Well to make a long fanfic short--
Everyone: "Too late."
--Chaos wound up getting licked clean by Rampage (who also managed to give him Goku's porcupine hairdo thanks to her tongue), and then wound up being Hotaru's escort to dinner.
"Ne, what are you having tonight?" Hotaru asked, her hands wrapped around Chaos' arm.
"Korean barbecue," Mayhem replied. "So long as Carnage doesn't flaming odango barrage the restaurant first."
"Um, Hotaru," Chaos said, the sweatdrop next to his face multiplying until a small cloud developed over his head. "Are you sure it's safe to be so...affectionate to me in public like this?"
Hotaru nodded and smiled at Chaos. "Daijobu, Chaos-chan. I don't mind."
Chaos' kitty ears popped back up as he glanced back at Haruka and Michiru, who were in turn eyeing him intently. "You're not the one I'm worried about."
"Do you think it's safe to let her go with him?" Haruka quietly asked Michiru as the fanboys adjourned to the patio.
Michiru smiled as she watched Hotaru cuddle up next to a rather nervous Chaos. "They make such a cute couple it would be a shame to break them up so early in the evening. Besides, we can always break *him* later."
A wicked smile crept onto Haruka's face. "Have I ever told you how much I love the way you think, Michiru?"
Michiru nodded. "Countless times, love, though usually when it's my turn to use the handcuffs."
[Fanboy's Note: weeeeell, wasn't that a nice piece of ecchi information? But if you want to know more about that, then you really have far too much time and Doji on your mind.]
Moving right along lest another in-flight movie joke appears yet again, the group managed to snag two tables side by side for everyone when the Senshi joined them.
"Kamui!" Usagi called out as she, Rei, Ami and Makoto emerged from the hotel lobby, crossing over to join them for dinner.
"Oh, did you know Haruka and Michiru were here too?" Ami-chan asked Mayhem.
Mayhem's eyes drifted over to the ensuing background chase involving Havoc brandishing a pair of Setsuna's panties followed by an immediate Dead Scream. "Never would have guessed it," he replied nonchalantly.
"Ah, komban wa, Hotaru-chan," Makoto said, smiling at Hotaru as she sat down between Chaos and Pesti-chan. "Are you enjoying yourself here?"
Hotaru nodded. "Hai! Chaos-chan and I are on a date tonight!"
Chaos facevaulted right into the table.
"Hm? Daijobu?" Hotaru asked.
"H-Hai...." he lamented, the kana for "Jo'o-sama!!!" scrolling in behind him.
"He's surprisingly resilient," Miyu remarked to Pesti-chan. "Much like that other one who has no sense of direction. Is he a Shinma too?"
Pesti-chan shrugged. "Why don't you use your fireball and find out?" He was subsequently smacked in the face with a herring, and retaliated with a cabbage.
"Ne, have any of you seen Minako-chan?" Usagi asked the group.
Chaos blinked. "She's not back yet?"
A concerned Usagi shook her head. "It's not like her to miss out of a free meal like this. I'm starting to get worried."
Then who should come crawling in through the restaurant, Zanba sword acting as a crutch (and thus leaving large, deep cuts in the floor), was Carnage.
"Oh, you survived your disorder after all," Mayhem remarked.
Carnage's eyebrow was in a constant twitch as he flopped down into an available chair. "Alcohol. Now."
"Akito, daijobu?" Rei asked, gently wrapping her arms around his.
Miyu's eyes narrowed, and she protectively wrapped her arms around Carnage's other arm. "Excuse me, but he's mine."
"What?" Rei growled.
Carnage groaned. "First I was mobbed by that horde of Anime girls. The next thing I know I'm with Ritsuko, Ausaka, Ayanami Rei and Misato. They wanted to serenade me with Fly Me To The Moon. All...twenty-six...versions of it."
Chaos & Pesti-chan recoiled in terror. However Chaos being the usual punching bag for punishment nicely recoiled into the fair Mako'chan's breasts.
Makoto: [cracking her knuckles] "Shin'ne."
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "At least I'll die a happy fanboy."
A waiter brought Carnage a bottle of sake; he chugged it all down in a few seconds. "Larva here managed to help me escape in the middle of Asuka's Bossa Techno version."
"And you didn't even steal their panties?" Havoc lamented, landing on top of Chaos' head and sending in into a bowl of uudon. "What kind of a hentai are you?"
Carnage promptly pulled out his Zanba sword and swatted Havoc into the skies.
A few minutes later the enormous order of Korean barbecue arrived. Usagi gobbled hers down, while Rei and Miyu fought over who would feed Carnage his meal. And Chaos wound up face-down in his uudon a second time thanks to Havoc getting Dead Screamed by Setsuna yet again. Hotaru sighed and helped clean his face off.
Mayhem glanced around the restaurant patio as he chewed on some sirloin. "Hey, look who else is here," he remarked as a young girl with enormous brown hair, a pale complexion and very wide eyes moved past the group. "Must be on a break from her idol tour."
"Ohayo, Key," Pesti-chan said, bowing slightly. Key the Metal Idol, however, just stared blankly back at him.
Key abruptly blinked (quite possibly a first for her!) and glanced down as her skirt was flipped up thanks to a rather suspicious draft. Slowly she turned her head and looked at Havoc, who was doing yet another victory dance.
"Hotcha! I got Key-chan's panties! I got Key-chan's panties!"
Key looked away and continued to stare blankly at...well, we think she was staring at something. At least we assume she was. In fact she was staring at someone.
"Ano...does she have to look at me like that?" Carnage asked uneasily as he was yanked from Miyu to Rei then back to Miyu again.
"Who is that girl?" Ami inquired.
"She's a robot who needs 30,000 fans in order to become human," Mayhem replied. "She's trying to do that by becoming an idol singer."
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the fanboys yet knownst to the readers, Havoc had gotten rather agitated over the fact that Key was pretty much the first girl *not* to chase after her panties.
"Moshi moshi?" the Hentenno-sama asked, dangling her panties in front of her face. "Key, these did belong to you."
Key looked at Havoc. "Will you be one of Key's 30,000 friends?"
"Lady," Havoc exclaimed in exasperation. "I'll be *all* 30,000 of your friends if you just get with the program!"
Havoc abruptly went SD as Key snapped, her eyes widening and her gaze focusing on Havoc's face. "That's a new look for you."
"We tried to help Key's career by putting her with the Idol Defense Force Hummingbird idol girls," Chaos explained to the other Senshi at the patio tables, everyone completely oblivious to the ensuing pandemonium in the background.
"Such a rousing success too," Mayhem added dryly. "Key was comatose and just stood there for half the tour until she finally snapped, causing all the mecha in the area to go berzerk and explode."
"That was an isolated incident!" Chaos protested.
Pesti-chan happened to glance back--and reverted into immediate bug-eyed SD form upon witnessing Havoc racing across the background, Key's panties in his hot hentai hands as Key gave chase. Seconds later Havoc came back from the other direction, this time being chased by Setsuna (gee, guess whose panties he's got this time?).
"Ano, Chaos!" Pesti-chan frantically said, tapping on Chaos' shoulder.
"Hold on a minute," Chaos said. "Look, Carnage just happened to have spare mecha when Key snapped so everything worked out fine!"
Pesti-chan clobbered his ensuing sweatdrop and then felt his eyes bulge out even more as once again Havoc came racing across the background, now being chased by Hitome (and a very irate Van in Escaflowne). Then Havoc came from the other direction being chased by the entire female cast of Tenchi Muyo!
[Fanboy's Note: minus Sasami, naturally. Even Havoc has standards...strange as it is to consider.]
Next came Havoc being chased by Cauldina. Abruptly Cauldina's illusionary panties disappeared in his hands. Havoc screeched to a halt, turned and proceeded to chase after Cauldina. Needless to say, Cauldina bolted.
Pesti-chan's eyebrow developed a nasty twitch. "M-Masaka," he lamented. Seconds later he instantly recoiled right across the table and clung to one of the large patio umbrellas for dear life, his SD body shivering in stunned disbelief.
There across the courtyard dashed a frantic SD Havoc, desperately trying to outrun Cologne and Blue Seed's Go-Go Grandma...who were chasing after him.
Cologne & Go-Go Grandma: "Wait, Hentenno-sama! We have panties for you!"
Havoc: o.O [eep!] "My eyes! My perfectly perverted eyes are burning! Tasukete!!"
[Fanboy's Note: if you've ever seen the "Go-Go Grandma" omake from Blue Seed, you will understand the true meaning of absolute terror. Happosai was right when he said "if you don't wear it, they'll sag." *Shudder!*]
Havoc leaped right through one of the hotel doors, Cologne & Go-Go Grandma giving chase just as the rest of the cast actually decided to turn around to see what had reduced Pesti-chan into a twitching wreck.
"Ne, what's going on?" Usagi asked.
"No idea," Carnage replied as Rei and Miyu continued to yank him from one side of the table to the next.
Rei: [yank yank!] "Akito's mine!"
Miyu: [yank yank!] "Carnage-chan belongs to me!"
Carnage: o.O [whiplash!] "Itaiii!!"
Ever so slowly, ever so carefully, Pesti-chan climbed down from the patio umbrella. Makoto helped him with the final step. "Kamui-chan, were you trying to tell us something?" she asked.
Pesti-chan vehemently shook his head. "No! I saw nothing. Not a damn thing, do you hear me? I saw nothing!"
Makoto sweatdropped. "Oooookay."
Abruptly the fair Mako-chan was playfully elbowed by Usagi. "Ne, Mako-chan," Usagi said slyly. "You called him Kamui-chan again. I didn't know you were *that* friendly!"
Chaos: o.O "NA NI?!"
Mayhem: [eye roll] "Here we go again."
Rei shivered as a cool blew past them, cuddling up next to Carnage. Her eyes abruptly widened upon realizing she had just wrapped her arms around a certain fanboy with a DOJI BOY sweater. "Scandalous, Rei-chan!" Havoc exclaimed with his Chichiri-like grin as he groped her breasts. "Care for me to warm you up, you saucy girl, you?"
Carnage's eyebrow twitched. "Allow me to warm you up, Havoc. FIREBALL!!!"
And as Air Hentai made another non-stop flight to the planet Jurai (someone cue Aeka's S&M wedding song!), Carnage found Rei draped all over him. "Arigato, Akito!" she said, kissing him on the cheek.
He froze, eyes turning into enormous white circles and his body reverting into SD form as Miyu appeared from behind.
"Carnage-chan...!!!" the vampire princess fumed.
Makoto laughed. "Ara, for once she's not fighting with you, Usagi. You must be enjoying the break." Makoto looked around the tables, but Usagi was nowhere to be found.
Ami also noticed Usagi's sudden disappearance. "Usagi?" she asked. "Usagi? Where did she go?"
"Probably attacking the chefs in the kitchen," Pesti-chan replied.
Hotaru's eyes brightened up as she held out a piece of fruit to Chaos. "Ah, a peach! Chaos-chan, would you like to eat this for me?"
Mayhem raised an eyebrow at that. "Good thing it wasn't a cherry, Chaos."
"Hust, Newt-boy!! Ecchi."
* * *
So what was the connection between the disappearing Senshi and these mysterious peaches? Were all the babes in this fic being abducted by a crazed fruit vendor?
Havoc: "Well if I had been the one grabbing them, I'd be leaving lemons behind!"
Chaos: "Were we asking you, Havoc?!"
Anyhoo, the fanboys decided to pay the bill for Korean barbecue for ten, and used Chaos' credit card when he wasn't looking. However it turned out the credit card was over the limit thanks to some "mysterious" purchases at the Silky Doll lingerie store. So the fanboys just handed over Chaos as ransom for the bill.
Chaos: ^-^ "Hai! They just ransomed me off to--WHAT?!"
A disappointed Hotaru had to cut their date short, but asked if they could continue it the next day. And Chaos might have actually responded had he not turned into a stone statue and crumbled to pieces as the flashbacks of F6! scolled along in the background.
The fanboys had retired to their new penthouse suite for a few hours. Chaos finally managed to return somewhere later that evening. And upon walking through the door and sniffing about how all his nailpolish had worn off thanks to washing the dishes, Chaos was nicely greeted by an AT Field that blew him back into the hall.
Pesti-chan leaned over and took a look at the enormous hole in the door. "Ghezunteit, Anarchy," he said, shaking his head and returning to watch the Gekiganger III marathon on their bigscreen TV.
"Good one!" Tasuki laughed, clinking Sake bottles with Anarchy.
"An-chan!" a teary, Bambi-eyed Carnage sobbed. "You went out boozing and smiting karaoke bars and you didn't invite me?!"
Anarchy pulled out her pan-dimensional karaoke machine. "Who said we were finished? Tasuki, crank up the volume! Youkoso Metallic Party! Kowagaranaide!"
"You just had to encourage her, didn't you?" Mayhem sighed.
An SD Carnage sniffled. "No, I must be strong! I must prove my love for An-chan by standing tall no matter what gets thrown my way!"
Seconds later he was flattened by Havoc. Havoc coughed as he dusted off his DOJI BOY sweater. "Note to self: Boomers do not wear panties, and they get rather angry when you try to find out. You'd think Genom's 33-S Sexaroids wouldn't have a problem with me checking, but noooo!"
"I don't even want to ask," Pesti-chan groaned.
Carnage: [oversized demonic form] "HAVOC...!!!!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"
Carnage: "MEGA BRAND!!!"
Cream lemon naturally ensued.
"Shimatta!" Pesti-chan groaned. "The cable's shorted out thanks to all this whipped cream. Way to go, Carnage. Now I'm going to miss the recap episode of Gekiganger...or was that the recap episode of Nadesico?"
Carnage growled, pulling his Zanba sword out from the sea of whipped cream. "And I thought I had him that time!"
"Well, he can't get any worse than he already is," Chaos said, wading through the cream and onto a couch.
And just then the sun decided to set.
Mayhem shook his head. "You have really got to stop saying those kinds of things, Chaos."
"Hotcha!" a suddenly female Havoc exclaimed, leaping out from the whipped cream and using Chaos' head as a springboard as she flung herself into the hall. "It's time for another round of night visits from the panty fairy! Jello for everyone and silken treasures for Havoc!"
"Do we look like perverts?" Chaos snapped. He sweatdropped as he glanced over to see Mayhem reading a Lunatic Party dojinshi. "Most of us, anyways?"
"This coming from Sailor Dragqueen," Mayhem retorted.
"Ano...shouldn't we at least try to stop Havoc?" Pesti-chan asked. "Remember what he pulled in F3! with a stunt like this."
"It's different now," Mayhem replied evenly, watching as Rampage devoured the remaining whipped cream and then had Chaos' sleeve for desert. "Carnage is currently hunting the hentai. And with a fanboy like that who expresses his inner angst in the form of epic property damage running loose, I think it's safer to just stay here."
"Get your ass back here so I can Dragu Slave it!" an SD Carnage exclaimed, mowing down Chaos and charging through the halls after Havoc. And he might have caught Havoc too had he not hoisted the Zanba sword over his kawaii li'l SD head, lost his balance and driven the sword into someone else's hotel room.
"Gomen nasai!" an embarrassed Carnage said. His eyes abruptly bugged out as a girl's maniacal fit of laughter echoed from the occupant. Seconds later Kodachi's gymnastics ribbon wrapped itself around Carnage and yanked the hapless fanboy inside.
Chaos shook his head. "We might not be seeing him in the near future. Well, I'm going to unpack. My dresses will get wrinkled if I don't hang them up."
"KYAAAA!!! SHE'S NIBBLING ON MY FINGERS!!!"
* * *
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