Well with two Senshi down, the nekkid flashes had come to and end for the day. The fanboys regrouped and met back at their apartment.
"Now I know why I really dislike turning into female Sailor Senshi," Chaos grumbled, towelling himself--er, herself off. "Having Relena freakin' Peacecraft’s long hair is a pain in the ass to dry! No thanks to you guys I might add!"
"It was either you or Rei," Pesti-chan replied, leaning back in his dining room chair.
Chaos growled. "Gee, thanks. But at least I got this!" Chaos produced a sheet with a sketch of the tattoo he had found on Rei.
"We have a winner!" Mayhem exclaimed. "Okay, let's focus in on what that tattoo really was."
"Doesn't look like much," Pesti-chan remarked, appraising the sketch. "What is that? Some kind of kana variation?"
Mayhem shook his head. "I haven't the slightest. This alone makes no sense, but if we can find all five parts then hopefully we can get somewhere."
"Yeah," Chaos agreed. "Hopefully that somewhere still gets to be right here."
"Ne," Pesti-chan asked, glancing around the living room. "Has anyone seen Anarchy?"
"She disappeared after the last eye catch," Mayhem replied, fishing through the fridge. He pulled out some leftover take-out. "We haven't seen her since then."
"Strange," Chaos remarked. "She seemed so adamant about staying here to party with Tasuki and continuing to smite me that I assumed she'd be here for at least a cameo."
Mayhem shrugged, chewing on some sashimi. "The fanfic's young. In the meantime, we've got to think of more than one way to strip a Senshi."
Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched. "Mayhem, that's supposed to be 'there's more than one way to skin a cat'. Are you coming down with Minako's quoting disorder?"
"Doubtful. Very doubtful."
Chaos' face brightened up with an idea. "Hey! What if we find more kawaii mascots and then duct tape them to the Sailor Senshi's clothes? Rampage'll just devour their clothing as she devours a rival mascot!"
Mayhem: "That's a very intriguing plan, Chaos. I just foresee one problem with it."
Chaos: "Oh, what's that?"
Mayhem: "It has to be the dumbest plan I have ever heard in my life! You might was well try to give a Hoover vacuum artificial intelligence and tell it to suck off their clothes!"
Chaos: "AI vacuum cleaners? That's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?"
Pesti: [eyebrow twitch!] "M-masaka!"
With a beleaguered sigh that seemed to be accompanying him more and more with each passing fanfic, Pesti-chan retired to the living room to sift through the day's mail. "Hey!" he remarked. "Another postcard from Desolation just arrived."
"I'm assuming this will wind up being another running gag for the rest of the series," Chaos said, taking out at Hard Lemonade for himself from the fridge.
"Well Desolation's certainly running," Mayhem said, looking at the picture of the front. "Ne, isn't that the opening scene from the first Ranma 1/2 movie where there's that stampeded of every character to ever be introduced?"
"Desolation's certainly in good shape," Pesti-chan said, studying the picture along with Mayhem. "But the expression on his face is like he's trying to outrun the bulls of Spain. Sugoi! And it looks like Ukyo's ready to hurt him with that oversized spatula too!"
Chaos leaped onto the other couch, sprawling his Relena Peacecraft self across the cushions. He snatched the postcard and started to read it. "'Dear Chaos: arrived on time for Ranma 1/2 the movie: Big Trouble in Nekonron, China. Got trampled by the entire cast in that opening scene. It hurt. A lot. Spent the rest of my time in hospital, missed out on the movie. Why me? Desolation.'"
"Yep, that's Desolation for you," Mayhem sighed. "If he doesn't miss the Anime altogether, he's just in time to get his lost fanboy butt kicked into the next Anime."
Chaos: "Oh, there's more! 'PS: Where the hell am I now?!?!?!'"
Mayhem: "Yare yare. Desolation really just should have used his exploding pomegranates of death if he wanted to escape."
Pesti: "Exploding...pomegranates of death?"
Chaos: [nod!] "Hai! It's Desolation's only smiting technique. We only had time to teach him that single method before the HentaiCon 98 tentacle disaster. He's probably forgotten already how to summon it."
"I don't believe this," Pesti-chan said, walking over to grab himself a Hard Lemonade. "Is there a fanboy or fangirl like us anywhere out there who doesn't have their own disorder?"
"Highly unlikely," Mayhem answered. "Toss me a Lemonade, will ya?"
Pesti-chan tossed Mayhem a bottle and then returned to the living room. "Well," he said. "At least today we found one piece of the puzzle. But we still have seven other Sailor Senshi left."
"Hai hai," Mayhem agreed. "The author must no doubt be racking his brains on how many new and innovative ways he can get more nekkid Senshi flashes."
"So, does anyone else have a suggestion for how to strip down a Sailor Senshi to see if they have a tattoo?" Chaos asked, propping up his head with a throw pillow.
Everyone warily glanced over at the grinning Hentai-sama, who was fondly ironing Kanoe's recently "liberated" panties.
"Anyone other than Havoc?" Chaos added.
"How about trying to give Usagi one of Jeffery 'One-Shot' Wong's Unusual Mornings?" Havoc piped up, appearing from behind the couch and groping Chaos' breasts. She was immediately clocked with (ironically enough) the throw pillow.
"WE ARE NOT TURNING THIS INTO A HENTAIFIC!!!" the oversized heads of Chaos & Pesti-chan exclaimed.
Chaos then tried to strangle Havoc, hoisting the hentai-sama up and vehemently shaking her. At that moment something tumbled out from beneath Havoc's DOJI BOY sweater. A very suspicious Chaos looked to Havoc. "Um...just what pray tell was that?"
Havoc glanced down at the fallen item. "Oh, that! Nothing!"
Mayhem picked it up. "It appears to be...a picture of a scantily-clad you as a girl in one of your more vulnerable moments, Chaos." He leaned over to Pesti-chan. "Did you know Chaos preferred lace over silk?"
Pesti-chan glanced over at his reoccurring sweatdrop. "Somehow the thought of Chaos sleeping in lingerie--even as a girl--is just too frightening for this underlord in training."
"HENTAI!" Chaos exclaimed, hoisting Havoc upside-down and shaking her furiously. And Chaos' li'l SD eyes kept bugging out even more as a pile of photos dropped out, followed by numerous bras and panties, a wooden ladel--
Mayhem: "Been trying to play Spank the Senshi again?"
Havoc: "Hai! As you can see by its roundness, this spanker has proven itself well!"
Chaos: "Havoc, that's a wooden spoon for spooning out rice!!!"
Havoc: "Yes and your point being?"
Chaos: "......"
Pesti: "I'd ask if you had a place to go to, but I fear what you've been banned for life from now."
Havoc: [lament!] "And I was the Ogenki Clinic's best patient too!"
--followed by a leather dominatrix get-up that Chaos could have sworn was from Wonderland, more bras, more panties, a membership card at Wanda's Whip Emporium, numerous fake student ID cards, a guide book to the love hotels of Tokyo (annotated and highlighted), more bras, more panties--
Chaos: "Just how much stuff do you have beneath that sweater?!"
Pesti: "It's like a black hole of perversions."
Mayhem: "Actually I figure it's another pocket dimension thing Havoc's got going. Like how Haruka and Michiru store their talismans."
Chaos: "Hush, Newt-boy!"
--his medical records from the Ogenki Clinic, more bras, more panties, a gold card (member #1) for the Urotsuki Doji fan club, a personally autographed nude photo of Minni May ("Havoc, sweetie, call me at..."), more bras, more panties--
"What the hell is this?!" Chaos exclaimed, giving Havoc another mighty jostling.
And with a loud KATHUD!! an entire condom dispenser machine dropped onto the floor.
Chaos hoisted up Havoc a little higher, so they were now face to upside-down face. "Just one word, Havoc: how?"
"I know about Mousse and masters of hidden weapons," Pesti-chan said, sifting through the ecchi items. "But a master of hidden hentai?!"
Suddenly out flopped a GQ magazine.
[Cue the fanboy facevaults!]
"Na ni?!" Havoc exclaimed, whirling. Her eyes narrowed as she spotted another Yggdrasil bug crawling on the walls. With rapid wrist action she pulled back a bra and snapped it at the bug. The rabbit-spider thingy shrieked as it was promptly smited, and the GQ magazine's cover rippled into a Lunatic Party Dojinshi.
"So that's where my Lunatic number eight went to," Mayhem remarked.
Pesti-chans' eyebrow twitched. "Ecchi."
"Whew!" Havoc sighed in relief, sticking the bra back down her sweater. "That was close! Could you imagine the mass hysteria that would have ensued if I, Hentenno-sama, had suddenly ceased to exist?" Havoc shook her head in despair. "Lovely young ladies running carefree with panties and bras beneath their clothes! I tell you, it's too diabolical an idea to even fathom."
Havoc, still wearing her Chichiri grin, glanced back to see an oversized, furious SD head of Chaos glaring down at her. "Oro?"
"You wanna see what's it's like to be a Wu?" Chaos inquired darkly, pulling out a pan-dimensional mallet o 'Mass Destruction and smashing Havoc across the apartment.
Havoc soared into the wall, making direct contact and a deep crater. The second she struck she instantly she exploded into a geyser and tidal wave of whipped cream. Li'l SD versions of Chaos, Mayhem and Pesti-chan frantically tried to outrun the tsunami of whipped cream. The whipped cream won.
Well, once our three fanboys actually popped back out from a now white and frothy apartment, they surveyed the foamy redecoration of their Fanboy bachelor pad.
Pesti-chan looked at Chaos. "You realise, of course, that you're the one who gets to clean this up."
An unimpressed Chaos blew a bunch of whipped cream off the tip of his nose. "Would someone mind telling me what that was all about?"
Suddenly out from behind Chaos erupted a geyser of whipped cream, and a completely clean Havoc. Chaos recoiled as Havoc ran a finger in between his--er, her breasts to grab more whipped cream. "Delicious!" Havoc exclaimed with a smile. "Cream Lemon, my favourite!"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched.
Havoc chuckled. "Man, if only Yakumo was here! He'd be impressed!"
"SHIN'NE!!" Chaos exclaimed, punting Havoc through the balcony window.
"CHU CHU!"
In the blink of an eye their apartment was clean again, and a rather rotund little carnivorous, SD Godzilla-thingy for a mascot burped contentedly.
"Is their nothing Rampage can't eat?" Pesti-chan said, shaking his head in amazement.
Mayhem shrugged. "She's probably eaten an Angel's S-2 engine or something like that."
"KYAAAA!!! TASUKETEEEEE!"
Both fanboys glanced back to see a frantic SD Chaos madly dancing around the living room as Rampage happily sucked on his arm.
"Baka," they chorused, heading for their respective bedrooms.

* * *

Usagi slipped off the blouse of her school fuku, setting it in her locker. "Ne, Minako-chan," she asked. "What are we doing today?"
A few changeroom lockers away from her, Minako considered the question as she slipped on her gym shirt. "Um...I'm not sure what phys. ed. is today." She smiled. "Maybe it's volleyball, where I can show myself to be the up and rising volleyball superstar!"
One girl shook her head and sighed. "Hai hai."
Usagi laughed, removing her pleated skirt and putting on her gym shorts. She glanced around the changerooms. "Ne, Minako-chan, do you know where Mako-chan and Ami-chan are?"
Minako shrugged. "Mako-chan's probably trying to fend off Duo and Kamui from fighting over her, and as for Ami-chan and Carrot...!"
Usagi giggled at the mere thought of the fire department needing to be called in again after last week's spontaneous combustion escapade. "Hai!"
Suddenly there was a massive whoosh! of air, the draft shooting right past Usagi. The strange gust of wind swept across the changeroom, spreading from one end to the next. Girls gave startled shouts as the cool wind moved against their skin and tugged at whatever articles of clothing they had on at that moment of changing. However, their shrieks became stunned silence as they looked to Usagi.
With wide eyes and developing goosebumps, Usagi glanced down at herself. "Um...where are my clothes?" she asked quietly, blushing from head to toe.
All the other girls gawked at Usagi moments before they all felt the familiar draft and discovered their own panties or gym shorts--if fact, whatever they had been wearing at the time--was now gone!
"Aiya!" one girl shrieked.
"Not my panties again!" Minako whined, quickly throwing on her gym shorts. "Why does this always have to happen to me?"
Abruptly the girls' changeroom door opened, and in stepped Ami and Makoto. "Gomen ne," Ami said. "We were held up in the hallway by Duo, and...."
Her voice drifted off as they were presented with the sight of a bunch of half naked girls shrieking about their stolen panties--and one very nude Usagi crying about where her clothes had suddenly disappeared to.
Makoto's twitch suddenly returned when she felt a very familiar fanboy lean up against her shoulder. Slowly she turned her head to see Havoc closer than the restraining order she had slapped on him/her permitted.
"Aya! It's Nagumo!" one of the pantiless girls exclaimed, trying to cover herself. "What's he doing here?!"
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Oh, I don't believe this!"
Mayhem: "Only Havoc would name himself after the Urtosuki Doji guy who turns into the Overfiend."
"Ne," Havoc remarked with a broad smile. "Wanna go out on a date tonight, Mako-chan?"
Mako-chan cracked her knuckles. "Havoc, you...!"
Before any of the girls could make so much as a scream or shout of pure and utter shock, a very male Chaos stormed into the changerooms. "Havoc, you perverted idiot!" he snapped, promptly decking Havoc with an umbrella. "What happened to walking in and out of here like the wind?!"
"Hey!" Havoc exclaimed. "I'm famous, and I must greet my public!"
"Hentai!" Chaos hissed. "Now is not the time to bask in the pride of your perversions! You've got Usagi naked, and that's all we needed!" A sudden SD Chaos glanced around as the pack of half-naked, very furious girls started to close around them. "Um....oh shit," he said, glancing up at Mako-chan with the biggest Bambi eyes he could give himself. "This is going to hurt a lot more than usual, isn't it?"
Mako-chan nodded darkly. "A whole helluva lot more, Duo." She cracked her knuckles and drew back a clenched fist. "Shin'ne."

* * *

"I don't see why I had to get hit along with you," Havoc muttered, tenderly rubbing his new collection of swollen bumps and bruises.
Chaos bonked Havoc across the back of the head. "Shaddup! And to add insult to my injuries Usagi didn't even have a tattoo on her! We're still left with only one piece of the spell needed to wipe out the bugs and let us remain here."
"Not to mention we've got six more Sailor Senshi to contend with," Pesti-chan added. "Four Outer Senshi, and then Ami-chan & Mako-chan, our queen goddesses. This won't be easy in the slightest. While the Inner Senshi seem more tolerant if not attached to our presence, the Outer Senshi could easily kill us without hesitation."
Mayhem nodded in agreement. "Hai hai. All the Outer Senshi attacks and punishments are twice as bad as any of the Inner Senshi's. To be perfectly honest I'm rather hesitant to even try to think up ways of stripping them nekkid without invoking their wrath. I mean, we've seen Haruka in a bad mood before."
Pesti-chan shivered. "Red Queen Haruka was from a different Anime, but the idea is still the same."
"And I'm starting to run out of ideas!" Chaos lamented. "How can we not only strip our Senshi naked to stay here but also do it in original fashions so that we keep our readership levels up?"
"Oh, decisions decisions!" Havoc lamented. He was promptly booted across the street for that remark.
"And where the hell is Anarchy?" Chaos added. "You'd think that if she liked Tasuki so much she'd be doing all our dirtywork! We can't think of any other possible way to get the Senshi to give us and the audience more nekkid flashes!"
"Idea!" Mayhem said, turning the Pesti-chan. "Pesti-chan, go onto the Web and find the Curse of the Fanboys 5! fanfic."
"Hai!" the underlord-in-training said, racing off to log onto the computer.
"My dear lord Mayhem," Chaos said politely. "May I speak with you please?"
[Mayhem & Chaos moved aside from the centre of the fanfic.]
Chaos: "Mayhem, what the hell are you doing? How can he find F5! on the Web when we're still in the middle of writing it?!"
Mayhem: "That's true, but there's been a breakthrough in otaku home marketing. Instant fanfic: they're out on the Web before the story's even finished."
Chaos: o.O
Mayhem: "Kinda like Spaceballs: The Movie, ne?"
Pesti-chan clicked on the mouse, and the printer started to crank out something (we assume it was paper). "Tadaaa!" he stated, grabbing onto the packet of sheets. "Here it is!"
"What is it?" Chaos asked, scanning the pages.
RDM (Rapid Dialogue Mode) in progress.
Pesti-chan uneasily asks: "Are you really sure this is a good idea, you guys? Or do I have to remind you of what happened in F3! when those same kind of nekkid flashes occured."
Mayhem replies: "Hey, it's essential to the plot of F5! so we have to do it. Besides we've gotten fan letters from people wanting more nekkid Senshi flashes."
Havoc interrupts with another jump-in line: "Why not just go to the A Sailor Moon Romance hentai site?"
Chaos retorts with due sarcasm: "Havoc, you alone gave that website an extra twenty-thousand hits."
Mayhem (usual ecchi retorting form) asks: "Hits on the website, or hits from all the fanfics he raced into and stole panties from?"

"Wasn't that from the introduction in Fanboys 5!, Part One?" Mayhem inquired, looking over Chaos' shoulder.
"Sugoi!" Chaos exclaimed. "This really is an instant F5! fanfic! Ne, Pesti-chan flip through these extra pages."
"Alright," Pesti-chan said, flipping through a few pages of the instant fanfic and then picking a page. "Let's try reading it right here!"
Just as Chaos finishes speaking the entire ceiling of Mako-chan's apartment is torn apart by an enormous, armor-plated humanoid hand. [Contact Gainax for details.] Visual, CGI effects to be used here.
Chaos does what comes naturally to his character: trying to become one with the wall. (SD form for this) However he actually tries to become one with Mako-chan, the momentum flinging both of them back into the couch with Chaos on top of Makoto.>>
A li'l SD Chaos' eyes bug out as a shadow falls over the room, and two glowing yellow eyes narrow. There glaring down at his cowering lordship Chaos was a recently borrowed EVA 01. Pesti-chan's voice booms over the loudspeakers:
"WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY MAKO-CHAN?!?!?!"

Chaos's eyebrow twitched. "No no no, go past that part," he said uneasily. "In fact never read that again."
"If that was the case," Mayhem chuckled. "There might be two pages of all the past four and a half fanfics, plus the three specials, that you would want to read without embarrassing yourself again."
Chaos: [grabs instant fanfic] "Okay, what's up next?"
Chaos grabs instant fanfic and asks "Okay, what's up next?"
Chaos: "NA NI?!"
Chaos exclaims "NA NI?!"
[Cue the facevault!]
Chaos facevaults!
Pesti: [glances around easily] "Um, is it just me or are we suddenly reading our own dialogue as we speak it?"
Pesti-chan glances around uneasily and asks "Um, is it just me or are we suddenly reading our own dialogue as we speak it?"
Chaos: "What the hell is this? When does this happen in the fanfic?"
Mayhem: "You're looking at now, Chaos. Everything in the fanfic that's happening "now" is happening now. See, when I move my hands like this right now in the fanfic--"
Mayhem moves his hands around.
Mayhem: "--it happens right now in the fanfic."
Chaos: o_O "So go forward to tomorrow!"
Mayhem: "I can't."
Pesti: "Why?"
Mayhem: "We missed it."
Chaos: "When?!"
Mayhem: "Just now. We're at "now" now, so we can't get to tomorrow until it becomes now. Now we must wait for tomorrow in the now until "now" becomes now and tomorrow is now today."
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "So...when will tomorrow become now?"
Mayhem: "As soon as I turn the page."
Mayhem turns the page
"Well, thank goodness that's over with!" Pesti-chan sighed, taking a swig of Hard Lemonade.
"So...are we at 'now' now?" Chaos asked hesitantly.
Mayhem parused the current page of the instant fanfic. "Hmmm...according to this, tonight Chaos will go out and recruit Anarchy to see if Haruka and Michiru have any of the tattoos. The two Outer Senshi will be at the Tsukimi No Sento public bathhouse by nine tonight."
"Haruka and Michiru at a public bathhouse?" Pesti-chan asked sceptically. "That seems rather out of character for those two."
Mayhem shrugged. "According to this, the Tsukimi No Sento is a rather exclusive bath house which simulates an actual out of town hotspring." He whistled, examining the price and then passing it across the coffee table to Pesti-chan. "This place costs a helluva lot for a membership! We'd have to sell Chaos just to get one of us in."
Chaos whistled too. "Wow, that is expensive. Imagine having to sell me just so one of you--hey!!"
Pesti-chan frowned, taking the instant fanfic from Mayhem. "So how could we possibly get Anarchy into the bathhouse without the front desk knowing?" Whereupon Pesti-chan snapped into a bug-eyed SD version of himself. "Um...I never knew Anarchy was already an exclusive gold-card member of that place. Did you?"
Mayhem shrugged. "It doesn't surprise me. So we know where Haruka and Michiru are. Now how do we find Anarchy?"
"She's at some karaoke bar at this address," Pesti-chan replied, handing the fanfic over to Chaos.
"That's perfect!" Chaos exclaimed, leaping to his feet as he threw the script into the air. "We can have Anarchy check out Haruka and Michiru at a bathhouse! They're all naturally female, and we won't have to worry about getting viciously smited!"
He pointed to Mayhem and Pesti-chan. "You two go to the bathhouse and prepare for Operation: Nekkid Flash whilst I get Anarchy! This time we shall not fail or get smited!"
And with that Chaos flung himself through the doorway to make a grand exit. Now had the door actually been open at the time, the exit would have been dramatic. But it was grand none the less.
"Michiru, Anarchy *and* Haruka being all naturally girls?" Pesti-chan asked. "What exactly did Chaos mean by that?"
Mayhem shook his head and flipped through the instant fanfic. "Technically, in the manga it appears as if Haruka's not really a hermaphrodite but can actually switch genders when the need arises. As for the Anime...well perhaps some things are better left unsaid."
"Hai hai," Pesti-chan agreed.
Mayhem abruptly stifled a laugh as he turned another page.
"Hm? Na ni?" Pesti-chan asked.
"Chaos should have read further into the instant fanfic before he left," Mayhem replied, doubling over with laughter. "Check out the middle paragraph!"
Pesti-chan's eyes bugged out as he read it through. "Um, don't you think we should warn him? I mean, Beans will seriously throttle him for this!"
"And lower or readership levels? Surely thou jests, Pesti-chan."
"Are you really not telling him just to boost our popularity?"
"Officially, yes. Unofficially, it's fun just to watch Chaos get smited like this."
"Hey!" Pesti-chan exclaimed. "We should just skim through the rest of the fanfic and see who has a tattoo and what the symbols are!"
[Fanboys Note: yes, I can hear the readers who want more nekkid Senshi flashes screaming against this very notion.]
He began flipping through, ready to implement a much faster, easier and less painful plan to save the fanboys. And it would have worked too had Rampage not happily bounded up to him and eaten the F5! fanfic.
[Fanboy's Note: there! You happy, ecchi?!]

* * *

Page 3
Back to Fanfics