The Few. The Proud. The Super-Deformed.

Pesti: "I don't believe this! You mean to tell me that for the rest of Fanboys 5! we have to try to strip all our Sailor Senshi friends naked?"
Anarchy: "It would appear so. Well, can't say I'm not looking forward to you guys getting smited over this fic."
Chaos: "So what can we do to see our kawaii Senshi nekkid without resulting in us getting the smiting of our little super deformed lives?"
Mayhem: "What if we drive past them in this classy Japanese-made minivan, the wind from our moving vehicle blowing up their skirts for all to see. Then we can throw the minivan into reverse, stop alongside the girls, and then with a playful yet sexy smile tell them what panties they have on."
Chaos: "Pink Polka dots?"
Pesti: "Ecchi!
Chaos: "Mayhem, what in the name of my Season of the Sakura Taisen fanfic makes you think that would work?"
Mayhem: [shrug!] "Hey, it worked Leonardo DiCaprio."
Chaos: o_O
Pesti: "He did that?!"
Mayhem: "Hai! Made a minivan commercial for a Japanese car company with that same panty premise!"
Havoc: "I wonder if they kept switching panties in between takes to keep the character interaction fresh and new?"
Chaos: "With you around, Havoc, they'd be switching panties every five seconds."
Havoc: "Hey, that's insulting! I'm not *that* slow in stealing panties, ya know!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Chaos: "This entire 'nekkid flash' premise is not helping my romance with my Mako-chan, here."
Pesti: "*YOUR* Mako-chan?!"
Mayhem: "Actually, Chaos, we can sum up you romance with Mako-chan in a single word."
Chaos: "Heavenly?"
Mayhem: "That's not the one I had in mind."
Pesti: "Hellish if you ask me. I deserve her more than an immature, SD-reverting fanboy like you, Chaos."
Chaos: "Oh please! I was older than you before, Pesti-chan, and teenage girls always go for the older more sophisticated guys!"
[Enter Mako-chan! And then enter the speeding minivan with Leonardo Dicaprio that blows up her skirt!]
Chaos: "Oooh! I see London, I see France. I see Mako-chan's--!"
Makoto's fist: "WHAM!!!"
Anarchy: "Make that two words to describe his relationship, Mayhem: love hurts."
Mayhem: "My word was simply 'painful', but that does work."

CURSE OF THE FANBOYS 5: THOSE WHO HUNT FANBOYS!!!!


Part II: Good Fanboys Go To Heaven (But The Bad Ones Go Everywhere)

Chaos: [singing] "Fanboys, Fanboys. Whatcha Gonna do? Whatcha Gonna Do When They Come For You?"
Mayhem: "Given what we're about to unleash upon the unsuspecting Senshi public, that song holds new ironies with it."
Pesti: "Hold on; we saw all the Inner Senshi nude in F3! and none of them had a tattoo! So why do we have to strip them all nekkid again?"
Chaos: "Mainly to boost readership. The nekkid flash gimmick has never failed before!"
Havoc: [cracks knuckles] "Ah, finally you guys are acknowledging that my hentai expertise actually holds merit."
Chaos: "......."
Pesti: "Can we get back to the fanfic or what?"
[Cue the fanfic!]
Welcome back faithful Fanboy! followers. Well it you've come this far then it's highly doubtful that any of you will be turning back now mainly due to the promise of the emotional, witty, intelligent, feel-good fanfic of the year.
Chaos: "Na ni?"
Havoc: "A feel good fanfic? Only if I get to feel up first!"
Pesti: "Ecchi!"
Yes, in truth the author wishes there was some loftier purpose that drew many of you back to this latest addition to the Fanboys! fanfic series, but hey, who are we kidding? It's the nekkid Senshi flashes, isn't it?
Havoc: "Hai!"
Chaos: "You know, I don't even think skimeosis, ecchiness or hentaiasis combined could begin to describe your disorder, Havoc."
And without any further rapid dialogue moded interruptions, let jump right into the fanfic, ne? Of course it's best to jump with both feet forward...though this author can't quite imagine why since you have a better chance of breaking both your legs if you fall on a slippery piece of the fanfic.
[Fanboy's note: been drooling on the keyboard a little too much lately, have we?]
Our first scene opens on a beautiful spring day at Jyuban High, the school of choice by both fanboys and Sailor Senshi. Yes, today was truly a nice and relaxing day: the teachers had been lax on homework assignments, it was bright and sunny, and most of all the mysterious panty thief hadn't struck at all today.
However...atop the roof of Jyuban it was a different story altogether.
"Are you sure about this?" Pesti-chan asked uneasily, tying a set of rubber ropes to the stairwell's metal railing. The underlord-in-training moved through the open door to the roof and joined his sensai at the edge of the rooftop.
Chaos nodded. "Trust me, Pesti-chan, I've seen this Super S episode before and have it all timed right down to the exact second. This will go just like clockwork."
"This coming from the brilliant mind behind the doomed 'James and the Giant Wedding Peach' and 'City Hunter Yohko' Chaosfics, ne?" crackled Mayhem's voice over the walkie talkie.
"Hush, Newt-boy!" Chaos shouted. A very unimpressed, SD Chaos scowled as three storeys below and pretending to be a tree, Mayhem snickered over the radiowaves.
"Why don't you just threaten to read them your 'Neon Genesis Iczelion' Chaosfic if they don't strip down?"
"I SAID 'HUSH'!!" Chaos bellowed, causing a flock of birds to take to the skies some five blocks away.
Pesti-chan smacked him upside the back of the head with a cabbage on a fork. "I didn't mean the plan itself being a problem, Chaos," he countered. He gestured to Havoc, who was perfectly poised on the ledge of the school's roof. "Can we trust him to do this?"
Havoc glanced back and gave a V-sign, swinging his latest bra acquisition from his fingers. "Hotcha! Now this is what I call bobbing for booty!"
Chaos sighed, grabbing his sweatdrop and trying to lob it at Mayhem far below. "It was the only way I could think of stripping Minako down, and let's face it: only Havoc can pull this particular stunt off. Like it or not we're stuck with him for this part of the fanfic."
Pesti-chan winced. "I'll be greatly surprised if the real crazed killer who knows what we did last fanfic didn't show up after this fanfic's escapade."
Chaos counted down the seconds on his wristwatch. "Get ready, Pesti-chan! Minako should be stepping out of the front doors below us right about...now!"
And with that, he promptly booted Havoc off the roof. With the suave and grace that only a Hentai-sama could have in such a punting, Havoc swan-dived to the ground below.
Pesti-chan glanced down at the bungee cords attached to Havoc's legs, and shook his head. "I still can't believe we're doing this."
They both peered over the edge as the front doors were opened and out stepped Sailor Venus in her everyday persona of Minako. "Ah!" Minako sighed, stretching out her arms. "Time for Aino Minako-chan to hit the city and get a boyfriend!!"
How little did she realised a bungee-jumping pervert was about to enter her life. A moment later Havoc's bungee cords reached maximum stretch, and in that split second where he hovered mere inches above Minako's head, Havoc proceeded to flawlessly rip off all her clothes and strip her completely nekkid. The bungee cord snapped back, flinging Havoc away from Minako and back to the skies.

A rather stunned and nekkid Minako stood there, blinking in utter shock. Which was warranted if one day you step out from classes to suddenly discover your worst nightmare has come to life and you're buck naked at school. (Though most of us are usually wearing only underwear in said nightmares, ne?)
"N-n-n-na ni?" Minako stammered hesitantly, feeling the somewhat cool draft blow past all of her.
Mayhem appraised the scene with his binoculars, still posing as a tree. "Shimatta, she doesn't have a tattoo," he said through his communications headset. "You might as well have Havoc go back down." Mayhem adjusted the binoculars. "Hey! She's an actual blonde too!"
"I *don't* want to know how you figured that one out," Chaos' voice crackled over the headset.
Mayhem shrugged. "Hai hai. But her racing stripe is kinda kawaii."
"ECCHI!!!!" Chaos voice shouted, rattling Mayhem and his headset, Mayhem's eyes bugging out amidst the spasms.
"Yare yare," Mayhem muttered. He glanced over at another tree that was tiptoeing in his direction. An SD Mayhem recoiled as a strangely familiar girl poked her head out from the central knot.
"Ohayo!" the girl exclaimed. "Have you seen my dearest Ukyo around?"
Mayhem's eyebrow twitched as he flicked aside his sweatdrop. "Um, wrong high school, Tsubasa."
But getting back to the nekkid flash at hand, on the rebound Havoc launched himself back into maximum stretch, flinging Minako's clothes back onto her and then bouncing back onto the roof. Having been stripped nekkid for only three seconds in what seemed to be the windy draft from Skima hell, Minako carefully touched her blouse and skirt. With a very wary and frightened glance around the courtyard, Minako slowly backed away from the school building.
Atop the roof, Chaos and Pesti-chan let out a sigh of relief. "Shimatta!" Chaos said. "That was intense! But we managed to strip Minako naked without her realising we were the ones responsible!"
"One down, eight more to go," Pesti-chan remarked, scratching Minako's name off the list. He glanced over at Havoc, who was climbing back over the ledge. "I'm impressed you actually decided to give her back her uniform, Havoc."
Havoc grinned. "Oh, now what's the fun in that? Only petty amateurs would keep the whole damned uniform. A true Hentai-sama, such as myself, goes for the challenge factor. See?"
And with that Havoc hoisted up Minako's bra and panties. "She's probably realising that they've gone missing right about...now!"

As if on cue a loud shriek which could have only come from Minako echoed across the schoolyard.
[Cue the Fanboy facevaults!]

* * *

It was late in the day and thankfully all her temple chores and homework had been taken care of. With a relieved sigh, Rei wiped the sweat off her forehead. "What a day!" she exclaimed, running her hands through her long black hair.
Looking forward to relaxing in a warm bath, Rei stepped into the changeroom connected right into the temple's bathing room. Setting down her basket full of bathing accessories such as soap, perfumes, hand towels and other things this author is sure young women use when they're in the bath while men are not around--
Chaos: "Like those little fruity-scented bath bits?"
Pesti: "Chaos, since you brought it up, we need to have a serious man to Sailor Dragqueen talk about this blueberry-scented bubble bath of yours."
Chaos: [nervous laughter!] "Ix-nay on the ubblebath-bay, Pesti."
--Rei proceeded to tug at the ends of her shrine maiden's gown. The white and red ensemble was neatly folded and placed in the hamper just outside the sliding door that led into the bathing room. Bra and panties followed. Yes, just in case you hadn't quite realised it yet, Rei was now naked.
Havoc: "Hotcha!"
Rei sighed, glancing down at the bath as she slid the shoji screen shut behind her. The temple had a traditional Japanese bath, where people entered the hot tub of water only after they scrubbed themselves clean with cold water outside of the said tub.
[Fanboy's Note: not only have you learned something culturally new about Japan, but this aspect is also kind of important to the overall plot! Pay attention!]
"Ah!" she said, testing out the water's temperature. "This bath will feel just heavenly!"
The tub itself was enormous and large enough to fit about three people comfortably (not that kind of "comfortable", ecchi!), while the rest of the room was all in wooden planks and timbers. And thus Rei began to wash herself off with a bucket of cold water.
She did, however, go unaware as a little hook on a wire descended from above and with cunning agility snag hold of her little soap bar. By the time she turned around to scrub herself clean, the hook and its sudsy victim were hoisted up into the shadowy heights of the ceiling.
"Hm? I could have sworn I had my soap here in the basket." Rei sifted through her basket o' bathing contents but couldn't find a trace of her soap. "Did I leave it back in my room? I swear I'm getting like Usagi," she lamented with a laugh. "Baka."
She quickly padded herself somewhat dry, stepped out of the room and put on her shrine maiden outfit before discreetly slipping through the changeroom's shoji.
[Cue the Mission Impossible theme music!]
The instant she slid the door shut behind her, a shadow fell upon the bathing room. A few moments later his lordship Chaos appeared from the a strategically removed ceiling panel, slowly being lowered down into the room via a black cable strapped to his waist harness.
"Sugoi!" he exclaimed. "Now I can see why Tom Cruise decided to do the movie!"
"Don't get too excited," crackled Mayhem's voice over the headset. "You've got about two minutes at best to set yourself up before Rei comes back. If she spots you in your hiding place, you're toast."
Chaos sighed, crossing his arms over his chest as he swung like a pendulum in the air. "Hai hai. You two had just better not let go of the rope."
"Like this?" Pesti-chan's voice inquired.
An SD Chaos yelped as he abruptly dropped two feet, all of his limbs moving so fast they seemed to multiply and become little blurred lines. "I fail to see what is so amusing," an unimpressed lord of Mass Destruction remarked as Mayhem and Pesti-chan chuckled over the headset.
His vision drifted over to something scuttling around the room in the back corner. Whatever it was, it was an all too familiar rabbit-spider thingy. Chaos' eyes bugged out. "Shimatta! Mayhem, we've got a Yggdrasil bug in here! There's no telling what it'll do to us or this next scene in the fanfic!"
"Well don't just hang there!" Mayhem's voice hissed over the static of the headset. "Smite it!"
Chaos produced his umbrella and began waving it around in the hopes of valiantly smiting the Yggdrasil bug. And the strange li'l rabbit-spider thingy just stared at him as the frantic SD fanboy never even came close to hitting it.
"Mayhem," he said into his headset. "You'll have to lower me a little more; I can't reach the damned thing from this high up!
Chaos dropped closer to the floor, and used the pendulum motion to swing from one end of the room to the next. As he reached the one side where the bug was, he made a crazed and furious attempt to smite it. Now had the Yggdrasil bug actually possessed some form of intelligence it might have found the fact that a fanboy couldn't even come within smiting distance rather amusing.
"I'm almost there," Chaos said. "A little lower...a little lower...Ha ha! I gotcha now, you mutant virus, you!"
Abruptly the room grew darker as the sun set, and he abruptly stopped his descent. A confused Chaos glanced around the room, still leisurely swinging from one wall to the next. "Mayhem, come in. What's wrong?"
Mayhem: "Not this again! Chaos, hold on for a minute; Havoc's gone female again and he's on the temple grounds somewhere."
Pesti: "And there's Rei crossing the courtyard! Stop her, somebody, stop her!"
Mayhem: "Which her?"
Havoc: "Rei-chan, let's go bathing together!"
Pesti: "EITHER ONE, DAMMIT!!!"
Chaos sweatdropped, glancing uneasily up at the cable. "No good can come of this."
And then came complete and utter slack as Mayhem and Pesti-chan released to rope to chase down Havoc. For a second Chaos managed to defy gravity just long enough to have an SD moment as he frantically flailed his limbs about in the hopes that he could hover in the air. Unfortunately even though if pressed Chaos could go into the Chicken Fist, chickens can't fly and neither can fanboys...bootings and puntings aside.
Chaos: "KYAAA!!!"
And with as much grace as a whole flock of one-legged swans trying to land, Chaos bellyflopped right into the tub. After a few seconds of stunned burbling silence, he popped up from the surface, spitting out some water. "What are you two idiots doing out there?!" he snapped, tapping his earphone. But all he got instead was static and a few fragmented bits of dialogue.
"Get--"
"--she's on your left!"
"Rei-chan!"
"Where? I--"
"SHIN'NE!!"
"Ne, Mayhem? Pesti-chan?" Chaos tried tapping his headset a few more times before giving up. "Shimatta. The drop must have screwed up the communications." With a sigh he tossed the headset. "I had better get outta here before she comes back," he muttered. "How in the hell could I explain *this* without getting slapped or punted through the ceiling?"
Suddenly the shoji screen to the changerooms just outside the bathing room was slid open. Chaos' eyes bugged out as he saw Rei's silhouette disrobing. "Shit!" he squeaked, frantically looking around the room for a place to hide.
Not a moment later did Rei step into the bathroom with another bar of blueberry-scented soap. "Aw, damn," Rei muttered to herself, removing her shrine maiden uniform and sliding open the bathing room door. "What the hell is that perverted guy...girl doing here?" She glanced at the strangely rippling waters of the tub, and shrugged off her paranoia. "It can't be Havoc," she said. "I think I booted him right into the Pacific Ocean."
Somewhere beneath the water's surface, a frantic Chaos desperately tried to break the Guinness World Record for holding one's breath underwater. All huddled up in the furthest corner he could find, Chaos watched a rather nude and rather well-endowed Rei take the longest time cleaning herself. During this time Chaos' face went into all the colours ever conceived by artists.
Finally Rei stepped into the bath. "Ah! Kimochi!" she sighed, sprawling her seated form out in the bath. And of all the places in that rather large tub for her to relax in, it just had to be at the same corner Chaos was hiding in.
Chaos nearly sucked in all the water in the tub as Rei's breasts brushed past his face. Immediately he held up a sign that said "KYAAAAAA!!!". His nose twitched, the cliched nosebleed starting to take hold. Chaos plugged his nostrils with one hand, and took out his transformation stick with the other hand.
"I'll give myself away at this rate!" he burbled underwater. "Fanboy Planet Power: Make up!"
Now we'll just have to skip the usual magical girl transformation scene here because underwater description shots are just hell to work with. But rest assured that Chaos turned into a female Sailor Haley. Chaos couldn't hold his breath any longer and punched through the surface with a great gasp of air, his--er, her entire body going completely limp from exhaustion...right on top of Rei's bosoms.
A very embarrassed and stunned Rei blushed furiously as Chaos' eyes fluttered open to the sight of her bosoms. Still disorientated for having been without air for the past fifteen minutes, Chaos absently flicked at her nipples.
"Na ni?" he remarked distantly. "These aren't my breasts." His eyes suddenly bugged out, and an SD Chaos looked up into Rei's utterly confused and enraged eyes.
"D-Duo?" she stammered. "What the...?!"
Chaos laughed nervously, bracing himself for a vicious smiting that he would most certainly be feeling when he would wake up the next morning in the fanfic. "Um...I don't really think I could even begin to explain this, Rei-chan."
However he got a reaction that even he wasn't expecting. "What a surprise finding you here," she said with a smile, leaning forward and embracing a now stunned Chaos.
[Fanboy's Note: ow! That facevault you did really looked like it hurt!]
"R-Rei?" he asked uneasily. "Daijobu?"
"I've always found you incredibly attractive," Rei said, running a finger down Chaos' fuku.
A now thoroughly super deformed Chaos turned bright pink, steam rising up from the water around him. Rei leaned in closer, working to remove the fuku.
"Only if you dress like this," she whispered into his ear.
Chaos' eyes bugged out as he suddenly felt Rei grope his breasts. "EH?! REI, ARE YOU POSSESSED OR SOMETHING?!"
Rei giggled as she managed to slide the fuku down to Chaos' waist as he desperately tried to wriggle free of Rei's grip. And then he saw it on Rei's lower abdomen. "A tattoo!" he exclaimed. He shrieked as a still giggling Rei flung herself on top of him. "How am I supposed to read it when you're all over me, Rei-chan?!"
Fortunately enough, Rei decided to oblige his lordship Chaos and thus thrusted her lower abdomen right into Chaos' face. And now with the strange runes tattooed on Rei etched forever into Chaos' memory (along with this whole bathtub incident), his fanboyship Chaos had to find a way to get Rei back to her normal self.
"Something has to be causing her to be like this...even though it's...not all that bad," he mused, fending back Rei by tickling her. Chaos' eyes narrowed as he saw the Yggdrasil creature scuttling across the floor. "That bug!" he exclaimed. "It's altering the fanfic and has turned Rei into an aggressive--!"
Pesti: "Thank you, Chaos! I think they get the picture!"
"GOTCHA!" Chaos proclaimed, whipping out his trusty umbrella and immediately pounding the shrieking rabbit-spider thingy into the floor. The instant the bug vaporised, Rei convulsed as the flaw in the fanfic was repaired.
Rei blinked, shaking her head and rubbing her pained temples. Worst of all ,she couldn't even recall what she had done while the bug was active. "Itai! What just happened? What was I just doing?"
She looked up and found herself in the tub with a half-naked female Chaos complete with innocent kitty ears and tail smiling sincerely albeit uneasily at her. At that exact instant, the missing bar of Rei's soap fell from the ceiling and bonked Chaos on the head.
"Um...komban wa?" he ventured.
"IYA!! ECCHI!!!"
And for all his troubles, Chaos was punted through the ceiling.

* * *

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