[We now return to our normal fanfic...if you would call it that...at least that's the story and we're sticking with it...ask anyone.]
              "Um, excuse me, but I'm kinda dying here," Chaos' voice came out from beneath the boot of the Aestevalis .
              Naoko looked over at Carnage. "Evidently you didn't hit him hard enough if he can still talk, Carnage. Again!"
              "Hai!" Carnage said with an evil grin n his face as he saluted the Sailor Moon creator. "You're the boss, Naoko-sama!"
              "Naoko-san, not you too?" Hotaru exclaimed, placing herself defiantly between Carnage and Chaos. "Why is it that no one thinks Chaos-chan and I should be together? It's my choice, and I've chosen him!"
              "A-Arigato," Chaos' muffled voice said from beneath the mecha. "I'd hug you but I think all my bones are shattered."
              Naoko and Carnage reverted into sniffling teary-eyed SD mode. "Waaaaah!!" they sobbed, geysers of tears spraying all over the room. "It's just not fair that she had to fall in love with *him*!!"
              "Wah! Look out, Carnage-poppa, Naoko-momma!" Hysteria shrieked. "You'll get all of Hysteria's kawaii little plushie-chans all soaking wet!"
              "Like I mourn that loss," Mayhem muttered to Pesti-chan from underneath the safety of an umbrella.
              "Aiya," Ami remarked. "Naoko-san wasn't that vicious with Duo earlier. Why the sudden change?"
"It's because he tried to appease Naoko by writing a Chaosfic dedicated to her during the eyecatches," Mayhem replied, taking another drink of Hard Lemonade as it finally became safe for him to put his umbrella aside.
              "This should prove interesting," Michiru remarked. "What was the title?"
"Martian Successor Naoko," Mayhem said evenly. He shrugged. "And even though it was meant to be a tribute to her, somehow Chaos managed to have Naoko sink the Nadesico into the Pacific Ocean."
              "BAKA!!" Naoko exclaimed, clobbering Chaos yet again.
"Ooooh!" Hysteria said, watching as Chaos collided with a throw pillow. "Hysteria made a kawaii little fanfic too!"
              The entire room went dead silent. "Oh...really?" Pesti-chan asked uneasily.
              Hysteria beamed proudly. "Hai! Hysteria calls it Mysterious Mecha Thief St. Tallgeese!"
Everyone: o.OPesti: "That's a Chaosfic! There's two of them running loose now!"
Mayhem: "Aiya. In light of this, we must get drunk immediately."
Ami: "Are you sure she's not your daughter, Chaos?"
Chaos: [irate li'l SD mode!] "No! You've seen my track record with the babes in these fics! Just how lucky do you think I am?!"
Hotaru: [snuggling up next to Chaos] "Chaos-chan...."
Chaos: [blink blink!] "The underage goddess of mass destruction not counting."
Mayhem: "I don't know about that, Chaos. Our author's sadistic enough that he would make you Hysteria's father rather than just leaving you plain dateless for all eternity."
Chaos: o.O "NA NI?!?!"
              "Hmph!" Hotaru sulked. "I'm the one who's going to be Chaos-chan's bride one day...but we are not going to have a child like that."
              "My, how assertive of her," Haruka remarked.
              Michiru chuckled. "She gets it from your stubbornness."
              Haruka feigned ignorance at that.
              "Chaos-momma taught Hysteria every kawaii little thing she knows about writing kawaii little fanfics," Hysteria said. "Ne, Chaos-poppa?"
              Chaos sweatdropped. "Um, Hysteria, about my parental name; can't you just pick a gender and stick with it?"
              "Why? It's not like you ever do," Mayhem retorted.
              "Hush, Newt-boy!!" Chaos snapped. "She could be your kid too, ya know!"
              "Yes, but making a fic with a title *that* bad tends to be something only you're good at," Naoko pointed out. "The evidence that Hysteria's your child seems overwhelming."
              Chaos facevaulted. "M-Masaka!"
              Hysteria giggled. "Chaos-poppa! Hysteria is really proud of her Hysteriafic! And she even created a special kawaii little model-chan to announce the kawaii little fic's completion!"
              And with that she dramatically spun around and pointed outside. "Tadaaa!" she exclaimed, happily bounding off towards the balcony. And she would have gone outside too had she not failed to realize the glass door was closed at the moment.
              Makoto winced. "That looked like it hurt."
              Ami nodded. "Should she be twitching like that?"
              "Daijobu!" Hysteria piped up, suddenly leaping to her feet to flash them all a kawaii little V-sign. "Hysteria-chan's just fine!"
              Mayhem and Pesti-chan suspiciously looked over at a now frightened Chaos. "Yet another distinguishing Chaos trait," Pesti-chan said.
              "What about Desolation?!" Chaos protested. "He does the same thing!"
              "Hai!" Hysteria said. "Desolation-poppa's a kawaii little smite magnet-chan!"
              The fanboys and Senshi adjourned out onto the balcony as a large silhouette appeared in the distance. Carnage nearly got fireballed out of the balcony thanks to Rei and Miyu. Mayhem and Ami weren't any better. Hotaru managed to squeeze in next to Chaos, much to the amusement of Michiru and the consternation of Haruka and Naoko. Chaos was too busy trying to pry off Catastrophe from his arm to notice. Pesti-chan and Makoto managed to snag a place for the two of them to see clearly.
              Abruptly an enormous set of floodlights were turned on to reveal the life-sized model that announced Hysteria's new kawaii little fanfic. "See? See?" Hysteria said, excitedly leaning over the railing. "Isn't it just soooo kawaii as St. Tallgeese-chan?"
              "A mecha?!" Carnage shrieked. "And what's more it's a Gundam!! Hysteria, what have you done to it?!"
              "Other than create a very frightening landmark?" Pesti-chan inquired.
              "Now there's something you don't see everyday," Mayhem remarked, taking a drink of his Hard Lemonade. "But just what is the Tallgeese Gundam doing in a ponytail, tophat and a skirt while holding a magical girl's wand?"
              "Ask Hysteria," Makoto replied. "Ne, where'd she disappear to now?"
              Suddenly the St. Tallgeese Gundam was activated and lumbered its way over to the hotel. Everyone inched back as the enormous mecha stopped just in front of their balcony. A section in the chestplate opened up to reveal Hysteria at the controls of the Gundam.
              "Wheeeee!" she exclaimed, happily bouncing on top of her chair as she gave them the V-sign.
              "And she pilots it too with surprising ease," Haruka remarked, just a little disconcerted by this development.
Chaos shook his head. "Now the talent to pull that kind of a stunt with a mecha is definitely a Carnage trait."
              "chu chu!" Catastrophe happily squeaked.
              "Do you mind?" Chaos asked darkly, glaring at the baby SD Godzilla-thingy for a mascot. "I'm standing in a puddle of your drool here!"
              "Hysteria spent some time with the kawaii Idol Defense Force Hummingbird-chans and learned how to work these while singing kawaii little songs! Of course Carnage-poppa taught Hysteria every kawaii little thing she had to know about these kawaii mecha-chans!"
              Hotaru uneasily searched for words to describe the sight of the St. Tallgeese. "It's so...so...kawaii."
              "I don't exactly think there is any other way to describe it," Michiru agreed.
Carnage: [sobbing!] "Oh, the humanity! The humanity!"
Havoc: "Hey, this mecha's got pink panties on! Must have them!"
Miyu: [summoning a fireball in her palm] "Don't worry, Carnage-chan; I've got the pervert this time."
Mayhem: "That's the third biggest pair of stolen panties I've ever seen."
Pesti: "Dare I tempt fate and ask what the biggest pairs were?"
Mayhem: "Well, the ones your EVA Hell Custom was wearing in the Christmasfic only came second to the ones worn by the Mega-Rei Ayanami in End of Evangelion."
Pesti: o.O "Aiya."
Chaos: [flipping through the Victoria Senshi.] "Aw, no more pictures of Mako-chan in skimpy...(o.O) Hotaru in lace?!"
Haruka & Michiru: "What?"
Chaos: [immediately flinging the catalogue off the balcony & acting nonchalant.] "Nothing!"
Havoc: [leaping after his precious catalogue!] "KYAAA!! Don't worry, my pages of precious panties! I shall save thee!!"
              Hysteria clapped her hands, as she sat back down in the pilot's chair of the mecha. "Wah! It's just so kawaii, ne, Carnage-poppa? Ne? Ne?"
              Carnage slowly turned his head and looked down at Hysteria, his eyebrow having developed a VERY nasty twitch. "You...are not my child," he growled in a low tone.
              "I don't know about that," Chaos countered. "After all, *you* are the mecha freak, and she does seem to have a thing for large robots--no matter how kawaii they are."
              Carnage smiled as he turned to Chaos. And with that he cheerfully shouted, "MEGA BRAND!!!"
              Moments later Chaos was sent through the balcony door and back into the kawaii hotel room of doom. "KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! TASUKETE!!"
              However Chaos' impending impact with a wall was nicely cushioned by an AT Field. Everyone turned around as Anarchy and Tasuki, still pretty bombed from whatever karaoke bar they had quite nicely destroyed, stumble in through the front door.
              Tasuki's eyes bugged out. "Na ni? Who the hell decorated this place? Iris Chateau-Briande?"
              A frantic SD Chaos immediately started racing aimlessly around the room in a panic fit. "KYAAA!!!! Not the freaky psychic girl and her teddy bear! Anything but the teddy bear!!!"
              Haruka stepped back into the room and nicely clothes-lined Chaos. "Baka," she muttered.
              The group filtered back into the hotel room, Hysteria bounding out from the cockpit of her St. Tallgeese and joining them.
              Anarchy raised an eyebrow as she caught sight of Hysteria playing with Catastrophe. "Who's the reject from the Pretty Sammy fanclub?"
              "Ano...." the fanboys chorused uneasily.
              "We're not really sure," Makoto sighed. "Apparently she's claiming to be one of our daughters from the future."
              "She's not exactly been helpful in clarifying just who is the father and mother, though," Ami added.
              Anarchy laughed as she turned to the fanboys. "You know, if I wasn't so damned drunk right now, I'd smite all of your asses for even possessing the chance of having kids!"
              The fanboys were plagued by ensuing sweatdrops. "A-Arigato," they muttered.
              "Komban wa, Anarchy-momma, Tasuki-poppa!" Hysteria exclaimed, waving to the two.
              Anarchy waved back, and then the words finally sank into her rather tanked mind. She considered this for a moment before shrugging it off. "Whatever. Tasuki, I think there's still a karaoke bar in this town we haven't nuked yet!"
              "Onwards!" Tasuki exclaimed, the two marching out.
              Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched. "What the hell?"
              "An-chaaaaaan!!" a teary Bambi-eyed Carnage sniffled.
              "I can only pray she's not mine," Mayhem muttered as he massaged his temples.
              Chaos looked at Hysteria's desk and then pulled out a stack of papers. "Not quite. It appears that she does actually have a brain," he said, showing sheets full of advanced astrophysics equations with most kawaii li'l diagrams you'd ever seen. "She just chooses not to use it most of the time. According to this she designed and constructed the St. Tallgeese herself."
              Mayhem visibly paled, an enormous sweatdrop appearing next to his head.
              "Much like you have no brain either," Carnage retorted smugly.
              "Did I teach her how to dress up a Gundam like a plushie doll?!" Chaos shot back.
              "Well who taught her how to conceive the idiotic fic it was based on?!" Carnage growled, the two irate SD fanboys butting heads and trying to outglare each other. Chaos lost when Carnage dropped a DragonSlayer Guymelef on him.
              "Oooh!" Hysteria said. "Chaos-momma got crushed again! Isn't it just so kawaii, Carnage-poppa, ne? Ne? Ne?"
"Well, I don't mean to brag," Carnage replied. "But it was rather a thing of art, wasn't--CARNAGE-POPPA?!"
              "Can I be your momma, then?" Miyu and Rei asked lovingly, each one seizing an arm for herself and trying to yank Carnage into her lap.
              Mayhem shook his head. "Hoboy. Ne, what if for some reason she's Haruka and Michiru's kid?"
              The entire room went silent, the only thing moving being the kana for the wind's "whooooo!!" sound effect scrolling by--until it was half-devoured by Catastrophe. However the li'l baby SD Godzilla-thingy couldn't fully get the kana down her mouth and wound up coughing the "oooo!!" part right into the side of Chaos' head.
              "Itaaiiii!!" Chaos groaned as he found himself buried in kana. "Don't you have a mascot to eat?!"
              Pesti-chan gave Mayhem a curious expression. "Um, Mayhem, are you sure about that? I mean, really sure?"
Chaos: "Ever read Beans' One Wish fanfic? In that one she actually gives Haruka and Michiru the chance to have a child by making Haruka a guy for one night."
Pesti: o.O
Naoko: [smiting Chaos with a 1000t mallet!] "HOW DARE YOU PROPOSE THAT SHE IS THE DAUGHTER OF *MY* BELOVED HARUKA AND MICHIRU!!!"
Chaos: [frightened SD mode!] "KYAAAA!!! What are you aiming at me for, Naoko-sama?! Beans wrote it, not me! Not me!"
Naoko: [trying to pound Chaos into the next room!] "That's beside the point!!"
Hysteria: "Hai, Naoko-momma! Chaos-poppa looks just soooo kawaii when he's smited, ne? Ne? Ne?"
              Haruka sighed. "This was supposed to be a relaxing vacation for us and Hime-chan," she lamented. Haruka glanced over to where Michiru should have been standing. "Na ni? Michiru? Ne, Michiru?"
              Hotaru looked back at Haruka. "Haruka-poppa, where did Michiru-momma go?"
              Haruka's eyes narrowed as she knelt down and picked up a peach from the floor. "I don't know," she answered darkly, taking another look around the penthouse. Her eyes levelled with Havoc. "Hey, Havoc, I don't suppose you would know anything about this?"
              Havoc paused from his parading around the room with Naria and Eriya's panties (luck had not been on their side in *that* encounter). "Hm? You say something about Michiru-chan's panties?"
              Rei glanced back at them. "What's wrong?" "Ne, where's Michiru-san?" Ami added.
              Hysteria turned and immediately launched into an uberkawaii SD fit as she raced around the room. "Waaaah! Michiru-momma Michiru-momma Michiru-momma!!! Michiru-momma's gone! Tasuketeeee!!!"
              "That is so Chaos," Pesti-chan observed.
              Chaos' kitty ears immediately appeared as his one eyebrow twitched. "Shut up about that."
              Hysteria abruptly stopped, smacking a fist against her palm. Hysteria: "Aiya!!"
              Ami: "What is it?"
Hysteria: ^-^ "Now Hysteria's hungry from all that kawaii super deforming!"
              [Cue the facevaults!]
              "Just like Usagi," Rei said, shaking her head. "Maybe she and Mamoru had another child after Chibiusa after all."
              Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched at that. "Aiya. If this what their second child is like, I'm praying they don't decide to have a third one."
              "If Setsuna-momma were here she could help," Hotaru spoke up. "Ne, where is Setsuna-momma?"
              "Gone!" Havoc lamented. "Gone just like Michiru-chan, and neither one of them left me a pair of panties to remember them by! Oh wait...here they are! Hotcha! Silken treasures!"
              "Hentai!" Haruka exclaimed, punting Havoc through the ceiling.
              "Call me Hentenno-sama!!" came Havoc's disembodied reply.
              "Bai-bai, Havoc-poppa!" Hysteria called after Havoc. "Have fun raiding kawaii little panties from kawaii little Anime babes...like these ones!"
Hysteria pulled out a set of boxer shorts with the Clamp Campus' white bon-bon thingy on them. "Hotcha! Hysteria's got Suoh-chan's boxers! Hysteria's got Suoh-chan's boxers!"
              Carnage pulled out his Deathscythe Hell Custom and desperately tried to crush her with it. However Kodachi suddenly leaped onto the scene and managed to snag him with her ribbon and drag him off again. The Gundam went flying astray, disappearing into the night skies.
              "I don't believe this," Naoko groaned. She turned to Mayhem. "Look, I've had just about as much of her as I can take. I'll be back for the end of F8!, so this problem had better be solved by the time I return, ne?"
              And to emphasize her point she pulled out her oversized smiting hammers. "Kowai!" the fanboys whispered.
              "Kawaii!" Hysteria piped up. "WERE WE ASKING YOU?!" Carnage snapped.
              "Waaaaaah!" Hysteria sobbed, the waterworks spraying all over the room. "Everyone's so mean to poor kawaii little Hysteria!!"
*             *              *

Elsewhere, or else somewhere which in turn could have been anywhere and even nowhere since nowhere is technically somewhere which is naturally anywhere, we find the lost fanboy asking himself just *where* the hell he was now!
              Desolation groaned as he managed to set his li'l bandaged body down upon a log in the middle of the Mononoke Hime's forest. "Shimatta, how can a rolling Gentle Uterus charter a helicopter to chase after me anyways? Either way, all that meandering's now made me hungry. I could have some uudon...if only I knew where to find the broth...and the noodles...and the vegetables."
              Desolation pulled out his pan-dimensional fridge from his backpack and opened up the door. Suddenly an irate freshwater penguin leaped out and made a lot of incoherent squawkings at him.
              "Well same to you, PenPen!" Desolation exclaimed. "You know, I didn't see you in the End of Evangelion movie when Seele dropped that N-2 mine on the Geofront! I was there, I'll have you know, and it hurt! A lot! And now I've lost my fridge!"
              He paused upon realizing he was now seated in the fridge along with the fruits and vegetables on the bottom shelf. And with that the lost fanboy turned and shouted at those bizarre rock-like creatures to stop their incessant chattering.
              "Maybe I can figure out by consulting this map," Desolation sighed, pulling out a set of papers. A sweatdrop ensued. "Na ni? Green Legend Ranma? This is a Chaosfic, not a map!"
              Abruptly an ominous shadow descended upon him. Desolation's eyes bugged out as the silhouette of a Deathscythe Hell Custom Gundam crashed right on top of him.
Desolation: "What the...(o.O) KYAAAAAAAA!!!"
Deathscythe Hell Custom: *CRUNCH!!!!*

*             *              *

Page 3
Back to Fanfics