If Fanboys are self-proclaimed Otakings,
does that make their children Otakids?
Hysteria: "Chaos-poppa Chaos-poppa Chaos-poppa Chaos-poppa!"
Pesti: "You had a kid these fanfics? Chaos, you lech!!"
Chaos: o.O "She's not my daughter!"
Hysteria: "Chaos-momma Chaos-momma Chaos-momma Chaos-momma!"
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "Chaos...momma *and* Chaos-poppa?!"
Anarchy: "The evidence seems overwhelming. We should smite him immediately!"
Hysteria: "Ami-momma Ami-momma Ami-momma!"
Pesti: [groan!] "Oh no."
Mayhem: [demonic Dark Schneider aura!] "Chaos...this had better be good. Your fate depends on how you explain it."
Chaos: [frantic SD mode!] "But I'm telling you--!"
Mayhem: "Would sealing you in a room with one thousand Naga clones and no ear plugs be punishment enough?"
Chaos: "Mayhem, I'm innocent!"
Carnage: "Set him up on a date with the Dirty Pair?"
Chaos: "Carnage, don't give him ideas! She is not my kid!"
Hysteria: [giggle giggle!] "Hysteria is having so much fun with Chaos-poppa and Ami-momma!"
Chaos: o.O "Um...should I be fleeing in terror now?"
Pesti: "Ne, Mayhem, you could tell Misato that his blood type is blue...or orange."
Havoc: "Hotcha! Care to read my La Blue EVA fanfic, anyone?"
Fanboys: "SHADDUP HAVOC!!"
Hysteria: "Wah! Ohayo, Havoc-poppa!"
Pesti: o.O "DADDY HAVOC?!"
Carnage: "Eh?! Okay, that's it! Somebody cue the fic so we can figure out what the hell's going on!"
Hysteria: "Carnage-poppa Carnage-poppa Carnage-poppa!"
Carnage: [blink blink!] "Excuse me?"
[Cue the fic!]
FBZ FANBOYS 8: TOMORROW'S FANFIC NEVER DIES!!!
Part II: Mass Hysteria-chan
Greetings and hallucinations, fellow otaku!
Welcome back to yet another thrilling and ultimately deranged instalment of the series Curse of the Fanboys!, where our ongoing motto is--
Havoc: ^-^ "We just want to see you greased up and nekkid!"
Chaos: o.O "That's not it, Havoc!!"
Havoc: [confused] "What? We changed the motto?"
Chaos: --;; "Why do I even bother arguing with you?"
When last we left our heroes (bakas?), they had perhaps stumbled into the greatest threat ever known to fankind in the history of Anime fanfiction: the notion that the fanboys could breed. This can be easily summed up into a single word, and her name is Hysteria-chan.
Hysteria: ^-^ [Tee hee!] "Ooooh! And isn't Hysteria-chan's name just sooo kawaii, ne? Ne? Ne?"
--;; Isn't it though?
Anyhoo, Hysteria had shown up claiming to be Chaos and Makoto's daughter. Naturally all hell broke loose from its overhead compartments and came crashing down upon the hapless fanboy. Hysteria's presence and the subsequent cliff-hanger given by the author (^^) left the entire cast puzzled and full of questions...such as: "What about that guy, Yang Wen-Li?"
Oh the burning questions!
No wait, my mistake. The questions aren't burning...but my laptop is. (o.O) KYAAAAAA!!! I get to burning! Okay, who fireballed my monitor?!
[We interrupt this fanfic as the author rants and raves and tries to put out the fire, splashing his all female writing assistant team with water.]
Who put this bucket of Spring of drowned Pocket Monster water here?!
[We interrupt this fanfic as the author rants and raves after accidentally turning his all female writing assistant team into kawaii li'l Pikachu's!]
o.O Quick, someone fetch me a kettle!!
Ah, but the author rants.
[Fanboy's Note: out of sheer curiosity, does anyone know where I can purchase some water from Jusenkyo's Spring of Drowned Girl?]
Ranma girl-type: [groan!] "Oh the irony of this."
Moving right along lest it seem like we're not getting anywhere when in fact we aren't, Hysteria's kawaii smile faded as she curiously peered down at the Chaos-shaped crater where Chaos was once standing.
"Not if I did my job right," Naoko replied evenly, hoisting her 1000t mallet onto her shoulder.
Hysteria giggled. "Hai!"
"Doesn't it upset you that your poppa just got smited with a hammer?" Miyu asked the kawaii child.
Hysteria giggled. "Hai!"
Pesti-chan warily glanced over at the multitude of sweatdrops hovering next to his head. "Is she even listening to a word we're saying?"
"Probably not," Mayhem replied. "She takes after Chaos that way."
"Hai, Mayhem-poppa!" Hysteria brightly agreed.
Mayhem nodded. "Yare yare, enough with the--MAYHEM-POPPA?!"
"So then what's the deal with the dragqueen here?" Carnage exclaimed, pulling the crumpled SD Chaos out of the hole and waving him around in the air. "I thought he was her dad! They share the same one-digit IQ, don't they?!"
"Carnage, put my Chaos-chan down!" Hotaru protested. "He should be treated like how you treat your mecha."
Carnage blinked. "Are we talking disposable Gundams here, or what?"
Haruka shook her head. "I swear just knowing you guys will give me grey hair by the time I'm twenty-five."
"Ara," Michiru chuckled. "But at least you'll have earned every one of them."
"I had better," Haruka answered. "Ne, where's Setsuna? She could help us solve this problem."
"Hai!" Hysteria piped up. "Setsuna-momma's such a kawaii little time guardress-chan!"
"Just what is her problem?!" Carnage exclaimed in exasperation.
"I think you're looking right at it," Mayhem glibly replied, gesturing to Hysteria. "Or do I need to draw you a diagram of her?"
Everyone turned as a kawaii li'l SD Godzilla-thingy for a mascot bounced into the kawaii li'l hotel room of Hysteria's.
"Rampage!" Makoto said as the mascot leaped into her arms to have her tummy scratched affectionately. "What are you doing here? I thought you were out with Anarchy and Tasuki."
Chaos' eyes bugged out--though not because Hotaru had glomped onto his arm and Haruka was ready to destroy him as a result. "Mako-chan, no! That's not Rampage."
The Godzilla-thingy happily thumped her tail. "chu chu!"
Rei leaned in closer. "Ano...since when did Rampage suck on a pacifier."
"That's what I'm tryin' to tell you!" Chaos said. "That thing was busy chewing on my fingers while the real Rampage ate my Tamahome Hilfiger jeans!"
"Ooooh!" Hysteria squeaked happily, bounding up to Makoto and scooping the baby Godzilla-thingy up in her arms. "Catastrophe-chan!"
"C-Catastrophe?" Haruka stammered, her eyebrow twitching.
Pesti-chan groaned. "You mean there's another creature like Rampage out there?"
"Hai!" Hysteria replied in her ultra-kawaii voice as she hopped over to Haruka and proudly held out Catastrophe. "Catastrophe-chan is Hysteria's kawaii little SD Godzilla-thingy for a mascot-chan! Isn't she just soooo kawaii, Haruka-poppa?"
Senshi and fanboy alike facevaulted.
"H-Haruka-poppa?" Hotaru asked uneasily.
Michiru slowly turned to Haruka, an unimpressed expression growing on her face. "Is there something I should know about?"
"Have no fear, Michi-baby!" Havoc spoke up, her Chichiri-grinning head popping out from the neckline of Haruka's top. "Haruka here has pledged her only set of panties to no one other than you--even though Alielle, Solude and the entire cast of Miyuki-chan in Wonderland have been trying more than once to get if for themselves!"
"Was I asking you to vouch for me?!" Haruka growled, grappling onto the ends of Havoc's hair and catapulting her through the balcony window. She abruptly stiffened and smacked her forehead. "Shimatta, that pervert got them again."
"Hotcha!" echoed Havoc's distant voice. "I got Haruka's sports bra!"
Chaos curiously took hold of a magazine that leisurely drifted down in the wake of Havoc's sudden and unexpected flight to a space colony. "Ne, Havoc, I think you dropped this," he said, picking it up.
Chaos: o.O [reading the title] "Na ni?! The Victoria Senshi catalogue?!"
Havoc: [appearing next to Carnage] "Hai! Ne, Carnage, check out Rei-chan page ten."
Haruka: "Didn't I just launch you into orbit?"
Carnage: [indignant] "I certainly will not read that, Havoc!"
[Havoc flips to the page and shows Carnage the picture.]
Carnage: o.O [blush!] "R-Rei?!"
Havoc: "She looks really good in a teddy, I must admit."
Carnage: [oversized demonic form!] "SHIN'NE!!!"
Rei peered over Carnage's shoulder at the catalogue. "Sugoi! Ne, Akito, don't you think I look sexy in that outfit?"
"What are you trying to do seducing *MY* Carnage-chan like that, Rei?" Miyu growled.
"Hai!" Hysteria added. "Rei-chan looks just soooo kawaii in Havoc-poppa's skimpy negligee-chan!"
An enormous display of party-poppers and streamers exploded out from a shocked, wide-eyed SD Chaos. "Havoc...poppa?" he said, the kana for "End of the World!!!" dropping in from above and bonking him on the head.
Mayhem brushed some falling glitter from his hair. "That's a new trick for you, Chaos."
Everyone sweatdropped as they looked over that the Hentenno, who was busy bounding across the room now having swiped Battle Angel Alita's panties. "Hotcha! Panties panties panties!"
Naoko's eyebrow twitched furiously as she pulled out a large bottle of Sake and began to chug. "We're all screwed if that hentai freak can procreate."
Chaos nodded mournfully. "It'll be like DNA2's mega-playboy syndrome all over again," he lamented.
"Hey," Pesti-chan shot at Chaos. "Thanks to you Havoc now has that capability with the Yggdrasil jacket!"
Hysteria giggled. "Hai! Though Havoc-poppa tends to spend more time at the kawaii Crystal Planet Hentai as his kawaii little panty-stealing self than in the kawaii Yggdrasil jacket-chan."
By this time Carnage was too busy thumping his head against the nearby wall to hear the end of her sentence. "When? When?! When does the hurting stop?!"
"I can't believe Neo-Queen Serenity would let him get away with that," Haruka muttered to Michiru.
"Ah," Havoc countered, suddenly appearing suspended upside-down behind the two Outer Senshi. "but while panties and bras fade away, hentai is forever. Jello?"
Hysteria clapped excitedly. "Oooh! Jello-chan Jello-chan!"
Ami blinked. "Maybe it's a recessive gene she's got."
"Just one recessive gene?" Miyu pressed.
Haruka shook her head as she massaged her temples. "This is even worse than when we had to face Eudial playing the organ at the Crystal Cathedral," she muttered.
Michiru could only agree. "Indeed. She is a most...unique child."
"The polite way of calling her an annoying airhead, I suppose?" Pesti-chan inquired.
"Usagi-chan is an annoying airhead," Rei sighed. "*She* is worse."
"Way worse," Mayhem and Carnage chorused.
"KYAAAAAAAA!!!!" a frantic SD Chaos shrieked, racing across the background with Catastrophe happily chewing on his arm. "GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!"
"Chaos-momma, be careful with kawaii little Catastrophe-chan!" Hysteria called out after him. "She's teething!"
"ITAAAAIIIIII!!! I THINK I FIGURED THAT OUT ALREADY!!!"
Mayhem picked up the Victoria Senshi catalogue. "Ne, Ami-chan, I don't suppose you have anything in here?"
Ami-chan playfully stuck out her tongue. "I get a two-page spread on 24," she whispered into his ear.
"Hey, watch it!" Havoc cut in, snatching the catalogue back. "This thing isn't flame-retardant, Mayhem."
"Hai!" Hysteria added. "Mayhem-poppa's burned Pesti-poppa, Chaos-poppa and Carnage-poppa enough times already! Although Havoc-poppa just turns into a flood of kawaii whipped cream when that happens."
The fanboys paused and then leaned in closer to Hysteria.
"Care to tell us just which one is your REAL father?" Chaos inquired.
"I'd like to know who the mother is too," Naoko added darkly, polishing her large pan-dimensional hammers.
Hotaru nodded, glancing uneasily at Makoto. "Chaos-chan and Makoto really didn't have Hysteria as a child...right, Michiru-momma?" she asked quietly, her small hand gripping Michiru's.
"Not a chance," Makoto stated firmly, arms crossed over her chest.
"Mako-chan...!!" a teary-eyed SD Chaos sniffled.
Miyu shook her head as she nudged the catatonic Bambi-eyed fanboy with her foot. "It's a wonder any of you ever survived puberty."
"Okay, just what the hell is going on?! Why is this kid calling all of us her parents?!" Carnage's irate oversized balloon head shouted, blowing Chaos into the wall of the kawaii room. Luckily a shelf of Mokona plushies softened his fall...right up until Carnage fireballed said plushies.
"Maybe the author's too busy tending to his Jusenkyo'd female assistants and not paying attention to fanfic continuity," Pesti-chan offered.
"Pesti-chan," Mayhem countered. "When has the author ever paid attention to fanfic continuity?"
"Wah!" Hysteria piped up. "But even still, aren't the kawaii little author-chan's fanfics just so kawaii, ne? Ne? Ne?"
"Not as kawaii as my Havocfics!" Havoc countered, pulling out a set of manuscripts. "Hotcha! At last I have completed it; lay down your panties before my piece de resistance: Sakura Hentaisen!"
Hotaru blinked. "The...Cherry-Popping Wars? Ne, Chaos-chan, what does that mean?"
Chaos' eyes widened. "Ano...."
"It just doesn't make any sense," Pesti-chan mused. "Hysteria's only a few years younger than us in her physical appearance. But we haven't been in the series for that long...have we?"
"Unless she's not from our time," Mayhem said. "You know, the whole 'child from the future' story arc."
"You mean like Chibiusa?" Rei asked.
The fanboys all shuddered and pulled out whatever pan-dimensional alcoholic beverage they could find to down and make the hurting stop. Chaos wound up pulling out Catastrophe, who was more than happy to at least make a snack of his sleeve.
"Please let this not be another Yamhead," Carnage muttered.
Immediately he was crushed by Naoko's mallet. "I resent that remark," the Sailor Moon creator growled.
"J-Jo'o-samaaaaa...." warbled the flattened fanboy.
"It is quite possible that Hysteria is one of your children in a distant future," Michiru suggested. "She does seem to bear a large degree of your exuberance."
"Not to mention stupidity," Haruka muttered under her breath.
"Now now, love, be nice," Michiru chided her partner. "After all, it is quite possible that you'd be insulting the parents whomever they might be."
Pesti-chan sighed, opening his bottle of Hard Lemonade. "At least that means all that pain I went through with Havoc's ultimate technique of the Hiryu Shoten-Bra wasn't for nothing."
Mayhem nodded. "I guess that's why she appeared now. When we finally cemented ourselves in this world of Anime, she was able to come back in time."
Meanwhile, in the background Chaos heard a phone ringing. After sifting through a pile of Card Captor Sakura plushies he found the kawaii li'l heart-shaped phone. "Moshi moshi...this is Lord Chaos speaking...my what? Hold on." Still cradling the receiver to his ear, Chaos leaned over and removed his shoe. "Um, size nine and a half," he replied, inspecting the inner sole.
"Hey!" Carnage snapped, dropping an Aestevalis on top of Chaos but making sure to miss Catastrophe. "Pay attention, will ya?!"
"Akito...!" Hotaru warned, wagging a finger at Carnage.
"Ah, here it is," the fair and demure Ami-chan said, opening up the Victoria's Senshi catalogue to page 24.
Hysteria beamed a kawaii smile over at the fair Ami-chan, and in an excited fit bounded over to Ami and leaped into the startled girl's arms. "Wah! Komban wa, Ami-momma!"
"Wha? Ami-momma?" Pesti-chan remarked. "Hysteria, can't you just pick a couple and stick with them as being your parents?!"
"But you're all just soooo kawaii!" Hysteria exclaimed, hopping up and down as she excitedly clapped her hands together. "Kawaii kawaii kawaii kawaii!!"
The entire cast facevaulted.
"Scary is more like it," Mayhem muttered, rubbing the newfound X-shaped bandage that had appeared over his nose.
[Cue the SD Dark Schneider and SD Chaos suddenly popping up and taking over the fanfic!]
Chaos-chan: ^-^ "Welcome to our first instalment to 'Ask Mister Uber Exploder Wizard'!"
Dark Schneider-chan: "These segments may pop up every now and then so that I can show just how kick-ass of a guy I really am, and to demonstrate just how easily I can kick all your asses at everything."
Chaos-chan: [sweatdrop!] "Ano...Isn't this segment to explain the how's and why's of the Fanboys?"
Dark Schneider-chan: [blink blink!] "It is? What kind of a dumbassed segment is this?!"
Chaos-chan: --;; "Anyhoo, we're here to clear up numerous puns that will inevitably be appearing courtesy of Hysteria. The words involved are Japanese, and are very similar in sound."
Dark Schneider-chan: "So to make sure you don't fuck up and make yourselves look like complete and utter assholes--"
Chaos-chan: [eye roll] "Subtle."
Dark Schneider-chan: "Did I ask for an editorial?! So here's a quick and simple way of showing the differences in dialogue."
1. Kawaii: cute. Used by Hysteria to describe everything.
2. Kowai: scary. Used by the fanboys to describe Hysteria.
Chaos-chan: ^-^ "So there you have it. Now that you can see the difference, it's bei-bei for now! You know, you look really funny when you're super-deformed, Dark Schneider."
Dark Schneider-chan: ^-^ "And you look even funnier now that your ass has just been blown away by my Exodus spell!"
Chaos-chan: ^-^ "Hai! I look even funnier when my ass has been--WHAT?!"
Dark Schneider-chan: [evil demonic SD aura] "EXODUS!!!!!!"
Chaos-chan: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
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