"Back already?" Demolition asked in a pleasant voice as he tried to slice, dice & Julian fry Havoc with the Sword of Light. This really didn't work though, as each piece of Havoc that got cut off suddenly liquified and slowly moved to congeal into one solid creamy mass.
           Demolition gawked as Havoc reformed himself within the span of thirty seconds. "What the hell was that?!" he exclaimed.
           "Oh, didn't you know?" Minako replied, proudly latching onto her perverted beau. "Na-chan's made from liquid hentai!"
           This really did nothing to help stop Demolition's eyebrow twitch--especially when Minako then pulled out the Yggdrasil jacket and tried to smother Havoc in it. Still bounding away from a tenacious Senshi of love, Havoc grinned as he "liberated" the panties from the other ladies in the classroom.
           Screams from drafty skirts were everywhere.
           And then Havoc abruptly stopped, a puzzled look on his face. Not expecting his sudden lack of motion, Minako let out a startled shout as she ran right past him and crashed into Ami and Usagi. Luckily for all three, Chaos-chan broke their fall.
           Havoc cautiously walked across the classroom, heading towards one female student who was contentedly sitting in her desk. He then pulled out one pair of panties from his collection and waved it in front of her
face.
           "Moshi moshi?" he said. "You're feeling a draft now. I have you silken treasures."
           The female student gave no response.
           "You're giving everyone fanservice," Havoc added, showing signs of agitation. "Get with the perverted program here, woman! Work with me!"
           "Careful, Havoc," Pesti-chan said. "Remember what happened when you did that to Key? I don't want another image of Cologne and Go Go Grandma to haunt me again."
           Havoc shook his head after several more failed attempts to gain a response from the catatonic girl. "She's not responding to the treatment. I'll have to take her to Planet Hentai for a full-body tongue bathing with my omnilingus!"
           "FREAK!" Carnage and Demolition exclaimed, booting Havoc through the nearest open window.
           "Havoc had a point," Chaos-chan said as she straightened out her wrinkled skirt. "There has never been a girl who's done nothing after getting stripped nekkid by him before. What's with this one?"
           Makoto leaned over the girl's shoulder. "She seems to be looking at the mirror in her compact." She glanced over in concern to the fanboys. "I don't think she's even realized that her panties are gone."
           "Ha!" Chaos-chan laughed. "It takes a real master to avoid getting her panties stolen. Like me."
           And then the girl-type Chaos suddenly felt a rather cool draft.
           "HAVOC!!!"

*           *           *

           In an elevator, silhouetted against a blue sky, a voice spoke: "If the egg's shell does not break, the fic will die without being born."
           The outline of Ruckus appeared, leaning against the elevator wall. "The fanboys are the egg; the plot is the fic."
           The outline of Riot appeared opposite Ruckus. "If the fanboys do not break, we will die without getting our paychecks."
           The outline of Pandemonium appeared between them. "Break the reader's minds!" Pandemonium proclaimed
           "For the instrumentation of the fanfic!" they all announced with great resolve.
           Stepping out of the elevator found the trio in the illustrious Student Council room. Or a reasonable facsimile thereof. In fact, the Student Council room bore an uncanny resemblance to the bar the Amazon Trio always attended whenever they looked at photos of their potential victims.

Riot: ^^;; "This doesn't look like the most honourable council room we saw in the brochure."

Pandemonium: "Okay, who pushed the wrong button?"

           The three otaku then piled back into the elevator and tried a different button. The elevator car moved upwards and came to a stop at another floor. This room proved to be the right one, so the trio strolled into their new base of operations.
           Pandemonium looked out the grand balcony, which gave them a view of the entire school campus. Abruptly a large teacher--followed immediately by his desk--was seen getting blown through the ceiling of one of the classrooms, soaring through the air until he was just a shiny star off in the distance.
           "At least it's not Otoka-san," she sighed, lamenting about the panty theft reports she was already having to fill out thanks to the two Havocs running amok.
           Meanwhile, Riot and Ruckus had taken their seats at the council table...which had a very large logo of an SD Spike Spiegel giving the V-sign on it.
           "So," Ruckus asked as she reclined in her chair. "Did you receive your letter from End of the Fic?"
           Riot nodded, pulling out a tanto sword from inside his sleeves. Upon realizing that it wasn't the rubber ducky he wanted for his anything-goes, martial arts bubblebath-fu, he tossed it aside. "SEELE wants us to mobilize in a few days. We are to continue with our most honourable student council credentials for now, and keep a close eye on the fanboys."
           He turned to the other person with them at the table.
           Touga looked up from the cake he was eating. "Do you know why we can work in a fic like this?" the former Student Council president abruptly asked.
           Riot shook his head.
           "Because you're not the type of otaku who lays an egg," Touga stated. He didn't have much time to state anything else, because Ruckus jumped him. Touga's chair went crashing over backwards, leaving Riot to stare at Touga's legs sticking straight up into the air.
           "I'm not getting paid enough for this most dishonourable turkey," he sighed, trying to ignore Ruckus' not-so-subtle foreplay.

*           *           *

           Back at Planet Hentai, there was much fanservice.
           And naturally, much rejoicing.

Benkyo Brigade: ^-^ "Hotcha!"

           Havoc-chan strolled in through one of the back corridors, which led to the private nyotaimori rooms and the Hentorium. Dressed in a fine silken kimono, and quite refreshed from her Tantric Yoga session and visit to the jacuzzi with Nadesico's captain Yurika--

           [Fanboy's Note: well, she did do yoga in one of the Nadesico episodes. And one does need to keep training to stay physically fit!]

           --she waved to the rest of the Benkyo Brigade.
           "Hentenno-sama!" Charon called out, looking up from the bar. He quickly ordered a Happoccino for Havoc-chan.
           Havoc-chan looked around the club. Since this was a quiet hour for the club (most of the regular patrons were naturally out enjoying the sunshine the best way they could: by stealing women's underwear), there was very little activity. The cages above the dance floor were empty, and Kintaro was busy sweeping all the previous night's bras off the floor.

Kintaro: [with pushbroom] "Benkyo...lalala Benkyo...Life is one big classroom!"

Happosai: ^^ [getting swept up with the underwear] "Brassieres! Brassieres!"

           Jyako and Megumi Amano were just lounging around at the brigade's private booth, swapping volumes of Futari-H whenever they finished reading a tankoban. "The Aika girls are operating on a skeleton crew," Jyako reported nonchalantly as Havoc-chan walked by. "And the Variable Geo waitresses are taking a break in the massage parlour with Doctor Tofu."
           "The games room is shutting down for clean-up," Minni May added as she groped Havoc-chan. "My, and are we a little excited from that jacuzzi session?"
           "The Hentenno is never merely 'a little' excited!" Havoc-chan proclaimed, spinning around and dipping Minni-May close to the floor. "After all, our founding motto is Carpe Doji: sieze the underwear!"

Minni-May: [purring] "What if I told you I wasn't wearing any?"

Havoc-chan: o.O [blink blink!] "You're not? Then whose panties did I just steal?"

           Suddenly Megumi let out a startled shout, jumping up from her seat.
           "My aim seems to be a little off today," Havoc-chan remarked, scratching her head.
           "Aw, you're just low on Happoccinoes," Charon said, offering Havoc-chan a drink. "And it has your usual amount of Ecchinacea added too."
           Havoc-chan was just about to take a sip of her creamy drink when the front doors to the club were thrown open. In stepped a very barbecued but still intact NinNin.
           "You again?!" Jyako groaned. "Shit, I thought we finally got rid of you."
           NinNin walked up to the assembled group of perverts. "I'm alive, and I'm not leaving until I'm in the Benkyo Brigade either! Show me the hentai!"
           "You can't handle the hentai," Havoc-chan stated, setting her Happoccino aside. "NinNin, you haven't done anything to prove to me you are worthy of being an H-Class uberperv. We of the true La Blue bloods are ones who write best-seller fics, like my Gatchabagoose Man."
           However, NinNin refused to leave.
           Jyako offered to personally remove the midget ninja, while Happosai suggested a Happo Fire Burst to take care of him. Havoc-chan shook her head. "There's only one way to settle this," she stated. "Once and for all."
           With that said, she led everyone down the hallway which would take them to El Dojirado. However, Havoc-chan abruptly turned left before they would have had to face Ruruboss in Jeopardoji. A locked gate barred the path, a sign that read "FORBIDDEN LEMON" hanging on it.
           Havoc-chan removed a small ring hanging from a chain around her neck, and placed it against the lock. Wisps of Cream Lemon could be seen splooting out from the lock as it came undone, and the gate swung open.
           They entered a large garden open to the skies above, which looked like it had once been a part of a large and majestic city. Broken columns, fallen pillars, and skeletal frames of grand temples and rooms littered the vast courtyard.
           "I don't recall ever seeing this on the guided tour," Kintaro whistled, quickly sketching the statues of the nekkid Anime babes nearby. "I must study this! Benkyo benkyo benkyo benkyo benkyo!"
           "Here are the ruins of Hentopia," Havoc-chan stated, gesturing to the scene. "Even though Skimehime-chan and I managed to cause the Megami Paradise to explode, some of it still survived. I gathered the ruins and brought them here, that they might serve as a reminder of the glorious hentai that once was."
           The members of the Benyko Brigade spread out, marveling at the women's underwear that was still there from when the goddesses had once catered to Havoc's perverted whims.
           Charon proudly waved a bra in the air. "Hey, I think this one belonged to Stashia!"
           "Hotcha!" Happosai said exclaimed, bounding through the air and stealing it from Charon.
           "Hey, no fair!" Charon shouted, chasing after the tiny martial arts pervert. "I fondled it first, and you know it!"
           Havoc-chan turned to NinNin. "Even though they are ruins," she continued to explain. "Hentopia still contains the greatest concentration of hentai in a single place--apart from the Dojiverse, mind you."
           NinNin took a step forward to join them, but was abruptly zapped by a massive amount of electricity. His ninja gi burnt and smoking once again, he looked at the vicious barrier field that separated him from the Benkyo Brigade.
           Jyako whistled. "I've never seen an HT Field that powerful before."
           Havoc-chan nodded, pointing to a large seal that was on the ground between her and NinNin. "Only those who are true H-Class uberpervs can cross this seal, and into the Hentopia ruins. But to cross it, you must first prove yourself worthy."
           "I'm worthy! I'm worthy!" NinNin exclaimed, impatiently jumping up and down in front of the seal...which was actually a picture of an SD Havoc-kun's grinning face while wearing a panty on his head.
           Havoc-chan gestured to a part of the ruins, where two doors stood awaiting NinNin. "Consider this the ultimate test to see if you've got what it takes to be an uberperv," she said. "Choose the right one, and you'll be inducted into the brigade. Choose the wrong one...."
           Her voice trailed off, and all the other Benkyo Brigade members shuddered.
           NinNin carefully appraised the two doors. One had the sign "Rule 3" on it. The other had a "Yaoi" sign. With great confidence, NinNin strolled up to the Yaoi door and yanked it open. Suddenly dozens of naughty tentacles spilled out, wrapping around NinNin and dragging him into the room. A loud scream was heard as the door swung shut behind the hapless midget ninja.
           With a sigh, Havoc-chan turned to the others. "He chose...poorly."
           "WOH HOH HOH HO OHO HO!!!" cackled a female voice across the Hentopia ruins. "Still trying to get more recruits into your little band of ecchi wanna-be's?"
           Havoc-chan groaned. "Skimehime-chan, what are you doing here? I just got rid of NinNin."
           Red Queen Kasumi, in all her leather-clad glory, stepped into the spotlight that was being held by her own Ecchi-chan avatar, Yoiko. There was thunderous applause to meet the Red Queen's appearance. Until Yoiko turned off the pre-recorded tape, that is.
           "Isn't it obvious?" Skimehime-chan said, sauntering across the seal with ease. "I'm no mere pervert, Havoc; the first Hentai Omake should have proven that much. I'm here to challenge you for the title of Hentenno, and get the Royal Thong."
           Havoc-chan rolled her eyes, knowing that if she didn't indulge the Red Queen now, she'd be back later. But at least Red Queen Kasumi wasn't a half-pint ninja.
           "If you insist," Havoc-chan conceded. She reached into her DOJI BOY sweater and the took out a small, silver ring.
           Red Queen Kasumi was surprised when the ring was tossed her way. Puzzled, she looked down at the ornament in her palm. "What's this?"
           What caught her eye was the signet on the ring's face: a pair of pink panties. Red Queen Kasumi suddenly realized that all the members of the Benkyo Brigade had a ring just like it.
           "Don't you know about the legends?" Megumi said. "There were but a handful of these rings forged by the ancient Doji lords themselves, each one meant for a powerful hentai."
           "With one perv to rule them all," Havoc-chan finished, holding up his hand to reveal the same signet ring on her finger. "When the time comes for us to duel, I'll let you know."
           Before Skimehime-chan could get over her surprise and say something, the roving Chibi-Havoc tsunami appeared. Sporting a DOJI BOY bikini (one word for each bosom) and a surfboard, Havoc-chan raced towards the tidal wave and joined the fun.

Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Onwards, to Washu-chan and her crab-patterned panties!"

*           *           *

           Michiru looked out through the living room window of her and Haruka's private mansion, located on the outskirts of Tokyo. Even though school had started up again, Hotaru was being tutored at home. It was easier for everyone involved...and it also ensured that the little prodigy didn't skip classes just to pounce on Chaos at Jyuban.
           But the thought of her precocious, surrogate daughter didn't make Michiru smile for once. Instead she stared solemnly out at the cityline in the distance. "Can you feel it, love?" she said quietly.
           Haruka smiled and purred, "Hai."
           "Not me, Ruka-chan," Michiru sighed, though not bothering to squirm out of her lover's rather ecchi embrace.
           "It's not like we don't have time," Haruka said quietly, nibbling on Michiru's ear. "Are you in the mood?"
           "I will be when you stop leaving the toilet seat up."
           The two looked back over their shoulders as they heard noises upstairs. Hotaru was busy getting dressed, and making quite the fuss about it.
           Michiru returned her gaze to the window. "Something's coming," she said. "I'm not sure what, but I don't think it will be pleasant. A dark power wants the Senshi."
           Haruka scowled. "But we've known about Chaos and his deranged friends for almost a year now."
           "Not them," Michiru countered, shaking her head. "Something else. A war is on the horizon, but my Aqua Mirror can't find the source. We should be ready for anything, love."
           Their attention was diverted as Hotaru happily skipped down the stairs. "I'm ready to go!" the young girl announced.
           "Already?" Michiru drawled. "But Hime-chan, it's only noon. Chaos won't get out of classes for another few...hours."
           Both Haruka and Michiru gawked at Hotaru, who was dressed in one of her usual pseudo-goth outfits. But what really caused their collective eyebrow twitch was the fact that the strain of Hotaru's bodily curves was really showing on her clothes.
           "Hotaru, are you going through a growth spurt?" Haruka asked.
           Hotaru could only shrug.
           "I've heard of having your children grow up fast," Michiru admitted. "But this is a little ridiculous."
           "Ano...there's nothing little about her chest size at all," Haruka said uneasily.

*           *           *

           What could Hotaru's changes mean? Was it a part of the plot? Did we just insert this scene so you'd recognize a subtle parallel to the first part of the Sailorstars story? Actually, we just had some space we needed to fill and that worked nicely.
           Hey, it was either that or a scene from the latest Hysteriafic: Urusei Setsuna (in English, Shut-up Setsuna!).

           [Cue Setsuna dressed up in Lum's tiger-striped bikini, banging her big-assed key on an army helmet while riding Mendou's tank down the street!]

Setsuna: [singing at the top of her lungs] "Lum is so great! Lum is so great! Darling-chan loves Lum, Lum is so great!"

           [As Setsuna bangs on her BAK, her tank passes by a gathering of some very horrified fanboys.]

Chaos: [flipping through the script] "Ano...and the fic just goes on like this, with Setsuna singing that chant?"

Pesti: --;; "For 2200 freaking pages."

Hysteria: ^-^ "Hai! Tedious-chan, ne?"

Carnage: "Tedious?! Try redundant, you uberkawaii twit!"

Hysteria: [throwing a kawaii hissy fit!] "Carnage-poppa no kowai! Hysteria must call upon her kawaii little ultimate weapon-chan: Fancy La La Blueguna Girl Blade!"

Carnage: o.O; "What the hell?"

           [Cue Miho, dressed up as Lina Inverse, armed with naughty tentacles and a Laguna Blade! At the risk of stating the obvious, Carnage gets trounced...among other things.]

Carnage: [grrrrr!] "Pesti, call Pandemonium and report an infanticide for me."

Hysteria: ^-^ "Oooh! Infanticide-chan! Infanti--(o.O) Wait a kawaii little minute-chan!"

*           *           *

           Why did we have that last scene in there, you ask?
           Because I'm the author, dammit! I can play with your fragile little minds whenever I feel like it! MWAH HAH HA HA HAH HAH HAH HA HA HAH!!!!
           But let's get back to the fic.
           "Itaaaaiii! I did not need that phys. ed class," Chaos groaned as he headed for the bathroom. "Who let Carnage spike the volleyball with an Aestivalis anyways?"
           Dark Mayhem and Pesti-chan were walking beside him--though mainly because they had been assigned to take Chaos to the nurse's office once he managed to restore himself back to all three dimensions. Of course, the idea of facing Amazing Nurse Nanako (nurse, housekeeper and addle-minded troublemaker) wasn't an appealing one. On the bright side, Nanako had yet to get her brain stuck into the Venus 2000 robot.
           "With any luck, there'll be a Toilet Hinako in here to soothe my broken body," Chaos said hopefully as he pushed open the door to the guys' bathroom. He quickly opened the three toilet stalls...and promptly freaked. Seconds later he got stuck in Mackie Hanako's Scorpion Press.
           "At least we didn't get stuck with two deformed Hanako's and an elephant this time," Dark Mayhem remarked, wincing slightly as Chaos desperately tried to cry 'Uncle!' to Mackie Hanako.

Hayama: "Jahun. Jahun. Jahun Jahun Jahun Ja--"

Hysteria: ^-^ "Ooooh! Hayama-chan!"

           [Hysteria abruptly gets gonged by Sarcasm's Zanba spatula!]

Sarcasm: "Don't even. Until he's of age to actually be a part of my harem, nobody's getting Hayama Akito."

Sana: [leaping onto the scene in a ludicrous crab outfit] "But that isolation will only make Hayama more than just a lone wolf; he'll become a lone pig!"

Piggy-Hayama: "Beh."

           "Would you fangirls cut that out?!" Chaos snapped, yanking everything back to the original scene. Unfortunately the emergency scene change airbags were deployed, sending Chaos into the wall. "I-Itai," he stammered as he adeptly pretended to be part of the paint job.
           Dark Mayhem shook his head. "And you wonder why no insurance company will sign injury policies with you."
           "Ne," Pesti-chan said, elbowing Dark Mayhem. "What's with that guy?"
           There in the bathroom was a male Jyuban student, who was staring distantly into the mirror. His hands were resting on the edges of the sink, but other than that he wasn't doing much else.
           "Looks like the poor bastard got a first-hand look at Chaos' Voltage Fighter Grandizer fic," Dark Mayhem quipped, walking over.
           "How droll," Chaos dryly replied as he pulled himself out from the crater in the bathroom wall. "I'll have you know that Chaosfic garnered several awards."
           Dark Mayhem laughed. "And you consider the Waffle awards, given to the worst fanfiction ever written, to be prestigious?"
           "At least I'm getting recognized," Chaos sniffed.
           Pesti-chan waved a hand in front of the catatonic student's face. "This guy's really out of it. Moshi moshi?"
           Chaos leaned over and looked at the student's reflection. Then he looked at the student's face. Then he looked back at the student's reflection. After much careful deliberation he concluded, "I still look cuter in a dress."
           Pleased with his conclusion Chaos strolled out of the bathroom, leaving Pesti-chan and Dark Mayhem twitching on the floor.

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