Anyhoo, back at their resort penthouse suite the fanboys relaxed after their afternoon's activities of instigating general pandemonium. Most of the guys had changed into casual wear. Chaos was busy chaging into male clothes and taking off his make-up in the bathroom, much to everyone's relief.
"How's the stocks looking today?" Carnage inquired, sprawled out on a couch and taking a swig from his bottle of Hard Lemonade.
Mayhem was sitting back in a chair with the Tokyo Financial pages. "Usual tedium," he replied evenly, taking a sip of his own bottle of Hard Lemonade. "The Daitokuji Financial Group's down a few points thanks to that incident with B-Ko's Queen Margurita mecha. It'll probably level out again given a few weeks."
"Sugoi!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, emerging from the suite's kitchenette with more bottles of Hard Lemonade. "This place is incredible! A study, two dens, a living room, three private bedrooms, and a bathroom built for royalty. That mini-kitchen's even bigger than our own kitchen back at the apartment."
"Impressive considering how much we're eating out," Mayhem remarked. He caught a fresh Hard Lemonade to replace his now empty bottle.
Pesti-chan tossed another bottle to Carnage before opening up his own. "Where were we going to meet the girls again?" he asked.
"At the restaurant patio, right by the swimming pool," Carnage replied. "We've still got about half an hour to kill before we need to be down there."
"Hopefully Anarchy and Tasuki will have already drained the bar's alcohol, abused their karaoke rights and moved on to pillage another hapless club before we get down there," Mayhem said.
Pesti-chan nodded. "Hai hai." He paused as he passed by one of the tables, a stack of type-written papers atop it. "Na ni?" he inquired, picking up the manuscript. "Uh-oh. Chaos just wrote himself another reason to get smited."
"This should be good," Carnage remarked, chugging some Hard Lemonade. "What's the title?"
Carnage instantly spat his Hard Lemonade across the table at that. A few seconds later a very unimpressed Jusnekyo newt tapped its foot on the couch, shaking its head at Carnage.
Pesti-chan rolled his eyes, tossing the manuscript over his shoulder. "Could be worse. Recall the beating he got for his Galaxy Fraulein Luna attempt last month? Either way, though, Beans is going to make him pay for that one."
The Mayhem newt glanced over to the bathroom as he heard a stifled scream from Chaos and held up a sign: "I think she just did."
Chaos wobbily emerged from the bathroom, now covered in terrified octopuses. Once he managed to tear off one from his face (and tear off his eyebrows in the process), Chaos was heard to remark, "It would seem Beans is...rather irate today."
Carnage shook his head and returned to his Hard Lemonade. "And you wonder why, Sailor Dragqueen."
"I am not a Dragqueen!" Chaos protested, quickly tossing his set of pantyhose back into the bathroom.
"Beans will always win; it's a set law in our fanfics. You can't escape contractual obligations," Pesti-chan said, flopping down in his own chair. "Give it up, Chaos. The lake god's hers. Period."
"Never!!!" Chaos proclaimed. "Just one arm wrestle with Beans to prove that I am the better deserving one for the lake god! Does she have a problem with that?!"
"Apparently so," Mayhem replied, dousing himself with a kettle of warm water. "I just got a reply back from Beans about your failed Indiana Chaos attempt. And I quote: 'Ha ha ha ha ha...ha ha!!!!!!'"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "Must you use so many exclamation points, Mayhem?"
Mayhem shrugged in response. "Hey, it's what she had written. And after that last Omakefic of yours, can you blame her?"
"Speaking of," Pesti-chan remarked. "You think we'll ever see Desolation again?"
"Again?" Carnage asked. "Desolation was in that last Omakefic?"
Mayhem nodded. "Apparently so. Don't tell me he's still being chased by that gigantic, rolling Gentle Uterus."
All four fanboys froze and sweatdropped as suddenly Desolation raced out from Mayhem's bedroom, hellbent for anywhere as a gigantic, rolling Gentle Uterus charged after him. The lost fanboy quickly found another door and slammed it shut behind himself.
"Ano...should we tell him he just locked himself in the bathroom?" Pesti-chan asked.
"KYAAAAA!!!" Desolation's voice exclaimed. "I'm lost in the bathtub! And what's with all the octopuses?!"
Seconds later the Gentle Uterus smashed through the bathroom door. What followed were numerous sound bytes of a scuffle and a frantic fanboy's yelps, followed by a loud crash.
Mayhem peered into the gaping hole in the door to see a gaping hole in the wall. "I hope he at least packed a parachute. We are ten storeys up."
"Hai hai," Chaos agreed, turning around and running right into a cloaked figure with an eerie silver mask. "Hey!" Chaos exclaimed, going all SD again. "I'm walking here! I'm--!!"
Seconds later Chaos was fireballed.
"Larva?" Pesti-chan said. "What's he doing here?"
A series of childish giggles echoed across the penthouse suite. "Ara ara, what a mess they've made. You would think a Shinma like that would be more considerate."
And there on one of the couch backs was the vampire princess Miyu. Miyu paused, eyes turning directly to Carnage. "Gorgeous," the vampire princess said dreamily.
Carnage abruptly discovered the dangers of trying to breathe Hard Lemonade as he felt Miyu's hands running down his chest. "Ano...if you don't mind," he coughed uneasily. "That kind of feeling you're giving me right now is something I reserve for when I'm working on my mecha. Could you please not put your hands thERE!!!"
Carnage leaped his feet, checking to make sure that he was still wearing all his article of clothing. Abruptly Miyu was right behind him, hovering in the air. Miyu draped her arms over his chest, her head resting against his shoulder. "I've been returning Shinma to the darkness for so long," she sighed. "Would you like to have a beautiful dream with me?"
"Damn Tenchi Masaki syndrome," Carnage muttered. "Ano...I'm kind of taken right now."
Miyu frowned. "By whom?"
"Pretty much every girl who sees him," Mayhem replied.
"Hush!" Carnage snapped, sitting back down on the couch.
Pesti-chan elbowed Chaos. "Ne, Chaos, I didn't know Desolation was a Shinma."
"Probably a case of mistaken identity," Chaos said. "After all, we do believe he's got the mark of the sacred Wu on his forehead. It's the only way to explain how he's survived the series this long. That could be what got Miyu chasing after him."
Pesti-chan blinked as he watched Miyu playfully run her hands along any part of Carnage she could. "These fics just keep getting weirder with each passing part."
Chaos nodded. "Hai hai." He turned to Larva. "So, care for some Hard Lemonade?"
Larva shifted positions, a hand reaching out to grasp at the pair of panties that were suddenly floating down from the air. He inquisitively looked to Chaos.
"Shimatta," Chaos groaned. "He's back again."
"Ohayo!" Havoc exclaimed, suddenly popping his head up from beneath the couch cushion Carnage happened to be sitting on. Carnage went into instant bug-eyed SD mode as he flailed around before tumbling backwards over the couch.
"Havoc, there's something called a door," Pesti-chan said, setting down Hard Lemonade. "You might want to try using it sometimes for your entrances."
"Ah, hentai," Havoc sighed, producing a load of newly acquired bikini pieces. "How do I love thee? Let me count the bikinis."
"No panties?" Mayhem inquired.
Havoc grinned. "Variety is the spice of life, ne? And speaking of sugar and spice and hentai things nice, who's up for some Jello?"
"Oh, you're going up alright!!" the oversized demonic head of Carnage snarled as it erupted from behind the sofa. "DRAGU SLAVE!!!!"
Seconds later the hotel was rocked by an enormous explosion that took out one of itss best penthouse suites. Pieces of paper were floating down leisurely as the fanboys rose up from the waist-high whipped cream covering the smoking remains of their hotel room.
Miyu giggled in Larva's arms, her silent guardian having swept her away moments before the outburst of fire and Cream Lemon. "I like him," she said. "He is so cute even when he's mad, ne, Larva?"
"Well," Mayhem remarked, wiping some whipped cream from a Hard Lemonade bottle. "So much for this scene."
Pesti-chan nodded. "Good thing I haven't unpacked yet."
"Ano...what is this?" Chaos asked, taking a sheet of the falling papers. His eyes ballooned out upon reading the title. "Sailor Venus 5: The Luna-P Ball?! Good lord, he's written another Havocfic."
Mayhem grabbed hold of another intact manuscript. "Otaku No Hentai Video," he read. "Hm, I wonder how much Gainax contributed to this--bouncewise, of course."
Pesti-chan sweatdropped. "I can't believe you're encouraging him."
Mayhem raised an eyebrow as he turned a page. "I can't believe Havoc managed to get *her* into that position."
Carnage glanced over Mayhem's shoulder. "Oh, he is a dead fanboy for this one! Havoc, that's not what a video girl's suppose to do!!"
Mayhem nodded. "Indeed. He should have called this one Video Girl Aika instead."
Carnage facevaulted right into the sea of Cream Lemon. "Just whose side are you on anways?!" he exclaimed upon coming back up for a breath of air.
Carnage froze as he heard a familiar giggling right behind him. Slowly the fanboy turned around and came face to face with Miyu again. The vampire princess took a finger and scooped some of the whipped cream off his face.
"Delicious," she remarked, licking her finger clean. "I could just eat you all up, Akito."
Carnage's eyebrow twitched. "I am not a midnight snack here, Miyu."
"Well, we might as well head down to the restaurant," Mayhem said, making his way to the whatever was left of the front doorframe. "I don't think we can destroy this room any more than it already is."
The other fanboys waded their way into the hallway and walked over to the elevator. Pesti-chan paused at the flaming remains of their hotel room door, which was by now about five rooms down the hallway. The newly appointed overlord leaned over and turned the door hanger to "Please Make Up Room".
* * *
"So just where are we supposed to stay now?" Chaos asked, stretching out his arms as the group emerged into the hotel's luxurious courtyard.
"The Tokyo officials seemed to have anticipated this," Mayhem replied. "Apparently they booked five hotel suites for just us fanboys. The Senshi have another two to themselves."
Pesti-chan sighed, flicking aside his sweatdrop. "I can't shake the feeling that we're starting to get the reputation of the Dirty Pair as far as otaku go."
"Chikusho!" Carnage said, removing his T-shirt and trying to wipe off the whipped cream covering the BAD kanji on the back. "These Cream Lemon stains had better come out."
"Kawaii!!" a chorus of female voices exclaimed excitedly.
Carnage abruptly lapsed into SD mode upon realizing that in removing his shirt he had just put his rather well-defined chest on display to every female there at the patio and pool. Needless to say, the Tenchi Masaki syndrome kicked into high gear within seconds.
All the other fanboys immediately stepped away from Carnage.
Carnage: o.O "Oh shit."
Seconds later he was carried off by a pack of love-crazed Anime babes. Miyu blinked at the sight. "I see what you mean," she remarked to Mayhem. Miyu turned to Larva. "Larva, would you be so kind as to retrieve my Carnage-chan for me?"
Larva nodded and disappeared.
"Ara ara," came an elegant voice. "It's a small world after all, ne, Haruka?"
"Too small, sadly enough," a masculine voice replied.
Pesti-chan's eyes widened. "Haruka? Michiru? What are the Outer Senshi doing here?"
Yes, there they were, Haruka and Michiru, both leisurely reclining on some deck chairs just a few steps away from the swimming pool. The fanboys paused as the fic suddenly went into a bunch of still-life shots, accompanied by a familiar chorus of voices and some cherry blossom petals that blew across the courtyard.
"Just where the hell do those petals come from anyways?" Pesti-chan remarked.
Mayhem shrugged. "Personally I think those voices we always hear whenever Haruka and Michiru show up is the author's all-female writing assistant team humming away."
"Oh goodie," Chaos sulked, kawaii li'l kitty ears popping out from his hair. "So the author gets a bunch of kawaii female assistants, and the best thing he can give me is a twelve year-old girl who'll end the world if I make her cry? Is there a sign on my head that just says 'Smite me'?!"
Mayhem looked up at a certain falling hentai. "Apparently so. Miyu, you might want to step aside right about...now!"
And while he was contemplating his existence Chaos abruptly found a new calling in life as a crashmat as Havoc fell from the skies and landed on his head. Havoc gave Haruka and Michiru the V-sign. "Hotcha! If you're here, then that means that *she's* also here too!!"
Setsuna emerged from the pool, climbing up the ladder as the water glistened off her tanned body and very impressive one-piece swimsuit.
"Pu-chan!" Havoc exclaimed, flinging himself at her. "Let's get nekkid!"
However Havoc didn't see Setsuna bringing the time staff out from the water with her. The next few moments in passing found Setsuna Dead Screaming Havoc into the pool, and turning it into one big bowl of whipped cream.
"A Cream Lemon mosh pit!" Havoc exclaimed, his head popping out from the whipped cream. "Planet Hentai's newest feature! Hmm, this isn't creamy enough. Ne, Chaos, wanna drop some cows down and fix that for me?"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "Not on your life, Havoc!"
"I've got that summer rose shade of lipstick you've been looking for."
Chaos' resolve began to waver. "Ano...."
"Are you insane?!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, clobbering Chaos with a cabbage on a fork.
"I thought that was a given," Mayhem glibly replied. "Ne, Haruka, is Hotaru-chan around? Chaos here hasn't been terrorized enough in the fic yet."
A very unimpressed Chaos turned to Mayhem. "Excuse me, Newt-boy, but were you the one Gaghiel was trying to make into a hors d'eouvre?!"
Chaos' eyes bugged out as a laughing Hotaru threw herself against his back in a fond embrace...and sent him tumbling right into the pool of whipped cream.
"Hotaru!" Chaos sputtered as he rose to the surface.
An embarrassed Hotaru stuck out her tongue. "Gomen nasai."
Chaos pulled himself back out from the Cream Lemon. "Now how am I going to clean myself off in time for dinner?"
Chaos groaned. "Oh no. Anything but her. Please, as an author you can't be that cruel, can you?!"
Seconds later a squeaking Rampage pounced on Chaos, sending both the fanboy and the carnivorous SD Godzilla-thingy for a mascot back into the pool of whipped cream. Mayhem, Pesti-chan and Miyu all gained sweatdrops as they watched Chaos try to valiantly fend off Rampage with a pool noodle...then flee in terror when Rampage ate the pool noodle.
"Is he going to be alright?" Miyu asked.
Pesti-chan shrugged. "And he wonders why Mako-chan wants to date me instead of him."
"I heard that, Pesti-chan!"
"KYAAAAAAAA!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!!"
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