[Cue the Fanboys all lined up at a set of urinals!]
"So...any ideas where the Senshi are disappearing to yet?" Carnage asked.
Mayhem shrugged. "We'll figure it out eventually. At least we've managed to escape Hysteria and her kawaii frilly aprons for the time being."
"Hai ha," Pesti-chan agreed.
Just then Chaos started to whistle the tune to Moonlight Densetsu. One by one, Mayhem, Havoc, Carnage and Pesti-chan all started to join in whistling the tune. By the time the song was nearing its end, all four of then were totally hyped and started belting out the lyrics.
Fanboys: [with finesse!] "Shinjite iru no? Miracle romance!"
Senshi: o.O [sweatdrops!] "......"Minako: "Then again, maybe not."
Anyhoo, returning to the plot in hand, which is indeed better than two in the bush because that would mean our plot was lost like Desolation and we'd be stuck just ranting and raving about nothing in particular--
Pesti: "Much like how the author is ranting right now?"
Mayhem: "When has the author ever *not* ranted?"
--the fanboys returned to the hotel room...to find it completely deserted. Where Makoto, Rei and Miyu had been sitting last, there were three perfect peaches.
"Shimatta!" Pesti-chan exclaimed. "They got Mako-chan too!"
"Mako-chan...!!!" a teary Bambi-eyed Chaos sniffled. "Damn you! Take me, I'm a girl too half the time!!"
"Hotcha!" Havoc added, dropping in from above and sending Chaos' head into the floor. "Then they'd have to take me too, back to the all-Anime babe panty safari where I'd be lost in a sea of nekkid flashes!"
"Too bad he couldn't drown in that," Carnage muttered darkly.
"Hai hai," Pesti-chan agreed.
Chaos managed to pull his head out from the ground. "Itaaiii! You pervert, don't you have anything better to do right now than steal panties?!"
"No, not really," Havoc replied nonchalantly. "Jello?"
Chaos facevaulted and put another hole in the floor.
Mayhem rolled his eyes. "Havoc, if you please, the Anime babes here in the hotel have gone missing...and just what are my Ami-chan's panties doing on your head?"
"Hotcha!" Havoc said. "I just thought of a new beverage to feature at Planet Hentai. Care to guess?"
Chaos, Pesti-chan and Carnage all exchanged uneasy glances. "No," they chorused.
Havoc grinned. "Very good! You got it! Havoc's Own Cream Ale. Rich and creamy, with a good head. Goes down smooth, next to no calories, and a superior taste, guaranteed to knock your panties off! Traditionally served with a lemon twist, and a--!!"
Chaos turned to Carnage as his eyebrow developed a nasty twitch.
Chaos: "Carnage, hand me your Zanba sword." Carnage: "Okay."
Chaos: "ITAI!! Handle first, you moron!"
Carnage: "You say that like it was accidental."
"This isn't getting us any closer to the solution," Pesti-chan cut in as SD versions of Carnage and Chaos got into yet another scuffle and were enveloped in a cloud of smoke. "Whoever's doing this is fast and quiet. Like ninjas."
"Who could we have pissed off in the ninja clan?" Carnage asked as he emerged from the cloud, leaving Chaos to put himself in a headlock and then pass out.
The fanboys all turned to Havoc, who was sighing as she wore a set of panties on her head. Needless to say, sweatdrops ensued.
"With Havoc around, the list suddenly grows to include 'Everyone'," Pesti-chan stated.
Carnage massaged his temples. "I feel a headache coming on again. Okay, so our mysterious thieves have so far kidnapped all the Inner Senshi, two of the Outer Senshi, and grabbed Miyu too. Well, at least they grabbed Hysteria."
"Hai, Carnage-poppa!" Hysteria piped up, popping up right behind Carnage.
"KYAAAA!!! Warn me when you're gonna do that!!" Carnage exclaimed, his li'l bug-eyed SD form leaping into Pesti-chan's arms. Pesti-chan unceremoniously dropped Carnage onto to floor moments later.
"Yare yare," Mayhem remarked. "Looks like the cute little bundle of a baka's got Havoc's stealth and agility too."
"I do not want to test whether or not she Cream Lemons," Pesti-chan spoke up.
"Hysteria, didn't you see what happened here?!" Chaos exclaimed. "Someone took my Mako-chan!"
"*YOUR* Mako-chan?!" Pesti-chan shot back.
Hysteria's smile faded as she gave the most kawaii li'l thinking expression. "Ano...Hysteria can't remember! She went into the kawaii little kitchen to make more kawaii little cookie-chans for Miyu-momma, Rei-momma and Makoto-momma, and when she came out they were all gone!"
Abruptly she began to go into a ultra-kawaii whining fit, geysers of tears gushing out across the hotel room. "Waaaaaah!! Hysteria had no kawaii little friends to have a kawaii little tea party with! Everybody's so mean to poor kawaii little Hysteria!"
"And yet she's never stopped to ask herself why," Chaos remarked aside to Carnage.
"So Hysteria was the exception," Pesti-chan said.
Carnage was not exactly impressed. "Gee, I wonder why?"
"But this still doesn't answer who stole the Senshi!" a frantic SD Chaos ranted. "And--and she's got my arm! KYAAAAA!!!"
"chu chu!" Catastrophe-chan chirped playfully.
"In fact," Mayhem said. "There's only two Senshi we know are unaccounted for: Haruka, and--"
"Hotaru!" Chaos shrieked. "Oh no, Haruka'll kill me if anything happens to her! Damn you, Catastrophe-chan, get offa me! You're just as bad as Rampage!"
And with that, Chaos made a valiant and dramatic exit as he flung himself through the doorway. Pesti-chan sighed. "Ano...the door was closed, Chaos."
"H-Hai...." groaned the voice of Chaos as the now two-dimensional fanboy toppled over backwards.
Hotaru stared down at the floor, swinging her legs as they dangled over the foot of Haruka and Michiru's bed. Haruka could tell by the way that she was fidgeting, something was on the child's mind.
"Ne, Hime-chan," Haruka said.
Hotaru lifted her head, deep violet eyes looking at Haruka. "Why don't you think Chaos-chan makes a suitable boyfriend for me?"
Haruka took a deep breath. "Don't you want to know where Michiru went to?"
"Hai," Hotaru answered. "But even still, that girl who showed up tonight, do you really think she's Chaos-chan and Makoto's...?"
Her voice trailed off, and Haruka could sense the reluctance on Hotaru's part to even vocalize the possibility of being rejected by Chaos. Haruka made a mental note to herself to hurt Chaos for letting such a thing happen to her little princess.
"You mean, their daughter?" she inquired. She snorted a laugh. "I doubt it. Not even Chaos is that much of an idiot as Hysteria. Daijobu, Hime-chan, you'll find your partner one day."
Hotaru's eyes narrowed. "You'd just as soon that it wasn't Chaos-chan, though."
Haruka gave an exasperated sigh. "It's just that, out of all the guys in Tokyo, why him, Hotaru-chan? Half the time he's a girl, and when he's a guy he still wears women's clothing. He writes bad fics, overreacts at everything, his attacks leave a lot to be desired, he gropes Makoto...not that I wouldn't mind doing that every now and again--"
"Haruka-poppa!" Hotaru exclaimed.
That got a wicked grin from her guardian. "I know, I know." Michiru-momma would certainly have had a few choice words for her had she been around to hear it. Haruka scowled; just where were all the Senshi vanishing to anyways?
Abruptly something shifted in the room.
Haruka spun around, only to see a circular shadow race towards her along the ground. Before she could even think about pulling out her henshin, the shadow was right beneath her. Haruka's footing was lost and she plunged downwards into the darkness.
"Haruka-momma!" Hotaru screamed, flinging herself off the bed and desperately reaching out to Haruka. Haruka was being pulled into the shadow!
"Hotaru-chan," Haruka gasped, struggling to keep her head above the shadow as she was pulled in deeper. Something on the other side had her legs; she could feel it working to bring her through.
Suddenly their hotel room door was blown apart to reveal Carnage standing there, his fist smoking from a minor Slayers spell. "Shit!" he exclaimed. "It's got Haruka!"
The other fanboys raced inside as Haruka's head disappeared into the darkness, her hands blindly fumbling around for Hotaru.
"What the hell's going on?!" Chaos exclaimed.
"Carnage, hit the shadow!" Mayhem said. "The shadow!"
Carnage nodded as he cracked his knuckles and then drove his fist into the ground. "Gotcha! MEGA BRAND!!!"
A few short and rather fiery moments later found the hotel now requiring the maids to clean up one more penthouse suite. A trio of scorched and very unimpressed fanboys slowly turned to Carnage.
"He said for you to hit the shadow not explode it, you moron," came Chaos' muffled voice as his legs dangled leisurely from a hole in the wall.
Pesti-chan coughed out a cloud of smoke. "So much for that idea. Now Haruka's gone, along with the shadow and most of the ceiling."
"Well, at least now we have a sunroof," Carnage remarked. "My aren't the stars bright tonight!"
"Ooooh!" Hysteria said cheerfully as she skipped into the room. "Chaos-poppa, Pesti-poppa and Mayhem-poppa all look soooo kawaii as scorched little fanboy-chans, ne? Ne? Ne?"
"If I strangle her now while she's in the past, would it be considered infanticide?" Carnage inquired darkly.
Chaos shook his hair free from the ash--only to have a falling chair send his head right in between Hotaru's splayed legs.
"C-Chaos-chan?" Hotaru asked, blinking in surprise.
Chaos groaned as he pushed the chair off and lifted his head. His eyes bugged out upon seeing just how close he was to Hotaru's thighs. "Oh no."
"CHAOS...!!!" the fiery demonic aura of Carnage snarled.
His subsequent smite was abruptly cut off as Pesti-chan elbowed Carnage in the stomach. "Cut it out, mecha-boy. We've got more important things to worry about."
"Where's Haruka-poppa?" Hotaru asked quietly as Chaos helped her to her feet.
Chaos shrugged. "Someplace where she can't smite me. Unfortunately she'll definitely hurt me later for being stuck there."
"Everyone always smites you," Carnage said.
"Hai!" Hysteria piped up, clapping her hands. "Chaos-poppa is such a kawaii little smite magnet-chan, just like Desolation-poppa!" She peered down curiously at the floor as all four fanboys facevaulted. "Hm? Was it something kawaii Hysteria said?"
"Maybe we should just vote she's Desolation's daughter," Carnage opted. "I mean, we won't tell him, and what are the odds of Desolation *ever* meeting her, let alone us?"
Mayhem had knelt down by the place where Haruka had been sucked into the shadow. "Hmmm...the floor's solid," he stated, running his fingers along the carpet. "I'm racking my brains for any Anime-related event that parallels this, but I'm drawing a blank."
Pesti-chan suddenly brightened up with revelation. "Togenkyo Island!" he exclaimed. "Ranma 1/2, Movie 2: Nihao My Concubine featured that Prince Toma taking all the cute girls and leaving peaches behind."
"And Chaos here did punt Havoc right onto the island in Part One of this fic," Mayhem agreed.
Hysteria sighed dreamily, li'l hearts appearing in her eyes. "Ooooh! Prince Toma-chan is soooo kawaii! Just thinking about how kawaii he is makes Hysteria all--!"
Seconds later Hysteria spontaneously combusted.
Chaos and Pesti blinked in surprise as they were turned into large charred SD otaku with wide eyes. "Ano...."
"Aw, dammit!" Carnage exclaimed, brushing soot off his BAD T-shirt. "And I just dry-cleaned this too!"
Hotaru turned to Mayhem. "She has a faulty dating chromosome like Mayhem?" Her face brightened as she threw herself into Chaos' arms. "Chaos-chan, that means she's not your daughter after all! She's Mayhem's child!"
Chaos waved a hand in front of Mayhem's face. "Sugoi! Hey, Pesti-chan, check out that throbbing vein in his forehead!" Mayhem's eyes suddenly bugged out, the fanboy turning into a stone gargoyle that cracked apart moments later.
"So now we know the source," Pesti-chan said, sweeping the pieces of Mayhem into a dustpan. "Where does that leave us?"
An evil smile grew on Carnage's face. "We get to blow shit up now. I'll fetch my F-91 Gundam."
Suddenly a loud scream echoed from the other side of the room. "Chaos-chan!" Hotaru cried out as another black shadow appeared beneath her. She began to sink into the darkness.
"Hotaru-sama!" Carnage said, raising a fist. "GAAV--!!"
"You want to kill her?!" Pesti-chan snapped, catching Carnage's wrist. "You can get away using that on one of us, but not on a Senshi!"
"Wah!" Hysteria whined, jumping up and down. "Hotaru-momma's being attacked! Do something!!"
"WHADDAYA THINK WE'RE HERE FOR, YOU TWIT?!" the oversized balloon head of Carnage snapped.
Chaos' eyes widened as Hotaru sank up to her chest in the shadow. "Shimatta!" He glanced down at his feet and then lifted a leg in Mayhem's direction. "Grab the ends and hold on!"
Mayhem and Pesti-chan sweatdropped as they stared down at the pantyhose on Chaos' legs. "Ano...."
"Just do it!" Chaos snapped, lunging for Hotaru as she sank deeper into the shadow. As if sensing the flying crossdresser approaching the shadow engulfed Hotaru entirely, Chaos managing to grab hold of her hand just as she was pulled down.
"I got her!" he said, crashing onto the floor next to the shadow.
And then with a loud yelp Chaos was sucked into the darkness along with Hotaru. "I don't got her! KYAAAAA!!!!"
Mayhem, Pesti-chan and Carnage all reverted into SD bug-eyed versions of themselves as they watched the pantyhose stretch and act like a fishing line as it was sucked into the shadow. Unfortunately in becoming half their usual size, their weight was reduced and suddenly the trio were yanked towards the hole after Chaos. They collided with the bed, Pesti-chan reverting to his normal size and managing to get a foothold on the frame. With the leverage Mayhem and Carnage were able to return to their usual size and keep their hold on the pantyhose.
"ITAAIII!!!" came Chaos' voice down below. "Watch what you're doing up there!!"
"Gomen!" Pesti-chan called out.
"Chaos-chan!" Hotaru's voice called out. "I'm slipping!"
The fanboys exchanged uneasy glances. "Uh-oh."
Abruptly there was slack on the pantyhose, the three otaku toppling off the bed as the pantyhose started recoiling out from the shadow.
"It's acting like a bungee cord," Carnage said.
And with that Chaos suddenly popped out from the shadow, flying right into where the ceiling should have been. However since Carnage had Mega Branded it, Chaos instead went out to the big blue yonder and crashed into the adjacent hotel suite.
Lum: [shriek!] "Kyaaa! You're not my darling Ataru, you pervert!"
Chaos: o.O "No, I can explain, really I can! Incidentally have you seen where my pantyhose went to?"
Lum: [priming her static electricity!] "Shin'ne!"Chaos: [ZAP!] "KYAAAAAAA!!!!"
The fanboys managed to pull Chaos out from Lum's hotel room and dust him off. "Aiya," Pesti-chan remarked as he poked the twitching fanboy. "He must have had a few thousand volts flow through him. His eyes are lit up like headlights."
"Waaah!" Hysteria said. "Chaos-momma got a run in his kawaii little pantyhose-chans!"
Mayhem shook his head. "Hotaru was the last regular Anime babe in the fic. Now they've all been kidnapped."
"You have to wonder if it's Naoko Takeuchi trying to yank out her creations from the fics before we warp them permanently," Carnage remarked.
"Oh, I think we didn't just cross that line but fling ourselves over it by the second fanfic," Pesti-chan countered. "Havoc probably accelerated the insanity and nekkid flashes times ten with his first appearance alone."
"Well I tried my best," Chaos sighed, trying to comb his Dragonball-ish hair out. "So that's how Goku gets his bangs to look like this!"
"Way to go, Chaos," Carnage said darkly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Thanks to you Togenkyo Island's declared war on us and stolen all our babes."
"Gatchabagoose!" Havoc exclaimed, popping up behind Pesti-chan. "We can use those enormous crystal balls that I grabbed from Fairy Princess Ren to get there! Strangest place I've ever been to, I must say. And to top it off there was no one wearing panties!"
Carnage: [aside to Mayhem] "Ano...don't you have to be nekkid in order to travel in those oversized crystals?"
Mayhem: [nod!] "Care to let your Tenchi Masaki syndrome do the talking when we arrive at Togenkyo's Anime babe convention, Carnage?"
Pesti: "No, I will not call you Chaos, god of Thunder!"
Chaos: [priming his static electricity] "Prepare to die, mortal."
"Besides," Pesti-chan said after burying Chaos in a pile of cabbages. "Togenkyo is a floating island. There's no guarantee we'd find it in time for the end of the fic."
"Unless...." Mayhem pondered aloud. "What?" Carnage asked.
"Look at what's being taken: girls, the majority of them happening to be Sailor Senshi. All regulars in the series, all with close ties to at least one of us. In short, potential girlfriends or brides."
"So?" Chaos pressed.
"So we lure Togenkyo Island to us by using live female bait," Mayhem said. "If it's nubile young ladies they want then it's nubile young ladies we'll give them."
"Yeah but Havoc'll never stay tied down!" Chaos countered. "Not even if you tie the knots in a kinky fashion, and...and why are you all looking at me like that?"
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