Chaos: "So far, so good: we've made it to the last instalment of our F5! fanfic."
Mayhem: "I think 'so far, so hentai' would better define this entire fanfic's activities."
Pesti: "Now we see if all our nekkid Senshi flashes paid off, though I'm uneasy about how the ending will turn out. We've got Hotaru, Setsuna and Mako-chan to get nekkid flashes of plus we have to contend with Havoc's Hiryu Shoten Bra!"
Mayhem: "At least we enjoyed the ride."
Chaos: "We're going to have to pull out all the stops if we want this fanfic to be the ultimate culmination of everything we've done up until this point! I want cameos galore, I want James Cameron's budget for Titanic on our fanfic, and I want Beans' lake god to become the official mascot of the Fanboys, dammit!!"
[Chaos is clocked with a terrified, flying octopus!]
Mayhem: "Well, there's your official response to the lake god demand."
Chaos: [peeling octopus off his face] "I can't take much more of these damned things sticking to my head! My hair's starting to look like it came from DBZ!"
Pesti: "Well, you do resemble Trunks when you look into a mirror."
Mayhem: "So I assume you're going to give up fighting for the lake god?"
[Cue the evil overlord cackle!]
Chaos: "MWAH HA HAH HAH HA !!!! I have not yet begun to fight, Mayhem!"
Mayhem: "Good, then you can start by fighting that living bra."
Living Bra: "Yip Yip Yip!"
Chaos: "KYAAAAA!!! IT'S A CARNIVOROUS D-CUP TOO! TASUKETEEEE!!"
[Mayhem & Pesti-chan watch an SD Chaos get chased by the living bra.]
Pesti: "I can't believe something that utterly warped and perverted could find it's way into our fanfic. Then again, this is Havoc we're talking about."
Mayhem: "Hai hai. Here, have some popcorn; we're going to be here a while."
Anarchy: "So long as there are no more fufu moments I'm happy."
Chaos: "KYAAAAA!!!! THE BRA'S GOT MY LEG!!!"
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
[Rampage attaches herself to Chaos' arm.]
Chaos: [very unimpressed] "You're not exactly helping me here either, Rampage."
[Cue the thrilling conclusion of the F5! fanfic!!!]
CURSE OF THE FANBOYS 5: THOSE WHO HUNT FANBOYS!!!
Part IV: Deep Hentai Rising
Well, this is it: the moment of truth!
"We're on the dance floor" as they say!
Mayhem: "What's this 'we' thing the author's talking about?"
Pesti: "I just want to know why we all had to dress up just to prove that we're on the dance floor, and...Chaos, what in the hell are you doing in that slinky black dress?"
Chaos: "Hey! If I'm on the dance floor, then I need to look my best for the fanfic, ne?"
[The ladies on the dance floor flee in terror!]
Ladies: "IYA!! ECHI!!!"
Chaos: "Na ni? Maybe I put on too much perfume."
Mayhem: "Here's a helpful tip for later, Chaos: when you slip into that slinky black dress again, first make sure you're female when you do that."
[Chaos glances back as someone taps his shoulder. His eyes bug out as he realised who it is.]
Mayhem: "Haruka? What's she doing here in the opener of our fanfic?"
Haruka: [brandishes Space Sword!] "So, here you are, Chaos. Now, about this Revenge of the Plushies rant you so wonderfully flung yourself into...!"
Chaos: [gulp!] "Um...I'm guessing that to cue the New Wave Heroines tango music would be mistake."
Ruri-chan: "Baka baka. Minna baka."
Hail! Well once again the author has managed to seize control of the fanfic in a desperate attempt to not only get the plot moving but to also wrap it up since this is turning out to be a very very very very very very long fanfic. (Did I forget to mention how very very very long it's turning out to be?)
Ah, but I rant!
Quickly, F5! part IV comes anon (but certainly not a nun!). It begins where the last one ended, dealing with the Outer Senshi taking Beans to an enormous waterpark...where the Fanboys would no doubt crash to frantically track down the last 2 tattoos left to find.
The waterpark was indoor and enormous boasting a wavepool, children's waterworks, bungee platform and a maze of twisting waterslides all beneath an incredible glass dome. Yes, it was a brilliant place that would no doubt get only a single feature ever in the series...provided it lasts even long enough to see the finish of this part of the fic.
"I can't believe I'm the one doing this!" Chaos hissed, adjusting his--er, her bikini as he, Mayhem and Pesti-chan walked alongside the lounge chairs full of sunbathers. "Whose bright idea was it for me to try to see if Hotaru has a tattoo, anyways?!"
"Quit whining Chaos," Pesti-chan said. "Look, the author is not so twisted that we have to tear off her clothes. It's probably exposed now that she's wearing a swimsuit."
"It's not just that," Chaos sulked. "I would just never be caught dead in a pink swimsuit with yellow bowties all over it! This does nothing for revealing how sexy a girl I really am!"
Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched. "Chaos, methinks you're starting to enjoy your gender-switching Senshi transformation a wee little too much."
Mayhem rolled his eyes. "Look, Haruka and Michiru said they were taking Hotaru and Setsuna to the waterpark for the afternoon. That's two birds with one proverbial stone. And since Anarchy's working on seeing Setsuna's tattoo--no thanks to you, I might add, Chaos--that leaves one of us to see if Hotaru has a tattoo on her somewhere."
"Even still, this just feels wrong," Pesti-chan said. "She's only twelve years old and we're trying to get a nekkid Senshi flash outta her." He warily glanced over at a certain twitching Hentenno-sama duct taped to a lounge chair. "Not to mention we're doing more than just merely flirting with disaster by bringing *him* along."
"P-P-P-Pretty girlies...!" Havoc babbled with his wobbly Bambi eyes.
"Look, the closer we keep him to us the safer we are," Chaos said. "Thanks to Mayhem here picking out the wrong waterpark at first, we've got about less than an hour before sunset and this is one big waterpark."
"So I like adding some suspense to the fanfic," Mayhem retorted. "Just remember the rest of the Senshi might wind up appearing very soon if they're not here already. Time is of the essence."
Chaos sighed. "Hai hai. Well, if all I have to do is find Hotaru before Haruka and Michiru find me, and before the sunset hits, and before I find Beans, then it shouldn't be all that bad. I mean, can't get much worse than this, can it?!"
"Oh," Pesti-chan added. "I forgot to mention this earlier, but Anarchy also brought along--"
A very female Chaos' eyes suddenly bugged out as he realised his--er, her chest was suddenly feeling a rather nipply--er, nippy crossbreeze. Chaos glanced down at Rampage, who was now happily nibbling on the bikini top.
"THAT WAS MY BIKINI!!!" Chaos exclaimed.
"CHU CHU!" Rampage burbled, bouncing along the poolside with the strap to Chaos' bikini dangling out of her mouth. She stuck out her tongue at Chaos as she bounded over a bunch of people floating in the wavepool on air mattresses.
"I'm gonna rip your lungs out when I get you, Rampage!" Chaos shouted, chasing after her. His female self shrieked as he stumbled, crashing down into the water.
Pesti-chan sighed. "It never is the easy way for us, is it?"
Mayhem shrugged. "The author had to get the plot moving somehow; we're running out of pages for the F5! fanfic."
"Okay, I got the tattoo from Setsuna," Anarchy said, walking in from another part of the waterpark. She waved a drawing of the marking. "You guys owe me big for this one, and...now where does he think he's going?"
The three watched Chaos chase Rampage into another sunbathing area, lounge chairs and bathers scattering like rice at a wedding in their wake.
"He's seeing what it's like to shed his inhibition...among other things," Mayhem remarked.
Anarchy chuckled. "Rampage ate the top half of his bikini, didn't she?"
"Not entirely. She's left just enough to get Chaos chasing after her in the vain hopes of getting it back."
"Ah, so a carnivorous super deformed Godzilla-thingy can learn new tricks after all. Good girl, Rampage-chan!"
"Ne, where's Tasuki?" Pesti-chan asked, stepping back as two little kids raced past him. "I haven't seen heard about him since you two got hammered at the karaoke bar."
"I sent him to get a little item that might come in handy for tonight," Anarchy replied.
Mayhem produced the other drawings they had of the four tattoos. For a while he puzzled over the mystery behind what kind of spell these weird runes were meant to summon. "That's it!" he exclaimed abruptly. "This is a more ancient form of Japanese kana! Katakana to be exact."
Anarchy cocked an eyebrow. "Mind running that by me again?"
"The type of pronunciation used for when Japanese speak English words," Mayhem explained. "This spell is the rough equivalent for an English name! Now if only we could figure out how to properly arrange the order of the kana. The script is really strange, but I can't help but think I've seen it before...."
"We've got our worst problem almost solved," Pesti-chan said. "Now if only can we finish off this Hiryu Shoten Bra aura we've got stuck to us. I can't take another night like last night!"
Everyone paused, glancing down to the floor as another Yggdrasil bug scampered across their feet. Mayhem swiftly booted it into the restaurant located on the second floor viewing area. "Shimatta! These things are really starting to breed."
Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched as a Bambi-eyed Anarchy imploringly grabbed his wrist. "N-N-N-na ni?!" he exclaimed.
Anarchy was on the verge of tears, looking more emotional and vulnerable that ever as she clung to Pesti-chan on bended knee. "Please," she begged in a quiet voice. "Don't resort to violence with those bugs. They might be disrupting our fanfic, but I'm sure we can find a way of solving our problems without violence. Please, don't hurt them! Please? Please?"
"Mayhem, do something!" and SD Pesti-chan shrieked, recoiling. "She's frightening me!! I'm reliving a Slayers' Shadow Reflection!!!"
Mayhem grabbed a vacant lounge chair and promptly smited the Yggdrasil bug lurking atop a beach towel. Anarchy immediately straightened, a sparkle of mass destruction returning to her eyes.
"Do...do you think she's alright?" Pesti-chan asked.
Anarchy slowly rose from her knees. "That's it!" she snarled. "If those little bastards [beep!] with my character profile one more time, I'll [beep!] [beep!] [beep!] their little mother [beep!] [beep!]--!!!"
"Oh, I would say she's back to herself," Mayhem replied. He glanced around the waterpark. "But I think we've got ourselves a small problem now."
He pointed to a Yggdrasil bug skittering alongside a hottub. And then there was another rabbit-spider thingy reclining on an air mattress in the wavepool. And then there was a whole bunch of them riding down the waterslides with the children. And yet more floating along with the streamers and balloons. In fact, the Yggdrasil bugs were starting to outnumber the people at the waterpark.
"I'm getting this Aliens flashback here," Pesti-chan said uneasily, glancing up at the setting sun.
"It looks like they're gathering here for something," Anarchy remarked. "Okay, who tipped them off that the fanfic was coming to an end?"
Mayhem pulled out an Anime world atlas book. "You know, I hear Fanelia's pretty nice this time of year."
* * *
With a leisured sigh, Beans reclined out on a lounge chair. Just across from the sunbathing area she could see the children's waterpark, where a giggling Hotaru was busy playing with Haruka and Michiru.
"Haruka really does make a good father figure, doesn't she?" Beans remarked.
Setsuna nodded, unable to conceal her own fond smile as she watched Hotaru frolic with Haruka. "Right now, Hotaru's the closest thing they have to a child of their own."
Beans thought back to the time Haruka & Michiru had babysat her own cousins back in North America. As funny as the idea had first seemed, after seeing the two in action Beans felt that they were naturals at being parents. Hotaru was in good hands.
"So," Setsuna asked. "How are you enjoying your time in Japan so far?"
Beans stretched out her arms. "Well, for the most part it's been incredible. Haruka and Michiru have been showing me some of Tokyo's more exotic locations. But...."
Setsuna lifted her head from the lounge chair. "But?"
"But I ran into some old acquaintances of mine last night at the bathhouse," Beans sighed.
Setsuna nodded, leaning back. "Chaos and his friends seem to hold an ability to appear right when the world as we know it is starting to recover from their last visit."
That managed to pique Beans' curiosity. "You know about Chaos and his demented gang?"
"All too well," Setsuna sighed, resting a hand on Beans' shoulder. "You have my sincerest condolences."
"Gee thanks, Setsuna," Beans wryly remarked in English. "At least that super deformed twit's not here."
Seconds later a little green mascot bounded into Beans' lap. Rampage beamed, chirping as she rolled onto her back to have her tummy rubbed.
"Ah! Ohayo Rampage-chan," Beans said, laughing as she scratched Rampage's tummy. "What a surprise to find you here!" Her smiled faded. "Oh no...if you're here then that means Chaos--!"
"I SWEAR I'LL SKIN YOU AND USE YOU AS A HAT, RAMPAGE!! GIVE ME BACK MY BIKINI!!!"
And with that, Chaos crashed into Setsuna and Beans' lounge chairs, all of then spilling onto the deck as a topless female Chaos grappled onto Rampage. "MWAH HAH HAH HA HAH!!!" he exclaimed. "I have you now Rampage! Come on, cough it up! Cough it up!"
He froze, kawaii li'l kitty ears appearing as he felt an aura of mass destruction erupt from behind. Chaos glanced back, super deforming as he saw Beans gripping a 1000 tonne mallet.
Setsuna sighed. "Chaos, do you just naturally attract violent smitings?"
"AND JUST WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY FANFIC'S WORLD AGAIN?!" Beans exclaimed, clocking Chaos right up over the wavepool, and across the entire waterpark.
"CHU CHU!" Rampage exclaimed, happily enjoying the flight with a small on-board meal of Chaos' arm.
"GET OFFA ME, YOU DAMNED MASCOT!! TASUKETEEEEE!!!"
* * *
"Ah, kimochi!" Hotaru-chan exclaimed, sitting down on the upper steps of one of the waterpark's large hottubs. If she sat on the lower platform the water would be up to her chin, and she didn't exactly like that. But if she was to sit on Haruka or Michiru's lap, she would wind up squirming too much. Not too mention she was getting too old for that.
* * *
Further down in the hottub, Michiru smiled as she rested her head on Haruka's shoulder. "This is just what I needed today. And I think Hotaru needed it too. Arigato, Ruka-chan."
Haruka glanced over at the twelve year-old Hotaru. "Enjoying yourself, Hotaru-chan?"
"Hai, Haruka-poppa!" Hotaru said, content to lean back against the next step, closing her eyes and sprawling out her body as if she was sunning herself.
Michiru glanced over at Haruka. "She seems to be taking after you already, Haruka. Don’t tell me you’ve been teaching her more bad habits."
"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Haruka inquired, teasing her.
"Ara, but I like you this way too," Michiru soothed. "It just wouldn’t do to have you so passive after Hotaru-chan goes to bed...and we do too."
Haruka coughed into her fist, leaning back against the wall. "H-Hai. Do you think it's alright that we left Beans back with Setsuna?"
"Oh, they're big girls, Ruka-chan," Michiru answered. "Beans knew that we were bringing Hotaru on this trip from the start." A playful smile touched the corners of her lips. "Is that a hint of worry I detect in your voice?"
Haruka stiffened. "Na ni?!" Abruptly she looked up to the darkening sky beyond the waterpark's glass dome. "Do you hear that?"
Michiru lifted her head. "Hm? Hear what?"
And with that, Chaos belly-flopped into the hottub, his face right in between Hotaru's splayed legs. Slowly he raised his head from the water, and then his eyes bugged out as he saw Hotaru's little yet supple thighs on either side of his face.
"D-Daijobu?" Hotaru asked, still surprised.
Chaos was still too catatonic to actually say something intelligible, however the fact that large amounts of SD-driven steam were coming out from the hottub was enough proof that he was still his demented little self.
"Um...kon'nichi wa?" he said, unable to think of anything else to say. He glanced down at himself, his eyes bugging out upon realising that he was suddenly male again. "Shimatta, not now!" he muttered. "Not another Jusenkyo bug!"
An SD Chaos frantically reached out over Hotaru's head just in time to catch the contentedly squeaking Rampage-chan. Hotaru giggled as Rampage happily squeaked and licked her cheek.
"Kawaii!" she said.
"You like her?" Chaos asked, flashing her a sincere smile. "She's yours if you want. Seriously, take her!"
Hotaru blushed slightly. "F-For me?"
Chaos' eyes stopped as he caught sight of a marking on Hotaru's inner right thigh. The final tattoo. "Yes!" he exclaimed, hearing Handle’s Messiah chorus sounding in behind him. "The fifth tattoo! We can stay here at last!"
His celebrations came to an abrupt halt as he turned around to see Haruka towering over him. Chaos went all Bambi-eyed. "Um, do I get a head start?"
"I suggest you just start running," Michiru replied, looking from Chaos to Hotaru.
Haruka lunged at him with the Space Sword. Chaos countered with a carnivorous, SD Godzilla-thingy for a mascot. Haruka's eyes widened as she watched Rampage happily suck on her sword. Chaos gave a nervous smile, and did what came naturally in this sort of situation:
Chaos: "Run away! Run away!"
Michiru rested a hand on Haruka's shoulder, unable to conceal her amusement as she watched a female, SD Chaos run up one of the waterslides. "Wasn't that overdoing it just a little, Ruka-chan?"
Haruka shook her head. "I don't even think the Witches 5 and Pharaoh 90 combined would be able to stop him."
"Ara, but that won't stop you at least from trying?"
Haruka cracked a wicked smile. "Exactly."
Havoc twitched furiously beneath his mounds of duct tape. Ever since the day before he had been a nervous wreck, unable to get in touch with his inner hentai, and thus reach out and touch someone...wearing a set of panties. Yet his strength was gone with the bras. (so to speak or so to smite. You decide!)
* * *
"M-Must touch silken treasures," he said. He glanced over to his left as a group of female voices reached his ears. And there, like an oasis in the desert, were Ami, Makoto, Rei, Minako and Usagi all stepping out from the women’s changerooms in their new swimsuits. Havoc instantly began trying to make his lounge chair bounce in their direction. The five Inner Senshi stopped, curiously looking back at Havoc.
"P-Pretty?" he asked.
"Nagumo?" Usagi asked, eyes wide as she saw all the duct tape that had been used on him. She tapped his shoulder. "Ne, Nagumo, what are you doing here?"
"Don't touch him!" Rei exclaimed, slapping away Usagi's hand. "He was duct taped there for a reason!"
"Wah!" Usagi whined. "Rei-chan, you're so mean!"
Ami's eyes seemed to brighten. "Does that mean Carrot-chan's here too?" she asked, adjusting her bikini top.
Minako sighed. "That's it! Before this day is out I, Aino Minako, shall get myself a boyfriend! After all, trying can only kill you so many times!"
Makoto rolled her eyes, the sweatdrop appearing next to her. "That's 'try, try again' Minako-chan. Come on, let's try to find Haruka and Michiru in this crowd."
"Hai!" all the Senshi chorused, walking away from Havoc.
"Bye bye, Nagumo!" Usagi called over her shoulder.
Havoc went Bambi-eyed again. "N-Na ni? What about your silken treasures? Not even a sniff?" His eyes abruptly narrowed as he heard a very familiar and very loud, high-pitched cackling behind him:
"HOH HO OHOH HOH OHO OHO HO!!! See how the mighty Hentenno-sama has fallen!"
"Skimehime-chan?" Havoc whimpered, wrestling with his restraints.
"You've lost your panties, and now you've lost your hentai prowess," Red Queen Haruka laughed, appearing in a dominatrix-style bikini. "You no longer have the right to wear the royal thong! Hand it over to its rightful master, and call me the Queen!"
Havoc managed to jiggle his head in her general direction. "Panties?"
And then the sun sank beneath the horizon line.
Red Queen Haruka's eyes widened as a sudden draft swept past her. She whirled, eyes narrowing at a now empty, duct taped lounge chair. "Masaka!" she hissed.
And there was female Havoc.
With a deep sniff female Havoc took in the scent of the Red Queen's panties. A devilish gleam started to take hold in her eyes. "I'll show you who's the one true Hentenno-sama, Red Queen! HIRYU SHOTEN BRA!!"
Well, as much as we're certain you the readers are no doubt exclaiming "Whaddaya mean you're cutting to a different scene right now?!?!" you really can't do a thing about it regardless of how loud you are.
* * *
In fanfics, no one can hear you scream.
[Ahem!] Ah, but the author rants. And before he gets smiting cows sent over the E-mail, let us quickly jump in and out of this obligatory splicing scene:
Mayhem spun around as he saw the aura begin to take shape. "What in the hell is that?!" A li'l SD Mayhem glanced up at the last dying rays of sunlight. "Uh-oh."
An equally super deformed Pesti-chan frantically pointed towards the growing light. "That's a hentai battle aura! I thought you said Havoc was completely drained of any hentai power! So then what the hell's Hiryu Shoten Bra doing here again?!"
"Looks like someone's Maze transformation is acting as a recharge for Havoc's hentai batteries," Anarchy remarked, cracking her knuckles. "It seems the Anime Armageddon started a little earlier in the fanfic than first expected."
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