[Cue the Gekiganger 3 battle theme music!]
The three vehicles came together to form the massive mecha that defended the Earth against the attacks of the alien race led by Akara: Gekiganger 3!
"Gekigan Beam!" Ken shouted.
From Gekiganger's eyes came a beam of magenta light that shot towards Akaraus' mecha. Yet the beam was impervious to Akara's shield.
"Such a device is useless!" the evil alien overlord laughed. "Take this!"
The Big Akarau Special mecha lunged for Gekiganger and brutally knocked it aside. All the while Akara's cackling came through the voice monitor.
"Dammit!" Ken swore. "Gekigan sword!"
The Gekiganger mecha procuded an enormous sword and brought it down up Big Akarau Special's face.
"Blazing Slash!" Ken shouted.
The sword was stopped by the distortion field, just mere meters from the Akara Special mecha's head. The crackling distortion field of the mecha turned the skies a funky purple hue. And then the sword cracked.
Ken, Joe and Akira gasped in shock.
Akara laughed again. "Such a toy can't penetrate the distortion field. Shin'ne, Gekiganger!"
Gekiganger was knocked aside again in a repeated clip of the first attack.
Meanwhile, back at the lab, the friends of the Gekiganger team watched in in grim horror.
"Father!" Mary exclaimed. "At this rate they'll be killed."
The Doctor growled, thinking desperately.
Akara cackled again. "I'll finish you!!"
"Wh-what should we do?" Ken muttered.
"Ken!" came the Doctor's voice over the speakers.
"Doctor!" Ken exclaimed.
The Doctor adjusted his glasses again. "It's just finished and I haven't tested it yet, but we have no choice. Ken, Joe, Akira: use the Gegikan Flare."
"Gekigan...Flare...?" Ken said, sweat trickling down his face.
"Right," the Doctor agreed. "I've been developing Gekigan flare in secrecy to prepare for situations like this. I was watching Nadesico the other day, and saw them use this. It just might work."
"Doctor!" Akira exlciamed. "You watch Nadesico too?"
"Doctor, the technique," Joe cut in.
"Yes. With the flare you can cut through the distortion field. However, all three of you must be synchronized perfectly or Gekiganger will explode.
The three pilots stifled a gasp.
If they missed, then Gekiganger 3 would be destroyed along with them, and the Earth was doomed to fall to Akara's evil alien onslaught.
"We have no choice," Joe said finally.
"Watch out!" Akira exclaimed.
Gekiganger dodged another swipe from Big Akara Special. The Gekiganger 3 mecha separated into its three smaller components, which recircled and then recombined.
"Let's do it!" the three brave pilots chorused, fingers getting ready to push the buttons. "Gekigan Flare!"
Gekiganger charged towards Akara Special, fist extended and ready to strike. The fist started to glow with incredible white light.
"Th-that light!' Akarau exclaimed, shielding his eyes.
"Akara-sama, escape!" came the voice of his alien henchwoman, Mei Mei, over his intercom. "Akara sama!"
Ken glanced over to the phone on the side wall of his operator's console. "Hm? Na ni?"
"Who would be calling us at a time like this?" Akira exclaimed.
Ken quickly reached over and picked up the receiver. "Moshi moshi, Gekiganger 3 mecha unit. Ken, speaking....Hm? Na ni?! No, I don't know what *the* secret word of the day is!!"
Suddenly party poppers, streamers and confetti exploded inside the Gekiganger 3 pilot's cabin, followed by numerous jubilant fanboys and one SD, carnivorous Godzilla-thingy leaping around.
Chaos: "We have a winner! We have a winner!"
Pesti: "Congradulations! You now win a complimentary fanfic with the Anime babe of your choice!"
Rampage: "CHU CHU!!"
Chaos: "Hey! Don't eat those loose cables, Rampage!"
Mayhem: "Now, if we could just get your names and fanfic plot request--"
Doctor: "Ken! The Gekigan Flare! You're not synchronized!"
Ken, Joe & Akira: "NOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Akara: "MWAH HA HAH HAH!!!! Sayonara, Gekiganger Three!"
[Fanboy's Note: Gekiganger 3 explodes in a big ball of raging flames! Oh no!!]
Mayhem: "Ground control to Major Tom, you're circuit's dead! There's something wrong!"
Chaos: o_O "Um...oops!"
Mayhem: "Yeah, oops."
Pesti: "Do we posthumously award them the complimentary fanfic?"
Mayhem: "That, or we try another caller."
Pesti: "Either way, Akito's going to be pissed off about this."
Chaos: "So what now?"
Havoc: "I know what we could do! Let's have an Evening at Lita's!"
Chaos & Pesti: "NO!!!!!"
Havoc: "How about we throw a Lunatic Party, then?"
Chaos: "That's the same thing, Havoc!!"
Mayhem: "I know what we can do!"
Mayhem: "Let's Gekiga-in!!"
Chaos: "Surely thou jests."
Everybody: "LET'S GEKIGA-IN!!!!"
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