"Well that certainly explains a few things," Carnage said, having managed to escape Rei's clutches. However, he still had to contend with Miyu happily clinging to his shirt and nuzzling his chest. "Larva, can't you do something about this?" he exclaimed.
Demolition could only shake his head at the girl-type uberperv. "You really are a piece of work."
Havoc-chan: "Hai! I put the Doji back into dojinshi!"
Carnage: [grrr!] "And I'm about to put you back into orbit!"
Havoc-chan: [???] "There's no 'U' in orbit."
Carnage & Demolition: "MEGA BRAND!!"
Pesti-chan, Dark Mayhem, Ami and Makoto all leaned back as the ensuing explosion catapulted Havoc-chan across the city.
Suddenly from the skies above, Desolation came crashing down amidst the wreckage of a ridiculous-looking hanglider made to look like a phoenix.
"I thought that hanglider belonged to Go," Dark Mayhem said.
"I bought it second-hand," Desolation groaned from amidst the debris. "He said it was used only once."
Pesti-chan nodded. "Hai...and it fell apart that first time!"
A concerned Ami knelt down and helped Desolation up. "What happened?"
Desoltion: ;_; "I got caught in Havoc-chan's jetcream."
Fairy Godbabbit: ^-^ [with a parachute] "At least you didn't get sucked into the jet engine of a Valkyrie this time."
"I can't believe this," Makoto said, shaking her head at the others. "School hasn't even started yet, and already you guys are causing trouble."
"It could be worse," Pesti-chan offered. "At least Chaos hasn't publicly groped you yet. Come to think of it, where is the super-deformed moron?"
Dark Mayhem found his sunglasses and put them back over his eyes. "Where else? Unless Rampage or Catastrophe are chewing on his limbs, he always sleeps in."
"Oh, you don't have to worry about Chaos sleeping in," Carnage said with an evil grin. "Before we left the apartment, I stuffed him into the Samurai Pizza Cats delivery cannon and set the timer. He should be arriving right about--"
"Ohayo!" Minako called out cheerfully as she skipped past the front gate. "I'm here! What did I miss?"
Suddenly a startled Chaos plunged from the skies, landing right in front of Minako. She gawked at the stunned & twitching pile of fanboy, blankets and negligee on the ground.
"--now," Carnage finished.
Chaos: @.@ [twitch twitch!] "J-Jo'o-samaaaaaa...."
"I guess I haven't missed that much," Minako said, stepping around Chaos. "Is Nagumo here yet?"
Demolition thumbed over his shoulder towards the gymnasium. "Last we saw, Miss Hinako had chased his male version into there."
Moments later there was a tremendous explosion that blew a hole through the roof of the gym, followed immediately by a geyser of Cream Lemon. And just as the weather report girl had predicted, it began raining panties.
SD Frank Sinatra: [singing] "Every time it rains, it rains...panties from heaven!"
Chaos: --;; "That's it! I'm going back to bed."
"Now Na-chan will be all over the other girls, and I'll have to run all day just to keep up with him," Minako pouted. "Oh well; the dead bird always gets eaten by the worm!"
The other fanboys facevaulted.
"I could have sworn it was 'The early bird catches the worm'," Demolition mused.
Carnage shook his head. "Be thankful it wasn't a perverted Minakoism, given how much time she spends chasing after Havoc."
Pesti-chan appraised the assembled group. None of the fangirls were going to show up for school. Anarchy had gone off to get pissed with the Bakuretsu gang (and sing bad karaoke with Big Momma) at some party for the blossoming of the Tree of Love. Upon learning that there would be no yummy bishounen at Juyban, Sarcasm opted to sleep in. And Hysteria was busy terrorizing some hapless elementary school boys with her uberkawaii Shouta complex and frilly aprons.
"That means the only one unaccounted for is Usagi," Pesti-chan said.
"Oh, she's late as usual," Makoto sighed.
Dark Mayhem turned to Carnage. "I doubt Naoko would let us fire Usagi out of the pizza cannon too."
By now, Chaos had managed to peel himself off the ground. He was still struggling with his pan-dimensional uniform and had yet to realize he was in the pleated skirt while still being male. "Stupid zippers," he muttered. "Why can't they just go with buttons?"
"Speaking of women on the rampage," Dark Mayhem said. "Why hasn't Carnage been carried off by the ladies yet?"
Surprised himself, Carnage looked around. "I haven't the slightest idea. Did my character profile just get revised?"
But the next shock came when a young lady strolled past Demolition. "Say, you're really cute," she said, batting her eyes demurely. She let her fingers trail down Demolition's arm before skipping off and giggling.
"She...she noticed me," Demolition managed to stammer out.
Pesti-chan turned to Chaos. "Just how is that possible?" A sweatdrop appeared next to his head. "Dammit, Chaos, if you're going to cross-dress, then at least become a girl!"
Chaos sighed and shook his head at the fellow overlord of mass destruction. "Pesti-chan, how little you understand the women in Anime," he said gesturing to the school. "Anime babes find cross-dressing guys very adorable!"
"Chaos, recheck your grip," Dark Mayhem said.
Chaos: o.O [grope grope!] "......"
Makoto: [very unpleasant] "Get your hands off my breasts, Duo."
Needless to say, the next few seconds of Chaos' life were rather painful. "I'll turn into a girl," the battered fanboy warbled as Makoto huffed off.
"Interesting," Ami said, first examining Carnage and then Demolition. "When standing side by side, the Tenchi Masaki syndrome and the invisible boyfriend syndrome nullify each other. That means that Akito doesn't have girls chasing after him on sight--"
"--and that means women will actually notice me!" Demolition
proclaimed, striking a pose as an inspirational tidal wave crashed into the surf behind him...and soaked Dark Mayhem with cold water yet again.
Newt Schneider: --;; [with sign] *At this rate, somebody's going to get their sorry ass Megadethed*
Demolition abruptly scowled as he tugged at the edges of his uniform's generic black jacket. No one had yet to protest about him carrying his sheathed Sword of Light to school. Of course, most people tend to enjoy living too.
"This jacket is too constricting," he lamented. "If I'm contained like this, how can I awe all these high school girls with my...manly abs!!"
And with that, Demolition tore open his jacket, revealing his rippling muscles. He started to flex and pose, not noticing the other fanboys slowly shuffle away from him. Unfortunately, the greater distance between Carnage and Demolition caused the Tenchi Masaki syndrome to kick in again.
Carnage's eyes bugged out as every last female in the courtyard suddenly stood at attention and turned their heads in his direction.
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "I just had this outfit drycleaned too."
Miyu: ^^ [nuzzling his chest]
Carnage: --;; "And could you please get your hands out of my shorts? You're not helping me here, Miyu."
The first order of business was the obligatory student assembly in the auditorium. Everyone had to stand in rows according to their classes as they awaited the arrival of their new principal.
"Who do you think is the principal this year?" Pesti-chan asked.
Chaos, still dressed up in a girl's uniform, could only shudder. "Knowing our luck and our author it'll be that Hawaiian sado-nut, principle Kuno."
"Well, last year's principal quit after Carnage leveled the previous auditorium," Dark Mayhem remarked. "I don't think many others would want us after the precedent we set."
Carnage rolled his eyes. "How many times do I have to spell it out," he protested. "That Satellite Strike was Cynthia's fault, not mine."
As it turned out, the entire gang of fanboys and Senshi were all in one classroom. Veterans and survivors from the previous year already had bets going as to how long their teacher--not to mention the classroom--would last.
Dark Mayhem put all his money down on a Dil Brand within 5 minutes.
Usagi, still panting for breath after having barely made it in time for the assembly, looked around the stage area. "I just hope we don't have someone who punishes repeatedly late students," she lamented.
Ami and Makoto sighed, reflecting that if Usagi actually paid attention to that wonderful device known as an alarm clock, this wouldn't be a problem. Minako wasn't even paying attention to the assembly; she was still trying to figure out where Havoc had last bounded off to.
A hush ran through the crowd, and everyone looked up to see their new principle. Out came a very small and very grey-haired old woman with enormous Bambi-eyes. "Arararara," she said in a delicate voice. "What a lively group of students we have this year."
"It's the little old grandma from Red Riding Hood ChaCha," Pesti-chan managed to stammer out.
"You'd think the school board actually wants us to level this place," Chaos said, adjusting his skirt.
Demolition pulled out a few demon wards. "Really?"
"Not literally," Ami countered, forcing Demolition to lower the wards. "Let's try to leave the school intact for one day."
"...and I'm sure we're all going to have a wonderful year together," the Bambi-eyed granny principal continued. "There are many things to challenge your growing minds, and this year we have assembled the best people who can lead you into a bright future."
Everyone slowly turned to Carnage.
Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "What?"
Dark Mayhem: "I can only hope her idea of a bright future doesn't involve the glow from a raging Dragu Slave."
"And so," the Bambi-eyed granny principle said, stepping back. "Here are the student council members for this year. Presenting President Riot and Vice President Ruckus."
Out from the wings walked Riot, who hadn't even bothered to changeinto a high school uniform. Instead he stayed in his martial arts outfit. Chaos and Pesti-chan got into an argument over whether this was due to Student Council privileges, or just that Ranma thing spilling over into their fic.
Ami leaned forward to get a better look at Riot. "Ne, haven't we seen him before? I'm almost certain I recognize that squint."
"He was on that bus with the Cream Lemon bomb," Dark Mayhem replied. "And he got shrunk along with the rest of us in the obligatory SD episode."
"Think he's a fanboy like us?" Pesti-chan asked.
Dark Mayhem shrugged. "Hard to say. And Chaos, would you cut it out with the lipstick already?"
"Well excuse me for enjoying my femininity," Chaos pouted.
Usagi scratched her head. "So we know the student council president. But where's the other one?"
The answer came moments later as Carnage proceeded to try and crush Ruckus with his Zanba sword. "Stop feeling me up, you perverted ninja!" he snapped, smashing the blade into the floor.
Numerous students leapt back as the ground shook from the impact. Ruckus, being the ninja that she was, adeptly vaulted aside and winked at Carnage. "I'll just have to get you later," she said, blowing him a kiss.
Carnage shuddered. "Damn Tenchi Masaki syndrome."
"Ano...you're standing right in front of Demolition," Pesti-chan said. "Technically your disorder should be nullified. Shouldn't it?"
"So then what the hell was Ruckus doing with her hands in my shirt?!" Carnage snapped.
Riot and Ruckus took their places at the microphone on stage. "Greetings!" Riot said to the students. "On behalf of the most honourable student's council, I welcome you to this year of anything-goes, martial arts academic-fu. We will be happy to take your most honourable suggestions about school affairs...if you manage to defeat me in
anything-goes, martial arts combat."
"And if you're a cute guy!" Ruckus piped up.
Riot gave his partner an annoyed look. "Ruckus, I'm trying to work on my anything-goes, martial arts speech-fu. Could you please stop drooling over bishounen?"
Demolition: [aside to Chaos] "Are you sure our council president didn't come from Furinkan High?"
Chaos: [looking up] "Hm? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening; I was busy adjusting my pumps."
Demolition: --;; "Baaaaaaka."
"So then," Riot concluded, prepared to awe the crowd with his closing remarks. "Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants."
Students: [sweatdrops!] "......"
Scrolling wind kana: *hwooooooooo*
Ruckus: ^^ "Can I be first?"
Riot: [agitated li'l samurai] "NO!"
Evidently Riot's Zen-fu was not something for newbie students to hear this early in the morning. Clearing his throat--and slicing apart the wind kana with his trust katana sword--Riot then gestured to someone offstage. "We are also aware of the recent student troubles Jyuban had last year. Because of this we've brought in a most honourable
disciplinarian. Allow me to introduce Truant Officer Pandemonium."
With a step and wobbita-wobbita-wobbita, Pandemonium walked onto the stage. All the male students in the assembly gawked at her ample cleavage and very revealing AD Police outfit. Half of the juniors passed out with nosebleeds. And most of the girls were just frozen in utter surprise.
Only the fanboys and their Senshi counterparts visibly reacted--and most of that was with groans.
"Okay, I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark, and say that the entire student body's going to be subjected to a strip search in the next few hours," Dark Mayhem said.
Ami looked up at Pandemonium's cleavage, and then down at her own. "I don't get it," she said. "How can they be that big and still defy gravity by standing straight out?"
"Steel-reinforced bra?" Minako ventured.
"It doesn't matter," Chaos stated, striking a dainty pose in his female uniform. "It's all about poise and cute innocence that matters."
He was immediately bopped on the head by the hilt end of Demolition's Sword of Light. "It's not cute and cuddly that the readers want," Demolition countered, flexing his biceps. "It's all about brute strength and toned pecs! Look at me!"
"Maybe I should just stomp on both of them with a Gundam," Carnage idly remarked to Dark Mayhem.
Pesti-chan just shook his head as he looked at the three Student Council members before them. "This is going to be the weirdest school year in the history of Anime."
The homeroom class for everyone proved to be more than a little rowdy. Not only were all the students anxious for their first class to begin, but the fire extinguishers had already been completely drained.
"This is all your fault, you realize," Pesti-chan stated, looking to Chaos as he hosed off the last of the flaming desks.
A kitty-eared SD Chaos shuffled his feet. "How was I supposed to know that we weren't supposed to pet Rayearth."
"Didn't the fact that it was a big flaming wolf give you a hint to not pet it?" Makoto asked.
"Not really," Chaos said. "I just thought it was a stray dog who had escaped from the Pet Shop of Horrors."
Demolition, who was reclining with his feet on his desk (not to mention the desk in front of him given his size), looked up at the ceiling. "And the fact that when you tried to return Rampage to that Pet Shop of Horrors last weekend, and you got attacked by those rabid bunny rabbits, didn't give you a hint to not pet it?"
"I just was being friendly!" Chaos exclaimed, launching into an SD hissy fit. "There's no harm in that."
However, there was certainly harm in Chaos once again fondling the breasts of the fair Mako-chan. Minako and Usagi, back from a bathroom break, strolled in to the classroom just in time to witness a terrified SD Chaos race into the hallway. Moments later a pack of irate SD Pesti-chan's chased after Chaos.
Ami sighed as she leaned against Dark Mayhem's shoulder. "I guess some love triangles will never truly end. Like with Akito, Rei-chan and that vampire. Ne, Akito?"
"Whaddaya mean officer Miyuki towed my Epyon Gundam, Chibi-Me?" Carnage abruptly exclaimed, shouting into his cellular phone. "Expired license plates?! Well try expiring this: BOMB DI WIND!!"
And that was how Carnage's hapless cell phone (not to mention the entire row of desks) met its unfortunate demise. By now most of the students were clinging to walls in shock or fear. Those who remained unfazed were obviously survivors from last year.
"It would appear Carnage is a little busy with his overkill," Dark Mayhem remarked dryly to Ami. "He'll get back to you once we bring in the decaff."
The two glanced back as the classroom door was suddenly slid open, and a very agitated teacher punted Pesti-chan and a now female Chaos inside. Everyone recoiled in surprise at the sight of a video girl in a leather dominatrix outfit. Yes indeed, straight from the Ai-chan Fashion Show, it's "Ai in Jyuban High!"
Dominatrix Ai-sensei: [cracking her whip!] "Work! Work!"
Chaos-chan: [frantic little otaku] "Hai!!"
With an indignant sniff, Ai returned to her own classroom.
"What the hell did you two do?" Demolition asked.
Chaos-chan, clad in his--er, her Sailor Haley fuku, glared at Pesti-chan. "I had transformed into Haley, and was about to win the brawl with my ultimate attack of love and justice--"
"I had you in three different headlocks," Pesti-chan retorted.
"--when Number Three went and stole Ai-sensei's underwear." Chaos-chan stuck out her tongue at Pesti-chan.
"You know, I'm the last one to usually say this," Minako remarked as she looked around the classroom. "But our teacher seems awfully late."
Usagi grinned and cheered. "Waaaaiii! We get a free period!"
But then, as the airborne debris began to settle, a strange clicking noise could be heard from the hallway. It gradually got louder, accompanied by the sound of something really big scurrying along the floor.
Demolition immediately pulled out his Sword of Light and unleashed the glowing blade. Dark Mayhem and Pesti-chan stepped in front of their respective girlfriends. Chaos-chan could only look from one fanboy to another in confusion.
Chaos-chan: [kitty ears popping up] "What? What's going on?"
A shadow loomed at the edge of the door.
Everyone held their breath.
And then an enormous guy in a suit suddenly appeared...clinging to the walls. The fanboys all facevaulted upon seeing the half-human, half-cockroach Ginpachi scuttle into the classroom. Ganpachi continued to crawl sideways along the wall until he reached his desk. Then he jumped down onto the floor and stared at the stunned group of students.
"My name," he stated in a loud, booming voice, placing his hands on his hips. "is Ganpachi, and I am here to clean up you sorry delinquents. No matter how bad you think you are, I'm worse. I'm stronger and smarter than all of your delinquent minds combined, and this classroom will no longer be a place of wasted futures. I will make it into a place for learning!"
Getting quite involved with his speech, Ganpachi leapt onto the teacher's desk. "I am the ultimate teacher!" he crooned. "MWAH HA HAH HAH HA HA--hm?"
Ganpachi paused, looking down to see Carnage just finish drawing a circle around the Ultimate Teacher. Carnage clapped his hands off. "You finished?"
Demolition: ^-^ "Good. DIL BRAND!!"
The students, having been given complimentary sunglasses and popcorn by the SD Pesti-chans, all chorused "Ooooh!" as they watched Ginpachi's form get catapulted across the hemisphere.
"Well," Dark Mayhem sighed. "I don't think we'll be seeing him for the rest of the semester." He turned to Pesti-chan with a grin. "That's thirty thousand yen I've earned too, thanks to the betting pool."
Pesti-chan rolled his eyes. "And here I put everything on a Gundam drop in ten minutes."
Meanwhile, Carnage had hopped onto a desk and stared his younger brother in the eyes. "Demo-chan," he said in a very unimpressed voice. "I was going to Dil Brand that endo-skeletoned twerp."
Demolition puffed out his chest. "What are you going to do about it?"
Seconds later, Demolition was clobbered with the Double Zeta Gundam.
"Maybe I get to make some money after all," Pesti-chan said to Dark Mayhem. "That smite had to count for something in the betting pool, ne?" Makoto uneasily appraised the two avatars. "I still can't believe you're betting on something as ridiculous as this."
"Hey, check it out!" Chaos-chan piped up. "I found something in my desk." She pulled out a thick leatherbound book and started paging through it. "Ano...it says something about Napoleon's diary. And Lupin's family treasure."
Abruptly the diary was snatched from Chaos' hands.
Lupin III: ^^ "Yoink!"
And off the infamous thief ran.
Chaos-chan could only sit in her desk and blink in stunned surprise. That is until Interpol Inspector Zenigata ran over her in chasing after Lupin.
"Does this happen a lot?" one of the new students asked Dark Mayhem, pointing to the femme fanboy turned twitching floormat.
Dark Mayhem gave an indifferent shrug. "Not really. Chaos does get stepped on a lot, I will admit. But usually things drop through the ceiling and crush him."
[Cue Havoc falling from above and sending Chaos-chan's head into the floor!]
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Air Hentai!"
Dark Mayhem: [to the newbie] "See? Case in point."
Student: [sweatdrop!] "......"